1929
by deb24601
Summary: In 1918 Edward survives the Spanish Flu only to find his world forever altered. Dr Carlisle Cullen protects him from the shadows. His Dream Girl brings him back to life. A tragedy threatens them all. (Humans and vamps - pre-Twilight AU)
1. Chapter 1 A Different Beginning

A/N** Thank you to beta readers ShyNoMore and mrsaubergine. **

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

I've always wondered what might have happened if Edward survived the Spanish Flu. The story begins at that point but quickly moves to 1928. All other 'Twilight' pieces are in place ie. Rosalie and Emmett won't be around because they are human children somewhere else. The idea that Edward's mother seemed to know that Dr Cullen was something different and begged him to save her son intrigued me. This is the passage from New Moon that stuck with me, when Elizabeth Masen speaks to Dr Cullen. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer, Chapter 2 'Stitches'

**"'You must,' she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that I wondered if she wouldn't pull through the crisis after all. Her eyes were hard, like stones, like emeralds. 'You must do everything in **_**your**_** power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.'"**

So this story is a bit of a rollercoaster, Edward's up then he's down... stick through the first four chapters if you can... it seems like a lot of set up but hopefully worth it!

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Prologue

I paced the length of the room over and over, desperately searching my mind for the magic words I could speak to convince her to change her mind. She sat still and silent, only her eyes tracking my movements. My eyes sought hers but she wouldn't meet them, fixing her gaze instead on the wall over my head, like I wasn't there at all. That was like a blow to my gut; I'd seen that look before and desolation swept through me.

We had been talking in circles for hours but my pleading and bargaining had fallen on deaf ears.

"You promised me forever, _you promised_." My voice was a raw rasp. "I told you I wouldn't live without you." All at once I felt the weight of defeat; it was her decision to make and I had failed to convince her. I sat beside her then not sure my legs would support me anymore. I took her beautiful face in my hands. "Do you remember when I promised that I would never force you to do anything you didn't want to? Well I'll keep _my _promise". She flinched a little at that and I continued, "and I won't force your hand but I wish, with every ounce of my being that you wanted this too."

**Chicago**

**October 1918**

Johnnie, get your gun, Get your gun, get your gun,

Johnnie show the Hun Who's a son of a gun.

Hoist the flag and let her fly, Yankee Doodle do or die.

Pack your little kit, Show your grit, do your bit.

Yankee Doodle fill the ranks, From the towns and the tanks.

Make your mother proud of you, And the old Red, White and Blue.

"_Over There" 1917 by George M. Cohan_

My uniform was soaked through with freezing rain and my boots stuck in the thick mud. It was tough going with the wounded soldier slung across my shoulders but I couldn't leave him behind. We'd almost reached the trench when a mortar explosion sent me sprawling face first into the muck. I dragged my friend the last few feet and as we descended into the trench I was warmed by the praise of my fellows.

"Well done, Edward!"

"Atta Boy, Masen!"

"What are your plans for this evening, Edward?"

This last question broke the spell of my daydream. I wasn't at war…I was too young to enlist. I was at home, but the familiar surroundings of home weren't the comfort they should have been, not when I wanted the glory, the excitement of battle. Some of my older friends had gone and sent home tales that made my hair stand on end. I tried very hard not to dwell too much on the friends who weren't ever going to come home.

I shook off the last of my reverie with a sigh and smiled sheepishly at my mother. She quirked an eyebrow at me and murmured, "War dreams again? Really Edward?"

"How did you know what I was thinking about?" Mother always astounded me with her perceptiveness.

"You're very easy to read dear. Now, tell me your plans for tonight?"

"Ah, I'm just going to the pictures with the guys. There should be a new newsreel tonight. Looks like that's as close to the war as I'll be getting for a while." My pals, Bobby and Tom were just as eager as I was to get overseas. Our birthdays, however, weren't until spring.

My mother smiled indulgently and reached up to smooth down my hair, her charm bracelet rattling gently in front of my eyes. Her matching green eyes sparkled at me. "And you promise the war footage won't send you straight to a recruitment office ready to lie about your age?" I knew she wasn't really worried about that. She knew I'd sworn to my father I would not run off. I really wish I hadn't done that.

I rolled my eyes. "I'll be home straight after. I'm kind of tired anyway."

She patted my cheek with fondness. "You're a good son, Edward. I'll miss you next year when you go to Boston." She took in my exasperated expression. "Don't make that face at your mother, Edward. The war will be over soon and you've been a better piano player than I since you were six years old. You deserve that place at their School of Music." A small frown creased her brow. "Are you feeling well, darling, you seem warm? Perhaps you shouldn't go out after all."

"I'm perfectly fine. I'll go see Father before I meet up with the guys." I leaned down to kiss the top of Mother's head. Her hair always made me smile; it was the same strange auburn as mine, but it looked a lot better on her. I towered over her now but her familiar perfume always made me feel like a little kid.

"I'll see you in the morning!"

I found Father in the library, perusing the papers he bought each day on his way home from the office. I crossed the room and flopped into the wing chair beside his desk. He flashed a grin at me as he lay the newspaper aside.

"Heading out son? You should catch those war newsreels while you can. It certainly looks like we're nearing a victory." There was frank relief in his tone but I just felt frustrated.

"Won't you reconsider, dad? I'm going to miss it if we wait. If you'd just give permission I can enlist now…" Father interrupted with impatience.

"I told you no! Think of your mother! I know we can't stop you once you turn 18 but for now…" I put my hands up in surrender.

"It's fine, it's fine." I changed the subject. "What have you and Mother planned for tonight?"

"Ah, some business associates and their wives will be dining with us. Your mother is trying to persuade the ladies to volunteer with the Visiting Nurses. This influenza… well suffice to say many people aren't getting the help they need." He glanced at the newspapers. I'd read the stories myself over the past weeks. Whole families found in their homes, burning with fever, helpless. Small children left terrified and starving when their parents died suddenly. People were afraid to help their neighbours for fear of getting sick themselves.

Piano music floated into the room and Father and I grinned at each other. We had always made a game of guessing Mother's mood by what she was playing. I closed my eyes and let the notes of Clair de Lune fill my head; it was one of my favourites. "Hmmm," I wondered aloud, "Contentment?"

"Nah," Father's eyes were focused on the doorway, as if he was trying to see through the walls to catch a glimpse his wife. "Romantic."

"You're both wrong," her voice called softly. "I'm feeling hopeful."

-MCMXXIX-

At the theatre, I found Bobby standing alone, tapping his foot impatiently because he had news. There wasn't much, other than the war these days that could get us worked up and I guessed another of our pals had enlisted and, if I had to bet on it, I'd say Tom. His father had been on the fence for months and seemed the most likely of all the parents to have caved to his son's incessant requests. Bobby saw me approach and spread his arms in disbelief.

"His dad just gave in. I can't believe it. Tom is one lucky son of a gun," he called out. I felt jealousy surge through me and struggled to stay quiet. Bobby took in my expression. "Ah, come on Edward. Be happy for the guy. He said to say 'Bye'. I think he didn't want to rub it in, seeing as how bad you want to go." I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Tom's going to be a soldier," I muttered, forcing a smile. I _was_ happy for him. I just wished we all could have gone.

"All right let's go watch the news and see what Tommy's got himself into."

"The Forgotten City" was not a film I would have chosen but I wanted to watch the reels again at the end. I felt woozy after sitting so long in the dark theatre and then the street lights hurt my eyes once we made our way out to the sidewalk. Bobby was feeling extra patriotic after the one-two punch of Tom's victory and the latest war footage. He linked arms with me and marched as he sang,

_Over there, over there,_

_Send the word, send the word over there—_

_That the Yanks are coming,_

_The Yanks are coming_

"Sing it with me Edward! Sing for Tommy!" My silence finally caught his attention and he groaned. "Enough with the morose jealousy. What, you want to fight the war all by yourself?" Bobby punctuated the last word with a playful shove. Normally, he wouldn't have even moved me with a shove like that but I went down hard. A sudden chill shook through my whole body and I could hear Bobby apologizing, explaining that he hadn't pushed me that hard.

I rolled to look at him and just managed to whisper, "Go get my Dad."

-MCMXXIX-

_Blackness._

_A voice through water. "Edward, darling, try to open your eyes." A sob._

_Blackness._

_My heart is racing and I see it, I see it crawl out of my chest and jump out the window. I worry. How will I live without a heart?_

_Blackness._

_A cold cloth on my neck. Shivers rack me. I moan._

_Blackness._

_Somehow my eyes are open. My mother stands a mile away with her back to me. A man with a white shirt and a white face talks to her._

_Blackness._

_Hot hands cradle my head. Water is sloshed on my face. An alarmed voice. "Mrs. Masen you should be in bed!"_

_Blackness._

_My eyes are open again. Mother is in the bed next to mine. She is a startling shade of blue. She whispers, "Dr. Cullen says he'll save you." Her nose starts to bleed._

_Blackness._

_I wake drenched in sweat. Nurses come and change the linen. They smile kindly. The bed next to me is empty. Sleep overcomes me._

_Blackness._

When I woke again Father was standing at the foot of my bed. He was spinning his bowler hat around and around but his eyes were on the bed Mother had occupied.

"Dad," my voice came out as a croak.

His red-rimmed eyes met mine for a long moment. With a shuddering breath, he broke the contact and fixed his gaze on a spot about a foot over my head. He cleared his throat.

"Your mother passed. They need your bed so I've hired a lady to take care of you at home." His voice was monotone and his expression cold. He turned as if to leave.

"Dad?" my parched throat could barely whisper.

He didn't turn but took a deep breath that became a sob. He seemed to have aged 10 years in the week I'd been sick. Mother couldn't be gone; I couldn't even begin to understand that kind of loss. I needed my father not the cold stranger standing in front of me.

"I've made arrangements to get you home later today." He walked out the door without looking back. A doctor had been watching our exchange, blending discreetly in the background. After all the blackness, the bright white of sheets, the white walls and this doctor's face almost blinded me. I recognized him from my fever dream and now I noticed his strange eyes. Even in my exhausted, grief stricken state, I felt a need to move, get away from him. He approached me now, slowly, with a solemn expression. Thoughts moved behind his topaz eyes; I sensed relief, sorrow and strangely, regret. His cold hands checked my pulse as he spoke in a gentle voice.

"Hello Edward, I'm Dr. Cullen."

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**The description of Edward being hit so suddenly with the flu and his mother's colour and bleeding are accurate. It was a truly horrific disease. Thanks for reading. **


	2. Chapter 2 Bleak House

A/N **Thanks to betareaders ShyNoMore and mrsaubergine for their awesomeness! Stephenie Meyers owns everything to do with Twilight! **

**Here's a passage from New Moon explaining Dr Cullen's continued presence... New Moon by Stephenie Meyers Chapter 2 'Stitches'**

**"I went to check Elizabeth and her son first. I'd grown attached-always a dangerous thing to do considering the fragile nature of humans. I could see at once that she'd taken a bad turn. The fever was raging out of control, and her body was too weak to fight anymore.**

**"She didn't look weak, though, when she glared up at me from her cot.**

**"'Save him!' she commanded me in the hoarse voice that was all her throat could manage."**

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Oh, I wish I had someone to love me,

Someone to call me their own.

Oh, I wish I had someone to live with,

'Cause I'm tired of living alone.

_The Prisoner's Song by Vernon Dalhart_

Mother had died at the height of Chicago's epidemic becoming just another number in the mayhem; she didn't even have a funeral. Bobby had fallen sick shortly after me and died quickly as had so many others. Then a note arrived from Tom's parents to say he wouldn't be coming home from the war. My own convalescence was long and lonely. Father would come to my room for a few minutes each day and as the days went by he became gaunt. Sometimes he smelled like whiskey. He would ask about my recovery as he passed along the papers he had read - but he never looked at me.

I tried to keep my mind busy. Missing Mother and fearing for Father were the thoughts I tried to keep at bay. I read voraciously and I listened to music on the gramophone. I watched children skipping outside and had my nurse, Mrs. Cope, open the window so I could hear the happy sounds they were making.

"_I had a little bird_

_And its name was Enza_

_I opened the window and_

_In-flu-enza."_

"Please, close the window, Mrs. Cope," I choked out.

Dr. Cullen came to the house almost every day to check on me. My mother had somehow extracted a promise from him to see me safe. He would listen to my chest and take my pulse before asking Mrs. Cope about my appetite and general demeanour. Usually he said a quick good bye; the hospital was still flooded with flu patients. But today he pulled a chair up beside the bed and met my eye.

"Edward, I am so sorry about your mother. I want you to know how worried she was about you, how happy she was when we realized you weren't going to die." He reached out as if to pat my arm but instead picked up the book I'd been reading. He raised his eyebrows. "Dombey and Son?"

I shrugged. "Dickens fits at the moment. At least I'm not reading Bleak House." The doctor winced.

Tapping the book with a long white finger, he went on. "There's a lot more to this story than a powerful, angry man and his sick son." Dr. Cullen sighed. "Edward, your father's broken. His grief…" the doctor shook his head. "For some, grief is unbearable. Give him time." He stood to take his leave and his strange eyes measured my appearance. With a smile he allowed, "You look stronger. You can resume your piano work tomorrow. That should be an excellent distraction for you."

That night I dreamed of my mother. She sat at the piano and asked me to play for her. I lost myself in the music and was startled when she was gone. I jumped up to look for her, frantic, certain something was wrong.

Then the dream changed. I followed my father, he knew I was there but wouldn't turn to acknowledge me. That made me angry. In my dream, I determined to catch him up and confront him. A fog swirled around us and I feared I would lose him in the mist. My mother called from behind me, I heard her voice so clearly that I was torn for a moment. Was she there? I knew my father was in front of me, I could still see him. Could I risk losing them both? My feet were like lead but I continued to follow my father. The fog thickened and a cold mist sent shivers through me. The fog entombed me and morphed into a blinding white light. I stood still, frozen with fear. The fog rolled back and a figure emerged, walking slowly towards me, carrying something. Dr. Cullen cradled my mother in his arms and whispered.

"She wanted me to save you."

In an instant my mother was blue and started crumbling, like dry sand, into a heap on the floor. I backed away from the doctor in horror.

"You should have saved her!" I screamed.

My own screaming woke me. My breath hitched in a sob and then caught in fear. My father was standing beside the bed. I could smell the whiskey on him. He sneered at me, "You got that right, _son_." He sat down abruptly on the floor, as if his legs couldn't support him. The sneer disappeared as his face crumpled in grief. "You look just like her." I waited for more but silence filled the room; I wondered if he had fallen asleep sitting up. Suddenly he shook his head as if to clear it and rose unsteadily to his feet.

As he left the room, I thought I heard him whisper, "I'm sorry."

-MCMXXIX-

Our lives disintegrated in the following months as I slowly got my strength back. The war had ended in November; I was glad of it now. My father needed me. He vacillated between extreme emotional states. He would drink too much and say terrible things to me. That he wished I had died instead of Mother. He would say that I was a constant reminder of his loss and he couldn't stand the sight of me. Sometimes he would sob and tell me I was the only thing keeping him alive. Often he went days without saying anything at all. Occasionally, I woke to crashing sounds. I cleaned up in the morning after getting Father settled in his bed.

He rarely went into the office anymore. I offered to change my course of studies to a business program thinking maybe working together would be helpful. He refused. He said it was because Mother's greatest wish was for me to take the spot I'd been offered at Boston University's School of Music. I thought he just wanted to get rid of me.

I had more dreams. Frequently, it was the fog dream. I usually tried to catch up to my dad but sometimes I heard my mother or even Dr. Cullen. These dreams always left me feeling bereft, they were a reminder of what I'd lost, how much had changed. Just once I saw someone different. Through the mist I caught a glimpse of the back of a girl. Mahogany hair flowed down to her waist as she moved fluidly away from me and I was amazed when I actually gained on her. Finally, I was close enough to reach out and touch. I grasped her shoulder meaning to turn her to me but was stunned by the spark that jumped between us. I looked at my hand in shock; it tingled with warmth. I smiled in my dream as a surge of hope coursed through me. That feeling faded with the dream.

Father slipped further into depression. His behaviour was frequently belligerent or even violent and he managed to alienate the few people left in his life. He associated more and more with the men who were supplying his illegal liquor, spending his evenings at underground clubs. I'd gone from hoping he would talk to me to avoiding him myself. I played piano when he was out and read in my room when he was home. My mother had employed a cook and a maid but they had both found other positions when my father stopped paying them. The house, like me, became neglected. The last week of August was even hotter than usual as I packed for my departure to school out East. My father noticed me for the first time in weeks.

"Edward." He paused in the doorway of my room unsure where to start. "Anything good in me died with your mother. You're a man now, you don't need me. I'm no good for you, for anybody."

I tried to read his expression. He seemed almost calm and, horribly, I sensed he was relieved that I was leaving. I wished I could know if it was really that he wanted me gone or if he just craved the privacy to self destruct alone. Months of grief, frustration and anger boiled over in me and I shouted.

"Mom would hate what's happened to us. She never would have wanted you to… to…" I searched for the word to convey how far he was from the man Mother had known, "to disintegrate like this and she sure as hell would hate what you're doing to me…"

Like a flash he crossed the room and gripped me by my shirtfront, bringing our faces nose to nose. I braced myself, I was sure he was going to punch me when I realized he was actually looking at me. His eyes snapped shut at the same moment. With a sharp breath through his nose, he released me and turned away. He muttered, "Her god damned eyes staring at me…" and then directed at me, "Don't you ever talk about Elizabeth to me again. Ever."

A few days later I waited alone at the station for the train that would take me to Boston. This would be my new start, away from my childhood home, away from my father. One way or another both my parents were gone from my life. I was on my own.

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**Thanks for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3 Me and My Shadow

A/N** Once again, big thanks to mrsaubergine and ShyNoMore for their betaing and all around sweetness. Ain't Twitter fun? There's a big jump in dates here... Enjoy! I would love to know what you think. Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight. Lyrics within the chapter credited to Me and My Shadow by Dave Dreyer, Billy Rose and Al Jolson (1927).**

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**Down in my cellar, down in my cellar,

I've been having parties every night,

People that I never knew

Come up and talk to me,

They're trying hard to find my cellar key.

_Everybody Wants a Key to My Cellar by Billy Baskette (1919)_

Chicago 1928

I was covering the band's break in between sets on a busy night. I had a long list of songs to play on my own but lately had been relying on a few of the more melancholy ones. It hadn't gone unnoticed.

"_Sweethearts having fun, pass me one by one,_

_Guess I'll wind up like I always do…_

_With only… me and my shadow"_

"Hey Mac, can't you play something a little more upbeat?" A guy at a nearby table called out, in complaint. I stopped playing.

"Yeah sure," I replied, leaning back from the piano. "I'll take requests, but I'm not singing anymore tonight." I wasn't in the mood to sing anyway, I probably shouldn't have even shown up tonight but I hated to let Ben down. He'd been a good pal all these years.

Lauren jumped at the chance. "I'll sing! It beats serving drinks to you clowns!" This earned her a chorus of catcalls from the crowd. "Ah dry up, the lot of you," then directed to me, "Edward, play 'I Wanna Be Loved by You'!" There were more catcalls as she blew Ben a kiss before shimmying her way to the stage. Lauren loved the attention, a sharp contrast to me. I preferred to blend into the background letting the other performers have centre stage.

After Lauren's song Ben had us take a break and I pulled up a stool to join him. He'd recently installed a hideaway bar; it could secure all the bottles and glass and roll into an alcove in the wall in the event of a police raid. Prohibition: The Noble Experiment. More like the great social experiment gone wrong. Instead of turning everyone into teetotallers the government's edict gave rise to an illegal party culture, dripping in alcohol supplied by organized crime. Speakeasies sprouted up overnight like mushrooms. We hadn't been busted yet but it wasn't worth risking all the stock. Ben's place wasn't especially big or flashy but it wasn't a dive either. There were maybe twenty tables and enough room on stage for a 6 piece band plus my piano.

"Hey Edward," Ben said. "I was just telling Sam here about how you found this joint. It's a funny story."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah my father smashing my dead mother's piano and then selling the house I grew up in out from under me…funny stuff!" I shook my head at him.

He grimaced at me. "Jeez, Eddie! I was referring to how you marched in here with my 'Piano Player Wanted' sign and demanded the job and a room to rent like you owned the place. Jeez, you're a moody git! Sometimes I wonder why I keep you around here..." He trailed off as a couple of party girls approached. Ben waggled his eyebrows at me. They were egging each other on to talk to me; we could hear them whispering.

"You liked the song he played, talk to him, he's gorgeous."

"No, you saw him first, come on, say somethin'."

This was an alarmingly regular occurrence and I'd learned to be proactive. I turned to them with a small smile and made some introductions. "Ladies," I tried not to choke on the word; if they were 'ladies' I was maestro for the Chicago Symphony. "I was just leaving but please," I swept my arm grandly towards the guys, "meet my good friends Sam and Ben." With a wink at the guys, I headed to the stairs leading up to my rooms.

Ben mock-whispered to Sam. "Oh right, that's why I keep him around!"

-MCMXXIX-

I still dreamed about losing my father in the fog. Once I was away at school though, I dreamt more and more often about the girl with mahogany hair. Always the same scenario: the thick mist, me following her, realizing I was gaining on her and then reaching out to touch. Sometimes I missed and she would disappear in the fog, leaving me feeling empty, hollow. Sometimes, I caught her. With each dream I was more determined to turn her to me. I needed to see her face. Always, I felt the surprising shock when I grasped her shoulder. Always, I felt the amazing warmth that made me wake feeling more alone.

-MCMXXIX-

During my four years at Boston University I'd discovered how completely immersed I could become in playing and composing. At first, I thought a lot about my mother and the songs I learned from her and the songs she loved to play. Her memory was woven tightly with the piano. It was cathartic. I worked through my grief and wondered at my father; was I so easy to dismiss? Would my mother have acted the same way had the roles been reversed? I really didn't think so and I came to see my father as a weak man, someone who deserved my pity, not my respect.

I would lose myself playing piano. It was the only time I really felt happy. The girl with the mahogany hair inspired many emotions, not all of them honourable in my mind. Just the thought of her left me feeling hopeful among other things and it showed in my writing. And so, my dreams became a major catalyst for composing.

"I can really feel the anticipation in that last movement, Edward. Very nicely done." Professor Banner was unusually enthusiastic while listening to my final recital. His comments made me flush a bit; everything was a double entendre these days.

"Thanks, sir. You're sure it's not too…" I trailed off uncomfortably. My hopes and dreams about an imaginary girl seemed a little personal.

He shook his head and chuckled. "No, Edward. It's not too…"

-MCMXXIX-

If the piano fed my heart and soul, I still had a frustrated body to keep healthy. I met Sam shortly after moving into Ben's place and received an invitation to his gym. Boxing was a popular sport for guys my age; a legal way to work out pent up frustration but not something I'd ever been interested in.

"I dunno I've never hit anyone before," I hedged.

Sam laughed loud. "Mac, I don't think you have to worry about hurting anyone. I just want to see if I can turn a skinny kid like you into a muscle man like Charles Atlas." Still, I hesitated. My world consisted of piano, books and the occasional visit to the Art Institute. I didn't see how boxing would fit in…

It did.

-MCMXXIX-

"Eddie!"

"Hey, Pretty Ed's here!"

"Fast Eddie! I'm glad you're here. Work out the new kid eh? He thinks he's the friggin' cat's pajamas… show him what's what." Sam nodded his head over to the ring where a lump of brown skin and muscle hunkered in the corner. I changed and prepared myself to meet the new opponent. I could hear Sam yelling, "Jacob, get ready pal."

I entered the ring, sizing up this Jacob for the first time. He wasn't much taller than my 6'2" but was almost twice as wide and solid muscle. The kid's baby face didn't fool me; if he punched me head on I was a goner.

Paul started in on the head games. "Jake! Steer clear of Pretty Eddie's face! You wouldn't want to start a lady riot down at Ben's when the piano player's nose is all busted up!"

Jared acted like he was on Team Edward. "He's a lefty, Ed. Watch your weak side, Mac!"

Sam laughed and rang the bell. Jacob hulked towards me and I shifted into the semi-crouch I always used at the beginning of a bout. It gave me the few seconds I needed to read my opponent and figure out how to evade their hits and land my own. I had a knack for guessing their next move and Sam loved setting me loose on newbies.

I stopped over-thinking and gave in to my instincts. Bobbing, weaving and smirking at that kid who thought he could pummel me just because he had some muscle. After a few rounds, we'd both worked up a sweat but Jacob was the one worn down. Neither of us had landed many punches but Jacob wasn't much of a dancer and now they could get him to focus on stamina training. I was sure that was the point Sam was trying to get across. He nodded to me across the ring. It was in both of our interests if one of these kids paid off.

Sam had run into money troubles a few times and I offered him some financial help. He made me a silent partner in 1925. The prize from a single fight could float the gym for a year or two. I didn't really care about running the place and because of the inheritance from mother I didn't need the money but I liked having a key; you never knew when the urge to punch something might strike. It felt good to hit things, bags, mitts, guys. I worked out a lot of frustration of all kinds at the gym.

-MCMXXIX-

The girl with mahogany hair visited my dreams often. I never heard her but I sensed laughter, we would laugh together. Within my dream I remembered a magnet set I had played with as a child, marvelling at the strength of the attraction between opposite poles, watching, amazed as the magnets would drag themselves to close the gap and attach themselves. I could feel that same irresistible pull towards her. She set the precedent; it only felt good, warm, to touch her. I wasn't insane. I knew she was only a dream. Still, I sometimes looked forward to sleep, hoping she would meet me there. At some point I started calling her 'Dream Girl' to myself. I still hoped she might be real, even when girls started bobbing their hair ridiculously short. How would I recognize her without all that beautiful hair?

-MCMXXIX-

I was, however, painfully aware that I could easily recognize those who were _not_ Dream Girl. The first of only a few times I tried to be with a girl was at school in Boston. My roommate had dragged me, quite unwillingly, to a tea dance of all things. There was formal dancing and the event seemed innocent enough at the start, however, someone had spiked the punch. One girl became particularly bold, we danced and she tried to pull me closer with each rotation as I attempted to keep her at arm's length. Just as the magnetic force pulled me to Dream Girl, it pushed me back, repelled me from this girl. Her blue eyes looked up at me mischievously and she timed her sneaky kiss for when my back was turned on the room, my height blocking her from general view. Two things happened when the girl's lips brushed mine; first, an unpleasant shock, like the crack of a whip, jolted me and I jumped away from her. Second, a kaleidoscope of images flashed through my mind too quickly.

Full, pink lips. Warm, chocolate eyes. Long, mahogany hair. Dream Girl.

My blonde-haired, blue-eyed dancing partner pouted at me. "Don't you like me at all? I'm the only girl you danced with and I thought…"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, trying to bring myself back to the present, quite reluctant to part with the captivating images still floating on the edges of my mind. Too distracted to be polite I barely managed to blurt out an excuse.

"I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be here. I have to… I have to go."

-MCMXXIX-

When I first started working at Ben's club, he had tried incessantly to set me up and was surprised by my lack of interest in 'dolls' as he put it. Over the years he had fluctuated between frustration and confusion at my unattached status. My solution was to simply include Ben in any female interaction forced upon me, introducing him and then excusing myself. Ben quite enjoyed the benefits of the ritual and eventually stopped giving me a hard time. I remembered the last time he had questioned me about it.

I had been taking a break at the bar and could see Ben eyeing me. I'd been giving full attention to my turkey sandwich; however awkward the subject he might be trying to broach, he'd have no help from me. Finally, he had huffed out a breath and asked, "So, no dames good enough for you, huh Eddie?"

I'd paused, not exactly sure what he was getting at but disliking the topic regardless. "You know I don't like casual…whatever, it's not my thing." I'd felt defensive and I didn't like it. I spat out, "I rent a couple of rooms upstairs and I play piano to pay for it. I don't have to explain myself to you."

Ben had looked hurt and I regretted my outburst. Still, I was sick of having unsuspecting females foisted upon me. I wasn't at all sure it was worth the trouble. The memory of my father being destroyed by grief had made an impression. Was loving someone worth the risk of being completely broken? There was also the dream. Was that real? Could it be that easy? Would I ever feel that undeniable attraction, a magnetic north? It hadn't happened yet, not even close. The girls that Ben matched me up with were all wrong, never worth it; too much perfume, too much make up, too much… not being Dream Girl.

"I thought we were pals. Listen," Ben had spoke quietly for once and looked around to ensure our privacy before continuing. "Yeah, if you don't like, I mean, if you like…" he'd spoken so quickly the words jumbled together, "like, instead of dames, if you like…"

"STOP," I'd ordered. An awkward silence descended as I considered and rejected a dozen possible reactions. I settled for silent hysterical laughter, my body convulsing and tears seeping from the corner of my eyes. I scrubbed a hand across my face and looked at Ben across the bar.

He'd looked relieved before I said, "You know I ought a knock you to the floor for that, Ben". He took a step back, taking himself out of easy range. I pulled myself together, pushing the plate with the half-eaten sandwich away and stood to leave. Ben opened his mouth to say something but I stopped him with an impatient gesture although I was still vibrating with suppressed laughter.

"Well since you've got me thinking about punching things I'm going to Sam's gym. Unless you want me to stick around here? Take your chances?" Ben had shook his head quickly and waved me off. Setting off past the doorman, up the stairs and through another locked door I couldn't be too angry; now I had the night off and Ben off my back. I pushed my hand through my hair and smiled wryly. It was almost worth the insult.

**Guess what the law that ended Prohibition was called? The CULLEN-Harrison Act (1933). Ooooo! I am a nerd! Thanks for reading. There are Boxing Edward pics on my blog deb24601(dot) **

**Cheers!**


	4. Chapter 4 Ain't She Sweet

A/n** Muchos gracias to mrsaubergine and ShyNoMore for beta skills and laughter...and pictures on Twitter, oh my Rob, the pictures...**

**Thanks to tmr my Twilighted beta for speediness! **

**Oh and it's fun time, I've beaten down Edward as much as I can bear!**

**As always, Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight...**

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There she is, there she is, that's what keeps me up at night.

Oh gee whiz, oh gee whiz, that's why I can't eat a bite.

Those flaming eyes, that flaming youth,

Oh mister! Oh sister! Tell me the truth.

Ain't she sweet? See her coming down the street,

I ask you confidentially, Ain't she sweet?

_Ain't She Sweet by Gene Austin 1927_

October 1928.

There was a small park with gardens and some benches where I liked to sit and think. It was across from the hospital where my family had been forever altered by the Spanish Flu and if I didn't remember entering the hospital I certainly recalled my confusion when I left. The mayhem of the epidemic had been overwhelming; it had taken a while for the full weight of my father's grief to make an impact on my own. When I'd first returned from Boston I spent a lot of time on the bench, staring at the hospital doors, thinking. At first, I just felt sad, devastated from loss, haunted by memories. Then I was angry. My father's abandonment hurt and I knew it would have upset Mother to no end to see how we had fallen apart. Eventually, I let it go. If I wasn't exactly happy, I wasn't miserable anymore. If I wasn't exactly at peace, I was at least hopeful…but lonely.

So the bench was a spot I frequented. It was a convenient spot between Ben's place and Sam's gym and I would sit and watch the people mill by. The crowd was thick this late in the day as people made their way home after work or shopping.

As I stared, mostly unseeing, at the masses, I noticed a blue hat was weaving through the crowd, moving more quickly than the other people. As the hat neared I noticed the beautiful young lady wearing it. She was wearing a matching coat of deep blue and the colour drew my eye to her skin which was so pale the word alabaster sprang to mind but with a rosy blush playing across her cheeks. I watched with some concern as she stumbled over a curb and she glanced around in embarrassment. I flinched myself when she walked into the back of a man who had stopped too quickly in front of her. She muttered a mortified "sorry" in a soft voice; she seemed frazzled. She was close enough now for me to see her dark eyes and catch a hint of the dark, inevitably bobbed hair tucked under her cloche. She crossed the street, moving away from me and I shook my head at myself.

I watched, entranced, as she made her way down the street and winced in sympathy as she caught her shoulder on a lamp post. She was fascinating to me for some reason and I found I couldn't look away. I could see her sigh in frustration and was surprised to see her remove her hat. If that move surprised me her next astounded me. The beautiful girl ran a hand along the back of her neck and used it to sweep a mahogany cascade of hair from under her coat's high collar. Without a thought, I was on my feet, crossing the street, following, trying to get within arm's reach. My mind scrambled for a reasonable thing to say… I scooped up a discarded newspaper and called out,

"Miss! Miss!" You dropped your newspaper!" She glanced briefly over her shoulder but kept walking. Of course she _hadn't_ dropped a newspaper. I sprinted ahead and cut her off. I tried what I hoped was a charming crooked smile, "You're sure this isn't your newspaper?" I moronically asked again.

Her voice was surprisingly soft and I had to lean in to hear her. She was even more beautiful up close, all porcelain skin over delicate bones. "No, that's not my paper." She looked up to me before blushing and moving off. I followed behind; my dream brought to life, the magnetic pull stronger than within any dream I'd ever had. I racked my brain for more conversation…in all my dreams about her why had I never said anything? I was at a complete loss. A shop door opened and a large group of women spilled onto the street and Dream Girl disappeared in the confusion. My dream brought to life…

-MCMXXIX-

And so it began. Each day I waited on the bench in the late afternoon. Each day Dream Girl walked by and each day I got up to follow her. On the second day she glanced back with a shy smile before turning into the residential street where I presumed she lived. On the third day she shook her head and giggled as she walked by. On the fourth day she actually waited for me to catch up when I got stuck behind a delivery truck which backed up and blocked the sidewalk. I watched as she climbed the stairs of the grand house she lived in. I watched, furious with myself, as she glanced at me and sighed before disappearing behind the ornate front door.

At Ben's that night I struggled to be civil, worse-tempered than normal by my cowardice, letting shyness and fear keep me from Dream Girl. Years of dreaming, years of feeling that pull towards Dream Girl and never having felt it in real life, yet, there she was every day and damn it, I could feel it. I knew it was her. Jealousy ate at me as I watched couples dancing, talking, flirting… it was so easy for them. Preoccupied by my thoughts, I missed cues, frustrating the other performers until Ben called me off stage.

"Jeez, Eddie, what's eatin' you?"

I scrubbed my hand through my hair and tried not to grimace. Ben shook his head at me, frowning.

"Take the night off if you need to."

I nodded and muttered "thanks" before heading upstairs.

-MCMXXIX-

On the fifth day Dream Girl strolled toward the bench slower. She hesitated, biting her lip, before placing a rolled object beside me and whispering, "Oh dear, I've dropped my newspaper". With a furious blush, she started to turn away. I couldn't let that happen, so I reached out to stop her, my hand grasping hers, and finally felt the amazing shock from my dream, an amazing electrical vibration of warmth. I felt my own face flush with feeling and we stood there, two tomatoes, until the brave girl from my dream asked,

"Were you going to follow me again today?" I nodded yes, struck dumb. "Well I don't feel like going home right now. Where would you like to follow me to instead?"

I found my voice, "Do you like the zoo?" She glanced up at the sky, considering.

"I do, but I believe it's coming on to rain."

I thought of respectable places to take a young lady. "What about visiting the library?" Dream Girl appeared to be fighting off a smile. Then she closed her eyes and pretended to snore. I burst out laughing, startling myself and drawing a giggle from the girl. I caught my breath and with a mock stern glance at my tormentor tried again. "All right then, this will be my final suggestion. If you shoot this one down we are going to sit on this bench until it rains. Understood?" She nodded solemnly although a smile was still playing in her warm eyes. I closed my own eyes and blurted out, "The Art Institute?" I opened one eye to catch her reaction. She was beaming a smile up to me and I returned the smile with relief.

"That is my favourite place in all Chicago," she said. She held her arm out so I could link it with mine and I let my hand linger on hers. The pull was so strong I wondered how I would ever let her go and the feeling of hope from my dream surged through me, threatening to overflow. I gazed down, smiling, taking in her beautiful face when a thought occurred to me.

With a chuckle I said, "My name is Edward, by the way. Edward Masen. What's your name?"

"Isa… no...No…I'm Bella Swan."

-MCMXXIX-

I held the door open for Bella as we entered The Institute removing my hat and running my hand through my hair. Bella turned to look up at me and gasped so I looked around in some alarm. She noted my confusion and shook her head, looking pointedly at the top of my head as I tried to smooth down what probably looked like an inferno. Bella put out her hand to stop me.

"I like it. What should we look at first?" she whispered.

We took our time strolling through the galleries before settling on a bench in front of a newer installation, an impressionist painting called _Sunday Afternoon on the Isle of Grande Jatte _by Georges Seurat_. _We made up stories for the people in the painting, debating monkeys and dogs as pets and whether parasols should have gone out of fashion. We talked about art and books and music, laughing at each other and how often our choices were opposite. It made for interesting conversations. Then we started talking about ourselves. Bella told me of her family in New York and how they were obsessed with social appearance and old fashioned traditions. How she had come to stay with an elderly aunt to have some time to think away from her family's influence.

"She's quite a character, my Aunt Rose. She lived in France for a long time and carried on with a bunch of bohemians." Bella laughed. "My mother hates when Aunt Rose tells those stories. She says they're _scandalous, _but I love them. Oh and the pictures! Lovely portraits…there's a Renoir hanging in Rose's parlour, and she's actually in it! She was beautiful…"

Bella was curious about me too. I told her about Ben and his speakeasy and how much I loved playing the piano. I told her about boxing and Sam's gym and her warm eyes widened. "Is that something I might get to see?" she asked, excitedly.

I breathed in through my teeth. "I dunno, it's not really a place for a lady. The guys don't wear shirts and they use really rough language…"

"Edward," she stopped me with a small smirk. Her eyes twinkled at me and my heart lurched; she'd be the death of me, I could see that, because I'd be hard pressed to deny Bella anything when she looked at me like that. And she didn't even know it yet. "I left New York because I don't want to fit the claustrophobic ideals of what a 'lady' should be. If you don't want me to watch you fight, that's fine, but I don't like that reason. You'll have to think of another one."

A guard walked by then quietly asking us to make our way to the exit. We looked at one another in surprise, realizing we'd been together for hours talking while the whole world went on without us. It had become colder outside as the night came on and I huddled us into a cab to see Bella home. The magnetic pull between us became an electrical charge in the small backseat and Bella watched my face silently during the quick ride to her aunt's house. It was a struggle to keep my breathing even and I clasped my hands together to prevent disgracing myself. It was taking a massive effort to _not_ touch her. I paid the fare and sent the cab on its way; I would walk to Ben's from here but first I saw Bella to her door. She had a curious look on her face and her silence had me wondering what she was thinking since she'd been so talkative before the cab ride.

"Bella, I…" I started but she interrupted with a warm finger on my lips.

"What's happening? What is this?" She whispered in awe.

She felt it too. I moved to take off her hat but she beat me to it, removing it slowly and placing it on the porch swing. She took one step to close the distance between us and put her hands on my chest, her eyes looking up to me. I saw wonder and trust …I slid my hand along her neck and swept out the mahogany waves hidden in her collar. Then my hands were on her back, on her neck, in her hair. I bent to put my lips to hers and she sighed into our kiss and finally the kaleidoscope of my dreams was real, the pink lips, the brown eyes, the mahogany hair, she was there with me. Our lips moved together, sweetly, teasing, wanting so much more, knowing this wasn't the time but that there was a lifetime for more.

-MCMXXIX-

Ben's was in full swing when I finally got there, very late and very distracted. Lauren was at the piano belting out 'Second Hand Rose' and had the crowd singing along. I wondered if I'd be missed if I just went upstairs. It didn't look like they needed me and I really wanted to be alone to think about everything that had happened and been said when I was with Bella. It was a wonder to me that I'd been able to leave her at all, the magnetic pull had been in full force and each step away from her had been an effort. I was of half a mind to go back and sleep on her aunt's porch. We'd agreed to meet at the bench in the park tomorrow, but I knew that the hours were going to pass slowly.

"Finally decided to show, huh? Good thing Lauren is so, uh, versatile. Jeez Edward, could you at least let me know… heeeyyyy? What's with you?" Ben's rant cut off as he caught a look at my face.

"What?" I snapped, looking around the club for something to divert Ben's attention from me. I scanned the tables, taking in the regulars and the haze of smoke when something caught my eye. A familiar figure sat alone at a table at the other end of the room. I frowned to myself; what was _he_ doing here?

"Hey Ben, see that guy over there?" I motioned with my chin. "I'm going to talk to him for a bit and then I promise I'll play any songs you want for the rest of the night. Deal?"

Ben was still studying my face, but agreed easily. "Sure thing."

The man at the table watched me as I crossed the room and I realized this wasn't a chance encounter, he was here to see me. Why?

"Edward! It's good to see you again. Pull up a chair, why don't we catch up?"

I nodded slowly as I took a seat. This little visit was going to bring up nothing but bad memories.

"This is unexpected. What brings you in here Dr. Cullen?"

-MCMXXIX-

"Edward, I know you're surprised to see me, I can leave if you want. It's just the promise I made your mother…" I cut him off.

"I'm not a kid now, I don't think my mother meant…" I saw him nod in agreement and decided to change the subject. "Have you been in Chicago all this time? I haven't seen you in, what, nine years?"

Dr Cullen searched my eyes briefly before answering. "No, I haven't been here all the time. Well, I'm married now and we've spent some time travelling… actually that's why I'm here. My wife and I are moving to Australia. Who knows when we might be back and, well, I wanted to talk to you about your father." He saw me shake my head; I wanted no part of a conversation about my father. He raised his hand in a silent request to continue. "I need to say this… you need to know about this. Your father, well, I know you don't see him and I think that's as it should be. He's mixed up with some dangerous people…'in business' with them and I..." he paused and amended, "your mother wouldn't want you involved I'm sure." I frowned at Dr Cullen. I'd heard rumours that my father was investing in liquor suppliers and possibly worse but I didn't really care. We hadn't seen each other in years. Dr Cullen picked up on the fact that I wasn't going to have this conversation and changed the subject.

"I wanted to fulfil my promise to Elizabeth." He smiled at me. "She'd be proud of you, you know. You've made a nice life for yourself and I know it wasn't easy to do it alone."

His comments and his scrutiny were making me uncomfortable. "What do you know about it?" I muttered quietly to myself.

I realized he had in fact heard me when he responded softl. "My father was completely unavailable to me too. I had to find my own way, make my own life. I was lonely for a long time too." His eyes were distant; they were darker than I remembered. He continued, happier it seemed. "It seems things are looking up for both of us. Well, I'll leave now Edward. I wish you the best of luck." Then he was gone.

-MCMXXIX-

The familiar dream was reassuring: a blinding white revealed Bella, who smiled at me, reached out for me. There was a surge of warm feeling, hopefulness, here was my heart and we melted together in the silence of the fog. Then, I heard my father's voice, sneering, taunting. "Who do you think you are? Why would she want you?" Then softer. "Loving her will break you." Bella and I held each other through his hurtful tirade; his words were meaningless while she was in my arms.

I woke smiling. The dream had merged with reality. Bella was real and I'd see her tomorrow whereas my father had no bearing on anything in my life now. I pulled myself up to sit at the edge of the bed, running my hands through my hair, thinking things over. Without a doubt Bella was worth anything I would have to go through, worth changing my life for if necessary. I wasn't exactly proud of this shallow existence I'd been living; playing piano in a speakeasy, the very type of place that had aided my father in his self-destruction. But things would be better now. Bella was real... bringing with her the warmth to thaw me out. Bella would make me better. I would be better for her.

**Well there she is! What do you think? Photos on my blog (link on my profile)of my idea of Aunt Rose's house and the painting they talk about at the Art Institute (it's one of my personal favourites too! And I've seen it in real life in Chicago and its **_**huge-**_**that's what she said) Thanks for reading! **


	5. Chapter 5 Baseball

A/N** Thanks again to mrsaubergine and ShyNoMore for betaing. Read Shy's story called 'Right A Wrong' *fans self* 'nuff said! You can find it on my profile in My Favourite Stories.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight universe. 'The Tiger' is by William Blake. **

**Thanks to all who reviewed under duress... I'm looking at you abinar... Same deal this time, if you leave a review I'll send a teaser. Also, I'm truly trying to learn from this process so let me know what bits are boring, when emotion comes across (or doesn't) etc. This is a fun chapter... hope you enjoy it!**

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Nelly Kelly was sure some fan,  
She would root just like any man,  
Told the umpire he was wrong,  
All along,  
Good and strong.  
When the score was just two to two,  
Nelly Kelly knew what to do,  
Just to cheer up the boys she knew,  
She made the gang sing this song…

_Take Me Out to the Ball Game _1927 Lyrics

**October 1928**

The next day I was early for our date so I could be waiting for Bella. I was on the bench, craning my neck, scanning the crowd anxiously in anticipation of seeing her when an unexpected shadow fell upon me. I looked up, startled.

"Maybe I should pick where we go today." Bella grinned down at me, evidently pleased with herself for surprising me. She had approached from the opposite direction I expected and I wondered for a second how long she had been watching me. I thought I should probably be embarrassed but I wasn't, I was too happy to see Bella again. Standing up swiftly, I couldn't resist a quick embrace which turned into my nuzzling behind her ear. She smelled like summer; flowers and sun-warmed strawberries.

"Wherever you want," I murmured into her hair before pulling back a little and taking her hand. "What did you have in mind?"

I blinked then as I really took in her appearance for the first time since she'd arrived. Her hair was all pulled back to the nape of her neck in a loose knot and she had foregone her usual blue hat. Bella had also exchanged the matching blue coat for a striped jersey shirt so big she had it wrapped around herself like a robe and secured with a paisley scarf around her waist. Most interesting were the pants; I hadn't seen Bella in pants before. I liked it. My gaze slowly travelled back up to Bella's beautiful face and I quirked an eyebrow at her in question.

She took an object from her pants pocket and casually tossed it in the air. I caught the baseball, still puzzled as Bella said,

"Edward, how do you feel about sneaking into Wrigley Field?"

MCMXXIX

En route to the ball park we debated the best way to gain entry. Bella was all for climbing the fence but I rolled my eyes at her. After a week of watching her routinely trip over her own feet, I told her I'd find us a safer way in. I was still amused at the thought of Bella as a rabid baseball fan.

"There was only me, you see, no sons," she'd explained to me, "so Father took me to games with him when I was little. Mother asked him to stop though, years ago, not ladylike enough, I suppose…" she trailed off sadly.

I tried to distract her, "Were you still in New York when the Yankees won the Series, what was that, three weeks ago? That must have been some celebration." It worked and Bella beamed up at me.

"No, I was already here in Chicago, but I listened to it on the radio and oh, what I would have given to be at that game, to see Babe hit that home run." She glanced up at me shyly and wrinkled her nose, "Actually, I think I'm glad I was here…" I smiled and gave her hand a squeeze feeling the same way.

We arrived at the stadium and surveyed the area. The season was over, there was no event planned and the box office was closed. Bella started whispering about climbing trees and shimmying up walls. I shook my head at her and put a finger to my lips then guided her down the street along the wall covered in ivy. Looking up and down the street I made sure we were unobserved before parting the ivy and pressing on a small section of what looked like the brick wall. Bella gasped as the fake wall popped forward into the park and I quickly pulled her through and replaced the section. I winked at her.

"Best kept secret in Chicago. My friends Bobby and Tom and I used to sneak in here when we were kids. I didn't know if it would still be here. Look," I knocked on the panel, "it's a block of wood painted to look like the wall." I couldn't help laughing at Bella's expression. It felt good to be the one delivering the surprise.

I slid my arm around her waist and turned us to look at the park. The grass and ivy were still very green for so late in the season and contrasted sharply with the red of the brick wall and the brilliant blue of the October sky. Bella's head swung back and forth, taking it all in before whispering reverentially, "It's beautiful."

My gaze stayed on Bella and I whispered too, "Yeah…beautiful". She looked up at my tone and then blushed at my expression. We both took a deep breath. Bella squirmed out of my grasp and I resisted the urge to pull her back, balling my hands into fists to keep them from shaking. Her eyes took in the motion and she shook her head, announcing,

"All right Masen, time to play ball!"

MCMXXIX

Bella stood about half way between where the pitcher's mound would be and home plate with her hands stuck out awkwardly in front of her and an impatient expression.

"I'm not going to throw a baseball at you Bella," I called.

She sighed, "This is a game of catch, Edward. I want you to throw the ball _to_ me." I pulled a face at her.

"Yeah, I don't think semantics are going to change the outcome and I quite like your nose the way it is." I wasn't budging on this one.

"Fine, I'm going to pretend to hit a homer and run the bases then." She jogged up to meet me at home plate as I looked meaningfully at the field.

"Good luck with that." The Cubs were done for the year but the Bears were in the middle of football season and the field had been repainted, the pitcher's mound removed. "I'll wait for you here, unless…"

Bella took some mock practice swings and then pointed her imaginary bat over the far wall, Babe style. "Unless what?"

I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, drawing her in close. Putting my lips to her ear, I whispered, "Unless you wanted me to chase you." I felt her shiver and my own breath hitched as I released her and said, "On your mark…"

Bella took off and I gave her a little head start before taking off after her. She looked back at me and squealed, starting to run faster. I was gaining on her, timing my pace to catch up at home plate. Even with that absurd outfit obscuring her figure I was quite enjoying the view. Her hair had come loose and was streaming behind her, reminding me of my dream but this time I knew I wouldn't lose her in a mist, she would be in my arms in minutes, warm and electric.

She called over her shoulder, "I know you're letting me win". I smirked at her and let my eyes travel over her.

"Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm the winner right now."

She laughed but I sensed imminent disaster. Bella running would always equal imminent disaster. "Would you please watch where you're going?" I implored. Bella laughed again and sprinted towards home, setting off some strange instinct in me to chase her, catch her.

"I'm gonna slide home…"

"Ah, don't do that…" I saw her hit the ground at a bad angle and sped up to get to her. That wasn't a slide, it was just another Bella disaster. She hollered in pain.

"OWWWW, oh oww, oh oww, my ankle, ow, ow…"

I was beside her in seconds, kneeling down, wincing in sympathy. Her eyes were squeezed shut but a few tears escaped and she swiped at them quickly with the backs of her hands. Brave and proud, she was streaked with dust and tears, her face twisted up in pain. She was completely enchanting me.

It had gotten colder and the wind was kicking up so I scooped Bella into my arms and carried her towards the shelter of the dugout. "Silly girl," I scolded. Bella's face was buried in my shoulder and she shook her head without looking up.

"Don't call me that," she muttered with an irritated edge to her voice. I couldn't tell if her irritation was from the pain or my words and hastened to explain.

"I didn't mean it like that, you scared me. Let me take a look, does it hurt to move it…?"

I sat on the players' bench and settled Bella on my lap. She was already calmer and I didn't think her ankle was seriously damaged but I reached down to unlace her boot and check it over. She told me the pain was already better; it was likely a sprain, nothing worse. I was rubbing her ankle and looking for swelling when the situation dawned on me. Bella was a warm, sweet smelling, comfortable weight on my lap and my brain was realizing what my body had been screaming at me. I was about to embarrass the hell out of myself. I tried to shift Bella over to my side but she was clinging to my neck with surprising strength.

"I like this, please don't put me down," she breathed onto my neck and I settled for shifting her forward on my lap. Her eyes flicked up to mine, confused, then bright with sudden understanding. "Oh. Oh!" A furious blush stained her cheeks as she dissolved into a fit of giggles, the movement of which wasn't helping matters. I glared at the scoreboard and tried to think about baseball.

Bella's laughter quieted after a few moments, finally changing to an unladylike snort and a few shuddering breaths. I couldn't help a small smile myself; I felt like an absolute cad but at least she hadn't run away screaming. Of course, she did have a sore ankle.

My hands were still at her waist, hesitating, unsure. They spanned her sides and I gave her a light squeeze in question as Bella nuzzled back into my chest. She raised her head hesitantly and her lips peppered tiny kisses along my neck, glancing up with wide eyes to gauge my reaction after each one. My fingers traced a path up and down her sides until my rogue thumb developed a mind of its own and grazed the side of her breast. We both huffed out a breath. My hand found her face, tracing the line of her full lips, around the depths of her warm eyes, along the sweep of her brow, marveling at the fact that she was real and in my arms.

My arm curved up around her back threading my hand through her hair while the hand on her face cupped her jaw, tilting her head back and to the side, exposing her neck. I wanted to show her what she had been doing to me. I place one kiss below her ear, another in the hollow of her collar bone then I drew back to gauge _her_ reaction.

Her eyes were closed, her lips parted slightly, tiny breaths panting through them. Without opening her eyes she tilted her head to the other side, silently asking me to continue. I smiled and brushed my lips back and forth behind her other ear, whispering, "Tiger, tiger burning bright" then placing the matching kiss on her other collar bone, murmuring "in the forests of the night…" My lips pressed firmly into the hollow at the base of her throat. "What immortal hand or eye…" I inhaled deeply; even in this brisk, fall weather Bella smelled warm and sweet, toast and jam, and I swallowed as my nose traced along her throat, past her chin. We brushed lips and whispered together, "Could frame thy fearful symmetry?"

"Edward," she whispered and her hands were on my chest, tracing rib and muscle beneath my shirt. I released her jaw and grasped one of her hands to still it; I couldn't take much more. Bella moved her other hand up and placed it on my cheek. We smiled at each other, eyes locked. Then her hand was in my hair, pulling me to her and we kissed, deeply. I was lost. This kiss was all sweet warmth and comfort and desire and I didn't know how to stop. She sighed into me and time ceased to exist, it didn't matter at all anymore. Bella moved suddenly, raising herself to straddle my lap but I stopped her, gently, gathering her against my chest and trying to shake off the dizziness of desire. Bella's hiccupping breaths matched my own. I tried to bring myself back to reality.

"Bella, love, does it still hurt, your ankle?"

She responded with a wry laugh and asked with an air of disbelief,

"I have ankles?"

MCMXXIX

We made our way back to Bella's aunt's house, mindful of her ankle, although it didn't seem to be troubling her much anymore. I asked with a playful smirk if she wanted me to carry her from the cab and up the steps. She answered with a withering look and I wondered to myself how that expression could be so familiar after just a couple days together.

We sat on the porch swing, drawing out the evening, reluctant to part and I watched, hypnotized as Bella untied the knot holding the paisley scarf around her waist. Once undone, I grasped an end and pulled, meaning only to draw the scarf loose but yanking Bella rather roughly into my shoulder instead. I hugged her to me.

"Oh, love, sorry, sorry," I apologized. It was difficult enough to watch Bella's own endearing clumsiness; I didn't want to add to the carnage in any way. She giggled against me and I joined her shaking my head at myself. As we sat in comfortable silence, I was painfully aware that I really did need to leave as they were expecting me at Ben's. Rising from the swing, I reached down to help Bella up.

"Edward," she asked, "would you come tomorrow and meet Aunt Rose? She's been hearing a lot about you lately… she says she wants to see you for herself." Bella waggled her eyebrows at me, making me laugh again. I squeezed her waist and pulled her close to me.

"I'd love to and then," I hesitated, suddenly a little unsure but wanting Bella and I to learn more about each other, "I'd like to show you where I live. And my piano." Bella nodded happily and reached up to loop the scarf around my neck. She tugged on the ends, pulling me down to her for our good night kiss.

I was late for work again.

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**No baseball bats but we still had wood... hehehehehe. Teasers to all reviewers!! Thanks guys, mwah!!!**


	6. Chapter 6 A Rose and a Book

A/N_. _**Once again, big thanks to mrsaubergine and ShyNoMore for mad beta skillz and Rob fun. Check out their respective stories, The Exclusive and Right a Wrong (on my profile in My Favourite Stories) **

**Thanks to all who have read and reviewed... it means so much. Teaser is up for grabs again if you leave a review. Let me know what you think.**

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When you're smilin' keep on smilin'  
The whole world smiles with you  
And when you're laughin' oh when you're laughin'  
The sun comes shinin' through

But when you're cryin' you bring on the rain  
So stop your sighin' be happy again  
Keep on smilin', cause when you're smilin'  
The whole world smiles with you

"_When You're Smiling" Louis Armstrong (1928)_

_~*~*~_

October 1928

Mid-morning the next day found me back on Aunt Rose's porch clutching two posies of flowers in one hand and trying in vain to smooth down my hair with the other. Nervous energy coursed through me; I had a feeling Aunt Rose's opinion of me was extremely important to Bella and I wasn't at all confident that a piano-playing loner with no family to speak of would meet with approval. After a few deep breaths to calm myself I knocked on the door. It was thrown open immediately, startling me for a moment, then Bella was there beaming at me. She must have been waiting at the door and it thrilled me that she was as excited as I was to be together again. Nights seemed very long now.

I'd concealed the flowers behind my back as the door opened and now wrapped my other arm around her waist, pulling her in close. I leaned down for a kiss and the nervous energy dissolved, replaced with a sense of peace now that we were connected again. Bella had thrown her arms around me and I could feel when her hands found the flowers. Her eyes sparkled up at me as I presented her with the bouquet of white freesias.

"I brought these for you," I murmured, pressing another kiss into her hair. She took them happily, bringing them to her nose to inhale their sweetness.

"They are lovely, thank you, Edward. Are you sending me a message? Did you know freesias represent spiritedness?" Bella teased me as I shook my head and responded.

"I had no idea of that, love. I was drawn to their fragrance." I nuzzled into her neck. She was warm and I felt myself warm in turn. Rubbing my nose along the line of her jaw I inhaled and sighed, "Hmm, definitely freesia… speaking of spiritedness, how does your ankle feel this morning?"

Bella closed her eyes, shuddered out one breath and collected herself as I took her hand in mine. "Oh it's just fine. Edward, it was sweet of you to bring flowers for Rose too." Bella was fighting a smile and I quirked an eyebrow at her in question; what was so humorous about hydrangeas? She looked pointedly past my shoulder and I turned to follow her gaze. The bouquet I had brought for Bella's aunt was an exact match to the row of hydrangeas flanking the long walk up to the house, a match to more hydrangeas planted along the line of the porch and still more potted on either side of the swing. I realized I'd looked at this house everyday for a week and noticed nothing but Bella. She was shaking with laughter.

"Will your aunt think I've pinched these from the gardens?" I asked in horror. I was tempted to run out to get another arrangement but Bella was already towing me through the foyer.

"She may, but she'll think it charming!"

We walked into a grand room and Bella excused herself to find her aunt. I reluctantly let go of her hand and watched her retreating back until she disappeared around a corner. With a little sigh, I turned and my eyes widened as I struggled to find a focal point; the room was a veritable Aladdin's Cave of Wonders. The space was over-stuffed with furniture, arranged in comfortable groupings and every horizontal surface was crammed with treasure, most certainly collected over an adventurous lifetime. The walls were covered with paintings, photographs and exotic decorations of all description, but one grouping of pictures stood out and I crossed the room to have a better look.

It was a photographic series of an elderly lady - some of the pictures a close-up of only a single feature, an ear or a hand, a few of the photographs showing the whole face in profile but from different angles - all of them surrounding one majestic portrait. I studied the lady's features, smiling as I found a set of familiar, warm eyes. Although quite elderly and frail-looking, the woman projected an air of joy and curiosity, a youthful spirit caught in the wrong package.

"Now those are Isabella's doing." I glanced around in surprise, scanning the room for the owner of the cracked voice. The tiny figure was seated in a comfy wing chair, dwarfed by it, her dress blending in with the fabric. I'd completely missed her when crossing the amazing room. She was even more impressive in colour, wizened yet vibrating with suppressed energy, her eyes rheumy with advanced years but sharp and eager for all that.

"Miss Swan, I didn't see you there!" She gave an unladylike snort. So that's where Bella had gotten it.

She responded, fashionably droll, "Yes, I know. People hardly ever see me anymore. I'm shrinking you see. That's why Isabella took those photographs… for when I disappear completely."She narrowed her eyes a little and I could see the line of her mouth fighting a smile; Bella was so like her. "Did you bring me hydrangeas, Edward?"

I grimaced a little and handed the posy to her, apologizing, "Shall we consider them an exercise in redundancy?" She laughed then, a tinkling sound, clear bells not brittle at all and I was reminded of Bella yet again.

"At my age Edward each time I receive flowers may be the very last until the funeral. I'm filled with gratitude."

Bella entered the room then, her anxious expression melting into one of amusement upon finding her aunt and me laughing together. I gestured to the magnificent photographs and hoped I had hit upon the correct interpretation.

"The whole is more than the sum of its parts?" She nodded, pleased with my understanding. "Bella, I had no idea, why haven't you mentioned the photography?"

She linked her arm around my waist and leaned her head against my chest. Her Aunt Rose lifted her eyebrows, not as I first assumed at the physical contact.

"Bella? A new name? You really do plan to reinvent yourself, don't you Isabella? Well you have certainly come to the right place." Abruptly she changed course. "I'm parched. Champagne?"

Bella graced her aunt with a withering look and chided, "It's only eleven o'clock Rose."

"Darling, it certainly is six o'clock somewhere in the world and I am leaving for Florida tomorrow." An evil glint twinkled in her eyes. "This will be my last chance to toast Edward's… how did you put it? 'Devastating handsomeness'."

I noted Bella's embarrassment from the side of my eye and although I was rather enjoying it myself, felt the gentlemanly thing would be to divert the conversation.

"Where in Florida are you going, Miss Swan? Do you plan on staying away long?" She and Bella exchanged a look before she answered.

"West Palm Beach, Edward, for the entire season. My old bones won't stand another Chicago winter."

I opened my mouth to contradict her, my mother's training to always compliment a lady in mind but Aunt Rose was already waving her hand to refute any gallant statement.

"Never you mind Edward, I feel as old as Moses and shall do as the wise geese do and take myself south."

We talked about her past travels and adventures and Bella said she would remember it all and write a great novel someday. They told me more about the family in New York. The words "stuffy", "old-fashioned" and "inertia" were bandied about until I murmured something about throwing out the baby with the bath water. This earned me twin withering looks and I bowed my head an apology. Bella vowed she had no intention of going back to New York, no interest in living the stifling life her parents had mapped out for her. That was just as well since I had no intention of letting her go and no interest in a life without her.

There had been a terrible row when Bella refused to debut and Aunt Rose had supported her decision.

"I have always referred to the season as the Great American Cattle Call," she scoffed. "If you have no intention of marrying at all then why go through the motions. I also refused to come out, mind that was centuries ago… I suppose I am an influence on you dear, but not a bad one as they say." She patted Bella's face fondly. "The solution caused an even bigger rift and I am sorry for that."

Aunt Rose looked into her champagne flute; she had got her way as I was sure she usually did. "Ah there's the bottom of my glass… I shall take myself off for a nap. Champagne before noon makes me sleepy these days."

We made our good-byes and then Bella showed me a few of her favourite things around the room. I leaned down to her often for sweet kisses and enjoyed her wonderful new habit of standing with her temple pressed to my chest. She also explained Rose's cryptic remark about her solution causing more problems between Bella and her family. Rose had named Bella as her heir and made a significant portion of a trust fund available immediately, ending Bella's dependence on her family. I wandered a little more as Bella took a seat.

An object caught my eye and I blurted out in surprised shock.

"What is that?"

Bella sat quietly; the question was clearly rhetorical as I had eyes and was literate. Her eyes were wide wondering at how I would react. It was a book, battered and dog-eared, stuffed with bookmarks. A well-loved, oft-read book called "Married Love or Love in Marriage" and if I hadn't read it myself I was very aware of the tome and its content. It was a manual of sorts, a study of loving, physical relationships between a man and a woman. It was a manifesto for women's right to dominion over their own bodies and the right to take pleasure from relations with their husband. It was explicit in its detailed instructions.

It was perhaps one of the last things I would have expected to find sitting on a table here. I blurted out my next question.

"Where did you get it?"

Bella's upraised eyebrows gave the obvious answer: Rose. The book had been banned, deemed obscene by U.S. Customs for its content and called pornographic by church leaders. Of course people smuggled prohibited material into the country all the time but this had the look of a deliberate purchase. And it wasn't on a shelf or displayed on a rack as some illicit prize but left out casually as one would peruse and consult the daily papers. I had another question.

"Have you read this?"

Her slow nod didn't surprise me, nor did her blush. I struggled with contradictory emotions as I puzzled out how I felt about that.

We were both obviously quite innocent although between Ben's speakeasy and Sam's gym I'd seen and heard a variety of versions of the meeting of bodies. I wasn't unfamiliar with the mechanics of the act. The guys at the gym were often quite crude while recounting their conquests, real or fantasy. Ben had a never-ending supply of "girlie pictures" and every once in a while insisted that I look. One series depicting a woman in various states of undress, in increasingly provocative poses, left nothing necessary for the imagination. They had caused the expected reaction in me but I didn't want to associate those images with physically showing Bella I loved her.

I'd had years of watching people at the club casually switch partners weekly, years of watching Ben and Lauren treat each other like a cat's scratching post and realized I was not only physically inexperienced but that any knowledge I possessed wouldn't apply to Bella and I. When it came to how things would be between us that book likely made her more knowledgeable than me. Again I wrestled with the concept of old-fashioned notions and I noticed Bella was watching my face closely. I scooped up the book and went to sit beside her.

I was surprised and chagrined to see her eyes sparkling with angry tears. She didn't know what I was thinking but had assumed the worse. She had been through this with her family, fighting for every freedom, never really being accepted for who she was. Bella thought I was going to challenge her, perhaps make some comment about "nice girls" or it being a "man's responsibility to be the experienced one". I took a deep breath. Whatever preconceived, contradictory notions I had gleaned from reading old books, the guys I worked with or even my parents' marriage had no place here. Bella and I were something new, something different and we would make it up as we went along. We would figure out together what would work for us.

I placed the small volume on the sofa beside me and took her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. Bella wanted passion. She would have it. I pressed a kiss on her wrist then pushed up the sleeve of her blouse to press another kiss into the crook of her elbow. She gasped at that and I looked up to find her watching my actions carefully. I moved my hands to cradle her face. Only one of her unnecessary tears had escaped so I kissed it away and leaned to kiss her lips when Bella pulled away. Another tear fell and she brushed it away impatiently, her chin raised.

"They have tried five times, _five_ different times to push me into marriage with men I can barely look at, let alone think of… kissing. I have never wanted to kiss anyone… at all… until - "She took a breath and swallowed. "Until now."

She looked off at the series of photographs she had created of her aunt and continued "I didn't expect you, Edward - I didn't know this sort of thing really existed. I wanted to be independent, like Rose, I was quite excited about it actually. I was prepared to live my life alone and it scares me that so suddenly…I don't think I want to anymore."

She turned to me, her eyes searching mine and I didn't hide the intensity of my feelings for her. Bella must have liked what she saw for the next moment her lips were on mine, warm and soft, insistent and needy. A flood of emotion threatened to pull me under. Relief, she wanted me in her life as much I needed her in mine. Guilt, she had a life mapped out for herself and I was going to take her away from that; what if I wasn't enough? Joy, I'd been alone so long… this was a sort of heaven on earth to have Bella in my arms. Desire, I was dizzy already and my hands were only in her hair.

Our kiss turned frantic, breaking apart only to gasp for more air before crashing together again. Bella pulled at my shirt and a wave of longing swept over me; I wanted her hands on me. I wanted _my_ hands on _her_. The electricity between us hummed in my ears as Bella's soft hands roamed under my shirt on my bare skin and I groaned at the sensation.

Bella had thrown her legs across my lap and she pulled me down on top of her. I reached back, meaning to stroke her leg through her skirt and was stunned when I encountered the velvet skin of her bare thigh. Then I shocked myself by letting my hand make its way higher. This time we both made a desperate sound.

A muffled thump from upstairs reminded me of where I was and we stopped abruptly. We were both panting but smiling now, our first tiny storm over. I pulled us up, keeping my arms around her, still shaking a bit. We leaned into each other for a few moments to calm ourselves and then I turned to her.

Bella's hair was wild and I smoothed each side back, tucking the strands behind her ears. Then I slid to the floor in front of her, kneeling beside the sofa and her expression turned wary. Laughing softly, I reached over Bella and held the contentious book up between us.

"Could I borrow this for a while?"

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A/N** Ahhh! His mood swings are giving her whiplash!! "Married Love" is a real book published in 1918 by Dr. Marie Stopes and the description within the story is accurate, it just wouldn't be quite so shocking to us these days! It most certainly inspired much of Bella's character for this story and was a convenient way to introduce the whole concept of nooky in 1928. Link to an online copy is on my profile. Read and review, hypothesize etc, etc.**


	7. Chapter 7 Shadow on the Fountain of Time

A/N **Hugs and kisses to mrsaubergine and ShyNoMore for betareading. Thanks for reviewing and alerting, it means a lot. Here's a longer chapter for RenaBug.**

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I love your lovin` arms  
They hold a world of charms  
A place to nestle when I'm lonely  
A cozy morris chair  
Oh, what a happy pair  
One caress, happiness  
Seems to bless my little honey  
I love you more each day  
When years have passed away  
You`ll find my love belongs to you only  
`Cause when the world seems wrong  
I know that I belong right in my honey`s lovin` arms

_My Honey's Lovin' Arms by Cab Calloway _

**October 1928**

After leaving Bella at her aunt's house the day before I had a long night of performing at the club, ducking Ben's increasingly pointed questions, before finally getting back up to my rooms. There I had read the book, twice in fact, feeling my eyes widen at some of the more unexpected information and getting lightheaded at the thought of Bella and her numerous bookmarks. I had tried to get some sleep but each time I closed my eyes I was greeted by visions, Bella reaching out for me, Bella's body moving under me and my eyes would snap open again. They weren't exactly restful images.

When I finally did doze off I was met with the familiar dream. Bella smiled at me before turning to run off into the mist. Her laughter guided me when the white fog thickened and I could feel her warmth pulling me towards her. My hands rose in anticipation; I was certain Bella was just there, right in front of me, when the mist turned blinding white. A chill descended and I froze in trepidation calling out to her…

Waking with a gasp it took a few moments to bring myself to the present. The room was cold, likely the reason for the turn my dream had taken. I shook it off wishing I was with Bella right now, wanting proof she was real. Bella was spending the day with her aunt though, before seeing her to the train station and we didn't have plans to meet. I sighed; A Day Without Bella sounded like the title of the saddest book ever written. A glance at the window showed the faintest light of early sunrise and I gave up on the idea of more sleep, deciding instead to put my excess energy to use. I made a hasty meal and packed a few things for the gym before heading out into the morning air.

It was barely seven o'clock when I let myself into Sam's gym, flipping light switches on my way to the change room. Within a few minutes I was working through the familiar routine I'd been neglecting lately, except this didn't feel so familiar anymore. I was used to an intense focus during workouts, enjoying the break from the outside world and lonely thoughts, concentrating only on the physical. Now, however, distracting thoughts of Bella crept in and I found myself happily sidetracked time and again. First, a flash of her smile and laughter halted my rope jumping. Then a vivid memory of silky skin when I touched her thigh - and the sound she had made… I blew out a breath and adjusted myself looking around for another exercise; jumping rope in this state was out of the question.

I eyed the speed bag hanging out from the wall. That seemed mindless enough and it would be virtually impossible to hurt myself should an errant thought divert me. Still no more than a few minutes passed before the rolling rhythm of short punches slowed and then stopped… my arms fell to my sides and I grinned up at the bag remembering Bella's delight at Wrigley Field. I made a note to get tickets for the Cub's season opener. Bella at a baseball game would certainly be entertaining.

"What in the name of hell are you doing? You going to punch that bag or kiss it?" A sneering voice jolted me out of my reverie. I hadn't heard anyone come in at all and turned to see that kid Jacob, watching me with an insolent smile.

"You able to go more than three rounds yet kid?" I shook my head at him, dismissively. "Scram."

Jacob eyes narrowed as he took a threatening step towards me and I smirked at him in invitation. He was such a hothead and we both knew Sam would tear a strip off him if he threw a punch outside of the ring.

"Enough Jake!" Sam shouted from across the gym. "Get in the ring, you're sparring with Paul and please could you develop some self-control for cryin' out loud? You're killing me with this. Can't even enter you in a fight if…"

I tuned them out, turning back to the speed bag, but I wasn't in the mood anymore. After changing, I stopped by Sam's office on my way out.

"Hey Edward, you got a minute man? We got money troubles again." I didn't like the sound of that and the agitation rolling off Sam told me his mind was on more than finances. His fingers were drumming an incessant tattoo on his paper-strewn desk but he didn't look up at me.

"Sure. What's going on?" I answered cautiously.

Sam explained about the "protection money" he paid some outfit, a gang really, to shield the gym from other gangs. I knew all this of course; it was part of life in Chicago at this point that everyone was tangled up in some gang's web. What surprised me was that his current "protectors" had all been busted and ended up in jail. A bigger group, Irish this time, had claimed the territory and had much greater expectations when it came time to pay up. Sam just didn't have the cash available. I sighed.

"You know I'll help you out… I need this place as much as you do," I said wryly and Sam looked at me in question. "Ask Ben if he's heard anything about these guys." Then, raising my voice to be easily heard outside the office, I added, "Maybe one of these kids could actually win a fight and contribute around here." A chorus of lame excuses and rude oaths floated back as I nodded to Sam and went through the door.

MCMXXIX

Back at my place I paced like a caged animal hearing, "Bella, Bella, Bella" with each foot fall. A day without Bella yawned in front of me and I had no idea what to do with myself. How had I survived those empty, lonely years? I'd set 'the book' on a table by the window and found my thoughts returning to it, not to its contents, but its implications. She couldn't possibly expect us to… what if she started a baby? My head spun at the thought and I honestly couldn't decide if it was excitement or fear.

Well then. Definitely not without being married first… On impulse I went to the closet in my bedroom reaching back into the hidden corner and lifting down a small tin box. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I took off the lid revealing the only good memories I'd salvaged from the house before my father could destroy them.

There were a few photographs scratched from broken frames, some sheet music and just two pieces of my mother's jewellery. I had felt guilty about that for a long time. I'd taken them before I left for Boston, wanting so badly to have something that had been close to Mother. At first, I decided on only the charm bracelet she'd worn daily and I held it up now, shaking it lightly to hear the musical sound that had accompanied Mother everywhere. I smiled at the memory as I laid it aside.

I held up the second piece, a delicate gold ring, worked in a filigree pattern with an oval centre stone surrounded by diamond brilliants. The sun came through the window gleaming off the gems and I scrubbed my hand through my hair, sighing. I shouldn't have taken this, my mother's engagement ring. I wondered if my father had ever missed these pieces. One terrible night, I had heard him crashing around in the night and in my guilt had felt sure he was tearing the house apart looking for her ring. The next morning revealed the carnage; each photograph frame had been meticulously broken, most of the pictures ruined and I had saved the few remaining. He never mentioned the jewellery to me.

I shoved the guilt aside, too happy to dwell on that now. Bella could say she didn't ever want to marry; it wouldn't stop me from asking. Not today, of course, I wasn't seeing Bella today. My fingers roamed absently over imaginary piano keys. A day without Bella. I sighed and scooped everything back into the tin. I had to get out of here but I had no idea where to go.

A thought occurred to me. She hadn't specifically said to stay away we simply had not made plans because Bella expected to be preoccupied. Perhaps she would like a surprise. Or perhaps I'd only make her angry. I cringed at the thought and paced some more, undecided. If I didn't bother Bella and her aunt at the house while they were busy maybe my imposition would be welcome. I thought of her aunt leaving for the entire winter and realized I hadn't said a proper good-bye to Rose. That was rude. I smiled, grabbing my coat and hat. I would never want to be rude.

MCMXXIX

Union Station was a beautiful modern building, well-proportioned and classical in style. I didn't notice it at all while making a beeline to the departures board. A quick scan showed the train Rose would be taking was scheduled to leave in an hour; they were likely here right now. I bit my lip to restrain the smile fighting to the surface and felt the first hint of warmth spread through me at the thought of Bella so close. I strolled along the length of the great hall, struggling against an impulse to break into a run. Finally, I spotted them seated on a bench with their backs to me at the far end of the enormous waiting area. The smile won and spread across my face.

I stood still for a moment, feeling the hum that vibrated between us and resisting, just for a second, the sensation of being pulled to her. Bella had been looking down at something and I watched as her head rose, seeing in profile as her lips pulled up into a small smile. I looked on in amazement as she searched around her, gazing back and forth. Did she feel the electricity this strongly too? She stood suddenly and like a compass needle finding north turned toward me, her face breaking into a grin that matched mine. I felt us both give a sigh of happy relief. There was my heart.

Her aunt smiled fondly at Bella and followed her gaze regarding me without the slightest surprise. "I wondered when you'd get here, Edward."

MCMXXIX

A short time later we saw Rose out to the train, keeping her company as she settled into the sumptuous private car she had reserved for the journey. Decorated in warm red and trimmed with gold, the car was furnished with both a sofa and sleeping platform and was made complete by a warming fireplace. Rose and Bella were quite nonchalant about the space; I supposed they always travelled this way. I imagined for a moment Bella and I alone in a compartment like this, travelling across the country, perhaps across Europe, any place she wanted to go. My gaze rested on the sleeping platform and I had a sudden vision of us reclined upon it, our bodies intertwined, rocking together with the motion of the moving train.

I turned from the ladies to hide my reaction to that thought. Taking a few breaths to steady myself, I waited until I had some control over my expression before joining them near the car's door. The conductor was announcing it was time for visitors to leave and aunt and niece embraced, Bella tearing up. I thought maybe I was intruding after all and moved toward the door, meaning to give them some privacy. Rose caught the motion and shook her head at me, stopping me in my tracks.

She spoke softly to Bella. "We've already said our goodbyes… no more tears." She chucked Bella under the chin before continuing, "I want to speak to Edward for a moment."

I saw Bella tense up and she darted her eyes between her aunt and me, making Rose laugh. "Oh my dear Isabella, I promise I shan't embarrass you. Off you go now, you wait on the platform." Bella's gaze was still locked with Rose's, her expression imploring, but after a moment, she sighed and left the car, closing the door gently behind her.

The first whistle blew and I knew we only had a minute. Rose didn't mince words.

"I like you Edward and I believe you care deeply for Isabella. I've seen this sort of thing only once or twice before. It's rare and you're both lucky to have found one another. Now I'm not going to ask you to take care of Isabella for we both know she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself." Her eyes were hard for a moment before softening as she continued. "However, I am going to ask you to be good to her, be patient with her. She didn't see you coming, Edward and, well… that's enough I think." She broke off abruptly smiling at my stunned reaction. "Yes Edward I can be quite overwhelming. Go now, go to your Bella, but watch the window. I shall wave my hanky at you."

A few minutes later Bella and I waved as the train rolled down the tracks, Rose's handkerchief fluttering as she held it out the window. Bella was quiet as we wove our way through the crowd, up the grand staircase and out into an overcast afternoon. Her arm was linked with mine but she kept her head down and I didn't press for conversation with so many people around. We walked a few blocks in silence before Bella looked up rather nervously.

"Why are you so quiet Edward? What did Rose say to you?" She appeared so very anxious and upset that I quickly repeated the whole of Rose's soliloquy, word for word.

"Did you think she was going to order me away?" I asked. It was an attempt at teasing, trying to lighten Bella's mood but I was gripped by a sudden urge to declare myself. I stopped walking and turned Bella to me, tilting her heart-shaped face up to look at me. "You're the only one who could do that - I sincerely hope you won't - it would be…" I searched for a word to convey what I felt without scaring Bella; we had only known each other for days, "Unbearable."

Her warm brown eyes were locked on mine matching my intensity. With a visible effort she shook off her melancholy and squared her shoulders. Brave, bold, Bella was back and I smiled at her metamorphosis. She flashed a cheeky smile.

"Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose. Where should we go now Edward?"

MCMXXIX

The Midway was a popular strolling spot with gardens and a wonderful view of the University's gothic buildings. A newer fountain sculpture was at the far end of the park and we took our time making our way toward it, enjoying what might be one of the last pleasant days before the weather turned. Bella's good mood was firmly back in place and at times she almost skipped along. Her exuberance was infectious.

We made plans for the following days. I had no intention of trying to endure another day without Bella. The Art Institute again, some shopping and ironically the library, which she finally admitted she loved. As we approached the Fountain of Time Bella sighed.

"Oh I do wish I'd brought my camera." Her fingers trailed along the lines of sculpture taking in the variety of figures filing by Father Time, all frozen in a significant moment. "Time marches on?"

"The inspiration was 'Time goes, you say? Ah no, Alas, time stays; we go' and we can return anytime you like. Look here, this is one of my favourites…" It was a young father with happy children clambering all over him. They radiated joy.

Bella looked from the figures to me and remarked softly, "You don't talk about your family Edward." I sighed, pulling her to me and speaking into her hair.

"Would you understand if I said I don't want talk about this right now? I'm too busy being happy with you and it's been a very long time since I was happy." Bella pulled her face back and looked me straight in the eye before nodding agreeably.

"No family talk then?"

"No family talk."

We walked slowly alongside the fountain until Bella stopped with a coy smile. "I believe this is my favourite part." I wasn't surprised at all to see the section she had chosen; a couple, wrapped in a tender embrace, lips joined, oblivious to the figures around them. I folded my arms around Bella in imitation, her back to my front, warming me through and she smiled in understanding, turning her face to me for the kiss that completed the scene.

So soft, so sweet, she couldn't possibly know what her kiss meant to me. She trembled in my arms, thrilling me, and I took one quick glance around. We were alone and I wanted to make her shake like that again. I kissed along the shell of her ear before drawing the lobe into my mouth, suckling gently.

Bella sagged against me, murmuring, "What has gotten into you Edward Masen?" I sighed, leaning my forehead on the top of Bella's head. I was quite aware I wasn't acting like a gentleman at all at the moment.

"You, Bella. You and your book are 'what has gotten' into me." She wriggled around in my arms to face me, striving for a casual manner but her high colour gave her away.

"Oh! Read it already have you?" Her eyes were wide.

"Yes Bella. I read it last night. Twice." I leaned into her neck kissing my way up and down before breathing against her ear, "And once again this morning." She shivered. "Are you cold, love?"

"Quite the opposite, Edward. Did you happen to find any passage particularly interesting?" the saucy little thing asked.

I hummed in agreement and then backed up to watch her face. "I found your bookmarked sections especially intriguing."

She blushed more at that and burrowed into my chest to hide her face. Having her in my arms like this was heavenly, but I wouldn't tease her anymore; in fact, I had something quite serious to say. "Bella - I know you're… eager." I rubbed her back gently, a caress to take any sting out of my words. "I am too. But Bella that book is called '_Married _Love' for a reason… and I won't take advantage of you."

I felt her nod against my chest and thought it best to leave it for now. She looked up with a thoughtful expression and shifted the subject of books to the more benign classics. We resumed walking along as she talked.

"You've read Huckleberry Finn, I presume?" I nodded and she continued. "And Mary Shelley's Frankenstein? - I loved that one." She smiled up to me. I agreed again, amused by how quickly the conversation had shifted. She pulled her arm from mine and looked at me with her eyebrows raised. "And yet you've never run off to raft down the Mississippi nor yet created a monster for yourself. Hmm."

I felt myself blanch as I understood what she was telling me. Oh dear God. Bella had simply read a book whereas I had made wild assumptions, taken liberties and chastised her, insulting her in the process. I couldn't find the words to apologize quickly enough and I didn't even dare to hope that she could forgive such asinine behaviour.

"Bella, I didn't mean to imply that you – that I - I didn't think…" I stammered out before stopping as she moved away to sit on a bench with her back to me. Her shoulders were shaking and I was mortified at my thoughtlessness. I moved quickly, kneeling down in front of her to apologize and beg her forgiveness but when I looked up at her I didn't find the expected tears or anger. She was laughing.

"You're far too easy to tease Edward. 'Take advantage of me'- pshaw! - I'd like to see you try." She laughed more at my stunned reaction as I slumped to the ground in exaggerated relief.

"Bella, I never know what you're thinking. It's maddening." I groaned out with all sincerity.

"Well, right now I'm thinking you're late for work. Come here." She reached down to help me up, offering a kiss to make up for her little trick.

We straightened ourselves up and linked arms to go find a taxi. I was already an hour late for a rehearsal and felt the first painful wrench at the thought of leaving Bella until tomorrow. We fixed our plans for the next day, enjoying this day's final minutes together. There was a gentle kiss on her porch and then she was gone. The warm joy of being with her morphed into a restless anxiety and a nagging thought floated to the surface of my mind.

What on earth had she been so worried about when her aunt wanted to speak with me? Did she think her aunt would share some mortifying childhood memory? Rose seemed a little unpredictable; perhaps Bella had been embarrassed by her before. The troublesome thought wouldn't go away. Was there something Bella didn't want me to know? Something she thought her aunt would tell me? I glanced back at the house, tempted to knock on the door and ask for answers, when Rose's words came back to me.

"Be good to her, be patient with her."

I remembered how just an hour ago I'd declined to discuss my family with Bella and recalled her easy acceptance of my feelings. I had no right to go stomping up to her and demanding her life story. I _would_ be patient with her.

We had all the time in the world.

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**Don't throw things at me, Edward won't be able to hold out much longer… 'Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose' quote attributed to Gertrude Stein. Picture links on my profile of the grand staircase at Union Station, The Fountain of Time and the University at the Midway. I love hearing from you. Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8 Singing in the Rain

**Stephenie Meyer owns all of Twilight. We know that. Song lyrics within the chapter credited as follows: Poor Little Rich Girl by Noel Coward (1925) Let's Do It, Let's Fall in Love by Cole Porter (1928)**

**Thanks to KelH and shea24601 for previewing. Many thanks as always to my beta girls, mrsaubergine and ShyNoMore, I didn't expect to make such great friends during this silly process, but there you go...**

**Now, Happy Face! You guys love Aunt Rose!! I'm so glad and she will be back. Sandpandaface, um, she's not Rosalie, she can't be, because Rosalie is a child in upstate New York, and Alice and Jasper are still roaming around waiting for each other... I don't know if Emmett has even been born yet. On an up note Carlisle mentioned getting married in Chapter Four. Yes, it's Esme and that's all I can say about that right now. Only Bella is out of time, I'm calling it reincarnation theory. The whole Rose thing is my bad. *face palm* Go ahead and picture "old Rose" from Titanic when you read her and see how I got stuck on the name.**

**Time rolls on for Edward and Bella... November 1928.**

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I'm singing in the rain  
Just singing in the rain  
What a glorious feelin'  
I'm happy again  
I'm laughing at clouds  
So dark up above  
The sun's in my heart  
And I'm ready for love

_Singing in the Rain _byArthur Freed and Nacio Herb Brown

**November 1928**

"I know what I would like to do tomorrow." Bella broke our comfortable silence with her usual phrase for this time of day, the hour in the early evening before I left her to go to Ben's. I answered with its already familiar counterpart.

"Whatever you want." I murmured into her hair, my curiosity piqued. Bella had some outlandish ideas about how to spend our time. If her schemes weren't always legal, feasible, or even possible, they certainly made for interesting conversations.

"I want to see where you live – and the club." We were on the sofa in Rose's parlour with Bella sitting against my chest so she didn't notice my grimace. Her request didn't surprise me for I had made the invitation more than a week ago and already put her off more than once. I wanted us to know everything about each other and sharing my life at the club had seemed like a good idea. Once I stopped to consider it though, it no longer made sense. The man I was at the speakeasy wasn't really me; she wouldn't learn anything about me except I'd wasted most of the last ten years. It wasn't a life I was proud of now and I balked at revealing my shallow existence to her.

"Hmmm." My response was deliberately non-committal as I thought of a delay tactic. I was stroking her hair, admiring the richness of the colour, not only mahogany but cinnamon, coffee and chocolate and I chuckled softly, reasoning that was why I couldn't keep my lips off of her. I ran my thumb along Bella's delicate neck as I swept the silky curtain aside to kiss her there, drawing a contented little sigh from her as she asked what was so amusing.

"Your hair - it confuses me." Bella turned and quirked an eyebrow at me.

"It's long and brown, Edward, that's fairly straightforward. Your hair on the other hand – honestly, what colour is that?" She reached up to run her hands through it and I closed my eyes in bliss. I was curious though and pressed on.

"Never mind my hair. Why haven't you bobbed yours? - I'm glad you haven't I just wondered why... since you have such affinity for modern ideas," I stroked her cheek gently, "and you're so frighteningly independent." She searched my eyes for some sign of condescension and smiled, pleased to find none.

"Well," she answered seriously, "I believe following along with what everyone else is doing is the opposite of independent. More importantly," she paused, choosing her words carefully "I never meant to be contrary for the sake of being contrary but I did worry about being lost in the crowd, blending in too much." She met my eyes again, looking for understanding and I nodded in encouragement.

She went on to describe a youth almost as lonely as my past ten years. Bella didn't really fit in with her peers, being neither a flapper nor a traditional sort. Her Aunt Rose was her best friend and her only supporter. And it was to Rose whom Bella had fled when her parents had pushed her toward yet another match.

"I needed time to think. It felt like my mind and my life weren't my own – mother was incredibly angry – I started to feel like I had to do what they wanted me to, that it was the only way they would ever approve of me." She smiled at me. "A few days with Rose cured me of that. The world is a big place Edward, filled with interesting people. New York society _doesn't _interest me." She shrugged. "It seems I can't make my family in New York happy...not without giving up... too much of myself." She shuddered and I frowned; who could ever deny such spirit? I wondered at her parents. "I suppose I'll have to find my own happiness without them," she ended sadly.

Bella asked about my father, why I didn't speak of him when I from time to time I would share stories about my mother. I had told Bella so much about that time of my life, how badly I wanted to be a soldier when the Spanish Flu almost claimed me and killed Mother, and how Dr. Cullen's strange involvement afterward had always made me uneasy. My father was left out of most these stories and Bella had picked up on the omission. I told her the barest true facts I felt I could; that I greatly resembled my mother and it pained my father to look at me. We had drifted into separate lives which no longer crossed paths.

"Well that's so very sad, Edward. How long has it been since you've seen him?"

I counted the years quickly in my head but couldn't speak the real answer, knowing it would just lead to more questions. I fought to keep my face neutral but was betrayed by a sigh.

"A while." The gloomy look on her beautiful face broke my heart all the more knowing that my pathetic story was its cause. I hated seeing Bella distressed, even for a moment, and returned to her earlier request.

"Bella, about tomorrow...?" She looked up at me, her warm eyes hopeful again.

"Your place?"She asked with enthusiasm. I buried my face in her hair again, dreading what this visit might reveal about me but wanting her happiness more.

"Whatever you want."

MCMXXIX

It was a cold, grey day and it fit my mood perfectly. Anxious and resigned, I waited under my umbrella, listening to the rumble of far off thunder and the rain falling on the pavement. Bella would be here momentarily and I'd berated myself half the night for not finding a way out of this visit. I took a deep breath and smiled slightly; _Bella would be here momentarily_. It was our time together and I decided not to waste a second of it on this melancholy, a bad habit for which I no longer had a need.

I was happier as I watched a cab pull to the corner and saw Bella emerge, the very sight of her soothing my spirit. That rapid contrast of feeling, from lonesome anxiety to joyful peace, triggered a memory of my father and gave me a glimpse of what the loss of Mother had done to him. The grief wasn't a void, a void implied nothing, emptiness. My father had been in pain, all-consuming, devastating pain that I couldn't even fathom - until now. I swallowed back a lump of my own grief and tried to clear my head of those thoughts. Bella was here, running through the rain to cover the few feet that separated us. She tripped, of course, and with a little shriek of laughter, landed in my arms.

"A girl could get used to that. You'll have to follow me around everywhere from now on and catch me each time I fall!" Bella's high spirits chased the last of my doldrums away and my answering grin threatened to split my face in two. That was exactly what I wanted – to keep her safe and in my arms.

I led Bella down the side of the building, anxious to get her out of the wet weather, worried about her getting sick. Quickly I worked the lock and towed Bella inside, pulling the door closed against the rain. We stood on the dim landing as I debated with myself exactly how to start this visit. Turning to Bella, meaning to ask her opinion on the subject I stopped short at the sight of her.

She had taken off her cloche and that curtain of mahogany hair, so familiar from my dreams, glistened with diamond raindrops. I caught her warm eyes moving along the width of my shoulders before meeting my gaze. Flushing a little, she bit her lip and I felt my heart lurch. I needed her, needed to touch her to know she was real. I reached for her, tilting her heart-shaped face up to mine and bent for a kiss.

There was just so much to do. Each of her lips received my attention, as did the tip of her nose and each eyelid. I kissed along the line from her ear to her chin just barely restraining myself from whispering outrageous words that would scare her. _My heart. My love. My life. Never leave me. I can't live without you._ Our kiss deepened and heat spread through me as Bella's hands travelled from my face to my hair, leaving a burning trail in their wake.

She felt so small against my body, almost fragile but I couldn't help myself and held her too tightly, my hands trailing from her hips up into her hair and then inside her coat to the curve of her waist. A tiny whimper from Bella shot through me, aiding in the decision I'd been struggling with. Most definitely we would not be going upstairs. I broke the kiss reluctantly, tracing my thumb along the line of Bella's lower lip, watching happily as Bella continued to stare spellbound at my lips. Finally she raised her eyebrows at me in question. With a resigned sigh I turned to the door that would lead us to the club.

There was a locked door to get through leading us to another landing at the top of a steep set of stairs. I held Bella firmly around the waist as we descended the steps preventing whatever catastrophe Fate had planned for her. Yet another locked door required yet another key and I felt the illicitness of the space. Only the fear of being alone with Bella in my apartment propelled me forward, this was the lesser of two unsavoury choices and I vowed to myself to make this a quick visit.

I left Bella beside the bar for a moment while I went to switch on some lights. The experience was not going to be enhanced under harsh lights and I chose to illuminate only the bar and the small area near the piano. Bella's eyes were wide with curiosity taking in the space as I returned to her. I took her hand to guide her between tables toward the stage, wondering if she noticed the slight stale smell of cigarettes and cloying perfume.

Bella roamed around the stage a bit, asking questions about the band and performers, admitting she had never been to a club before. When she joined me on the piano bench I took her hands in mine and quickly altered my plans. I'd prepared a little speech, a declaration, but decided now that this was not the space we would want for the memory. I'd also planned to play the piece I'd composed in Boston for Dream Girl; again I was struck by the sudden realization that it didn't fit. That piece was about being lonely, lost and sad, and I was none of those things when I was with Bella. I smiled at her and decided to just play.

I launched into a popular tune, knowing I was teasing Bella. I waggled my eyebrows at her as I sang lightly.

_Poor little rich girl, you're a bewitched girl_

_Better be aware_

_Laughing at danger, virtual stranger_

_Better take care_

She was shaking her head with a little half-smile, refusing to take the bait as I continued.

_The life you lead sets all your nerves a-jangle_

_Your love affairs are in a hopeless tangle..._

Bella interrupted with a hand on my arm. "I really don't like this song." She stared at my hands as I smoothly transitioned to the melody of _Singing in the Rain_.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "You know I never mean to upset you – I'm not very good at this." I swallowed and watched my own hands on the keys. "Teasing you, I mean." I slowed the tempo of the song as Bella slid closer to me again. A thought occurred to me. "Bella, do you play at all?"

She gave a tiny snort and shook her head.

"Not even a little bit. Part of my rebellion I suppose. Did you want to teach me?" She moved over and in front of me and I shifted back so that she was perched on the bench between my legs. This seemed like a bad idea. "Teach me Edward." Bella glanced over her shoulder at me. I took a deep breath and ran my hands lightly along her arms watching her skin break out in gooseflesh. Sliding my hands under hers, she splayed her fingers atop of mine. This was going to be a quick lesson.

I trailed my fingers along the keys picking out a simple melody while Bella's hands rested on mine. "These are the keys." I continued playing with one hand while the other wrapped around Bella's waist, my thumb stroking along her soft curve there. I pulled her into me, reaching around her leg with my foot to tap at the bottom of the piano. "These are the pedals." Her head lolled back against my shoulder and I felt myself shake with the effort to restrain myself. I loved getting a reaction from her but my own control in this situation was slipping quickly. She had no idea how close I was to laying her down on this bench and...

We both jumped as the door crashed open and I braced myself for whatever crude comments Ben and company would dish out. Instead he stalked in silently, alone, looking none too pleased at finding us in the club. That didn't make sense; he was used to me keeping strange hours, playing the piano throughout the day. His agitation was obviously more than discovering someone was here and I tried to puzzle it out.

His brow was wrinkled with a rare worried frown and his distraction was almost comical as his eyes darted from the bar to the door and then back to us. Ben tossed his cap and jacket on a nearby table and sat down heavily on a chair, leaning forward with his head in his hands. I understood, somehow, the moment before he spoke that his turmoil was about the alcohol delivery and that it must be new guys, rougher than his last suppliers with whom he'd had an easy rapport.

"Edward, we got new, uh, suppliers coming to check the place out. You should…" he gestured to the door but I was already on my feet, gathering our coats, reaching for Bella. Ben glanced at her with a flicker of curiosity. The fact that he was not pouncing on this situation worried me the most, it was an unnerving indication of just how upset he was. Who the hell had he invited here? We had to go now.

"You alright, Ben? Did you want me to…? " I felt obliged to ask if he wanted help but I trailed off, grimacing with discomfort. We both knew I couldn't help with this. I'd never been involved with this side of Ben's business and Bella's presence prevented my getting involved now. He waved off the offer anyway, impatient and gruff.

"Nah, they want the place empty. Confidentiality and all that. Go." A hint of a smile touched his eyes as he looked at Bella again and he seemed more himself momentarily. "I'll talk to you tonight Edward. You were planning on showing tonight?"

We were already half-way to the door that led to the apartments and I nodded as I went, hoping Bella wasn't picking up on the tension. We hurried up the first flight and there I paused, looking at her, debating with myself. I'd hoped we would skip this part of the visit but now I was desperate to get her out of the vicinity. She eyed the stairs hopefully as I looked out the sidelight window, wary of going outside if hoodlums were showing up momentarily. Why did Ben have to get mixed up with such an outfit? Why had I brought Bella here? Why was _I_ here?

I sighed and took Bella's hand in mine, leading her toward the stairs.

MCMXXIX

On the way up I described the building for Bella, explaining that all twelve tenants were linked to Ben in some way, providing him with a loyal, discreet cover for his speakeasy. He had never been raided and was making a killing every night and was therefore very protective of the underground club. I felt a small qualm of guilt realizing I would be letting Ben down when I left but knew it was inevitable now. Bella didn't belong in this world.

I fished keys from my pocket as we rounded the last turn in the stairwell and stepped onto the landing of the top floor. The always-present magnetic pull between Bella and I intensified and I knew something else was inevitable. I had to tell her how I felt. I unlocked and opened the door, moving aside so Bella could enter first.

"Yeah, these are my rooms."

We stepped into the front room and I tried to see the space through Bella's eyes. Clean and spare, it looked like a monk's cell compared to her aunt's parlour and I wondered what she'd make of it. It was handsome enough with its plain white walls and dark wooden floor and the furnishings, while sparse, were of good quality. The only objects of note were my gramophone, a radio and a few piles of books. Bella took it all in, her gaze flicking around the room as if solving a riddle and turned to me with a little frown.

"What is your favourite thing in this room? She asked. I spoke without thinking – I didn't need to.

"You." She gasped at that and I saw her tremble. Biting her lip, she shook her head at me turning back to survey the space.

Bella hummed lightly as she moved around the room, trailing her fingers along the arm of the sofa, shuffling books to read the titles, and then craning her neck to look out the window. There wasn't much of a view and Bella hummed her little tune louder as she continued her exploration, meeting my eyes with a blush when she spied her book on a side table.

I watched, enchanted with her and smiled.

"I know what song your humming, you little minx." I whispered from across the room. Her breathing picked up but she answered with a casual air.

"What's the matter? You don't like it?" Bella smirked at me.

"No, I like it just fine." I had to clear my throat before I could continue. "Come here to me, Bella. I want to dance with you."

"I can't dance," she scoffed but she was already crossing the floor, her eyes locked on mine. I smiled down at her, pulling her into my arms, burying my face in her hair, smelling flowers and Bella.

"I don't want you to do the Charleston, Bella," I murmured. "I want to sway with you in my arms while I sing that song in your ear." She smiled a slow smile and placed her soft hand in mine. We turned in a slow rotation as I crooned very softly, the words of the song to my love.

"_And that's why..._

_Birds... do it,_

_Bees... do it,_

_Even educated fleas... do it,_

_Let's do it,_

_Let's fall in love."_

My mouth moved from her ear to her lips, pressing an urgent kiss there. There was no space between us as Bella kissed me back. My heart overflowed and I couldn't stop myself. I whispered over and over into her mouth.

"I love you. Bella, I love you."

She stopped me with a finger on my lips and I smiled at her encouragingly.

"I can't, Edward. Not yet, just not yet." I closed my eyes against the tiny stab of pain, feeling my heart break just a little. My mind, however wouldn't accept the disappointment, latching instead onto the words that had a shred of hope in them. _"Just not yet."_ I looked to find her pleading with her eyes and I remembered my vow to be patient, and I would be patient, but in that moment I would have given anything to know what she was thinking. Bella placed her hand in mine and pulled at my shoulder to resume our slow dancing. She asked me to sing to her.

So we danced and I sang. I sang every love song I knew, breathing the words into her ear, onto her hair, against her mouth. I sang until the light faded and the room was illuminated only by the moonlight that streamed through the window. We kept dancing in slow circles, wrapped around each other, our hands stroking backs and arms and cheeks. We danced to the music of rain thrumming on the roof, our drumming heartbeats and my undying hope.

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**Reviews are like Rob's Twilight commentary. So entertaining and absolutely addictive – thank you! I appreciate all the alerts too- don't be shy- a teaser to all reviewers again. Chapter Nine is a fun one entitled A Car and a Picnic, kind of in the same vein as the Baseball chapter.**

**I'm slowly getting set up at Twilighted and a banner is being made... I would love it if you guys tweeted me images that say 1929 to YOU!**

**And the award for making me screenspray with a review goes to... * opens envelope* Snickerdoodle6949 with her comment, "Ever the gentleman. Enough of that." Almost there sweetie, almost there.**


	9. Chapter 9 A World in a Grain of Sand

**A/N Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight. Lucky! **

**Much love and thanks to mrsaubergine and ShyNoMore who beta me into submission – hmmm Domward- oops sorry where was I? Ah yes and thank you to all who have read and reviewed. The fun's just starting. *winks* **

**Poetry credit to The Auguries of Innocence written by William Blake. **

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Well I'm the sheik of Araby

Your love belongs to me.

Well at night where you're asleep,

Into your tent I'll creep.

The stars that shine above

Will light our way to love

You rule this world with me

I'm the sheik of Araby.

_The Sheik of Araby _(Rose and Snyder, 1926)

**November 1928**

I knocked on Aunt Rose's door restraining a childish urge to bounce on my toes. I was extremely excited about the surprise I'd planned for Bella and waited impatiently for a response from the house. I reflected on the past few weeks - the best of my life - and if Bella hadn't yet returned my 'I love you'… she seemed to like hearing it. Her eyes would soften each time I said the words and I was almost sure her answering caress was her way of saying it for now. I could wait.

After a too long silence I raised my hand to knock again, but hesitated. It was quite early to be calling and I didn't know for certain if the housekeeper was in today. At that moment Bella opened the door and flushed richly when she saw me; by the way she was dressed, or rather _not_ dressed, I supposed she was looking for milk or a newspaper. She composed herself and laughed softly.

"You'd best come in Edward, the neighbours might talk. Rose and I don't care but I know you do…"

Instead of walking through the door I stepped to the side giving Bella an unobstructed view of the street. Parked in front of her aunt's house was my new prize possession, well, at least until I owned a piano of my own. My new Ford Model A, a slate blue Roadster Coupe, and faster than the basic Model T I'd owned previously. I didn't have a taste for expensive things and lived simply for the most part but I loved music and driving and had the money to indulge both those past times.

Bella's beautiful face lit up with an excited smile. "Is that car yours, Edward? Where are we going?" She looked down at herself. "I'll need some time to change – come in."

I looked down at her too, seeing the outline of her figure through the thin, white material and swallowed as I shook my head. There was no way, no how I was going into that empty house with Bella wearing what appeared to be only a dressing gown. I smiled and leaned to place a kiss on the top of her head, then nodded to the porch swing. "I'll wait for you here, love, take your time. Oh, and do me a favour?" I bent to gather up the milk and paper, handing it to her. "Lock the door behind you?"

She rolled her eyes at me as she tilted her face up for a kiss. I happily obliged, brushing my lips on hers, soft and sweet. After a moment she pulled back and turned to shut the door, whispering just before it closed, "I trust you".

Her words hit home and I thought for a moment that maybe today's plans were a mistake. Bella was so eager, so open, I worried we would cross a line and she would regret it later, that I would misread her, misunderstand her. I wanted her to trust me, she could trust me. I needed to trust myself. I could be alone with Bella without taking advantage of her, even if she swore she wanted more. I closed my eyes and muttered one word to myself, in warning.

"Don't."

-MCMXXIX-

It was a long drive to the sand dunes in Indiana and we stopped at a few pretty spots to stretch our legs and appreciate the scenery. It was an unseasonably warm day for November which had prompted my decision to take Bella for a picnic so far away; it would be spring before we had the chance again. I supposed I really loved having an excuse to drive my new car all day too. Bella was enthusiastic, asking questions about the Ford and where we were headed.

"Well the car is an indulgence, plain and simple. I really have no need for it in Chicago." I pulled our intertwined hands up and placed a tender kiss on the inside of Bella's wrist, and was gratified by her sighing response. "But after driving Ben's old jalopy around town I discovered I had a love for speed. This new model is top of the line." I leaned forward, tapping the glass of the windshield. "Unbreakable," I smirked at her, "an excellent feature with you as a passenger."

Bella pulled her hand away and looked out her window. I cleared my throat and cast about for more neutral topics, her point taken, no more teasing today.

"Do you think there's too much wind for a fire?" I asked. "I brought blankets but I don't want you to get cold." She rolled her head back to look up at the roof of the Ford, exposing the long line of her throat, and it took some effort to control my breathing. I wanted to kiss her neck again, desperately, and I sorted through the catalogue of poetry in my memory suitable for breathing against said neck.

She looked at me as I moved my eyes back to the twist of the motor way.

"I'm not afraid of the cold Edward… but I'm definitely afraid of being overprotected," she said, wearily. I reached for her hand and pressed a kiss upon it in apology. Bella looked at me sideways but smiled as she scooted over to sit against me, leaning her head against my shoulder.

Point taken.

-MCMXXIX-

The waters of Lake Michigan reflected the cerulean sky and, combined with shrieking gulls and sun-warmed sand, gave the illusion of a summer's day. The air itself was cool and crisp as I gathered wood for a fire to complete our little camp. We'd found an area sheltered by trees on the one side with a panoramic view of the beach on the other and a nearby bluff where Bella wanted to set up her camera. She'd laughed at the quantity of blankets and pillows I'd brought along for her comfort. I'd kept to myself the fact that I'd packed every linen I owned - including my bedding.

I carried Bella's photography equipment to the top of the sandy knoll, listening to her exclaim about the light and shadows. She pointed out the faint Chicago skyline and wondered if she could capture that particular image. I told her I'd leave her to it and, after a lingering kiss, went to start the fire.

After arranging tinder and twigs I lit a match, struck suddenly by how that flare of flame reminded me of Bella. I glanced up and was amused by the sight of her, hands on hips, glaring at the lake which apparently was not following her direction. She was a flame, bright and warm and persistent.

A stinging burn made me drop the match and I blew on my fingers to cool them. Flames gave off heat but fires could also destroy. I shook my head; I didn't want to examine that part of the metaphor and looked instead at my carefully constructed pile of tinder. I supposed that was my part in this - dry, dull, useless – until… I struck another match and bent to touch it to the dry grass. It flared and then died back, smoking a little before the flames reached out for more, lighting the twigs in a lacy pattern.

The tiny, hungry flames quickly consumed all the little pieces of wood and I began building it up, stacking more as the fire became established. A glance at Bella revealed her absorption in her project and it warmed me more than the fire to see her enjoying herself so. The wood crackled and popped, collapsing into itself to expose the red hot embers below, the heart of the fire.

I stretched out on the blankets alongside the blaze, watching Bella at her work, waiting for her, but peacefully content. I would feed the flames until Bella was ready to join me.

-MCMXXIX-

The day passed happily with Bella taking what seemed to be hundreds of pictures of the lake, the beach, the scrub trees and, far too often for my liking, of me. We took a walk hand-in-hand near the lake and it took some debate to convince her not to dip her toes in the water. I assured her the water was freezing and her pretty feet needn't be sacrificed.

Later, we hiked along the top of the bluffs. I kept my arm wrapped protectively around her waist, visions of her toppling down the hill not necessarily my primary motivation. Quite frankly, I _had_ to touch her. I disturbed the dunes – throwing rocks, pushing tree branches into the golden mounds - to trigger little avalanches that would set off the singing sands. Bella was enchanted with the eerie groaning sound and begged me to do it again and again.

Mid-afternoon I unpacked the picnic I'd brought and we settled on our bed of blankets, both of us made hungry by so much exercise and fresh air. There was ham and cheese, fresh bread and butter with grapes and a bottle of wine. I'd also packed a thermos of hot tea to wash away the taste of the wine; I hadn't been able to obtain a really good bottle on such short notice.

The highlight of the meal was the strawberries I had bought specially, for an exorbitant price, but worth every penny when I fed them to Bella. I watched her lips in a trance as she took the first bite of the fruit, stifling a groan when she said "Mmm". After the next bite Bella kissed my fingers.

"These remind me of you," I whispered. Her lips were stained red with the sweet juice but I didn't dare kiss her. I wouldn't be able to stop. Instead I whispered more nonsense, how she smelled like strawberries and flowers and summer to me and that I could happily live with my mouth pressed against her neck for all eternity.

She closed her eyes and smiled. I, however, felt on the very edge of losing control, shocking myself with how desperate I was to touch her, really touch her, and afraid because I knew she wouldn't stop me. Needing a distraction, I tidied away the remnants of our picnic and built up the fire. After I'd managed to calm myself down, I took a steadying breath and turned to see Bella sitting right where I'd left her, watching me with shadows in her eyes.

-MCMXXIX-

By late afternoon the sun had stopped giving off much heat at all so Bella and I stayed close to the fire, content and languorous, not yet ready to pack up the car to end the day.

I still doubted my ability to keep my hands to myself and folded them behind my head as a reminder to behave. Bella lay beside me, mimicking my pose right down to crossed ankles and looked up at the sky. Fluffy white clouds were floating by and Bella made me smile when she found pictures in them.

"See there, Edward? It's one of those old ships – a man-at-war – with cannon smoke and billowing sails and it's surrounded by rolling waves and icebergs… what do you see?"

"Mostly, I just see popcorn," I joked. Bella rolled her eyes.

"Alright, how about over there? It's a dragon with massive wings and spikes on its head and tail. He's breathing fire over a rocky mountain keep in retaliation for the king taking over his territory." She looked over at me expectantly and I fought hard to keep a straight face.

"Popcorn." I shrugged. The next second I was laughing as Bella swatted at me.

"Are you hungry or something Edward?"

"Mmm-hmm." I growled at her playfully, rolling to her and burrowing into her neck, nipping gently. She gave a little squeal but made no attempt to get away, wriggling closer and reaching up to touch my cheek. I pulled back to look at her, smoothing her hair back as we grinned at each other.

"I can't wait to develop the pictures I took of you today," she said. "I do wish I could capture you in colour. This," Bella traced the line of my jaw, "this sharp line translates well in black and white, but your hair," she paused to run her fingers through it, spiking it out in all directions. "It's a shame to lose this indescribable shade. Now your eyes…" Bella bit her lip and looked deeply into my eyes, her hands stroking along my brow. I sighed at her touch. "I've given this a lot of thought, Edward, and I remembered a beautiful bangle Rose brought me from China. They're jade, you're eyes are pure, clear, jade." Her chocolate eyes raked over my face and her hands were in my hair again, making it stand on end. She admired her handiwork. "There now… if your eyes happened to be golden you'd look just like a lion."

The heat from the fire warmed my back and Bella was a flame along the front of me. The sensation became too much and I tried to roll away, to put some space between our bodies. Bella would have none of that and hitched her leg over my hip to hold me to her. Her teasing smile melted away, her mouth forming a little 'o' and her eyelids fluttered heavily.

"Oh, I can feel you, Edward." She gasped. "I can feel you - right there." I held still, my pulse pounding in my ears, torn between a very slight impulse to stop her and an over-powering longing. She whispered into my shirt. "Just this, please, just this – ah". She was already moving against me, her hips rolling, seeking, pressing. I couldn't bring myself to stop her – I wanted this too. Bella's body burned on mine and her soft sounds filled my head. I tried to keep my eyes closed. The sight of her taking pleasure from me would be my undoing.

Her hands gripped at my shirt, my waist, pulling me more tightly against her. My eyes opened of their own accord and any sense of guilt, any lingering thought that this was a mistake, evaporated at the vision of my beautiful Bella, flushed and rapturous. I'd been so worried about doing the wrong thing, taking advantage of her and I hadn't trusted myself. But I trusted Bella, I loved her beyond reason, and if this is what she wanted then she would have it.

All day the right poem had eluded me but now the lines for this moment bubbled up and I tried to breathe the words against her neck. "To see a world – you are my world, Bella, my everything - a grain of sand". My breathing was ragged and I noted on some level that I was altering the words, babbling as I buried my face in her hair. "Heaven… wild flowers." I drew back and stroked along her face as I smiled at her, drawing a line down her neck and cupping around her breast. "'Hold Infinity in the palm of my hand and Eternity – forever, Bella, please forever." My thumb grazed back and forth, feeling her harden in reaction and I felt my restraint melting – just this, she'd said, just this.

My hands explored her curves, all of them, and now I rolled her back to cover her with my body. Her legs widened for me and I pushed against her, feeling the sand shift beneath us. Bella smiled as she kissed me with fiery passion, recognizing the moment I surrendered to her, taking it as her cue to let go. I stroked the length of her, devouring her neck and shoulder, watching in amazement as her head fell back, feeling when she neared her end, pressing hard to get her there.

-MCMXXIX-

The drive home was quiet but comfortable and the sun set in a brilliant burst of orange and red, illuminating the clouds in which Bella had found ships and dragons. The sun finally dipped below the horizon, leaving streaks of aubergine before finally fading to velvet black. Stars appeared on the opposite horizon and spread across the sky as we hurtled through the dark toward Chicago.

Bella asked me to sing to her and snuggled into my side. We were just hitting the city limits when I felt her slouching against me and felt a surge of tenderness; she was asleep. I found a spot to park behind her aunt's house and killed the engine, sitting for a moment with my arm around Bella. I was entertaining the romantic notion of carrying her into the house when she woke.

"Are we home?" she asked groggily, rolling her neck and slumping against me again.

"Yes, we are," I breathed into her hair, reluctant to let her go, unsure if that was even possible anymore.

"Help me into the house?" she whispered, and I nodded pleased to have a few more minutes with Bella.

We left the house dark and went through the kitchen and hallway, pausing in the foyer as Bella removed her wrappings. She saw me eyeing the stairs and guessed my thoughts correctly.

"You want to carry me up the stairs, don't you Edward?" I nodded, not trusting my voice and scooped her up in one swift motion. She wrapped her arms around my neck with a sigh as I started up the stairs. I inhaled her sweet Bella scent mixed with the beach and something new, something that made it very difficult to let her go as I laid her on her bed. Bella didn't let me go either and her sleepy eyes met mine, pleading.

"Edward… Don't go." I took a deep breath.

"I can't," I shook my head. "Bella I can't lay down beside you. Just not yet." I used the words she had spoken when I told her I loved her. We had to talk, and soon, before we moved forward together. Something was hanging between us and I didn't know what it was but now wasn't the time for a difficult conversation. Her mouth turned down; I hated myself for disappointing her and revised my answer. "I won't leave." I smiled as I cupped her cheek, running my thumb under her shining eye. I brushed my lips on hers. "You're exhausted, go to sleep love and I'll see you in the morning." Speaking those words made my heart soar, although I wondered if I could sleep at all with her so near. Kneeling beside the bed, I only hummed for a few moments before I saw her relax into a deep sleep.

I left the room quietly to potter about, retrieving Bella's photography equipment and some bedding from my car and locking up the house. I found a washroom and tidied up the best I could before I tried to settle for the night on the sofa in the parlour. The sense of peace I always felt when near Bella remained and I could feel myself slipping under when I heard a voice from upstairs. I sat up, listening; was Bella calling me? Her voice floated down the stairs again and I followed it.

Hesitating outside her room, I heard her again and smiled to myself. Bella talked in her sleep.

"Edward, I love you."

My breath left me in a rush and tears pricked my eyes as I crossed the room quietly to lie down on the chaise. There was no power on earth that could make me leave now. I hadn't realized just how badly I needed to hear those words from her and hoped she would speak them awake soon. My eyes traced her face over and over burning her image in my mind, hoping to dream of her when I could finally sleep. I don't know how long I gazed at Bella but I knew that this was how I wanted to end everyday of the rest of my life. With Bella.

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**The William Blake poem actually is as follows…**

**To see a World in a Grain of Sand**

**And a Heaven in a Wildflower,**

**Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand**

**And Eternity in an hour.**

**Our boy was a little worked up. Reviews make me happier than Art when Dr. Ellington says he's coming to England! I read them, reread them, okay yeah, then I rereread them. Responding to your reviews is what fan fiction is all about! :) Thank you for reading... smooches angels.**


	10. Chapter 10 Breakfast and a Kaleidoscope

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own a NM cutout. Edward watches me while I sleep, I'm kind of fascinating to him.**

**I love my betas! Smooches to Mrsaubergine and ShyNoMore... Mwah to Whitbysucks and Shea for looong phone calls. And I love my readers! You have great opinions and ideas and I adore hearing from you. Thanks a million! Special wave to new readers and reviewers who found this story on The Fictionators' Teaser Mondays!! **

**There's still time to send images for the banner for 1929. Tweet me (at)debb24601**

* * *

I've one aim in life,

And that is winning you.

If you'll be my wife,

There's nothing I won't do

To bring you joy, dear.

Yes, I'm the boy, dear,

Who'd do the darndest all he

Could to be your Walter Raleigh.

_Anything for You_ by Ira Gershwin (1921)

**November 1928**

This dream was different and I was enjoying it immensely. Instead of a cold, white mist I was surrounded by soft black dotted with what could only be stars. Bella didn't laugh and run away in this dream, she hummed and bustled about. I couldn't see anything but I could hear her and – I happily inhaled within the dream – her sweet Bella scent was everywhere. Her sounds faded away but the blissful peace she'd wrapped me in remained and I floated for a time on a warm sea of calm. I felt lips on mine, Bella's lips and wished it wasn't a dream. Then burning, the smell of scorching, burning and I struggled to resurface...

Bella's lips _were_ real on mine and I blinked at the bright light, recalling where I was and what I'd heard last night. Bella loved me, well at least she did when she was sleeping, and my heart swelled. I wrapped my arms around her to pull her down on top of me.

"Mmmm. Morning, love." My hands stroked up and down her back, securing her to me so we wouldn't roll off the narrow chaise. Bella kissed me again and laid her head down on my chest.

"You stayed." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I told you I would," I waited until she looked up to meet my eyes. "Bella, I will always keep my promises to you." I drew a line down the middle of her face, from her brow to her lips where she pressed a kiss against my finger. My back twisted in a lazy stretch and I groaned as the bones of my spine popped and cracked. I laughed a little, surprised at myself; my back wasn't the only thing stiff and for the first time I didn't feel mortified. Bella and I were on a new plane now. She wiggled playfully against me, noticing the same phenomenon as I, but tactfully ignoring the subject.

"I was surprised to find you in here this morning. I thought you would stay in another part of the house to prevent any midnight ravaging." Bella finished this statement with a stroke of her hand down my chest, tracing the line of my ribs. I held her hand to still it and chuckled.

"I had every intention of sleeping on the sofa downstairs - I was lured up here by _your_ siren song," I raised my eyebrows and smiled a cheeky smile. "You, my love, talk in your sleep."

Bella's hand balled into a fist on my shirt. "People say all kinds of nonsense when they're sleeping. What did you hear?"

I laughed lightly. "Ah no, I don't think so. That's my little secret to hold dear for now." I felt her relax, her body melting against mine.

"You liked what I said?" I could hear the relief in her voice; Bella hated being embarrassed.

"I certainly did."

"I made breakfast." She announced with a proud smile. "And I only burned half of it." Bella pulled back a little and regarded me with narrowed eyes, and challenged, "You don't like bacon anyway, do you Edward?"

MCMXXIX

Bella had indeed made breakfast, bacon and eggs with tea and toast. Unfortunately, only the tea and toast had survived so I'd quickly set a pot of water on the range to boil some new eggs, amused by the war zone on the counter. Bella was most decidedly not a natural in the kitchen. We ate our simple meal in the atrium at the back of the house, enjoying the warm sun and view of busy birds playing in the autumn red trees outside.

Before joining Bella downstairs, I'd splashed water over my face and hair, and taken an experimental sniff of my shirt before reluctantly putting it back on. I'd been wearing the same clothes for a whole day and night and felt as grimy as I smelled. After breakfast, I told Bella I was going to go home to get cleaned up and changed but she stopped me with a playful little pout.

"I wish you wouldn't leave." Her warm eyes were soft and I thought of her saying she loved me last night. I didn't want to leave either.

"I won't be gone long – it will give you time to conjure up some crazy scheme for the day – and honestly, I really do stink." I grimaced as she rose from her chair and moved around the table to sit on my lap. Bella pressed a kiss just below my ear then inhaled deliberately.

"Mmm. You do stink," she pulled back to look in my eyes, "but I like it". Her hands roamed over my chest and I recognized the evil little glint in her eye. This was the moment when I usually slowed things down and she expected me to do just that now. I stood, lifting Bella with me and setting her gently on her feet as she smirked at me. I let my eyes rake over her, taking in her blouse of deep violet, contrasting with her dark hair, and the long skirt that was last fashionable a decade ago.

Thoughts crossed my mind - of undoing buttons, peeling that blouse away and caressing her soft, bare skin. Thoughts of how her peaks would harden under my hands, how she would feel in my mouth and the sounds she would make. Thoughts that just yesterday would have made me feel ashamed and disrespectful but now must have shown plainly on my face for Bella's eyes widened and her breathing hitched.

"You seem different this morning Edward," she whispered and I smiled lightly.

"I _am_ different." We hadn't yet talked about our new intimacy and while there wasn't any awkwardness I understood she couldn't read my mind. Bella didn't know that my whole world had shifted with the sand and that her complete happiness was my new epicentre. I reached for her, my arms encircling her waist as I explained. "Seeing you like that yesterday," one hand stroked up her back and into her hair, "you are so beautiful Bella. You took my breath away, to see you – knowing I could make you feel that way... maybe I had an epiphany but, quite suddenly, I realized it couldn't be wrong." I swallowed and kissed the top of her head.

She looked up at me shyly, biting her lip. "I didn't know it would be like that... " A ferocious blush stained her cheeks and I recalled standing on the street with her weeks ago both of us speechless and scarlet. "And Edward... there's so much more." My own face heated. I knew that. I also knew we needed to talk before things got out of control. Because I wanted so much more than that.

The shrill ring of the telephone interrupted us and we both sighed. I saw annoyance flash across Bella's face and thought she might ignore it altogether until she suddenly brightened.

"Oh, it might be Rose!" she exclaimed. "I've only had the one telegram letting me know she'd arrived in Florida." She turned and walked quickly toward the library. I followed more slowly, putting off my departure until Bella was done with her telephone call.

"Rose Swan residence! Yes, operator, I'll stay on the line." I smiled at the enthusiasm in her voice as I made my way down the hall and turned into the library. But Bella didn't look happy anymore. Her shoulders sagged and her expression was solemn, resigned as she spoke. "Yes, hello Mother." Her eyes met mine and she put a finger to her lips in a request for my silence.

"No, I don't plan to be back then." She looked up to the ceiling and it seemed to me she was trying to hold her temper, keep her voice neutral. She sighed. "No, I haven't spoken to him." The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I sincerely hoped she was speaking of her father. Bella listened for what seemed a long time.

"I didn't agree to that... that's not what I said at all!" Her voice was hard. "Well, you have my answer now and it's 'No'". I could feel the tension radiating from Bella as she continued to listen to her mother, her eyes flicking between me and the doorway as if she were willing me to leave the room. I decided not to take the hint.

"You wouldn't?" Bella gasped and went deathly pale so suddenly I feared she would fall in a faint and moved closer to support her. She turned her back on me muttering into the telephone, "I am sorry you feel that way. Goodbye, Mother". Her hand shook as she replaced the receiver and I was surprised to see her move to the wall, bending to unplug the wire from the jack.

"Well that's that." She shook her head. "I shouldn't have answered the telephone. Rose hates the telephone – I know that- I'll have a letter tomorrow no doubt." Bella smiled, but it wasn't her natural smile, it was forced and didn't reach her eyes. It frightened me. She looked as if she were about to become unhinged and I swallowed back my desperate questions, unwilling to add to her worries just now. My impatience, however, was held in check only by the smallest margin and I knew I needed answers - today. We could not move forward together without truth between us. I closed my eyes in resignation, realizing the truth included telling my father's complete story with all its accompanying shame.

"Bella, love, please talk to me." I spoke gently as I moved slowly toward her, as one would approach a skittish animal. The strange smile was still pasted on her face

"They want me home, in New York I mean, for Christmas. She said they're announcing my engagement just before the New Year." I felt the blood drain from my face.

"You're not going to New York."

"Don't tell me what to do, Edward." She spoke as if by reflex, but her tone had no heat to it and her eyes finally seemed to thaw a little as she looked at me again. Bella took a deep breath and leaned into my chest as my arms folded around her. "Of course, I'm not going to New York. I'm just such a fool, a fool and a coward." She whispered the next part, cringing, "I told them, and _him_, that I would give them an answer when I returned and they thought - I let them think - that I would say 'yes'." She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "As soon as I was away from their influence I knew – I couldn't, I wouldn't – but I didn't think they would... Edward, my mother says they'll disown me if I don't follow through and I'm shocked, sickened that I just don't care. My parents used to mean so much to me and I tried, in my own way, to please them but now..."

I felt sickened too. Sick that her own family could treat her this way, sick that some other man had a claim on Bella. Sick with myself for feeling so much relief in the face of her turmoil when she spoke the words, "Of course, I'm not going to New York."

A violent cornucopia of thoughts raced through my mind and I wasn't surprised at the lengths I would go to keep that man, any man away from her. Nobody was going to take Bella from me.

"Bella, maybe they don't mean it. And you are not a coward. How many women would be brave enough to make their own way like you? I'm sure they'll come around. They couldn't possibly mean to lose you forever, not unless _they're_ the fools. Give them time." The phrase rang hollow to me as I realized they were the same words Dr. Cullen had spoken to me years ago. My father had never come around.

"Maybe. Like I said, I don't really care anymore. When I arrived here, Rose and I talked a lot about her travels, her life. So I made new plans, I even have an itinerary for the first five years." Bella left my arms and crossed the room to the ornate rosewood desk by a window that stretched the length of the east wall. She rifled through some papers before placing what appeared to be a world map covered with notes on top of the pile. I moved closer to take a look as she walked beside the window's ledge, trailing her fingers lightly along a collection of kaleidoscopes displayed there. She selected a medium sized copper one and took it with her to a nearby love seat. I went to join her.

Bella lifted her legs over my lap, leaning forward to stroke my cheek. She asked if I was angry with her and, even though it seemed like a silly question to me – I could never be angry with her – I assured her I was not. However, I was still curious, anxious there might be more, and used the opportunity to ask if she was keeping anything else from me. As she sat back, she swore to me she wasn't and I rubbed her legs hoping to help her relax, needing to touch her. Bella was very forthcoming now, confiding her mother's sometimes vicious remarks and how they had cut her deeply. How she had been hurt over the years as she was told she shamed and embarrassed them with her unorthodox behaviour. How they had both wished and hoped for a son and were disappointed with her.

I told Bella in turn everything about my father, how he had destroyed our home, my mother's piano and the terrible things he had said to me. I told her about how utterly he had changed from the man he had been as he descended into an alcoholic haze and disappeared from my life.

"Is that why you so rarely drink?" Bella asked softly. I blew out a breath.

"Yeah, it kind of made an impression. The irony of my working at Ben's isn't lost on me either, it just happened, I wasn't thinking things through," I smiled at her, "and I certainly wasn't coming up with plans for the next five years. I wanted to play piano and be left alone".

It occurred to me that Bella and I had a bit more in common than I'd originally thought. Both of our childhoods had been happy and we had shared with each other many of our best early memories. Both of our families had disintegrated as we came of age, for vastly different reasons, but with the same result. We both felt quite alone in the world but had grown used to it and somehow must have recognized that in each other, instinctively giving each other space for our own thoughts.

Bella was twisting the kaleidoscope in her hands and a little frown was creasing her forehead. Clearly, she still had something on her mind.

"The problem is I've made and changed decisions so often in the past couple of months. I would never marry, I might marry, I'd travel around the world on my own, I'd stay right here. That's not like me." She screwed up her nose. "I'm not indecisive or," she searched for the right word, "flighty". I chuckled lightly at her expression; that prospect was horrifying to her.

Bella brought the kaleidoscope up to her eye and gave a little sniff. "See there isn't anything in particular wrong with this picture... I just don't like it. I can feel the life being sucked right out of me just looking at it and I couldn't explain why. But I know I could never live with that picture."

She gave the copper tube a vigorous shake and looked again. "Well that's very pretty; I _could_ live with this picture." Bella didn't look at me as she told me how much she admired Rose's adventures and thought I felt her wavering, questioning herself again. I'd had almost ten years of dreaming, hoping for Bella, my Dream Girl and I was still overwhelmed with the intensity of the feelings, the changes they had brought to my life. I had some sympathy for what she was going through and her struggle to reconcile her plans with my unexpected presence in her life. But that didn't mean I was going to give up without a fight. I reminded her of Rose's own words about how rare this thing between us was and how lucky we were to have found one another. I leaned closer and placed a hand at her waist, tracing gentle circles along her side.

"You know," Bella had to clear her throat before she continued. "Rose told me, just before she left, about a man she knew ages ago, fifty years or more, over in France. She gushed – I've never heard Rose _gush_ before – it was quite alarming really. Apparently he was charming and gentle and so handsome it almost hurt to look at him. He was kind to her, enjoyed her company, but moved on, just leaving a card saying 'I've let this go on too long for I can never offer what you deserve. Forgive me.' Rose still has the card, she showed it to me. She said she'd never met another man, before or since that made her feel the way he did."

Bella was rolling her hips absent-mindedly and very slowly in response to my ministrations. I added my thumb, stroking it back and forth just below her breast, my eyes boring into hers. She kept her eyes on mine as she raised the kaleidoscope again and held it steady, giving the pivot just a quarter turn. We both knew she had only slightly altered the pattern but I waited for her pronouncement as if she were the governor calling before an execution. Finally Bella looked at the picture and gasped.

"There's a musical note in there. I've never seen that before." She took her eye away to look at the kaleidoscope itself in wonder. "I haven't ever looked at this copper one." Bella glanced at me and blushed putting her eye back to the scope. "Hmm, it also appears Georgia O'Keefe had a hand in this picture." She looked at me sideways, still rosy and I felt myself heat through. "It's perfect and I love it. This is what I want." She sighed. "But I don't trust myself anymore. If I shake this or even waver the picture will change again..." I interrupted her, unwilling to let her doubt herself again.

"Bella, the future can always change, but if you love," I took a deep breath, "if you _love_ that picture, you can make whatever you want out of it. Do you trust me?" Fear and hope were thick in my throat and I swallowed, waiting. She nodded and a shy smile spread across her face; our future was solidifying before my eyes and I thought I might have a way to make all of us happy. "Then stop looking in the kaleidoscope – you _do_ know what you want." I held my hand out and was ecstatic when she didn't hesitate to hand over the copper tube. "Tell me what you want, and you can have it."

Her beautiful face was lit with an expression both hopeful and determined. Bella's eyes locked on mine as she gestured to the desk where her map lay and with a voice filled with conviction said, "I want that adventure". I held my breath. Her hand was on my face, stroking the stubble along my jaw and in a soft but determined tone she continued, "And I want you."

The current between us passed like a shock through my body as I brought my lips to hers. Relief and joy replaced the nervous tension – _she wanted me_. Nothing else mattered now. Any detail, any complication could be handled as long as Bella wanted me. My hands stroked along her face and neck, tangled in her hair as she pressed against me. She sighed with a little moan into my mouth and I groaned with need of her. She broke the kiss, panting. "And you don't want to set up house in some grand mansion and have six babies?" I shook my head, smiling at her.

"Not unless you want that. Your picture is my picture now. _You _are all I need." There _was_ one thing more and I was fairly certain of her answer but in the name of honesty and open hearts I was going to ask anyway. She was everything and I knew she was my forever too. I pulled us up so we were sitting again, our faces still touching and spoke the words between a kiss.

"Marry me, Bella."

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**GAH! I'd say 'yes', wouldn't you?? You all seem to think Edward needs some lovin'. (Bella is not **_**a tease,**_** TwiRPLover! **_**He**_** is a prude.)****Well then, what should Bella say? **

**Reviews make me happy, you want me to be happy, right? MWAH!**


	11. Chapter 11 Make Our Own System

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, yeah she does... and she writes about BREE!!!! Hmmpf.**

**Love and kisses to beta girls mrsaubergine, ShyNoMore and Whitbysucks. The world is too big, I want you guys here!! **

**'Love and Harmony' is by William Blake.**

**Can I say again how much I love hearing from you?? A few of you have reviewed every chapter and some of you are sending PMs to avoid spoilers in the review section... I appreciate every single message. Smooches to all! **

**Here's a bit of fun. When reading "Ben" picture Aiden from Remember Me. I do!**

**Here we go... What will Bella's answer be????**

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As a happy being

Here's what I'm forseeing

For you, for me, forever more

It's bound to be forever more

It's plain to see

We found, by finding each other

The love we waited for

I'm yours, you're mine

And in our hearts

The happy ending starts.

'_For You, For Me, Forever More' Lyrics by Ira Gershwin _

**November 1928**

"_Marry me, Bella."_

I knew her likely answer and was prepared for it, wanting so badly to make her mine, in every possible way, but content to use this proposal to segue to another proposition, one which Bella would find much more to her liking. She shifted back to see my face clearly and I saw worry touch her eyes. She didn't want to hurt me. We had had enough worry and upset for one day so I was quick to reassure her.

"This isn't an ultimatum, love and I won't pressure you but I do want you to know how I feel – I'm not going anywhere." I smiled. "I've wanted to ask you that for a long time." Her answering smile comforted me. I hadn't realized until now how the fact that she had left her family over differing opinions had stifled me around Bella. There had been an unconscious, underlying warning in my head. What I thought was patience had become reticence; I had been so worried about driving her away.

"I can't get married. Edward, I don't want to marry at all. It's a principle I've held for so long and, well, it is important to me and" she huffed a breath, frustrated, "I can't explain why clearly." I smoothed her hair back and ran my hand along her cheek to cup her chin.

"And you don't have to. Let me ask you this: is it the institution or the commitment to which you're opposed? Because, perhaps there's a way to meet me in the middle on this." Bella relaxed and a spark of interest lit her eyes.

"You must know by now that commitment isn't the issue. Have I not just invited you to travel around the world with me?" She bit her lip as she looked at mine and I thought carefully about how to phrase my request. It was more important to me then I could let on because I _wouldn't_ pressure Bella or deliver ultimatums and I wanted her honest reaction to my idea. I took a deep breath and lifted her chin so her dark eyes met mine.

"Bella have you heard of handfasting?" She hadn't and listened spellbound as I explained the ancient Scottish custom of a man and woman, mostly in remote parts of the country, making a binding vow between them in the absence of clergy. It was originally meant as a temporary marriage while waiting for officiates to reach the highlands but had entered folklore as anything from a common-law union to a rebellion against the Catholic Church. The key point to me was the exchanging of vows, for that was what I wanted, a vow from Bella and I told her it would be just ours, a small ceremony of our own design. I watched as her expression changed from curious to intrigue to excitement and smiled at her enthusiasm.

"Sounds so pagan. Exotic. Edward, I love it." I smirked with a wry nod, trying to temper my own excitement.

"Yeah, I thought you might. I figured we're breaking all the rules, perhaps we should make at least one of our own." A thought occurred to me and I laughed out loud. Bella asked what was funny and I told her more William Blake had popped into my head. She raised her eyebrows at me and tilted her head to the side.

"Hmm, will you be needing my neck?" My lips brushed back and forth there as I shook my head.

"I will always need your neck, love, but this is more of a philosophical than romantic quote." I cleared my throat and took on the persona of a grand speech maker, holding my arm aloft. "'I must Create a System - or be enslaved by another Man's'." Her eyes widened as I winked at her.

"You've come a long way, Edward." I nodded in agreement but I had one more thing to say, well, to _give _Bella, and it was quite traditional. Crossing the room to retrieve my jacket, I reached into the interior pocket for the small velvet bag I'd taken to carrying everywhere with me. Returning to Bella I sat beside her and casually handed her the bag.

"I'd like you to have this. Wear it on any finger you wish or even put it on a chain - I just really want you to have it." I spoke softly but seriously, a little nervous of her reaction to such a conventional gesture.

Bella tipped the bag over her hand, catching the ring in her palm. She held it up to the sunshine streaming through the window and the reflected light of the diamonds cast a prism upon her skin.

"This was your mother's." It wasn't a question but I nodded lightly just the same. Her hand shook a little as she twisted the circle of diamond and gold in the sunlight before placing it back in the bag. She took my hand and placed the bag firmly in its centre, folding my fingers over the velvet. Disappointment coursed through me. I opened my mouth to protest but her fingers were already on my lips to quiet me.

"Shh." Her shiny eyes were intense as they bore into mine and she paused for a deep breath. "I want you to give me this tonight. When we have our pagan ceremony."

MCMXXIX

Leaving Bella had been a wrench as usual but was made slightly easier by the promise of returning this evening and truly beginning our new life. I thought of the night we would be spending together and felt myself stir. Heat crept up my chest and neck, staining my face with a flush that I was sure could rival Bella's. Looking around the mercifully empty club, I wondered again where Ben was. The lights over the piano had been left on and I wove between the tables covered with upturned chairs to play while I waited.

I sat on the bench, well aware of the foolish grin on my face, feeling my very skin vibrating with anticipation. My fingers roamed the keys, playing mindlessly for a few minutes before I decided to work deliberately through the catalogue of music in my mind going back to where it began. I played the songs of my childhood and youth, feeling my mother's gentle presence in the air around me. I smiled knowing she would have loved Bella. I played the songs I had studied in Boston, recalling and dismissing the fear and anxiety the memories that time of my life invoked. Then I moved on to the party tunes, the songs I'd played here, entertaining crowds of drunken hedonists. I shook my head at myself. It hadn't been all bad, Ben was a good buddy and I had played with some outstanding musicians. Perhaps it hadn't been a complete waste of time.

Finally I played the songs that reminded me of Bella, and the songs I'd sung the night I first told her I loved her. I thought of having her in my arms, the scent of her hair but the feeling was marred by frustration. Where was Ben? I wanted to speak with him first and had other things to get to before I could return to Bella. She was taking the afternoon to write letters and make phone calls. After calling herself a fool and a coward, she'd admitted her hesitation to tell me she loved me stemmed from the storm brewing in New York. I'd watched in awe as her demeanour changed once she'd made her decision; relaxed and happily resolved I'd left her in the library to close the door on her own past.

I stopped playing mid-song and ran my hand through my hair as my impatience changed to relief upon hearing a key in the door announcing Ben's arrival. He grinned when he spied me.

"Jeez, I'm glad you're here, Eddie! I know you don't want to work much anymore but the guy who was coming in tonight cancelled – I've been knocking on your door every hour all day -" I interrupted as I made my way from the stage to take a seat at the bar.

"Ben, trust me on this one, there is _nothing_ you can say or do that would get me to work tonight." I smiled and shook my head as he sighed. I'd scaled back to playing just a few times a week and had said I'd help find my replacement. We had already made plans to audition a few new guys over the next month and set up a schedule when he could expect me. I slid a piece of paper across the bar and Ben glanced at it.

"What's this?" He rootled under the bar, coming up with a bottle and two glasses. I hesitated, surprised at how difficult it was to get the words out.

"That's, uh, my new address and telephone number." I shook my head to cut off Ben's complaint before he started. We'd had this conversation. I continued, gruffly. "I told you I was going to move on soon." He poured out the Scotch and slid a glass to me before picking up the paper. He whistled between his teeth.

"Swanky neighbourhood." He raised his eyebrows at me. "Is it that dame you were in here with?" Ben took in my nod with an appreciative expression. "She's a looker, Edward."

"Yeah, well, it's more than that." I sipped the drink and its warmth spread through me, a faint, false echo of the feeling Bella gave me, as Ben talked about my move.

"All right, all right, I hear you. Listen, no rush to move your stuff though, I won't need your place 'til the New Year." He looked into his glass, swirling the golden liquid around. "Lauren's rooms are available for whoever ends up replacing you so..." He trailed off.

"What happened? Did she quit?" I hoped not. I knew the two of them meant more to each other than they let on. Ben wouldn't meet my eye.

"Nah, she's uh," he took a gulp of his drink, "she's moved in with me, Edward." I could see him braced for my reaction but I actually thought it was great news and said so. Ben looked surprised. "What? No lecture about Sodom and Gonorrhea? No eye roll? Jeez, Edward. You seem different."

_I am different. _I scrubbed a hand through my hair and told him more than I meant to about Bella and I, our incredible connection, her spiritedness and our travel plans. It felt good to talk about her and I was glad I had a friend like Ben to share all this with. I knew I hadn't always been an easy person to be around and, for whatever reason, Ben had tolerated my moods and tempers. I raised my glass to him and he knocked his against it before draining his drink. I took a healthy gulp myself.

Checking my watch, I jumped from the stool muttering vaguely about things I had to do. I pushed the half-full glass toward Ben knowing he wouldn't let good Scotch go to waste.

MCMXXIX

Up in my rooms, I took a quick inventory deciding to take just what I'd need for few days. While packing up clothes and toiletries, I planned out the rest of my day and the stops I still wanted to make. Smiling as I placed Bella's book on top of the small pile of possessions, my hand lingered, stroking the embossed cover. It seemed some of her magnetic pull had been transferred to the book itself and I picked it back up, leafing through the pages. I wanted to do right by her tonight. With a sigh, I put the book into the case, closing it with a snap. I took the suitcase to the door, leaving it there as I returned to my bedroom closet for one more item. The box of childhood treasures fit neatly on top.

Taking a last look around the near empty room I had no regrets. The years living here might have been wasted and they had certainly been lonely but they had led me to Bella. I would have gone through so much more knowing this complete happiness was waiting for me. I put on my hat and picked up my suitcase, leaving the room behind, closing the door on that old, empty life.

MCMXXIX

Far too much time passed before I was pulling back into the laneway behind Rose's house. The whole world had seemed to conspire against me and each stop had involved hassles, long waits and complications, delaying my return significantly. It was just dusk, twilight, as I gathered up packages from the car and strode quickly toward the house. Bella had given me a key which I used to let myself in the back door. I stopped just long enough in the kitchen to stow perishables in the icebox before setting out to find Bella.

The house was mostly dark and I left it so supposing she was waiting for me upstairs. I dropped the remaining cargo and my suitcase in the front hall, clutching only a mass of flowers, before taking the stairs two at a time straight to Bella's room. The door was ajar and I pushed it open, calling her name softly as I entered.

I smiled at the sight that met me. The room was filled with flowers, all white freesias and roses, rendering my own bouquet redundant once again. It also explained why I'd had to visit three shops before finding white freesias; Bella had bought them all. There were lit candles scattered upon the tables, dressers and mantle and a fire crackled in the hearth.

Most overwhelming was Bella, standing by the window seat, beautiful beyond words. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders in rich waves and she'd tucked one white bloom behind her ear. Dark and shiny in the firelight, her hair matched her eyes which sparkled at me from across the room. But it was her attire which most mesmerized me. Just yesterday that white silk dressing robe, and what was under it, had been such a temptation I couldn't enter the house. Now it was a stunning reminder of how much had changed. We were about to promise forever to each other. And then that robe was going on the floor.

Crossing the room quickly, I took her in my arms, running my hands along the silk of her gown up into her hair. "I missed you. I didn't mean to be gone so long" I murmured against her mouth as I kissed her. "Did you do all this?" She nodded as she glanced around the room. Her gaze returned to me and she stroked my cheek.

"I wanted to make this special for you – and me too – I know it's not how you really wanted..." Bella trailed off as she took my hand and pulled me down to sit near the window with her. I was shaking my head.

"Bella, I meant it. All I need is you. You..." She stopped me.

"Wait, Edward. Could I go first?" I nodded, surprised but pleased, and watched as she swallowed before looking deep into my eyes to begin.

"I love you Edward. I didn't think there was anyone who would accept me the way I am and I certainly never imagined it could be someone as exceptional as you. You have made every plan, every dream I've ever had for the future immeasurably more exciting, just by wanting to be there with me. You've become more than a want, Edward. I need you, you are a necessity to me, as necessary as water and air – I don't think I could live without you. And so my promise, my vow is this; I will love you and cherish you forever, Edward. And I'll strive to be good enough for you, because you deserve that. Oh and I found some William Blake..." She held my gaze as she recited:

"Love and harmony combine,

And around our souls entwine,

While thy branches mix with mine,

And our roots together join."

She moved closer, whispering, "I want to seal my vow with a kiss." Our lips brushed chastely. I felt her start to draw back but I held her to me, my desire for her flooding my mind, clouding my judgement. Bella sighed and succumbed, melting into this kiss, opening her mouth for mine. I pulled her up and started moving toward the bed, intent only on Bella and the way she felt against me. She surprised me with her protest. "Aren't you going to say something?" Her words cut through the haze of my longing and I couldn't help toying with her just a little.

"Oh you know how I feel." I moved to kiss her again but she stiffened in my arms, pulling back to look at me.

"Edward?" Bella questioned. Her breathing was heavy as I smiled down at her.

"You want me to say it out loud? Well first of all, you stole my William Blake - but I love that you did." My expression softened. Bella wasn't just humouring me, she sincerely wanted to hear my vow. I lifted a hand to cup her cheek. "I can't speak more plainly than this. I love you, I want you. Bella, I need you too, yes, like air and water. I wouldn't even try to live without you now. For years I lived this fossilized existence, frozen and empty, but it's you, you and your bravery, your beauty – Bella, you brought me back to life. I can never in a thousand lifetimes really express what you mean to me – but I'll never stop trying." We leaned into each other, sealing my vow to her with a kiss.

The intense electric draw that had always been held in check now wrapped around us, encouraging Bella and I to kiss deeper, be bolder with our touch. Bella's hands went inside my jacket at the shoulders, pulling it down along with my suspenders in one motion. The mood changed abruptly as I found myself trapped with my arms tangled behind me and it took an undignified, impatient jerk to free them. Bella collapsed in giggles against my chest and I remembered her laughter at Wrigley Field vibrating through me with exactly the same result. _Let me do right by her._

I reached for her again but her hands went to work on the buttons of my shirt as she spoke to me.

"I tried on a dozen outfits, Edward and decided in the end no matter what I wore it was going to end up on the floor. I didn't want to slow you down unnecessarily and I thought that yesterday you, maybe, liked the way I looked in this." I nodded in agreement watching her undo each button.

She started to pull the shirt down my shoulders but I stopped her, reluctant to relive the jacket and suspender fiasco. I carefully released each cuff fastening and shrugged the shirt off myself, feeling her eyes on me. She stepped back to me, splaying her hands on my chest and stroking slowly down, combing through the smattering of hair around my navel. The silkiness of her touch made me groan as I kissed her throat, her own whimpers feeding our fire. Bella was urging me back gently until my legs hit the edge of the bed and, as I sat upon it, I reached for the tie of her gown. My eyes locked with hers; as desperately as I wanted her, we both knew this wasn't just about our bodies meeting. My very soul wanted this connection with hers.

The knot undone, I unwrapped her gift to me, pushing the fabric aside, leaving the robe hanging from Bella's shoulders. Hypnotized, I sat back, drinking her in as an eager tension coiled within me. The firelight danced in golden waves across the white velvet of her skin and the contrasting light and dark of her body invited my touch. Grasping her hips, I drew her in to stand between my legs. I murmured words of love as I brushed my lips back and forth, first along the line of her collar bone, dipping lower with each pass, at long last planting a kiss in the hollow between her breasts. Bella's hands wove into my hair, guiding me first to the left and then to the right, gasping at each kiss, moaning when I pulled her into my mouth.

I glanced up and was staggered by her expression. Her dark eyes were heavy with love and trust and want, the hungry longing in them a soulful match to my own. Both my hands were inside her robe, stroking the dip of her waist, moving to her back and roaming lower to fondle the sweet curves there. I drew her farther into my mouth and Bella's knees buckled, her body slumping deliciously against me. Cradling her, I peeled the robe away. Its destiny was fulfilled at long last as it pooled in white cloud around our feet on the floor. Bella was panting in my arms and my own desperation was mounting. I scooped her up, placing her on the bed as I turned to my own disrobement, adding my own clothes to the growing pile.

We lay on our sides, pressed together, our kiss broken only to catch our breath and whisper sweet words to one another. Bella reached down to explore me, her soft, naive touch tentative and electric at the same time. Her hand wrapped around my length, the action gentle at first but then she squeezed and pulled and the room spun alarmingly. The strangled sound I made was barely human to my ears and she jerked her hand away.

"Bella, I won't last if you touch me like that." I groaned into her hair. "But I can touch you." She rolled onto her back and we both watched as my hand trailed a path down. I leaned in to kiss her, on the mouth, on her neck, inhaling her heady scent, drawing back to see her face as my fingers swept along where she was warmest. Her eyes closed as one of my fingers dipped inside and we both sighed. She was ready.

I was confused when she sat up and pushed me back to lie down. "Now, please, Edward." The tone of her voice ripped through me; she was pleading with me, her need echoing mine. I shouldn't have been surprised when Bella straddled me. It was in the book.

"Like this?" I asked. She nodded slowly, and I held myself, watching as I slowly disappeared inside her. I raised my eyes to hers, we were panting in unison, lost in sensation, lost in each other. We both hesitated at the resistance within her and I gritted my teeth, barely able to hold still; I hated that she was going to hurt, even for a moment. Bella leaned forward to kiss me, her hair creating a fragrant curtain around us.

"I love you, Edward." She whispered. With one swift motion, she thrust herself back, much harder than necessary, her cry lost in the overwhelming sense of dissolving as I was finally surrounded by her. I clung to the edge, fought to hold still, this could not end now. _Let me do right by her._

It took many long moments for me to calm. Bella was lying still on my chest and I finally gathered enough presence of mind to form words.

"Bella, love. Are you alright?" I whispered into her hair.

Her nod was reassuring and the slow rocking of her hips brought a new wave of desire. I moved too, supporting her, lifting her only to watch her sink on me, engulf me again and again. Over and over the wave rose and receded until I felt the crest approach. _Not yet. No. Let me do right by her. _

I stopped our movement, withdrawing to turn Bella to her back and crawl over her, sinking into her again with a groan. She held my face and kissed me. I crooned to her, "Is it good? Bella, I want it to be good for you."

Her whispered "Yes" was followed by her first tremor and I moved faster. I watched her face as the final wave approached. With a desperate cry, she tightened around me, arching and tensing. "Edward, Edward." I called her name in return as the wave crashed over us and she pulled at me from within, pulling me with her, pulled me even farther into her heart.

MCMXXIX

I must have dozed. Bella's voice cut softly through the darkness, her hands rubbed my back as she tried to wake me gently. One eye cracked open. The window showed the night was full dark and the candles had half-burnt down.

"Edward?" I struggled to find my voice. If I'd ever been this content in all my life I couldn't recall. I reached for Bella.

"Mmm, yes, love?" I finally managed before closing my eye again.

"You forgot to give me the ring." Bella shook against me with quiet laughter and I cleared my throat as I opened my eyes. I suppose we had skimped on some details of the occasion. I disentangled my limbs from hers, reaching down to lift my jacket from the floor. Turning back to her with the velvet pouch, I asked on which finger she would wear it.

She lay on her side, propped on an elbow and held out her right hand, wiggling the first finger in answer. I slipped the golden circle, the symbol of eternity, into place. Bella sighed with pleasure.

"Is it still official? Even though we forgot the ring?" She laughed softly again. I smirked at her, shaking my head.

"Who says the ceremony's over?" Our lips met and we tangled back together. "Bella, every time I say 'I love you', every time I make love to you... I'll be making my vow again. I'll never stop." My hand moved in worship from her face, along the length of her body, down to palm her softness. "Are you sore love?"

"I'm alright, Edward." She smiled at me as she arched against my hand and a sweet rush of desire coursed through me.

"Good. I'm glad. Because, Bella - I want you again."

* * *

**So one of my betas wanted to know if Edward could reach Bella's collarbone whilst sitting on the bed. *coughmademyhusbanddoitcough* Yes, he can! And bed's were taller then too. And I've completely lost my mind and started a blog, I'll link next post... I have so many pictures that inspired me and I need more space to quote "The Book" and put up William Blake poems... *looks around* Where'd everybody go? Ah, I was boring again, wasn't I? Sorry.**

**Let me know what you think! Reviews are motivating... and these kids need a honeymoon, don't they??**


	12. Chapter 12 A Honeymoon of Sorts

**A/N Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight. 'Rucking' is a real word but it took an afternoon on twitter and a team of fic writers to come to that conclusion. So thanks to Georgey_girl for a rucking great debate. *not proper use of the word* Big smooches to betas mrsaubergine, ShyNoMore. Their AH M rated stories are on my favourite list. Check 'em out!**

**I didn't get to respond to all reviews, sorry. So here's your questions answered, speed round style: Yes, No, Maybe... to get to the other side. For real, Bella and Rose would have known about the contraception available (I researched the topic but it didn't seem like something she would necessarily discuss with Edward). Bella was protected. ;) 'The Book' is on my profile. Carlisle will be back, soonish. Katie, you changed your s/n but I knew it was you ;). **

**So a honeymoon? But they're not really married! Oh all right. **

You're whispering just why you'll never leave me,  
whispering just why you'll never grieve me.  
Whisper and say that you believe me:  
Whisper that I love but you.

'_Whispering' by The Comedian Harmonists _

**December 1928**

The maple trees out back had shed the last of their leaves, spreading a scarlet carpet over the lawn which was promptly covered with a dusting of snow. It was windy, even for Chicago, and ice formed where puddles were left from November's rain. Outdoor pursuits were traded for indoor distractions as people settled in for a long winter.

Bella and I resumed our custom of an adventure a day, taking drives when the roads were clear and visiting our favourite indoor spots on others. That was, on those rare occasions when we felt any need to leave the house at all. Our new passion for each other was all-consuming. Bella declared me a genius when she realized I'd brought provisions enough for a week and we spent that time in self-imposed seclusion, learning about one another, both of us eager students. We outgrew the book quickly.

We both found ourselves newly inspired. Bella wrote for hours most afternoons, putting to paper the stories with which Rose had regaled her since she was a girl. She would read them back to me in the evening and I learned not to ask which sections were embellishments. Apparently Rose had been a real live wire. And, as for me, well, I heard new music. For the first time since leaving school, melodies floated through my mind and I took to stopping at Ben's a few times a week, both for the promised auditions and to work on new compositions.

Our travels were delayed until the spring. Bella had offered to watch the house until Rose returned and didn't want to change her plans yet again. I understood, of course, and had no trouble envisioning the next few months virtually trapped inside with Bella.

I simply could not get enough of her.

All day we would stoke the fire, letting our eyes blaze at each other, spending long minutes kissing and whispering our impatience for the night. We went to bed early and stayed up very late. Sometimes one of us would wake needful in the dark and reach for the other. There was a dream-like quality to those occasions, a floating sensation on the fringe of consciousness, perfect harmony before drifting back to sleep.

After the first couple of weeks I became more watchful of Bella, mindful of the lessons in her book, and I stopped asking for her, letting her take the lead. That was quite enjoyable in its own way as Bella had no compunction when it came to getting what she wanted. But I didn't realize my reticence hadn't gone unnoticed.

Returning to the house from auditions late one afternoon, I made a cursory search of the downstairs before calling out for her.

"I'm in the parlour, Edward." Her voice floated out and I sighed in relief. I looked again but couldn't see her.

"Are we playing hide and seek, Bella?" I walked further into the room, stopping in my tracks when I found her.

A fire was blazing in the hearth and Bella was stretched out on the floor in front of it, surrounded by her maps and books - wearing only her slip. I only halted for a second. The pull was so strong and I, like a moth to an irresistibly exquisite flame, was drawn straight to her. Kneeling down beside her on the soft rug, I kissed her gently, a tender kiss to show I missed her. Her skin was warm and my lips sought her neck, forgetting for a moment my decision to let her make the advances. She smelled heavenly, sweetness combined with the heat from the hearth, intoxicating, and it took some effort to break away.

I swallowed as I moved back to lean against the sofa. I cleared my throat before asking about her day.

Bella ignored my question.

"Why do you keep doing that? You haven't pulled away from me in weeks – what's wrong?" she asked with a little frown. I cursed myself. Of course she would notice the change in my behaviour and of course, being Bella, she would ask about it. I supposed I hadn't been very subtle – this was so new to us.

I fisted my hair and grimaced. "The book, love. I was trying to follow some of the advice in your book." Bella narrowed her eyes at me then looked away, but I could see her struggling to hide a smile, her shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.

"Are you certain you're thinking of _my_ book?" She tapped her chin with a thoughtful expression. "I don't recall a section on teasing me and making me beg you for it." I blew out an impatient breath.

"Yes _your _book. The tidal ebb and flow – you know, cycles and the moon..." My hands described circles in the air as I babbled, hoping to jog her memory. She bit her lip as I explained that I had been trying to attune myself to her, observing her moods, so as not impose myself on her when she didn't want me. Her book had a detailed section on the cycle of a woman's desire, comparing it to the tides of the ocean and the waxing and waning of the moon. I'd completely lost myself in Bella our first weeks together before remembering that she likely wouldn't want me as often as I wanted her. She watched me as I talked, her expression softening, and I found myself distracted but struggled to finish.

"So, you see, Bella, I've been trying to be... considerate. But you don't seem to, uh, well, you don't seem to ebb." Her lips twitched again but her warm eyes held mine and I felt relieved. She understood. I moved forward for a kiss and was surprised when Bella rolled away, onto her front. She reached for a map.

"Do you want me to ebb, Edward?" She glanced over her shoulder at me. "Have I worn you out already?" She continued before I could respond, smoothing the map out on the floor before her. She propped her chin on her right hand. "Where should we go first?"

She was going to give me a taste of my own medicine. I supposed I deserved that. Bella, however, was going to be impossible to resist, lying there in a scrap of silk the same ivory as her skin, the dip of her waist and the curve of her bottom outlined in sharp relief against the light of the fire. I sat at her side, tracing a pattern on her back above the lacy edge of her slip.

"I hear Europe is beautiful in the Spring. France, maybe Italy." I leaned forward on my knees and pressed a kiss between her shoulder blades. "Then north for the summer, England, Scotland." I trailed kisses up her spine, sweeping her hair aside to nuzzle behind her ear, pausing there to whisper, "I love you."

She hummed her acknowledgment, trailing her finger along the map. "I'd like to see more of America too. What about California?"

I took her left arm and gently stretched it out away from her side, running my hand along her soft skin, following that with kisses. "All the way west." I placed a kiss on her left hand. "Maybe you'll be discovered in Hollywood and become a famous movie star." Bella snorted.

"I'd much prefer to be behind the camera. You wouldn't catch me making a spectacle of myself like some of those actresses – not for all the jade in China." She laid her head on the floor and sighed, as I ran my hand back, over her shoulders, gently stretching her right arm in the same fashion.

"Mmm, East? It might be a few years before we make our way there." More caressing, more kisses as I murmured the names of countries in the Far East I hoped we'd visit. Bella's breathing picked up to match mine as I kissed each finger on her left hand; she was a sight spread upon the soft carpet and finally met my eye. I asked her to turn over.

"Where should we go in winter, Edward?" she asked as she rolled to her back. I didn't answer at first. I was too busy kissing her, burying my face in her neck and hair. When I drew back to see her I was surprised by her blush and wondered at its cause. Bella's blush was usually an indication that she was about to say something she thought would shock me.

"Hmm, well, I suppose we'll go somewhere warm and sunny. South?"I finally answered. Her colour deepened and I was more than curious.

"Hmm, south." Her gaze burned into mine and I bent my head to brush my lips on the silk covering her breast. I felt her hands on my shoulders, pushing me down to bring my face flush with her navel. Realization was dawning and I quirked an eyebrow at her.

"South?" I asked. She nodded with fire in her eyes. My hands pulled at the lacy hem of her slip, rucking it up to her waist. There was only Bella underneath. A pulse of excitement shivered down my spine, I hadn't thought to hope she would want something like this. I wondered if I'd ever learn not to underestimate her. I wondered if she'd ever stop surprising me.

I kissed the satin skin below her navel and kept my eyes on her while I lowered myself further, running my nose lightly along her soft hair, inhaling. A groan escaped me. Her sweet scent was stronger here, more than flowers or fruit. It was the perfume of Bella wanting me, desiring me, and my mouth covered her. I kissed her there as I would kiss her lips, tender and teasing.

Until now, our encounters had been gentle, romantic. The simple pleasure of caressing skin and kissing and joining were beyond fulfilling, we revelled in one another. This was different. I glanced at Bella to see her head thrown back and her lips parted, panting already, and the gasping sounds she made spurred me on, drove me to a different kiss, deep and devouring. She writhed and my arms snaked around her legs to secure her to me. Her eyes were closed but I wanted her to see.

"Uh, uh, uh. Bella, open your eyes. Watch me." I breathed against her sensitive skin. She struggled to comply, moaning as she took me in, face down between her legs. I stopped to smile at her. "Do you like it?" She nodded frantically. "Yeah? Me too." Her hands went to my hair, gripping it tightly, almost to the point of pain and I went back to work.

The softest skin, the heat of Bella entranced me. I tasted and explored, listening and watching as she came undone once and then again. Her sounds changed from whimpers to cries to a low keening that almost pushed me over the edge and I became desperate myself. I tore at my own clothes and for the first time in days asked if she'd have me.

"Hurry, please, yes." She braced herself on her elbows, her hungry eyes watching me as I removed my shirt and lowered my pants. That's as far as I got before giving up and dropping to the floor, needing her too much to wait a second longer. Her legs wrapped around my waist, guiding me into her and we both cried out at the feeling, the sensation of being complete together.

We rocked as one, hands gripping hips and backs, our mouths fierce on each other. My end approached and I begged for her to join me, pushing into her harder than I ever had. Bella screamed my name and clawed at my back, her joy my cue to let go. I roared my love for her as she lost herself below me and I lost myself in her.

-MCMXXIX-

We lay on the sofa, half-dressed and tangled together, feeding each other the little snack I'd brought from the kitchen. Bella looked at my pants, blushing anew. "Do you want... could I... could I do that to you?" I chuckled and she laughed lightly with me. I was so completely sated I doubted I could walk, let alone...

"Yeah. But probably not right now."

-MCMXXIX-

A week or so later I was flipping lights on at Sam's gym, ignoring the familiar ring and bags. I was preoccupied. Bella had finally convinced me to bring her here, using photography as the reason and it turned out she had a great idea. She was going to take a series of photographs of the premises, the equipment, and the guys. Sam could use the pictures for promotion, posters and cards and such, and maybe, get some better cash flow for the gym. Because we knew I wasn't going to be here much longer – and I didn't want to leave him in such dire financial circumstances.

I turned to see Bella waiting at the door for light, grinning at her surroundings. Her eyes met mine for a moment, sparkling with excitement, before turning to take in the rest of the gym. It had gotten to the point where I could see the wheels turning in her head, almost pick out the shots she would want. I loved that she was here... but I didn't like the idea of her being around the guys.

She set me to work. "Let's set up the tripod over by that big bag... that's where I'll take stills of each of them... How many men did you say there are?" I counted quickly in my head.

"Shouldn't be more than ten. Plus Sam." We worked together talking about my experiences here while getting the equipment into place.

Sam arrived as we were finishing, followed shortly after by the guys trickling in a few at a time, drifting off to change for workout, each of them shooting curious glances at the equipment and ogling Bella. I took a deep breath. This was going to be a challenge for my temper. Bella used her smaller camera to take some shots of Sam at his desk and at the front door which held the sign with his name. Over by the ring she had him stand with me for a picture and I caught a few questioning looks. It seemed no one had figured out my vested interest in the gym. I was glad. It felt like a gift to Sam and he deserved it.

After that Bella took charge, and with a list of the guys in hand, called them one by one for their individual portraits. I sat with Sam in the office, watching her through the window and laughed as she crouched into a boxer's stance with her fists up, demonstrating for Seth how she wanted him to pose.

"She's great, Edward." Sam's voice pulled me from the window. 'You sure you gotta go, though? For so long, especially?" I shrugged and held out my hands in mock-defeat, smiling lightly.

"The lady wants what the lady wants." I peeked out the window again. Jared and Paul were posing for Bella now, frozen mid-punch. "You never know, we might pass through once in a while. Bella's favourite aunt lives here – I imagine she'll want to visit." I turned back to Sam. His expression was more serious now and I felt a vibration of anxiety from him, he didn't have to say what was on his mind, though. The Irish guys were giving the whole neighbourhood a hard time. He cleared his throat.

"Edward, uh, you should know about something I heard, and uh, I don't know if it's on the up and up..." I cringed, not really wanting to hear about the shady side of the business. Bella and I were leaving soon and the less involved I was the better. I turned back to the window and the sound of Sam's voice faded as my attention was riveted on Bella – who was talking with that punk kid Jacob.

I was up and out the door without a word, crossing the gym floor toward them. Jake was hovering over her, pointing to the camera and she swatted his hand away, laughing. Something very close to a growl rumbled in my chest. I was close enough now to hear his obnoxious voice and what he was saying to her.

"But what's with your hair?" He picked up a strand from Bella's shoulder, rubbing it between his fingers and I saw red. I'd kill him. "A pretty girl like you should have a pretty little bob so I can see your face." Bella swatted at him again. Jake noticed my approach and grinned brazenly. I pictured my hands around his throat and wondered if I was strong enough in my rage to literally throw him across the room. His grin disappeared as he caught my expression.

I'd settle for making him look like a fool. "Get in the ring." My voice was low. How dare he touch my Bella. All I could think of was slugging him. Bella whirled at my voice, her eyes wide while Jake darted a glance behind me. I hadn't realized Sam had followed me until he spoke.

"Edward, uh, Jake's not sparring, he has a fight tomorrow. And you're not even changed." He shot a glance at Bella, smiling, trying to diffuse the situation. I glared at Jacob, who glared back.

Jacob sniffed. "C'mon, Sam. Sparring with Fast Eddie here isn't going to hurt me."

"Yeah," I said. "And Bella wants some action to try out her movie camera." Her head swung back forth between the kid and I, assessing, and she frowned.

"I thought boxers fought with people the same size." Bella directed her question at Sam. Jake snorted with mirth and I took a step closer. Bella looked up to me, alarmed. "Edward? Stop."

Sam took charge. "Clam up, Jake. Go." He waved his hand impatiently. "Scoot." Jacob sneered as he backed away. Sam clapped his hands together, breaking the spell of my rage and the red haze clouding my vision receded. I risked a glance at Bella. I didn't think she was going to be impressed with my temper but she just seemed confused. Sam continued, addressing Bella. "That's probably good for today, huh? You need help with this stuff?"

I answered for her. "Nah, Sam. I got it." He nodded at me as he moved off. We packed in a heavy silence which the hum of the busy gym couldn't quite drown out. I didn't see Jacob again.

-MCMXXIX-

Sometime later, back at the house, I wandered into the kitchen looking for Bella. She hadn't asked for an explanation for the scene at the gym and I wondered why. Still, I didn't think she was going care much for hearing that I'd had a jealous fit because someone touched her hair, and I didn't broach the subject myself. It had been a quiet few hours.

Bella was standing at the work top which was covered with sandwich makings. I leaned on the door jamb and asked if she wanted some help.

"No, I'm fine," she responded. I watched her wield the knife, slicing through cheese and bread, and I thought to myself that Bella didn't need a weapon to wound me. A well-chosen word or a look from her would cut me deep. I could still feel the jealousy snaking through me, a strangled, choking feeling inside, but also colouring the air around her - and I really didn't like it. She put the knife down and wiped her hands on her apron. I thought I heard her sigh.

"Are you very angry with me?" I asked.

"I'm not angry, Edward. What happened?" I scrubbed a hand across my face and through my hair.

"I just really don't like that guy and when he, uh, touched you..." Bella looked sad and held her arms open for me. It took three strides to reach her. I kissed the top of her head.

"It was just my hair."

"Nothing about any part of you is... _just_." I brushed my lips back and forth on her hair.

"What are you going to do when we're travelling? People are going to talk to me, look at me." She looked up and teased lightly. "You going to beat up the whole world?" I rolled my eyes.

"Only half - the male half." I joked. The mood had lightened considerably but I still felt tense, anxious. I tried to explain to Bella. "That feeling just came out of nowhere. I haven't really been jealous of anyone since..." I blew out a breath, thinking. "I haven't felt jealousy since Tommy went off to the war."

"Edward, this isn't jealousy... look at me." I did. Her chocolate eyes soothed me. "I'm not going anywhere." She pulled me down to lean her forehead against mine.

"I know that." My mind knew it – my body still had something to prove. I didn't mean to but I pressed myself against her. Bella's posture changed from comforting to alluring - I couldn't even pinpoint what she had done exactly - but it was as abrupt and clear as a traffic signal turning from red to green.

"This is about possession. You felt possessive." She was staring at my lips. After a few beats her eyes met mine. "Edward, they can look, they can talk... but you're the only one who can take me upstairs and make me yours."

I pressed against her again, trapping her between the counter and my body. "No." My voice was rough, I sounded angry... but I wasn't angry with her. She gave a little whimper of disappointment. "I'm not going to make it up the stairs," I breathed onto her neck. Her hands were on the small of my back, then lower, squeezing, and my hands moved on her in accord, lifting her so she perched on the edge of the work top.

Her skirt was pushed back under my impatient fingers and my thumbs stroked along the apex of her thighs. I gasped at the damp fabric. I had been certain that this was the time she would tell me no, not like this. I groaned. "You like this, Bella?"

She whimpered again and her hands went to my fly, pulling my shirt out of the way and guiding me to her. I hooked my thumb in the material covering her, tugging it out of the way, and pulled her closer, entering her in the same motion. Bella clung to my neck; her eyes were open and trained on me.

"I'm yours, Edward." I moved in her. I needed more and put my mouth on her throat, sucking on her skin. "I'm yours, Edward." My arms were wrapped around her. I didn't want to be too rough but I was losing myself already, pushing into her, grinding against her. The word 'possession' and Bella's repeated mantra tied together, playing over in my mind and I looked between our bodies, seeing our joining. We possessed one another, we belonged to each other. The tension, the strain of the day's emotion eased only to be replaced with a new pressure, building so quickly I knew I couldn't hold back.

"Bella... I, you, I can't..." I wanted to wait for her.

She cupped my face. "Go, Edward. Let go. I want to feel you. Oh, let go."

And I did.

Bella held me and kissed me and whispered her love for me as I calmed. She shushed me when I tried to apologize, drawing me even closer and spoke softly into my ear.

"Now you can take me upstairs."

**Well then, that was fun. I've come a long way from the squeamish writer who squirmed when making Edward sport an erection in Wrigley Field. Things get a little crazy from here, hope you enjoy. Review my friends, because I love it! **

**I'm so excited to have been invited to join the kinkers at waterforelephantsfilm(dot)com. I kind of have a thing for the time period! We're going to keep you up-to-date on the filming of Rob's next movie. Follow us h2oforElephants. MWAH to you all!**


	13. Chapter 13 A Series of Celebrations

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm jealous. **

**I want to really, really thank my betagirls, my friends, mrsaubergine and beingbold and Whitbysucks. They make me write more, they tell me what to cut out, they talk me off ledges. Sometimes they even agree, I love that. I'm learning so much from them. **

**Cheerleader/RockStar reviewer award goes to... Venus308! Smooches sweetie.**

Sing Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

And you'll shoo the blues away

Cares pursue ya, Hallelujah

Gets you through the darkest day.

Satan lies a-waitin'

Creatin' skies of gray

But Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Helps to shoo the clouds away.

_Hallelujah Performed Ella Fitzgerald Music by Grey, Youmans and Robin_

**December 31, 1928**

We had simple plans for New Year's Eve. I was looking forward to a quiet night after years of raucous celebrations at Ben's and Bella left this one to me. It was only fair. She had taken full charge of Christmas, marching us through miles of snowy forest for a tree, falling and twisting her ankle, again. I carried her to the car on my back and we chose a tree from a lot in town. Then she insisted on a traditional dinner. Neither of us had ever cooked a turkey before and, after all the hard work, the resulting attempt didn't even bear talking about.

Much more memorable was Bella's declaration that, as 'newly-minted pagans', we should celebrate the winter solstice. I'd never given much consideration to that date but remembered when Dr. Cullen had talked about it fondly, years ago, during my convalescence.

"We have to endure the longest night before the light returns," he'd said. I'd read more into his words as I'm sure he meant me to. He'd chuckled lightly, a musical sound. "We might as well enjoy ourselves while we wait for morning."

So when Bella brought it up, my first reaction was worry. I pictured a bonfire in the backyard with Bella dancing around and - most likely - stumbling into it. Instead she planned another informal ceremony, much like our wedding. She had sat in the window seat in her bedroom watching the sunset and I stood across the room, admiring her. I was waiting to fulfill my assigned task, lighting the multitude of candles, at Bella's word, just as the sun went below the horizon. It seemed dark enough to me and I grew impatient.

"Now?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No, not yet. Almost." A few more minutes passed.

"Now?" I glanced out the window myself.

Bella snorted. "Eager, are we?"

I shrugged, nodding my head. She had decided we would mark the longest night of the year in bed - and that she needed to learn more about _me._ So yes, I was eager. Anticipation was palpable in the air between us, an electric hum. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

Her silhouette gradually darkened as the light faded and the room's colour washed away, casting her profile as a cameo. I swallowed to clear the lump in my throat. She was so beautiful. At long last she took a deep breath.

"Now, Edward." Her expression was bemused as she watched me race around lighting candles, only half of them, before meeting her at the bed.

We stood on opposite sides, peeling our own clothes off in a most business-like fashion, our eyes appreciative of each other, marking the spots we'd focus on. Bella took the lead. Reaching out to me as we climbed on the bed, she pushed me on to my back before lowering herself between my legs.

She kissed the inside of my thigh. The heat of her breath sent a vibration through me but Bella had a tenor of science or experimentation about her, she honestly didn't know the effect her every move had on me. She frowned in concentration as she reached for me.

"Hmmm," she murmured while cupping me gently. "It doesn't all get hard?" My head fell back. I would endure her exploration; I knew exactly where I was going once she was done playing with me. She squeezed a little harder and I gritted my teeth.

"Softly, Bella," I choked out. She released her stranglehold on me but I could see her file away that bit of useful information. I struggled to stay still. Bella was curious and with a long night ahead of us I wasn't surprised she was starting off so slowly. It was torture just the same. She rolled my tender flesh about in her hand, like a full coin purse on a shopping spree. I muffled a curse in the pillow.

"Oh," she said. "There _are _little balls in there!" The anatomy was in her book. I only took offence to one word.

"Hey! Easy with the 'little' talk when you're down there."

Even in the dim light I caught the eye roll and dark muttering about 'male egos' and the wisdom of Freud. I cleared my throat. "Yeah, don't talk about other guys right now either."

Bella laughed and leaned forward, her hair hiding her next move. Kisses. Up and down my length with her fingers travelling along my legs, over my hips. I closed my eyes and tried to hold on. She wanted to explore me and I wanted to let her, but this felt almost too good. What if I...

I felt her lips close over the top of me and, with a rush of heat, I hit my melting point. I said a very bad word and Bella pulled back, sitting on her heels. I drank in the vision. I was spellbound by her, so like a biblical Eve with her hair hanging modestly over her shoulders, her hands clasped in her lap. Perhaps more like Venus emerging from the sea. Outrageously tempting, either way.

"I'm sorry," she said. She looked shy, uncertain about my reaction. "I thought you'd like it."

"I did – I do. Your turn's done for now though." She started to protest. "Bella, I'm desperate for you." I pleaded.

"You're ready... just from that?" she asked. I opened my mouth to respond, to tell her I was always ready for her. I stopped though, and studied her expression. She seemed unsure of herself. She didn't want to hear that she only had to walk in a room and I was ready. I wanted her all the time and any small cue from her, conscious or not, set me off. What she needed now was reassurance.

"Bella, you play me like a fiddle." A slow grin spread across her face. "I only stopped you because, well, you almost made me... you know." She gasped.

"Really?" She bit her lip as she crawled over me. "I did that to you?" She liked that and leaned down to kiss me. She was so proud of herself and moved her mouth to my neck, more aggressive with her new-found power.

"Yeah, that's exactly what you do to me." I reached for her, my own mouth hungry on her skin. "Bella?" I had explored her, repeatedly, and knew exactly what button to press to make sure she was ready for me. She gasped.

"Yes, Edward?"

"I think this is my new favourite holiday..."

-MCMXXIX-

The Navy Pier on the North Side was putting on a fireworks display at midnight to mark the New Year and I knew a great spot where we could sit in my car, cozy under blankets, and watch the show. We had hours before we had to leave and my mind wandered to what might happen under those blankets. I felt a familiar warmth pulse through me, imagining her soft hands. I glanced at Bella.

She was absorbed in her writing at the desk in the library. It wouldn't do to interrupt her... but I now knew, from fond experience, that Bella loved hearing my thoughts when it came to ideas for new encounters. I was thinking of how to phrase this particular fantasy when there was a loud, insistent knock on the front door.

Bella and I met eyes and I smiled at her. "I'll get it, love." I crossed through the hallway, curious. It was too late in the day for deliveries and we didn't expect callers. I opened the door and laughed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

Ben didn't answer my question. "You live in a place like this and I couldn't ring through? Your telephone doesn't work! Did you pay the bill? I've been trying to call all day..."

Bella hadn't ever plugged the telephone back in. There was no need really. She wandered down the hallway and invited Ben in but instead he hovered in the foyer looking uncomfortable.

"Edward, you know I wouldn't ask you to play tonight unless I was completely out of options – I should be there, in the club, now. Please? I'm begging you..."

"No. No, Ben. I can't, I don't want to. I have plans with Bella..." I crossed my arms over my chest. This was important. Ben wasn't going to ruin our first New Year's Eve together. He wasn't looking at me anymore though. Ben was smiling at Bella.

"You'll have a great time, Bella. Sam's bringing his dame, Emily, and you two could sit together." He spoke in an aside to me. "Emily's a _nice _girl, Edward." He turned back to Bella, his eyebrows raised. I darted a glance at her too. She was smiling and nodding at him. Then she winked. How had they formed a conspiracy so quickly?

"We'll see you in a couple of hours, Ben," she said. Bella stepped toward the doorway and Ben shot a sheepish grin at me before escaping through it. She looked up at me as she closed the door, ready for battle.

"No," I said and I turned to walk away. Bella put a hand on my arm and I turned back with a sigh.

"Edward, it will be fine and Ben needs you. Do you really think he would come over here unless he was desperate?" Her expression said it all. A raised eyebrow and smirk, she was confident of having her way. We could talk in circles for an hour – we'd still end up going and we both knew it.

I blew out a breath.

"You're so stubborn."

She reached up to stroke my cheek and looked me in the eye.

"I prefer persistent. And if I weren't so persistent, you'd still be sitting on a bench watching me walk by every day." I nodded lightly. Bella's warm, brown eyes widened and she bit her lip.

"Oh! What should I wear?" She was up the stairs in a flash and I followed slowly. Bella didn't go to her – our - room though, she continued on to Rose's room and I joined her there.

The far wall of this room was lined with wardrobes and Bella threw open the doors of each, exposing a variety of garments. I shook my head at the contents of one.

"Why does your aunt have so many men's clothes?" I asked.

Bella waggled her eyebrows at me. "Don't ask questions you don't really want the answers to, Edward."

I strove for nonchalance. "What _are_ you going to wear?" This was worrisome.

"I tell you what. I'll pick the clothes... but you can pick the style." She rifled through the nearest wardrobe. When she turned to me she was holding a greyish, full-skirted dress, something my mother might have worn. With her other hand she pulled her hair into a pile on top of her head. "Gibson Girl?"

I nodded approvingly and she rolled her eyes. She tossed the dress on to Rose's bed. Looking at me with a mischievous grin she pointed to her own clothes, as always unpredictable and eclectic. "Bohemian Artiste?" Bella's own style was entertaining – and conservative. I nodded again, amiable.

Turning once more to the wardrobe, she dug through before emerging with an alarming garment. It was short, it was red and it was covered in fringe. It was less modest than most bathing costumes. She had to be toying with me. Bella shook the dress at me and drawled slowly, drawing the word out.

"Flapper."

I sucked a breath through my teeth, frowning, as if giving the choices serious deliberation.

"Hmm, it's a tough one, but I think... Gibson Girl." Bella laughed.

"Excellent choice." She turned her back on me. "Bohemian it is."

-MCMXXIX-

It was sometime later when I parked the car in behind Ben's and switched off the engine. We were later than Ben or Bella had intended. I had insisted we sit down to the meal we'd planned and afterward dragged out getting dressed for as long as I could. We had met in the parlour when we were both ready.

Bella seemed to like the excuse to dress up and charmed me with her outfit, a long dark skirt and a white blouse cinched tight around her waist with a jade green scarf. Her hair was pulled back at the sides with combs – I was reminded of a picture book from my childhood. All she needed was a red kerchief on her head to be a perfect gypsy.

I had shaved again and slicked my hair back before donning the suit I wore most often when performing. Her reaction to me was surprising. Bella's mouth popped open and her eyes travelled over me, giving me an idea. Maybe we needn't go out after all.

I reached for her, nuzzling behind her ear. She smelled fresh and sweet and l lingered there, letting my hands stroke her back, her waist, and my thumbs swept arcs along her navel. Bella made a tiny sound and I moved my lips to hers. I kissed her thoroughly as I eased us slowly back toward the staircase. She broke the kiss.

"We have to leave," she mumbled while staring at my lips. I didn't let her go.

"I can think of something much more entertaining to do upstairs which doesn't involve a smoky room full of loud-mouth drunks," I said. Her body was responding to me. I pressed my lips against her neck.

"Mmm, true, but we can do that later. Ben needs you now." She gasped as I pulled the neck of her blouse to the side to kiss her shoulder. I chuckled against her skin.

"I need _you_ now." I drew back to smile at her. She tried to wriggle out of our embrace but I held her tight. Her eyebrows rose.

"You going to make me?" Her tone was serious; she wasn't teasing or challenging, she wanted to know how far I would push.

How could she still not know? "Bella," I tilted her face up to mine. "I will, never, ever force you to do anything you don't want to." She dropped her eyes and I could feel the hint of an apology in her posture. Then she looked back up.

"This is probably the last chance to see you perform at Ben's, Edward. It's a big part of who you are – and I really want to see."

I kissed her forehead. She knew if she really wanted something she could have it. If I was going to give in I would do it in good grace. I smiled and stroked her cheek.

"Then I guess it's time to go."

So here we were, down the familiar stairs, past the familiar doorman, nodding at Ben at the bar. The clinking of glasses and shrieks of laughter heard over music was familiar too. Perhaps I missed it – just a bit. Not enough to want to be here right now. I adjusted my plans for the evening; we would leave early, in time to get to the fireworks display off the Pier. I'd stay just long enough for Ben's guests to be too drunk to care about the music much. On nights like this customers inevitably crashed the stage anyway, wanting to show off their own talent. Some of them weren't half-bad. Most of them just made fools of themselves.

Sam and Emily were seated at a table close to the stage on the piano side. Sam and I shook hands as the girls admired each other's outfits, Emily recovering nicely from the initial shock of Bella's costume. Ben caught my eye from across at the bar and signalled with a nod of his head that I was needed on stage. I sighed.

"Bella, don't drink anything, nothing, unless you get it directly from Sam, Ben or I." I was frustrated when she rolled her eyes at me.

Sam piped up. "No, Edward's right, Bella. Bad batch of hooch." He held up three fingers for emphasis. "Three guys went blind last week." Her eyes went wide at that and I breathed a sigh of relief. I leaned down to kiss the top of her head and turned to make my way on stage.

The band was breaking and I was left with a horn trio to cover for a while. The set list was full of crowd favourites and the dance floor was packed. I did miss playing with other musicians and enjoyed the back and forth, improvising on the jazz tunes, playing off each other. The band returned and I stayed on.

An hour went by more quickly than I would have thought possible, playing songs I could play in my sleep and stealing glances at Bella. Men approached her at the table but Sam warned them off. I was really getting a kick out of watching her watch the crowd. Again, I could see wheels turning and it was easy to imagine the stories she would weave after witnessing this cast of characters carry on.

Women approached me at the piano, too. They often did when I was at Ben's but I was more blunt than usual perhaps, barely managing a smile as I shook my head at them. I lost count after the fifth or sixth one and sighed. At this point it was like a challenge to them and I knew from experience it would just get worse as the alcohol flowed. The crowded room grew louder. Another hour passed and I played through another break for the band, this time accompanying a trumpet and bass in an unhurried, improvisational piece.

The slow beat of this song was affecting everyone. Couples on the dance floor swayed, the active hum at the bar mellowed. I stared at Bella. The bass vibrated like a steady pulse, liquid, and I wanted her beside me. The thought hadn't quite formed in my head when she rose and made her way carefully up to me.

"You won't send me back to the table, will you? I don't think my ego will stand it," she asked. I moved to make room on the bench, indicating she should take the far side, so I could partially shield her from the room.

"Feeling possessive?" I joked with her. She leaned in to my side and I breathed her in.

"Oh, no. Of course not. I did start to feel bad for the string of girls finishing their year with a rejection from you. Maybe they'll give up now. Honestly, you should see their faces as they walk away..." Bella pressed her leg against mine. I played my small part in the piece, a quick riff to punctuate the slow bass line and she watched my hands. "Edward, do you still have the key for upstairs?" I nodded in affirmation; I knew exactly where she was going with this. "And when will you take a break?"

"I wasn't planning on a break. I want to get out of here soon…" Her hand was on my thigh, rubbing a line from hip to knee. I shifted on the bench and she smirked at me.

"I suppose I could wait a bit longer. And once we're home I could put on that little red number for you." She squeezed the top of my thigh, her fingers brushing the front of my pants, quite deliberately I thought. I cursed under my breath; at this rate I wasn't going to be able to walk away from the piano at all. Well, two could play this game.

"Bella, remember the last time we were here? When I gave you that piano lesson?" This time I smirked at her as her eyes glazed over. "And Ben busted in just as things were getting, uh, interesting? Well, I didn't know whether to thank him or strangle him." I turned back to the piano, playing my piece. I felt molten, recalling the intensity of my feelings that day. Bella's breathing was quick and audible.

"Why? Why did you want to thank him – or strangle him?"

"Because if we hadn't been interrupted, Bella," I swallowed at the memory. "I so very nearly took you then." I glanced at her, knowing the want in her eyes was mirrored in mine. Enough, I wanted to leave, now, and scanned the room for Ben to let him know.

A flurry of activity at the main door caught my attention. The doorman was sliding the view bar back in place, speaking frantically to the other bouncers nearby. Whoever was on the other side of that door had him in knots. He squinted through the haze of smoke, looking for Ben, I presumed, as he opened the door.

A large group streamed in, nattily dressed men and their dates, a parade of peacocks. The group projected a strong air of entitlement, as if this was their club, not Ben's. I counted off one, two, maybe more, faces I recognized from the papers. This was the Irish gang, the scourge of the neighbourhood.

Their entrance wasn't going unnoticed. The tables nearest the door were reacting and the room quieted slightly, but noticeably, drawing more attention to the new arrivals. The other musicians and I shared a look, segueing to a more upbeat song and increasing our volume to try to cover some of the tension.

Ben appeared, scrambling to clear tables near the dance floor. He spoke to those around him and grinned a bit too widely. I knew his jovial attitude to the gangsters was an act; he didn't like this anymore than I did.

Sam and I exchanged a glance. We were on the same page, we both wanted to get the girls out of here. I looked back to the bar at the group of guys Ben hadn't seated yet and froze, missing a bar of music. I closed my eyes and forced my hands to play, forced my mind to work again. Bella was quite still beside me; she read the same papers as I and knew who those men were. I swallowed, willing my voice to work.

"Bella, please do exactly as I say, please. Go back to the table. Sam or Ben will take you up to my rooms. Lock the door behind you. I'll be there as soon as I can." Her eyes were wide and scared. I hoped she could do what I asked.

"Edward, what…?" We didn't have time for this.

"Go. I love you, go." She stood and the spotlight above us glinted off her ring. I clasped her hand and pressed a kiss there. I was so stupid. "Put your hand in your pocket. Keep it there." She nodded and left.

I continued to play focusing on the piano in front of me. The spotlight shone on my ridiculous hair, making me as prominent as an emergency beacon but I was glad of it if it would keep the focus away from Bella. The band came back early and the music became louder still. I caught Ben's eye and drew him to me with an impatient jerk of my head.

He was impatient, too. "What?" he asked.

My frustration was apparent in my tone.

"That's a fantastic outfit you've got yourself mixed up with. Real stand-up guys."

"Don't start with me, Edward. You think I get a choice in this? Jeez, I could either sell the place, at their price, mind you, or deal with-" I cut him off. I didn't care.

"Get Bella out of here. You or Sam take her upstairs."

He sighed.

"Go ahead. You take her and get out of here. You don't have to deal with this."

I shook my head at him.

"No, he's already seen me. I don't want Bella associated with me." It was torture to not look at her.

Ben was confused. "Who's seen you, Edward?" I looked down at my hands, amazed. Somehow they were still playing. I'd had no idea.

"See that tall guy in the light suit by the bar? The one who looks like he doesn't know where he is?" I didn't want to look myself but I imagined I could feel his eyes on me.

"Yeah, sure. I see him."

"That's my father, Ben."

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Thanks for reading.


	14. Chapter 14 Fireworks and a Telegram

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Edward will recite a line of poetry by...? Yep, William Blake.**

**Love and thanks and bum pinches to my girls MrsAubergine, ShyNoMore (beingbold) and Whitbysucks. **

**The 1929 blog is open for business! It's mostly for pictures and teasers. A special place for me to get my geek on. deb24601 ( dot) wordpress (dot) com or you can click a direct link to it on my profile. There is also a link to the Water For Elephants blog twitter. 1930's Robowski is my life now. **

**Okay, here we go... we left off last time with Bella and Edward at the club as a favour to Ben. And look at the date. *gasp***

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**December 31, 1928**

"_That's my father, Ben."_

I'd recovered from the shock; it was more important to get Bella to safety. But I was going to talk to him, even if he wouldn't look at me, I wasn't going to let him pretend I didn't exist. I wouldn't run away. He was in _my _place.

Ben looked as upset as I felt. "Your _father_? Jeez, Edward, he's here with... _them_, you know... ah, gee. Edward..."

I pushed the bench back, preparing to stand but hesitated. "Please Ben. Bella?"

He turned on his heel and I watched from the corner of my eye as he gave Sam a set of keys, speaking quickly as the three at the table rose. I kept my eyes down as they moved toward the stairs. If my father saw that ring on Bella... but then she was gone, her absence leaving a void, making it hard to breathe. I turned to face him.

He knew me. I saw the flicker of something – pride, pain, remembrance - in his eyes before the mask came down and his gaze moved to the knot of my tie as I approached him at the bar. I didn't recognize the suit he wore, it looked expensive, fashionably cut, but hung off his shoulders as if he'd lost weight since he'd bought it. He looked into his drink as I stopped in front of him. I inhaled sharply through my nose.

"Edward." His eyes moved in a pattern from my left ear, my tie, my right shoulder, back down to his drink. Anywhere but my face. I, however, looked him over with a keen eye. He looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot, hooded and they darted in a deeply-lined, painfully-thin face, thin almost to the point of emaciation. A sickly sweet smell hit me and my nostrils flared in disgust. He wasn't just drunk, he was high.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

I wish I hadn't.

He was in deep with that gang and too out of it to understand who he was to them. He'd 'invested' with them, in Florida swamps no doubt, and they'd tapped out his money – so they'd branched out. A man like him had to have family. I couldn't really blame my father for indulging in whatever they were supplying him with. Opium, laudanum, heroin – I didn't know what he was on but I knew they all obliterated pain. And he was destroyed.

I did blame him for bringing me into this mess. He'd let it slip in a moment of weakness or semi-consciousness that his deceased wife's estate had passed to me. And now they were here. To talk to _me_ about investing. My father's bland expression was at odds with the message he was delivering and I wondered just how out of it he was to be able to stand here with me. At that moment, he shook off his stupor and drained his drink, thumping the empty glass on the bar behind him. He raised his eyes to me.

"All that money I paid for a fancy education and you're working in here?" He banged the glass on the bar again, a rude request for another drink. Lauren was serving and raised her eyebrows at me in question. I nodded lightly. Liquid purled into his glass.

"You only paid for the first year," I said. He glanced over at his guys and then back to me.

"What?"

"I said you only paid for the first year. I paid my tuition the rest of the time. And I don't work here anymore... I'm helping out a friend." _His_ friends were inching closer. Time to go.

I turned and walked toward the door to the stairs, choosing the public door and not the one that led directly to the apartments upstairs. They needed to think I'd left the premises. Two guys followed me but I ignored them, acting as if I didn't note their presence. I smiled lightly in the bar's direction and held up one finger, gesturing, _one minute – I'll be back in a minute_. My father wasn't looking at me, of course, he was staring into his drink, seemingly without a care. The guys bought it and assumed I'd be returning. From the corner of my eye I saw them back off.

And I escaped.

-MCMXXIX-

I rapped gently on the door calling softly, "Bella, it's me." The door was thrown open. I moved quickly, shutting and locking it behind me before crushing her to me. She was shaking.

"Edward, what happened?"

"Sam didn't tell you?" I sighed, thinking how frightened she must have been. She shook her head and looked at me, her eyes full of questions.

"Bella, one of those guys, you know who they were, right?" She nodded. We had released each other but continued to hold hands as we moved to the sofa. Neither of us had the strength to stand anymore and we sat close together. "One of them was my father." I heard her sharp intake of breath and looked to see round eyes and a terribly pale face.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her voice soft.

"No." She gave me time to collect myself, rubbing her warm hands over my fingers, laying her head against my chest. I pressed my lips into her hair and inhaled the sweetness that was Bella, the glue that put me back together, brought me back to who I was now. At long last, I felt calm enough to speak again. "We have to leave Chicago."

"Why?"

I didn't really want to let her go but was too anxious to sit still. Standing suddenly, I went to look out the window. I wasn't in a hurry to leave the apartment but scanned the parking; the street was no safer than the club at this point, especially if the gang was going to target me. My car was blocked in. I sighed and scrubbed a hand through my hair.

Explaining to Bella that an Irish mob was going to shake down me, Ben, Sam, and anyone connected with me was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. Telling her my father was a chump to them was even harder. They were stringing him along, treating him like a pal so long as he was handing over his money at regular intervals. There was no way of knowing what he had left... I didn't even know where he lived. I didn't want to.

"It's just not safe. Make no mistake, Bella, you are my priority and I will keep you safe. But this isn't only about you or me... Ben, everyone here... they are going to be harassed and ..." I cursed. Hadn't I wanted a simple evening? I was a good man, I was. I didn't deserve this and Bella sure as hell didn't deserve to be swept up in this. "It's dangerous. As long as I'm here... we'll have to leave. Real soon."

She looked up to me, her expression serious but calm, a balm for my spirit.

"Whatever you want," she whispered.

The fireworks began out at the Pier and we could see them from the window. We stood, arms wrapped around each other, so different from my original plan but fitting. Through another storm, here we were, together. Colourful explosions erupted over the lake, a vision with no tension as the noise was dull at this distance. The reflections of red and blue and silver shone against Bella's skin and lit her eyes. She heaved a great sigh. I hoped it was a happy one.

"It's 1929," she said. Yes, it was 1929, a new year, a new start. For the first time in ages I was looking forward to a new year. I had a reason to, Bella had changed everything for me and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude filled me. I tilted her face to mine and pressed my lips to hers. I rubbed my cheek along hers, whispering.

"'Let me kiss your soft face:

Merrily, merrily, we welcome in the Year.'"

-MCMXXIX-

We'd decided that between the hour, the car and the lingering threat of _someone_ waiting outside, we would spend the night and make our way home in the morning. Bella was exhausted, the excitement and fear catching up with her as we'd quickly made up the bed. I scooped her up and held her tightly to me as she drifted off to sleep. I tried to stay awake, worried about a knock on the door that would require my wits, but my eyes were heavy too. Closing my eyes didn't really feel like an option, not with the sight of my ruined father barely held at bay.

Bella had rolled away from me shortly after she fell asleep but rolled back now muttering in her sleep about bases and fireworks. I laughed a silent laugh, trying not to move and disturb her; she was dreaming about baseball.

A memory sprang to mind. My father and I had been at Wrigley Field, I wasn't more than eight when he had caught a ball, reaching high to pluck it from the sky and handing it to me with a wink. I remembered the disgruntled rumble of the crowd around us and how I'd swelled with pride.

"Now, you'll take good care of that, won't you, son?" He'd seemed twelve feet tall to me that day.

"Oh, I will, Father! Do you think any of the players might sign it? Could we ask them after the game?" I could hear my little boy voice in my head, utterly safe and carefree, when my father was my hero and the most pressing thing in my world was a baseball game.

-MCMXXIX-

The dream was familiar. Blinding white mist surrounded me, close enough to touch and I glanced down. There was utter blackness under my feet but no substance; I could have been standing on air and I was unsure of what was holding me up. I didn't dare take a step. I moved only my eyes to look above me. A moonless night sky, velvet black and vivid stars, showed in a small circle far above my head. The mist moved, receding in a perfect circle, slowly revealing more blackness below and constellations above. I thought I saw a figure in the whiteness and was rooted to the spot in apprehension. It was Dr. Cullen.

He walked the perimeter, his white clothes and face blending into the mist. He watched me solemnly with an intense air, predatory or concerned, I didn't know. It occurred to me that he was holding back the mist - and I didn't like it. I didn't want his protection; I didn't care anymore what my mother had asked of him...

He was gone. I hadn't seen him leave but the whiteness crept back, bringing coldness and I shivered but I wasn't afraid. I called for him once and listened hard. In the past my mother's voice had come out of the void, or my father's, but this time I heard nothing.

"Bella," I called. Now I was afraid. If Bella was out there – I couldn't move. I couldn't help her. "Bella, Bella!" I called again.

"Edward. Edward, wake up. Wake up. You're having a bad dream." I came back to consciousness with a jolt, confused by my surroundings – this lonely room? No. Why was I here? Was she a dream? A warm hand on my arm startled me and the pieces fell into place. The speakeasy, my father... Bella. She was real. I gulped lungfuls of air - I must have been holding my breath - and wrapped my arms around her.

We held each other in silence as my breathing steadied, slowing finally to match hers. The terror of the dream faded, falling away bit by bit until all I could recall was the frantic feeling. That empty space, the thought of Bella lost...

"I won't live without you." I whispered the words into her hair, not meaning for her to hear me but needing to say the words aloud. She stirred in my arms to look up at me. There was enough light to see from the streetlamp outside, it shone in her eyes.

"You never have to."

Our lips met, gentle and soft, a comfort to each other. I sighed as I rolled to cover her. Bella's hands roamed, pulling at garments, the action already familiar to me. She was always more impatient than me. I laughed lightly at her growl of frustration as I stilled her hands.

"I'm not done kissing you yet." I said. I pressed my lips below her ear and moved my way back along her jaw to her chin, alternating kisses and gentle nips. She rolled her hips against mine.

"You can still kiss me when our clothes are off. There really isn't much to take off anyway." She kissed me. "And I do so enjoy flinging our clothing around." She took another grab at the waistband of my shorts. This time I let her.

She pushed them past my hips and down my legs, reaching beneath the bedclothes to retrieve them. Instead of simply tossing them on the floor, Bella twirled them around on her finger and raised her eyebrows at me. I backed up to watch this little performance. Around and around my shorts spun until, with a flick of her wrist, she sent them flying. Right into my face.

"I didn't mean to do that. I swear, I was going to throw them at the window!" She gave a little shriek as I tossed the shorts aside and dove on top of her.

"Oh you, we'll see what of yours I'm going to throw at the window," I muttered lowly. "Top or bottoms? Top or bottoms?" Now that it was a game, Bella was holding her camisole in place with both hands gripping the hem. That was fine by me – I'd start with her bloomers, the ridiculous garment was probably older than she was. She giggled more as I tickled around her knees while undoing the buttons there.

The next few minutes passed in a blur. Her remaining clothing was, to Bella's delight, indeed flung around the room. She was right; I could keep kissing her and I did, deeply, pausing only to catch our breath. Her impatience won and I succumbed as she pulled on me, sliding into her with a groan. I watched her face between kisses, watching as the last of the laughter bubbled away, replaced by sounds of urgency.

I moved in her, trying to go slow but swept away with her. All my senses lit, she filled my head and warmed my body, almost too much, the very edge of too much. Bella was everything and I found myself holding on, again so ready to lose myself. A particularly loud groan escaped Bella and, as I felt her tighten, I murmured, "The walls are very thin".

Her eyes popped open and raked over me before pulling me down to muffle her cries against my shoulder. I shook with my own effort to be quiet, as the first light of the sunrise touched Bella, dimly aware that I'd woken in terror but found laughter - and bliss.

-MCMXXIX-

We dozed more, in no hurry to get up. I had checked the lot; my car was still blocked in but it was early, hopefully people would be on their way soon. Bella rose eventually and padded off to the kitchen and I winced. There likely wasn't anything but some tea. Darting a glance at the window, I saw grey skies. It looked like it might snow again soon. I sighed and got up too.

In the kitchen I saw she had found the tea, an old jar of honey and had already put on the kettle to boil. I apologized that there wasn't something to eat but she shrugged it off with a nod of her head. A light smile played on her lips and she was humming to herself. I was beginning to think she was enjoying this little adventure.

We passed some time listening to music on my old gramophone. I'd have to move it over to Rose's house along with my books and clothes. I'd give Ben my radio. I checked the lot occasionally but none of the cars moved. The party had likely gone on until the sun came up. Late in the morning Bella's stomach grumbled, a rumbling, hollow sound I could hear from across the room.

"All right, that's it," I said. "We'll take a cab back now and I'll get the car later. I need to pack this place up once and for all anyway." Bella didn't argue and we quickly gathered up our things. I made sure her hair was tucked in her collar and we both pulled our hats low before leaving the apartment.

On the way down the stairs I coached Bella on what we would do on the street.

"We won't wait in front of Ben's – just keep walking until we find a cab. Try to keep your head down. And I know you know this... but don't say my name." I smiled to reassure her and looked out the sidelight with a feeling of déjà vu. "Let's go."

We walked at a fair clip, not fast enough to attract attention but not wasting anytime either. Once we rounded the corner I relaxed, and stroke of luck, there was a cab. We both sighed with relief as we took seats and gave directions. The ride was mostly silent. Anything we really wanted to say to each other couldn't be said in front of anyone else. My hand squeezed hers as my mind raced. We could be ready in a few days; there really wasn't much to do.

I caught myself scanning the street as we drove up to the house and I grimaced. This way madness lies. I'd be paranoid inside a week if we stayed, imagining sinister shadows around every corner. Fare paid and steps achieved, I opened the front door for Bella and finally felt a full smile stretch across my face. We were home.

She bent to scoop something up as I dropped the bag I'd brought from Ben's. Strange. There shouldn't be post on a holiday. Bella was already tearing the telegram open as I realized what it was. Happy New Year tidings from Rose no doubt and I reached for Bella to share the news. She took a step back and dropped her gaze. I frowned and followed her as she walked straight to the library.

Bella stopped just inside the doorway, taking a bracing breath. Then she bent and reconnected the wire to the telephone jack.

"Who are you calling?" I asked. She hadn't lifted the receiver yet.

She swallowed.

"They're coming." I could see she was trying to be stoic, strong, but her voice shook.

"Who?"

"All of them." She handed me the telegram. "My parents... him. They'll be here tomorrow. So we're leaving today." Bella picked up the receiver and rang for the operator.

I wanted to leave Chicago too but not like this, not running away. I gathered my thoughts as I kept one ear on her side of the telephone conversation. Maybe we could reason with her parents, lie even, and say we were married.

"Yes, operator. Union Station, please." Her voice was steady, resolved. I closed my eyes briefly as I considered the implications of her actions.

Taking off like this would undoubtedly make the discord with her parents worse. She said she didn't care anymore but I had a hard time completely believing that. Bella had shared happy childhood memories with me; the conflict with her parents was more recent and linked to her independence. She wanted to leave now because of me and it could make the break from her family permanent. I didn't want to be the one responsible for that.

"Your last departure today? That's perfect. Book two please, private sleeper." Could I be any help in reconciliation? My run-in with my father coloured my judgment. Distance crept up on families. A week turned into a month and into a year. Awkwardness made it easier to stay away and, eventually, people forgot why they didn't speak anymore. They just didn't.

"You can put it on Rose Swan's account. Yes, I understand. Goodbye." I'd watched her face throughout the call. Bella was remarkably matter-of-fact about the whole matter. I supposed she'd made hasty travel plans back in October when she'd escaped New York to come to Rose. She smiled lightly.

"Last train leaves at eight and we will be on it." Her eyes sparkled with the excitement of it all. I hoped it _was_ excitement and not tears. It was her family and her choice to make, but I wanted her to understand her options.

"Bella, I don't think we should go tonight. Let's stay and see them – maybe they'll like me?" Her face hardened. She walked away to the far window with its line of kaleidoscopes and began laying each one methodically on its side.

"How do you think you'll be received, Edward? The man who de-flowered the wayward daughter? You think they're going to open their arms to you?" She spat the words out. I flinched at her tone.

"I don't want to be the one who takes you away from them," I said. She sat at Rose's desk and dropped her head into her hands. I counted three deep breaths, hers and mine, before she looked at me.

"Remember you said my parents might come around some day? Well maybe they will. And maybe I'll forgive _them_." Her shoulders were square and her chin high. I don't know if her parents had ever seen her like this but I sure wouldn't mess with her. "But if we stay here – if you meet them tomorrow? They will say things to you that I can never forgive." She rose and crossed the room to me. We embraced.

"I can take it," I said. She shook her head against me.

"I know you can. I can't." Bella drew back to face me and held my gaze. "Besides the thought of you..." she swallowed, "and him, in the same room? God Edward, you'll end up in jail." I started to shake my head to deny it but stopped at her withering look. I'd managed to put that complication out of my head. She was probably right. I tried for a joke.

"Haste makes waste, Bella." I watched her roll her eyes.

"He who hesitates is lost, Edward." She countered. I surrendered with a sigh.

"Can we be ready in time?" We looked in unison to the carriage clock on the mantle. When we looked at each other again we smiled. It might not have been ideal but this was it. We were starting our travels today.

-MCMXXIX-

Lunch and packing took most of the afternoon and when we paused to clean ourselves up we decided to save time and take a bath together. It didn't save time. We found ourselves scrambling, happy, but scrambling to put together some sort of basket for the first leg of the train journey, knowing the dining car would be closed. It reminded us to clear and unplug the icebox, which in turn reminded Bella of deliveries that needed cancelling. At five o'clock, there was still much to do.

I remembered my car and my apartment.

"Damn," I said. Bella started and turned from a bundle of photography equipment. She was having some trouble deciding what to bring. "I have to go to Ben's." Her eyes went round. "No. Bella, it'll be alright. I have to tell him and pack up some of my stuff – I'll just leave it in storage there." I grimaced.

"What is it Edward?" she asked. I rubbed my knuckles across my lips, measuring in my head and counting the hours we had left.

"I don't want to leave my gramophone there. It was my mother's." I scratched my head. "If I go get my car, I can bring it here – Rose won't mind will she?" Bella smiled and shook her head.

"Of course not. I need to drop some notes off for the deliveries and send a telegram to Rose. I'll meet you here in time to take a cab to the station." I didn't like the idea of going separate ways but time was ticking.

"Come on then." We bundled into coats and hats, it wasn't terribly cold but the weather was threatening and it would grow colder as the sun continued to set. The piles of snow would be deeper come morning but we wouldn't be here. We planned as we set out, locking the door behind us.

We linked arms as we walked along the boulevard to the main street. I urged Bella to take a cab and scanned the street for one. Traffic was heavy for a holiday; I could walk easily to Ben's from here but I didn't want Bella walking in the cold. She rolled her eyes at me.

"What did I tell you about being overprotective?" She was smiling at me though, it was a gentle reminder. We embraced far too long than was appropriate on a street corner until the wind kicked up, sending swirls of snow around us and down the collar of my coat. I pulled Bella's collar tighter and gave her a quick kiss.

"You're right. The sooner we finish up the sooner we can get settled into that private car you've booked for us." I winked at her. "Remind me to tell you later what I was thinking about when we were in Rose's compartment seeing her off." The vivid memory of that vision, Bella and I tangled together on the sleeping platform, warmed me enough to melt the snow. And it didn't hold a candle to reality.

She raised her eyebrows at me and then turned, walking with purpose, away from me on the snowy sidewalk.

"I love you." I called. This drew some snickers and looks from people nearby but I didn't care. Bella didn't look back, wisely watching her footing, but her hand came up in a fluttery salute. She had heard me.

After a final look at her retreating back I turned to my own errand, walking in the opposite direction, eerily reminded of men pacing off during duels in movies. I shook off the thought. Each step was an effort, always fighting the magnetic force that connected Bella and I. Walking away was like defying some law of nature stating we could only function correctly when together. It felt wrong and I sought to distract myself back to the job at hand. I wasn't looking forward to navigating the shark-infested water that had become Ben's neighbourhood.

I hadn't walked an entire block when a flurry of noises broke my concentration, a screech of car brakes, the frantic whinny of horses and screams. Without ever consciously making a decision, I found myself running back toward where I'd left Bella and then past that point, to the street where her errands laid. I continued moving towards the terrible sounds, the shouts of alarm and warning, giving way to screams of horror and cries for help.

The wide, busy street in front of me was crowded with vehicles, preventing me from crossing to the gathering on the far north corner. I scanned the sidewalks on both sides, looking for Bella. If there was some panic going on I needed to find her, keep her safe. Snow started to fall and I stood on the corner, peering through the gaps between moving vehicles, trying to make out the details of the accident.

A car rolled on its side and half on the sidewalk was partially obscured by a truck crashed into a lamp post. The tiny figure pinned beneath its front tire was so small it had to be a child. I spared a thought for his poor parents and continued searching for Bella as the snow fell in thicker flakes. Why hadn't I gone with her? We could have stayed at a hotel tonight and left in the morning. Why all this rush?

I cursed the traffic. How could people just drive on? But here on the opposite side of the street it was as if no accident had taken place, with all four lanes of traffic moving along, leaving me no break to cross. I looked at the store fronts behind me; had Bella tried to cross this street? I was becoming frantic and my heart gave one sickening lurch before taking off, pounding in my ears. I needed to find her and looked more closely through the traffic and crowd. Some of the women were still screaming.

A break in the mayhem revealed what my heart somehow already knew. My own scream was silent, roaring in my ears, and my vision narrowed to a pinprick focused again on the crumpled figure half- obscured by the delivery truck on top of it. How had I even recognized her? Bloodied and broken, looking for all the world like a mangled rag doll.

It was Bella.

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**Before I run away and hide, I would like to offer a cyber-valium to poor aerobee because I know she is freaking out. Ok, everyone cuddle up under the Edward blankie. I have hankies and Stoli and some awesome, boozy chocolates from Belgium. ;) Kidding, they are still in the post. I have something fun to send EternalSummer79 in return!**

**Please review! I love to hear your opinions and favourite bits. Or the parts you don't like. You can PM me your theories if you like to keep the reviews spoiler free. Kisses Angelz, see you in a few. Oh and there is a cool picture of the street on my blog! And one of Robowski too. ;) Also, if there is any, uh, demand, I could probably post a little sumpin' outtake about the whole "didn't save time" in the bathtub scene. Let me know...**


	15. Chapter 15 We Are Led to Believe A Lie

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Edward owns me. I own an Edward blankie. It's like the circle of life. The title of this chapter is taken from William Blake's 'Auguries of Innocence'. **

**Thanks as always to my girls MrsAubergine and ShyNoMore (beingbold) who beta for me and have awesome stories that you can find in my favourites. Thanks to Whitbysucks too. She reads and listens and tolerates me in RL. Well, now SNM does too. I need more airmiles so I can irritate MrsA. **

**I've moved the pictures from my profile to my blog deb24601 (dot)wordpress (dot)com. Direct link on my profile. So, anyone still with me? Here we go...**

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**January 1, 1929**

My mind catalogued the scene in a detached sort of way, unable, at first, to comprehend the emotional impact. Bella's blue coat was darkened by blood, so much blood! Could there possibly be any left in her body? The truck's front tire pinned her legs to the ground and I knew they must be crushed. Her cloche was gone, thrown off by the impact and her hair spilled darkly, dark over more blood, blood bright red against the white of the snow.

It was the sight of her hair that broke the initial spell of shock. "Bella." I had to get to her. The traffic on this side still flowed but I couldn't wait for a break. I took a step into the street but jumped back as a truck bore down on me. I glanced at Bella again. Men were gathered round now, gesturing to the truck, and it occurred to me she could be hurt worse if they moved it the wrong way.

A roar of frustration tore through me and I started into the street, slamming my fists on the hood of the first car. It screeched to a halt and I ignored the impatient horn blast, it barely registered. As I looked back up toward Bella her head lolled to reveal the left side of her face, what should have been the left side of her face but was instead a bloody pulp, hardly recognizable as human. I felt bile rise and burn my throat. A sob wracked me as I slammed against the next car in my way.

Cold wind whipped through the street and the whirling snow blinded me, rendering me more frantic. I could hear the cars around me braking and the distressed sounds of the crowd, dismayed by the gust of freezing air and snow. I was frozen to the spot, I didn't dare move, sightless as I was. The whiteout swirled like a vortex, it seemed to go on for an eternity, but was likely only a few moments. Far too long when I was desperate to get across this street, get to Bella.

At last the wind died back and I made my move, darting across two more lanes to the median. I glanced to the scene of the accident but Bella wasn't there under the truck anymore. The wind whipped again; the traffic was slower on this side, four lanes condensed to two, cars and trucks crawling by.

I searched the sidewalk. Where was Bella? My head swung back and forth. There. Someone had pulled her out of the street and I saw her in the arms of a man who was moving toward a shop.

"Hey there, stop - wait!" I shouted. The wind was howling now, an eerie sound, louder than the engines of the vehicles. I was surprised when he stopped, surprised he had heard me. The man turned and my breath left me, shock and a frisson of relief, for Bella needed a doctor and somehow one had found her.

Dr. Cullen met my eyes and the relief was gone. Even from across the street I could read the sorrow and regret. Oh God, was she dying? Was she dead? My mind rejected the thought even as Dr. Cullen turned and made his way to the nearest shop.

I yelled again. "Wait! Dr. Cullen, wait. She's my wife."

He didn't break stride, crossing the sidewalk as the crowd parted and opening the door with one hand as if Bella weighed nothing more than a small child. Her head rocked grotesquely in the crook of his arm. I ran now, sliding over the hood of the car in front of me. The crowd didn't part for me and I elbowed my way brutally through the sickening group of gawkers who'd gathered around broken metal and Bella's blood.

The bell chimed above the door as I entered the shop, such a normal sound, and it grounded me as my eyes darted around the store. The sounds of the street and worsening weather were muffled once inside. My breathing was the loudest sound here, rasping in my own ears, I was panting from the sprint – and from fear. The store was a milliner's, with shelves from waist to ceiling with row upon row of faceless mannequins wearing hats of all sorts.

The sight was unsettling. I fought back the threatening panic, the plaster faces blank and bland, and the complete opposite of what I sought. Bella. I looked wildly around the store. I was sure Dr. Cullen had brought her in here, this shop. There was a clerk behind a desk; he was staring dumbfounded back at me, with his hand frozen in mid-air clutching a telephone receiver.

"Did a man – with a..." I started to ask. He pointed to the back of the store and I took off again. I burst into the stock room, looking between crates. I even checked the lavatory. I was about to go ask the clerk when I saw the back door and launched myself through it, into the alleyway.

The snow was thicker and the sky darkening with the coming storm. I looked up and down the alley before seeing the idling car almost a block up – and the dark figure of Dr. Cullen moving fast toward it, Bella limp in his arms. I ran full out. He glanced over his shoulder and moved impossibly faster, shouting something to the driver that I couldn't make out.

"Stop! I know you hear me. Wait, for the love of God, Dr. Cullen – WAIT!" My voice was hoarse now, raw, and the cold air burned my throat. None of that mattered.

The car door was opened from the inside and Dr Cullen slid into the seat without looking back. I screamed as the car shot forward. Why wouldn't he wait? I ran after it, knowing it would have to slow before turning into the street. The car did slow, but barely, and with a final burst I threw myself at the back of it, meaning to grab hold. He wasn't going without me. He hadn't even said which hospital.

My hand grasped the bumper but I couldn't hold on and I fell hard onto the ground. Some hysterical sound escaped me as I pounded the snowy tarmac in frustration, looking up in time to watch the black car take the turn, much too quickly. Then it was gone.

I lay for a long moment, my breath gone and my heart hammering in my ears. The cold road below roused me; I was ashamed to admit to myself that I might have fainted without the jarring reminder of Bella. The road, which had roared with activity minutes ago, was quieting now. I took a look around the silent alleyway. I could hear the snow falling.

Heaving myself to my feet I made my plan. I would go back, through the shop, to the... accident. I walked swiftly, the snow crunching under my shoes. I tried to make sense of what I'd just seen but my mind wouldn't co-operate, refused to think logically. A dull panic clouded my thoughts. I would find her, I would, but I didn't know where to start.

The back door to the shop was still ajar and I went through it, the heat inside a sharp contrast to the frosty air outside. It made me nauseous and I swallowed. I needed to get a grip, calm down and tried one deep breath. The clerk was in the stock room. I grasped him by the arms, startling him.

"Did he say anything to you?" I asked. My voice sounded hollow in my own ears, as if it was coming from far away. He shook his head.

"No, not a word. He walked straight through, didn't even look at me. That poor girl – Do you know her? It looked real bad, look there's blood on the floor..." I released him and walked on, through the shop and out of the front door, not wanting to hear anymore.

The wind had died back for the time being and the crowd was still thick around the crashed vehicles. The babbling voices made no sense to me. I couldn't hear words, just a hum growing louder and invading my head, making it nearly impossible to think. I concentrated and made out one word, my name being called repeatedly. The speaker pushed his way through the crowd. I didn't know him and called to get his attention.

"That's me, I'm Edward." I put my hand in the air to show my location and he jogged over.

His expression was not reassuring, nor was the fact that he removed his hat before speaking to me. He wouldn't quite meet my eye but he had a message from Dr. Cullen.

"The doc's taking her to the hospital on the South Side, he said to meet him there. Uh... St. Mary's, that's the one." He was spinning his hat in his hands as he spoke and the action made me irrationally angry. I scanned the street, intent on finding a cab but he wasn't done. "Hey, Mac, I wouldn't get your hopes up. The doc said to tell you he'll do everything he can, but..." He shook his head.

My vision blurred and I closed my eyes in hopes of clearing them. When I opened them, I found the crowd's attention had shifted to me, but I didn't really see them. They were as faceless, as unreal, as the mannequins at the milliner's. I hoped there was a God; I hadn't believed in Him or even thought of Him in a very long time. Each of these figures was no more than a bargaining chip in my mind and I found myself talking silently with God, hoping he would hear me.

"_This one? That one? ... For Bella."_

Why were we being punished? My eyes swept the crowd as I begged God to reconsider; certainly someone here was more wicked than us.

"_This one? That one? Any of them. __**All of them**__."_

God or not, I knew this wouldn't work. I needed a cab and decided to walk up a block first, where the traffic was moving. A tug on the back of my coat made me turn.

It was a tiny girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old - and she had a face. To my shattered mind, she looked like a tiny Bella, all brown hair and sad brown eyes staring up at me. She held up Bella's blue cloche. I knelt down in front of the little girl and took the hat.

"Thank you." I said. I spoke softly, the girl looked as scared as I felt, but she was being brave. A little Bella. "I'm going to take this to Bella now. Did you know this is her favourite hat?"

The little girl shook her head and I patted her brown hair. Then I hurried for a cab.

-MCMXXIX-

The hospital Dr. Cullen had named was a large one on the opposite side of town and it took an excruciatingly long time to get there. I paid the fare and jogged inside looking for someone, anyone who could get me to Bella.

A nurse stood up at my frantic arrival. "Sir? Sir! Who are you looking for, sir?" she asked.

"Bella… Isabella Swan, she was brought in not long ago." The kindly nurse showed me a chair and said she would check for me. I looked at the chair blankly. For a long moment I truly could not recall its purpose. I turned from it and paced the length of the hall, twice, twice again, ten times until I lost count.

Finally, a different nurse came. "Sir, we're still waiting to hear something." She looked like she wanted to say something else. She looked at my face and sighed. "Won't you please have a seat?"

I did, but only because my legs would no longer support me. If Bella was dead I wouldn't go on. It seemed impossible she could survive such massive injuries; only Dr. Cullen's reassurance gave me a glimmer of hope. I would allow myself to hope so I could keep breathing. Was Bella breathing now? My heart thumped unevenly in my chest making me feel sick. Was her heart beating?

I held my head in my hands, glancing up at each staff member who passed but no one stopped, no one told me anything. Other people waited in other chairs and worried eyes would meet by accident from time to time. The hum of their anxious thoughts vibrated in my head, not enough to distract me from my own. As the minutes turned into an hour or more with no news, the flicker of hope faltered. If Bella was dead than so was I. Finally, I couldn't wait anymore, not one more minute, and I approached the nurses' station. I needed to know if we were still alive.

Yet a different nurse sat behind the desk and glanced up as I approached. I asked for Bella and she shook her head as she consulted her log book. I realized with a start that Dr. Cullen didn't know Bella's name but he knew I would be asking for her.

"Bella Masen," I choked out. The sound of what would have been her married name wounded me further. I should have insisted. All this running, all this horror could have been so easily avoided. I knew that now. We should have been properly married. We should have talked to her parents. We were being punished.

"Sir, I am sorry, but there is no listing of either of those names." The nurse, sensing my panic, frowned and looked at her cursed book again.

"What were her injuries, when did the accident happen?" I described Bella, my voice breaking, and watched the nurse trail her finger down the entries, staring in disbelief as she shook her head again. "There is nothing like that here…" she muttered and abruptly walked away from the desk. I followed her, stunned. Bella's injuries were horrific; her arrival would have been noted. The nurse asked each staff member she passed and each negative response was like a blow, increasing my anxiety.

The sympathetic looks being shot in my direction broke through a wall that had been protecting me from a sinister possibility. I viewed the scene as if I were submersed in water. Everything was slow and distorted as the enormity of the error was realized.

I'd been waiting for news of Bella's condition.

They had been waiting for Bella to be brought in.

The nurse conferred with a colleague and I heard the vile thought whispered in my mind a full beat before she spoke it aloud.

"The morgue?"

The room whirled and something cold slithered down my spine. I grasped at a lifeline.

"Dr. Cullen, he brought Bella here, he said to meet him here…" I almost shouted the words.

The nurses exchanged a confused look. "I've never heard of Dr. Cullen, he's not on staff here."

More confusion, more questions, more negative responses. The search moved along each floor of the hospital. No Bella. I finally agreed to check the morgue. No Bella, thank God. I took cabs to each of the city's three other hospitals, searching, asking. No Bella. At the hospital where Mother had died I found one person who had heard of Dr. Cullen. A doctor, an older gentleman, claimed to remember him from years ago but said he'd seen neither hide nor hair of him in at least ten years.

I left the last hospital, exhausted, defeated. My mind numbly registered that I'd been searching all night and now dawn was breaking, a delicate lightening of the sky, but I ignored it to refocus my thoughts. Bella's parents were arriving today, I didn't know what time exactly and it suddenly seemed important to do what Bella had wanted. She had wanted to leave, disappear, and she most certainly did not want me to meet them.

It was a hasty decision but once made I was determined to see it through. I gave the cabbie Ben's address and made the plan that would carry me through the next hour. Retrieving my car and peeling out of the lot I made it to Rose's in minutes.

The silence of the house brought a fresh wave of grief and panic. I was trying to control myself, I didn't know how much time I had and there was a lot to do. Bella's photography equipment was still in a jumbled pile. We never would have made that train. I brushed the thought aside, scooping the lot into a nearby trunk and carrying it up the stairs.

She wasn't dead. She wasn't. I repeated the thought in my head like a mantra. That was the only way to move forward. I'd find her. It was some terrible misunderstanding. Bella was with Dr. Cullen, he was saving her, just as he had saved me. There, the panic was shoved down even as some evil part of my mind whispered that I was wrong, she was gone.

In our room, I took stock. I needed to remove all traces of... me. Virtually all my clothing was packed and I gathered the little that remained. I scanned the room. Pictures. There were pictures of me, and Bella and me together. I piled them up and went quickly back down the stairs stowing the items in the steamer trunk we'd packed. With another hasty decision I decided to take it all, I didn't have the time – or the stomach – to go through any of Bella's things right now.

It was a sickening feeling, erasing myself, erasing evidence that Bella and I had been real. "_We'll put everything back once I find her, once she's recovered," _I thought to myself.

"_Fool,_" the evil part sneered back.

I man-handled the trunk out to my car and went back to lock up. My eyes stung and I swallowed back emotion, I had to get out of here. My heart ached and my head was spinning but I was already planning what to do next.

Driving back to Ben's, exhaustion caught up to me. Twice my head bobbed. I needed to sleep, I knew I'd make mistakes, miss something if I didn't rest. With the last of my energy I carted the trunk up the flights of stairs, its contents a poor substitute for Bella. For now though, it was all I had and I didn't want it out of my sight.

My bed was still made up from the night before and the sheets smelled sweetly of her, of us being together. A very sharp pain tore through me. _I won't live without you_. I placed her hat on the pillow where she had laid her head and choked back more tears as I closed my eyes. "_Rest a bit and then you will find her. You will find Dr. Cullen and Bella."_

"_Fool."_

-MCMXXIX-

Loud, insistent knocking roused me. I winced at the noise and checked my watch – four o'clock. Why was I sleeping during the day? My eyes were gritty and closed again of their own accord. I rolled toward Bella, reaching for her as the knocking continued.

"Edward, you in there man? I saw your car out back. Open up!" Ben shouted and knocked again. My eyes snapped open, landing on Bella's hat. I very nearly vomited.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

"Edward? I can hear you,"Ben called. I was chanting out loud. "I'm coming in." The sound of a key in the lock was followed by Ben's footsteps coming down the hall. He stopped in the doorway and took in my expression. "What? What happened with your father? They haven't been back – what did you say...?"

I rolled to the side of the bed and sat on the edge, scrubbing at my face. I opened my mouth to answer him but a sob caught in my throat. Ben looked alarmed as I coughed and choked, fighting for control.

The story came out in fits and starts with Ben asking questions I didn't have answers for and my panic renewed. I had to go, I had to find her. I jumped to my feet, reeling a bit.

Ben put out a hand to steady me, muttering under his breath. "When did you last eat, Edward?" I shook my head. I didn't know, I didn't care and I wasn't hungry. The room swam though and I thought harder. A day ago, more maybe. Ben was right. I'd slept, now I'd eat.

And then I was going to find Bella.

-MCMXXIX-

I visited each hospital again. A few more people remembered Dr. Cullen but no one had seen him in years. No one had seen Bella or heard of a woman with her injuries.

Her parents had arrived late in the afternoon and left the next day. I'd watched them from my car as they left Rose's house. The dark-haired man with them had assisted Bella's mother into the waiting car and held the door for Bella's father. His polite smiles to them faded as the door closed. He looked back to the house and shook his head with a sigh before taking the front passenger seat. They didn't appear alarmed or distressed, simply frustrated Bella had evaded them.

I read the papers, surprised. There was a notice of the accident with a horrific picture of the vehicles but Bella had already been taken away and there was no mention of her name. I looked for a missing person article but there was nothing.

I thought of Rose. She should know what had happened, but I held off sending a telegram. From hour to hour and then day to day, I hoped I would have better news for her.

On the third day, I returned to the apartments very late and risked a visit to the club. I hadn't slept more than a few hours at a time since Bella's accident and could feel exhaustion tearing at me. It was a quiet night with maybe a few dozen patrons and light piano music filling the room. I made a bee-line for the bar. Lauren's eyes widened when she saw me and she opened her mouth to say something but I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand one word of sympathy, not if I was going to go on. I spoke before she could.

"Could I get a bottle of something, please?" She nodded, wordlessly, reaching down and retrieving a sealed bottle of Scotch. I nodded back and headed for the stairs.

I was going to drink this, some of it, and sleep. I needed to sleep. I took the stairs slowly, thinking about plans for the morning. I hadn't spoken to Sam yet and wondered about asking in more underground avenues about Dr. Cullen. He certainly hadn't been well-known in the hospitals – was he unlicensed? Had I missed some message? For the thousandth time I tried to make sense of what had happened.

In my kitchen, I poured a drink and wandered into the main room with it. I'd brought the trunk out into this room and had gone through it, looking for I don't know what, hoping only for some idea of where to look. Bella's journals, our pictures, her clothes were strewn about; it made it seem like she was just out of the room. I'd combed through her address book thinking perhaps she had known Dr. Cullen. I hadn't read the journals yet.

I returned to the kitchen and topped up my drink already feeling the warmth of it, a slight easing of the constant fear, anxiety. Maybe I would sleep. Maybe I would dream. I couldn't decide if that would be a good thing. I gulped down what I'd poured, wincing as it burned, and filled the glass once again to take with me to my bedroom.

I wasn't ready to sleep just yet and turned on the light by the bed. I had one of Bella's journals with me. Maybe I should read it. Could there be anything in there?

My eyes darted around the room seeing Bella in my mind's eye as she had moved around the space, making up the bed, shedding her blouse and skirt. I blew out a breath. I literally ached for her, my hands could feel the remembered heat of her skin, the ghost of her figure. I shook my head at the word 'ghost'.

No.

I took another drink and shivered, not from the scotch but at the temperature of the room. I didn't remember leaving the window open but I must have and crossed the room to close it. The air was frigid, crisp and clean, with the metallic scent of snow. I inhaled deeply, feeling my head clear.

Turning from the window my gaze landed on my dresser – upon which rested Bella's cloche, crown down, wobbling lightly in the last of the breeze. I frowned, doubting my own memory. No. I'd left that on the pillow since the first night without her. My skin prickled.

Someone had been in my room.

My thoughts immediately turned to my father and his friends. Had one of the Irish guys been in here? I couldn't see it. I was three floors up and Ben had the place locked up. I picked up the hat and saw the small shiny object inside.

My heart stopped and I knew I wouldn't sleep tonight. My mind was already reeling with the possibilities of what this meant – and why it was returned to me.

It was Bella's ring.

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**I'd like to take a mom****ent to thank my readers and reviewers, everyone who has alerted and favourited this story. It means so much guys. Thank you and see you next time. I love to hear what you think and nothing makes me happier than a review or a question.**

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	16. Chapter 16 Some Are Born

A/n **Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Chapter title is from William Blake.**

**Thanks to ShyNoMore(beingbold), MrsAubergine and Whitbysucks(girlpower) for all they do. Love you, my babies. Thank you to all who read and review. **

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**February 1929**

How do you find a needle in a haystack? The only way, really, is to look at each piece of straw – one by one. Most of the time you'd do a cursory search and shrug it off. Needles are everywhere; you can get another one quite easily. But what if that needle was so unique, so vital to you that you couldn't live without it? You would scrutinize each individual piece of straw. You would systematically search and examine the whole stack until it was strewn around your feet like piles of rubble. And then, convinced you've missed it, you look again.

And again.

And you don't even notice when you start to go mad.

-MCMXXIX-

I was haunted by thoughts that ran in a torturous, continuous loop. People didn't just disappear. Doctors did not swoop down into the street and steal accident victims. Who was Dr. Cullen? I couldn't find an address and there was no telephone number for him. It was like he didn't exist at all. What had he done with Bella? My imagination ran riot picturing him dumping her lifeless body in a panic or much, much worse, using her in some hideous way. Was he a charlatan of some sort? Had her connection to me marked her or was it a terrible coincidence?

There were no answers.

The world still turned. People went about their business as if nothing had happened and it made me angry. It was better to be angry. I wore anger around me like a shroud, and it filtered the world.

Because my world had stopped.

For weeks, I spent my time traversing Chicago, speaking to those who might help me find Bella, the list growing shorter day by day until finally there was no one left to ask. The frantic frenzy that had propelled me, the only purpose for getting up each day, was waning.

And I despaired.

I paced the length of my apartment hallway most nights, willing my mind to make connections, think of something I had overlooked. I second-guessed every decision I had made. If I'd told her parents I could have gone to the police. But the police were mostly crooked these days and my instincts told me Dr. Cullen wouldn't be found by law enforcement.

_If I had run faster..._ I should have caught that car.

_If I hadn't let her go off on her own..._ she would be with me right now.

I was chasing shadows and mist. Dr. Cullen could be anywhere in the world by now but I didn't dare leave Chicago, not without a lead, something worth chasing. If I was going to be contacted it would be here and I wouldn't take the risk of missing a message.

Ben and Lauren were kind to me, bringing food and seeing that I ate at least some of it. But I was angry with them too. Irrationally, perhaps, I seethed in their presence, barely polite, and counted the minutes until they would leave me alone.

I took to haunting the club at odd hours, preferring it empty. I was careful when it came to drinking, although the temptation was strong; the horror of my father's destruction was fresh in my mind. I didn't have the luxury of knowing if Bella was really gone. There was still a part of me hoping she was out there – and if she was she might need me. I needed to stay strong. The club became another place to pace.

Today had been bad. I'd swept each hospital again, asking the same questions but getting nowhere. One nurse had asked in a very gentle voice if I was sure there had been an accident. Was she questioning my sanity? I knew I was losing it but the accident was real – I'd seen the picture in the paper. It was one of the only reasons I could tolerate being around Ben or Sam. I could talk about her... and they knew she was real, they knew she had been a real part of my life.

I entered the club mid-afternoon, pleased to find it empty, and went behind the bar. One drink. It would melt, temporarily at least, the jagged ice that resided constantly in my stomach. I just needed the edge off for a few minutes. I grabbed a bottle and poured, anticipating the relief.

My mind wouldn't slow down, it was running in circles, naming each hospital, hell, I knew the names of most of the staff. But I wasn't getting anywhere. I shuffled my feet as I turned with my drink and felt something roll out from under the cabinet. Stepping back, I bent to retrieve the baseball bat Ben kept behind the bar. I'd only seen him threaten someone with it once and honestly I'd been more worried about him hurting himself.

I took my drink in one hand and the bat in the other, swinging it up to rest against my shoulder. The wood of the handle was cool and smooth, solid, something real to hold onto. I resumed my pacing, timing my steps to the tune that had floated into my head.

"Take, me out to the baaaall-gaaaame..."

_Bella at Wrigley Field, mahogany hair streaming behind her, running as I chased her._

"Take, me out to the crooooowd..."

_Bella, warm and fragrant on my lap, her hands on my chest, her lips on my neck._

I shivered at the memory. I needed her back. The door swung open and Ben walked in. He opened his mouth to speak but after a glance at me seemed to change his mind, closing it and moving behind the bar. He got to work, restocking glasses and wiping down the bar. Ben didn't do well with silence though, so only a few minutes passed before he cracked.

"Any news?" I shook my head. No, there was no news. I switched the bat to my other shoulder and changed my pacing course, taking measured steps toward the piano. I hadn't played since New Year's; I could barely look at it for remembering Bella and me sitting there, making our plans. For the thousandth time I cursed Ben, my father... myself. She never should have been in here. I swallowed and turned from it, focusing on Ben.

"You still thinking there's a chance she made it?" he asked.

"It's all I can do." I shrugged. He met my eye for a moment and looked away quickly.

"Well," he began slowly. "What if... what if – maybe – she changed her mind. Maybe she wanted to go back to New York but didn't know how to tell you." He shook his head. I felt my eye twitch and bit back a rude retort. Did he really just say that? He was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to... what? Agree with him? In all the years I'd known him I'd never come right out and called Ben an idiot but I couldn't absorb this, couldn't let it pass. Frustration and anger overflowed, it was inevitable, Ben was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"So you're theory," I smiled grimly and paused to take a gulp of my drink, "your theory is that Bella – after one month together – was so very unhappy that she called her parents to come get her, faked her own death and tracked down the doctor from my nightmares to carry her away." A very small part of me heard the taunting, mocking tone I was using and hated myself. I filled my glass again and saw Ben make a small move toward me before thinking better of it. "That's your theory?" An insane urge to laugh fizzed up. Ben _was_ an idiot. I drank - it didn't burn anymore - and snorted as I choked back laughter.

Ben was watching me and he looked really uneasy with what he saw.

"You a Harvard man, Ben?" He shook his head and turned his back to me. Dumb as dirt he may be but he knew I was mocking him now. The floor tilted slightly beneath me and my voice sounded odd but familiar. I sounded like my father. "Cause you talk like a Harvard man. That is one hell of a theory!"

His back was still turned and his head hung low. "I'm just trying to help, Edward." His demeanour was sad, defeated. I'd done that to him.

"Yeah? That's very helpful."

I paced again, letting fury and alcohol take the lead. It was a nice break from desolation. My gaze fell on the piano and the baseball bat in my hand seemed to come to life, an extension of my arm. I wanted to smash something. I could still see Bella on the bench though, feel her hand on my thigh, and feel the warmth of her pressed against me.

No. Something else.

My head swung around looking for another target and I caught my reflection in the large mirror behind the bar. I hadn't really looked at myself since the accident. While shaving or combing my hair, I would concentrate on my hand's movements, same as while tying my tie. People didn't meet my eye. Neither did I.

I looked now.

There was the ghost of my mother. She had been tall - for a woman, and lean like me. The colour of our hair and eyes were exactly the same, along with something in the line of cheekbone and the width of the brow.

No wonder my father hated me.

But now, overlaying those features was the haunted look of my father. Quite frankly, I looked deranged. Gaunt and tense, wild eyes and sneering mouth, I resembled him much more than I did my mother or my former self. The stranger in the mirror taunted me; I'd lost Bella and now I'd lost myself. I didn't even notice when my arm moved, swinging in a wide arc and hurling the bat straight into my reflection.

Ben jumped at the terrific smash and I registered numbly that the bat had missed him by inches; I'd completely forgotten he was there.

"Goddamnit, Edward! Jesus!" he shouted. His shock quickly changed to anger. I didn't blame him. He was breathing heavy, getting red in the face. His nerves were shot, I knew I was out of my mind but I hadn't realized I was driving everyone else crazy too. I wondered if he'd try to fight me. I really wanted to hit something... but I didn't want to hurt him. I turned to leave the club.

"You have nothing to say for yourself? Fuck, Edward. You are paying to get that fixed. I've had enough of this..."

His tirade continued until I slammed the door behind me.

-MCMXXIX-

Up in my rooms, I wallowed. I should have felt bad, repentant, about smashing the mirror but I didn't. I was madder than ever with Ben. How dare he suggest Bella left me? How dare he place a seed of doubt when I was living, just barely, on a sliver of hope?

I wasn't pacing now, I was stomping, stalking, around the front room. Why did Ben say that? Did he know something I didn't? The ring popped into my mind again. I'd settled on two options for its appearance in her hat. It was possible that Bella _had_ sought to release me, thinking herself too injured, too disfigured. This had occurred to me, it was why I still searched so feverishly, still hoped. I didn't care about any of that. I swallowed down grief at the thought of her beautiful face, scarred, shredded. I didn't care. I just wanted her back.

The other scenario wasn't something I dwelled on. Because the other logical explanation was that Bella had died and Dr. Cullen had returned the ring. Perhaps he'd even recognized it as my mother's. But how had he gotten in here and why wouldn't he have talked to me? I shook my head.

It didn't make sense.

Anger flared again. He was smart not to talk to me now, the time for talking was long passed. If I was ever face to face with Dr. Cullen and he didn't deliver me directly to Bella... he was a dead man.

My pacing brought me to the window and I stopped in front of the stack of Bella's journals, piled high on a table. She had written pages and pages everyday; her voice was in there, her thoughts and feelings. I scooped up the lot and took them to the bedroom.

Flipping through the pages, I was reassured. These were not the words of a woman desperately unhappy. I skimmed entries from the beginning of our courtship and felt a smile tug at my mouth. Our life together was in here.

I lied back, propped on pillows against the headboard, letting her words, and our memories flow over me until a passage caught my full attention. Bella was a really good writer. She had captured the weather and excitement of playing baseball. She had so perfectly described the speakeasy I was amazed she'd only seen it twice. This passage was no less descriptive.

Bella had detailed our first night together.

The sensation, the emotion of that night surrounded me, almost, almost as if she was here, reading the words to me. Telling me what my hands did to her, how my mouth felt on her skin, how the world shifted for her too when I was inside her. The phantom ache returned, in my arms and much lower... but at least I'd chased away the doubt of her feelings for me.

I looked at the books, five in all, and knew I'd read each word, over and over, until I'd memorized them all.

-MCMXXIX-

The grey sky was heavy with the threat of more snow as I rounded the street corner on my way to the gym. It was late in the afternoon toward the end of February and I was surprised I'd managed to avoid the Irish guys – and my father - since that initial run-in at the speakeasy. They'd been back to Ben's, twice, both times during the evening and Ben had told them he didn't know where I was.

I wondered if he'd continue to cover for me after the mirror incident. We hadn't exchanged a word since then - a week ago - not even when I went into the club to leave money for the repair. I'd waited for him to say something, anything, but after an awkward few minutes it seemed clear he wasn't going to acknowledge me. I placed the money on the bar and left. I hadn't been back.

Sam, thankfully, had been left alone. My interest in the gym wasn't known and they hadn't been looking for me there. It was a refuge and I stopped in at the end of most days to work out the frustration of more fruitless searching.

I opened the door to the gym and the roar of the street and cold wind was replaced by the low hum of voices and the sporadic heavy thumps as gloved fists made contact with bags and mitts. I made my way to the change room without speaking to anyone. No one made an effort anymore, save Sam, and even he only sought me out from necessity. His office was dark, though; he wasn't here and I was glad to be left alone.

Changed and needing to work off steam, I made my way to the heavy bag. Voices were louder behind it and the babble of words floated over and by me; I rarely listened to what people were saying. One word, though, cut through the haze of my mind.

"Her name was Bella. You remember? She was in here the one time." Jacob shouldn't be talking about her and I wanted to stop him but I couldn't move. He continued, not seeing me behind the bag.

"Yeah, pretty little thing with all this strange hair. She looked like something from 1918." His audience laughed at that. I loved her hair. I could see her in front of me, in this space, as clearly as if she were real. Encouraged, Jacob went on.

"So, there was a bad accident and everyone knows she's dead, but Eddie, he loses his mind. He goes running around the city like a chicken with his head off, 'Where's Bella? Where's Bella?'." His voice was high and mocking, playing to his little crowd, and there were a few snickers.

I'd gone into a trance, I could picture exactly what he was describing. I was a chicken with its head off. Running around with the time ticking down, not realizing I was already dead.

Because Bella was dead.

Jacob's voice droned on. "Even if she was alive she'd be a mess. Don't know why he'd want her now anyway. I heard half her face was torn right off..." My trance ended abruptly and I stepped to the side of the heavy bag to reveal myself. The group turned as one, saw me and scattered in a murmur of embarrassment.

The kid looked a bit sheepish, but only just - and only for a moment. A second later he took in my expression, saw the hostility, and bristled. I looked to the side where I knew the others were hovering. A quick nod drew Seth to me and he had me gloved and ready for the ring in minutes. I don't think Jake and I broke eye contact the whole time.

I had two completely opposing agendas. On the one hand I wanted to smash my fist right into his stupid mouth, shut him up, permanently. I was furious and hated the sound of her name rolling around in my head – spoken in his voice. On the other - I wanted this done.

The kid turned and climbed into the ring. He was arrogant – and brutal. He had been a constant thorn in my side and now he would be the one to help me end this. I hadn't said a word yet and I wondered if he'd hit me hard enough without provocation. I ducked through the ropes and glared at him.

"Don't you talk about her, don't even say her name. Ever." I roared the last word and he flinched. Damn, he looked upset, he actually felt bad. That wouldn't do. I needed him mad, I needed him hot-headed and thinking of nothing but pummelling me. So I taunted him.

"Heard you lost your last fight. A KO, no less." I shook my head and clucked my tongue at him as his eyes narrowed. I snorted. This was going to be easy.

There was no bell and no one came in to referee for us. But no one stopped us either. He took a swing and I ducked by reflex. He didn't like that. I evaded his hits for a few minutes, still muttering loud enough for him to hear about how slow he was, how I'd seen amateurs land more punches.

I lowered my head, letting my eyes leave his hulking form, waiting for the first blow to make contact. It came from the right, harder than I expected, connecting with my face and sending me staggering back. I shook it off, not enough, and lunged forward again.

"That's all you got?" I smirked and feinted to the left. "You're weak, kid." I bobbed once more, then relaxed, waiting for it. The left this time, my ribs, and I thought I could actually feel them crack. This punch didn't send me reeling and Jacob struck again quickly, catching me with an uppercut straight under my jaw. I hadn't realized how close I was to the ropes and I fell against them, willing myself to stay up. It wasn't enough.

"You want more?" Jacob was whipped up now. "You want more, you son of a bitch." Interesting choice of words, exactly what I needed to hear, and with a fresh surge of rage, I hurled myself at him. I got in a few punches and avoided some of his next throws.

It went on like that for a bit with Jacob landing more punches and me avoiding fewer and fewer. I could feel the moment when I wasn't slowing down on purpose. I was really hurt. One of my eyes was swelling shut and I was pretty sure my nose was broken. But it still wasn't enough. I just wanted it to be over and he'd have to hit me hard.

"You kidding me? You're no fighter," I muttered at him. "You're gonna end up throwing fights for the Irish guys – you're very convincing. And it's all you're good for." I barely saw the next one coming; the kid was quick - and strong. I was counting on that.

The left side of my face exploded, well that's what it felt like, and the canvas below rose to meet me. There was a sickening crunch as broken ribs absorbed the impact a split second before my face hit the mat. My stomach heaved and my lungs ached but still, _still_ the worst pain was her loss. I coughed when I tried to catch my breath and saw a spray of blood on the white.

I wanted to get up. I wanted to let him finish this, finish me off. That stupid kid was right, Bella was dead, and everyone knew it. And I wouldn't live without her. I couldn't.

Through a haze of red I saw snow was falling outside, matching the flashes of white bursting in front of my eyes. But what if they were wrong? Blackness crept in the sides of my vision. I didn't know for sure. I couldn't die. I couldn't go off like some demented Romeo and die, not until I was absolutely sure. Not while that tiny bit of hope remained.

Because it did.

Hope, for whatever reason, was still there. It dripped down the back of my mind, it dripped like a leaky faucet...

Maybe Bella was alive...

Maybe Bella needed me...

Maybe Bella was waiting for me...

Maybe...

Maybe...

Maybe...

-MCMXXIX-

**Bella's POV**

They always lowered their voices when they spoke about me. Which, of course, was ridiculous. Because we all knew very well we could hear each other through the walls and doors and if they ever let me out of the God forsaken house, through the very bricks. Well, they would let me out but I didn't want out under _their_ terms. Dr. Cullen and Esme were, in their own way, much, much worse than my parents had ever been when it came to controlling me.

I'd been told about the accident - and what I'd become - but it had taken some convincing. I didn't hold with such nonsense. Dr. Cullen had talked incessantly while I burned. He talked about eternal life and unbelievable beauty, talked of saving me, as he had saved his wife, Esme. I wasn't saved. I still wasn't completely convinced that he wasn't the Devil himself.

It also irritated me to no end that Dr. Cullen, the almighty Dr. Cullen, didn't have all answers. He and Esme described an existence very different from mine. Burning throats and uncontrollable thirst. The loss of my old life... I should have no memory of that time at all.

But I confounded them.

When the burning stopped and I opened my eyes to this new life I _had_ forgotten an awful lot. Things like my last name, why I had left New York and where exactly I'd been going when I ended up under a truck. They told me I would want blood, I'd be overwhelmed by my desire for it and how they would help me. They talked and talked, taking my silence as acceptance but I was barely listening. Very little of what they said made sense to me. For I only had one word in my mind, only one memory that meant anything to me at all.

Edward.

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**Thanks for reading. I won't be updating for a while but once I'm back the story will be complete and it'll go up quickly. Laters.**


	17. Chapter 17 The Jigsaw Falls into Place

**A/ N Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. To mrsaubergine, beingbold and whitbysucks; Thank you for your patience and...everything. **

**It's been longer than I expected to get back, sorry about that! Aiming for a chap a week now. **

**Last chapter, we followed Edward through weeks of searching and wondering. He was pretty low. Edward had hopped in the ring with the intention of letting Jacob beat him to death (Poor Edward snapped). He realizes at the last moment that he has to keep looking, solve the mystery of Bella's disappearance and Dr Cullen's involvement. Bella, conveniently, gave us a tiny glimpse of what's been happening with her. **

**The story continues now in her point of view but this may change from time to time. Also, note the date. We've gone back in time. Bella really wanted you guys to hear about this. ::eyeroll at self::**

**Bella's pov**

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_Jan 3, 1929_

I had thought the pain was unbearable. There were tiny breaks into consciousness where I could feel. My skin was torn, shredded in places and bones were broken. One leg swayed at an unnatural angle as I was borne away. The angel or demon – I neither knew nor cared – carried me swiftly. Suddenly, there was more pain, jagged, searing, at the ends of each limb and lastly, at my neck. Fires raced from these points, licking through my veins until I was engulfed.

Then I knew what pain was.

This pain was excruciating. Waves of fire rolled over and through me, seeming to give off their own noise - a roaring - that for much of the time blocked out the voices around me. There was black and... there was pain. For so very long that was all.

A minute break in the fiery mayhem allowed the voices in. I heard choked, dry sobbing.

"There, there, don't cry. Look she's healing. It will be alright," a gentle voice reassured.

If I had been screaming, I stopped now. Edward was there, crying for me. I wouldn't add to his torment. I just wished the doctor would tell him the truth; that I was dying. The wave of fire returned and pulled me under.

I couldn't say how much time might have passed. Time had no place in that black pit of pain. I began to worry I had in fact died and had been sent to hell to burn. To burn with the sound of Edward's grief in my ears and a soft voice taunting me with tales. At first I could only make sense of single words.

_Strength._

_Blood._

_Immortal._

The fire receded, inch by inch, and the voice that had reassured Edward started his own dry sobs.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what I've done. Bella, I'm sorry." The choked voice whispered and a surge of terror flooded me. What had he done? Where had Edward gone?

He continued. "You are almost done with the transformation, the change that will make you a vampire." My mind chose that moment to burst into crystal clear fragments. I could suddenly recall all that he had said to me, everything I had heard, while the burning had held me captive.

I could never die. I would be young forever.

I was dangerous. I would thirst for blood. I would kill for it.

Logic, common sense told me that wasn't so. Vampires were the stuff of books and movies. Not real. The man was continuing his ridiculous, terrifying tale.

Still another part of my mind methodically catalogued everything. Quiet breathing nearby. A clock ticking downstairs. Drifts of air washed over my skin, cooling the last of the fire everywhere but on my chest, over my heart. This distracted me. I felt better, could feel strength thrumming through me, but the pain, this burn...I was certain I would die now.

Anguish and agony combined and I moaned.

Where was Edward?

My moan had brought the owner of the voice closer. The air swirled and brought scents with it: wood smoke, furniture polish, more I couldn't identify. My head rocked from side to side trying to deny what was happening. I was dying. The pain hit a crescendo and I wailed with the agony of it; my body strained to escape it.

And then it was over.

My eyes snapped open of their own accord and darted madly, looking for the source of the vile voice. Suddenly, without ever having decided to move, I was against the farthest wall, as far as I could get from the man.

How had I done that?

The man was watching me, kindness and wariness mingling in his golden eyes. He was fair, so very pale, even for the middle of winter. Why was I here? What did he want? I suppressed a shiver as the only logical reason for my being here occurred.

I'd been kidnapped. It had to be the gang after Edward. Was I being held for ransom?

I glanced out the window, trying to get my bearings.

There wasn't much to see. Snow, trees, more trees in the distance. It seemed like I could see farther, clearer, every detail down to a bird in a nest – a mile away. I gasped. That simply could not be.

I was seeing things, hallucinating. My mind felt...too busy.

"Bella? How do you feel?" His voice was calm, curious. He knew my name. I shook my head back and forth as if to clear it, recognizing that the motion was too fast again. My perception was so very off. Everything was too fast, too sharp, and too intense.

He must have drugged me.

What could produce this effect? Absinthe? Opium? I didn't know. He'd said he was sorry – he'd done _something _to me. And he'd taken me away from Edward. Oh God. Edward. He must be frantic. I'd been holding my breath and took one now to answer my captor.

That one deep breath sent my mind reeling with the man's scent and the scent of someone else who had been in this room. I could smell snow and ice through the window and the sweet scent of...I didn't know – but it made my mouth water.

"I feel, a bit dizzy I suppose. Confused." My voice was strange in my ears, another of the effects of whatever had been given to me to control me, move me against my will. Now panic fluttered inside me; how had they gotten me away from Edward? Was he alright? They wouldn't hurt him. They just wanted money. I held onto that. I needed to be strong.

A niggling thought disturbed my overcrowded mind. Why all the talk of vampires? Why the games?

"That's to be expected, Bella," he spoke again. "Your turning went remarkably well but it takes some time to adjust. I'm Dr Cullen – Carlisle Cullen." He searched my eyes and I thought he was looking for signs of recognition. I lowered my gaze to the ground. Of course, I knew the name. He had been Edward's doctor during the influenza outbreak. He had sworn to Edward's mother to watch over him.

Another piece of the puzzle.

Dr Cullen had nothing to do with the Irish gang. In fact, Edward had told me the doctor had warned him to keep away from his father.

Cold terror prickled down my spine.

This madman seemed to think he was a vampire and that he had turned me into one. I tried to fit the puzzle pieces together. I had been kidnapped. I had something... something wrong inside of me that was distorting, amplifying all my senses.

I wasn't being held for ransom. This was some sort of sick cult.

I held in the growing hysteria by a thread.

Dr Cullen must not get to Edward.

I needed to pull myself together, play his game until I figured out how to escape. I nodded in acknowledgement and looked up again but not at Dr Cullen, at the room in general. The details had been registering even as I concentrated on the doctor. In spite of my panic, my mind seemed able to take in much more than before, and almost without my realizing it.

The space was large, clean and luxurious, with a canopy bed of warm dark wood made up with dark blue bedding. Windows adorned each wall, providing almost a panoramic view. A wardrobe and desk in the same wood flanked the south-facing window. I realized with a start that I was measuring the shadows and their direction. It was the unnerving feeling of knowing things without knowing how.

Dust motes sparkled in the air, cutting a silver swath across the room. It looked solid enough to walk on – or to keep me from Dr Cullen's throat as my full attention returned to him.

Speaking had caused an itch in my throat and I swallowed to clear it. Dr Cullen's eyes narrowed.

"Bella, are you... does your throat burn still?" Did he not know? His voice was soft, not threatening at all. In different circumstances I would have found it very pleasant indeed. He was staring openly, a doctor observing a specimen. I was uncomfortable under his clinical gaze, I wanted to squirm, fidget. I didn't though. Neither of us had moved an inch since I 'woke'. I answered with a question.

"Should it burn? Does yours, Dr Cullen?" I inhaled, testing the air. Could I smell fear? Truth? How quickly things that seemed impossible became if not normal...plausible.

I watched as his hand rose slowly to his throat. I mimicked the action, thinking we must look like mirror images. Then I suppressed an insane train of thought; vampires didn't have reflections. I very nearly giggled, my nerves were so close to their snapping point. His eyes widened at my motion – why was that so surprising? His brow furrowed then, considering.

I didn't like that and felt my face tighten and twist in anger. My expression must have been something. He tensed but answered calmly.

"It does, my throat burns almost always. I've learned to control the need...the urge?" he looked at me again with questions in his eyes. He took a breath, appraising and reached some decision. "Would you meet my wife? Perhaps she could be some comfort to you? She was quite devastated watching you change and she's thrilled you've made it through." Dr Cullen shook his head. When he spoke again, his voice was low, regretful.

"I'm sorry to have done this to you. I didn't see another way..." he sighed.

Hate. Pure, hate for this man boiled beneath my skin. At the same time a flutter of relief beat within me. It was his wife's sobs I'd heard. Edward had never been near him. More memories tumbled into the forefront of my mind, an accident? Had that been real? Had I imagined Edward's voice, calling to me, to Dr Cullen?

I wouldn't ask. I fell back upon the teachings from my upbringing, the false pleasant front my mother had insisted I put forth. I could play nice when I had to.

"I'd be honoured to meet your wife, Dr Cullen. I'm sure she's as charming as you are." The good doctor's eyes tightened; perhaps I'd laid it on a bit thick.

With some softly murmured words and a swiftness I did not trust to be real, his wife, Esme, was produced. She was an auburn beauty, exuding warmth and...love? She had the same golden eyes that had disturbed me in Dr Cullen's pale face. I didn't want to think about how that was possible. I was watching her and Dr Cullen and thinking about the accident at the same time. Something wasn't adding up. Which memory was the false one?

The accident?

The burning?

All that had occurred since I'd opened my eyes?

I took an experimental stroke of my cheek. Flesh that I knew had been torn away, I had felt it, felt the blood streaming down; this flesh was as good as new.

Better than new. Smooth, softer than silk.

A quiet part of my mind wondered briefly if I felt that way everywhere.

Esme was gentle and much more likeable immediately, simply by not being the one who had done this to me. I remembered a heated exchange in the back of a car as I swerved between the blackness and the pain. She had fought against this. Whatever this was.

"Hello, Bella." Her voice was lower than mine but pleasant. "I know you're confused. This is...I don't know what to say. I'm sorry too, like Carlisle, I wish this hadn't happened to you." Her eyes were pleading, trying to make me understand. "I am glad you're here though. And I do hope you'll stay with us."

This disarmed me. The crystal clear fragments of my mind were warring with each other. Logic and fear battled with the vivid memories and Dr Cullen's tall tales. Again, my mind whispered at me that something was very, very wrong. Something far beyond simple kidnapping and cults. Something that would keep me from Edward forever. My panic mounted and I knew I wasn't hiding it anymore.

Dr Cullen sighed.

"Bella, would you like to sit?" He gestured to a sitting area on the far side of the room. I hadn't moved from my defensive position since I'd first opened my eyes and relaxed marginally. I nodded my assent.

As we moved to the deep blue couches Esme reached out to touch my hair. Her mouth was working as if she were holding back words – or sobs. I allowed the touch and sank into the comfort of the cushions with her right beside me. She was looking at me with such tenderness. It didn't make sense, I had no reason to trust her but I couldn't help myself. I leaned into her and fell apart.

She cried with me. There were no tears, I could feel the phantom sting of them but was surprised none came. Another effect of the drug I'd been given. "_Or simply that vampires don't have tears," my mind whispered. _The crying was just shuddering sobs, gasping noises, and her arms snaked around me trying to hold me together.

Dr Cullen murmured over and over. "I'm sorry, I didn't see another way, I'm sorry." His words grated on my nerves as I quieted but I held my tongue. Esme's comfort was too precious, all I had at the moment. I wouldn't chance losing it by turning on her husband. I needed an ally.

They talked, telling me everything about this insane, imaginary existence they'd created for themselves. I listened in disbelief, shocked to my core by how very mad they were. The sun set in the west streaking the sky in orange, rose and blue before plunging into the deepest black. That golden orb was rising, it seemed moments later, in a glorious ode to all the shades of red in the west in the morning. All without a break in the conversation.

That was unsettling and I started to shake.

Esme and Dr Cullen insisted they would help me, train me, to exist as they did, surviving on the blood of animals. They weren't just vampires; they were special, moral vampires who didn't hunt humans. A very sarcastic part of my brain trilled, "well, la di da".

Dr Cullen had big plans to take things one step further with me.

"I believe," he hypothesized, "that if we bring you the blood, if you have no need to hunt for it..." His excitement was expressed in widened eyes and clasped hands. They looked pale, folding over themselves over and over. _Here is the church and here is the steeple._ "It's possible that we could suppress the instinct to prey on...others." Humans, he meant. I thought I might be ill. Could I drink animal blood to keep up their charade?

The doctor continued. "You are dangerous – very. That's why we're so isolated here. There isn't another person for many miles. If you caught the scent...at this early, newborn stage..." he trailed off as Esme stiffened beside me.

"What is it?" I asked her, concerned. She had been talkative, never letting me go, through the whole horrific catechism. It was a wonder to me that I trusted her so quickly, so completely when I felt the complete opposite for her husband. They had both contributed to the terrifying 'lesson' but it was the doctor who was the mastermind, I was sure of it.

She straightened away from me and I felt bereft. She sighed and hung her head, refusing to meet my eye as she began.

"I've been like...this," she gestured absently to herself before continuing. "Well, Carlisle turned me in 1921." I tried to hide my shock at this, disgust really. He did this to her too! I struggled to keep my face neutral, open so she would keep talking. Esme wasn't looking at me though; her eyes were trained on Dr Cullen. Her beautiful face was twisted now, regret and shame mingled in her gaze and I had to look away. She was too exposed.

The doctor was kneeling at her feet in less than a second. "Don't, darling don't, you know I have no..."

She took his face in her hands. I was struck again by the white of their skin. They matched. "I know...but I do." They stared into each other's eyes with a look of such love that it caused me pain. Edward looked at me like that. More time passed, it didn't mean anything anymore – to them. I was still plotting. I had to get back to Edward. Esme turned to me, it seemed an effort and I was suddenly very afraid of what I was about to hear.

"Bella, being a newborn vampire is...challenging." Esme's tone was lighter now, back to instruction and the history of vampires. "That burn in your throat, the thirst, it's all consuming. I killed three people in my first year. I still don't have perfect control – I could never work among them, as Carlisle does, in the hospital." She turned to smile at him.

I reeled. How lightly she spoke of it! They were monsters – vampires or not. For the first time I could not completely silence that small, dark part of my mind that believed the nonsense they were speaking. The talk of thirst, indeed even 'killing' had caused my throat to burn and I swallowed, uncomfortable with the sensation – and the thought itself.

Dr Cullen looked from his wife to me. His gaze was full of compassion. "You're thirsty. That is perfectly normal Bella and I'm going to help you." His expression was earnest. I didn't care. I hated him. I hated what he had done to Esme and what he was trying to do to me.

I fought hard to control my tone. "No thank you, I would like Esme to help me." She was shaking her head in denial, her auburn hair dusting her shoulders, before I'd spoken all the words.

"I can't Bella, I can't do it. Carlisle is going to give you the blood. I'm using all the control I have not to run and drink it myself." She rose and I looked up to her desperately. I didn't want to be alone with him. "I need to leave – so you can do this, you'll feel so much better, after. I'll be back soon." She shared a glance between us, still gentle but stern somehow. "Be nice." She leaned to place a kiss on the top of my head before placing another on Carlisle's cheek. Without another word she went to the window, threw it open and jumped to the ground two storeys below.

I closed my eyes. This wasn't happening. This sort of thing just wasn't real.

Dr Cullen stared at the window for a long moment before rising – he had still been on the floor where he had rushed to comfort Esme.

"Would you follow me, Bella? I'd like for you to drink downstairs." He turned and left the room without waiting for my answer.

Could I do this? Should I run? Where? The next moment the point was moot.

I could smell the blood now. Dr Cullen must have brought it into the house. My hand went to my throat, it did burn, terribly.

I was down the stairs and in front of him before I could form another thought. The crystal fragments of my mind condensed as my focus narrowed to a single, ferocious desire.

Blood.

My vision was clouded with a haze of red and my head swam with the sweet scent.

_Want. _

I was rigid, frozen, waiting. Would the ridiculous man not hand it over? This was his idea – what was he waiting for? Hatred for the doctor flared with the torture that was this new burning. Flames blazed. The pain almost as intense as the fire in my chest had been but now centred completely in my throat.

_Need._

My dry throat didn't seem capable of speech and my words were whispered. "Give," I choked out, barely restraining myself from grabbing the jug from the doctor's hands. "Please."

Then the jug was in my hands and at my lips and I gulped, mindless, almost delirious with the want of it. It was cold - my instincts told me it should be warm but I didn't give a fig – it was the single most delicious thing I had ever tasted. Rich and sweet, like nectar, I imagined.

The fire went out and I slowed down. The room had disappeared in the frenzy and I felt I was coming back to myself. Or rather, back to what I was now. Everything they had told me was true. I couldn't think of it now. I wanted to drink more. I'd think about it later.

I drank more conventionally now, lowering the jug between swallows, savouring. How long might it be before I drank again? I considered asking the doctor for a glass; it was unseemly to be drinking from the jug but when I looked at him the request died on my lips.

His eyes were dark, completely black but that wasn't what struck me silent. Dr Cullen was staring at me, his expression confused and I thought...amazed. Did he think I wouldn't drink it? Was this some sort of test? I buried my nose into the jug and sniffed. Ambrosia. I closed my eyes, letting the sweetness soothe me. There was only one drink left.

"How are you doing this?" His tone was awed. My eyes flew back open as irritation flared. Could he not leave me be?

I snapped at him. "Doing what? Was I not supposed to be able to drink it? Full questions please, Dr Cullen, less of this ambiguity. I've had quite enough mystery, thank you." I tipped the jug back, looking up to the ceiling as the last drops slid down. I didn't sweep my fingers inside the jug to get the very last of the blood...but I wanted to.

"Bella, you should have been wild, completely out of control." He took the jug from me and walked to the kitchen, shaking his head slowly back and forth. I followed. He carefully rinsed and dried the jug, leaving the water from the tap running. I supposed he was removing every trace of the blood and its scent before Esme returned.

I was confused. I _had_ been out of control, every fibre of my being had screamed for the blood.

He continued, searching my face for I don't know what while he spoke. "I was prepared for you to knock me down – to attack, growl...something!" He threw his hands in the air and waved them for emphasis. "You _waited_." His tone was awed again. "You said, '_please_'." He muttered as if to himself, "I don't know what it means. I've never seen...ever...and _newborn_."

I'd tuned him out. Drinking the blood had brought great relief, a brief euphoria but now the real pain was back.

Edward.

This was real - I'd been gone three days. Edward must be completely beside himself. I needed to be alone. I couldn't think this through, think of Edward with Dr Cullen watching me.

"Dr Cullen, is that my room we were in upstairs? I'd like to be alone." He nodded and I turned on my heel, flying up the stairs, anxious to have the door between us. I could not stand his eyes on me for one more second.

There was a bathroom attached to what was now my room and I raced for the mirror, half expecting to see no reflection at all. I stood in front of it for a moment, gathering courage, bracing myself before raising my eyes to look.

It was difficult to see _me_ at first, the differences were so glaring. My skin was paler, less creamy with the absence of my human blush. I turned my head from side to side, looking for scars. There were none. It was snowy, stark - flawless.

My hair was longer, fuller and a richer colour than before. It was clean and hanging in styled waves; Esme must have fixed me up while I burned. I noticed my new clothes too. What I'd been wearing must have been covered in...

I gasped in horror. It was still me, a version of me, all except the eyes. They weren't my own dark brown, nor yet the golden honey of Esme and Dr Cullen. The irises were red, crimson against the white of my skin.

I looked like the monster I was.

I heard Esme return and Dr Cullen's quiet voice as he recounted my first taste of blood. She had hunted while she was out and wanted to see me but Dr Cullen asked her to leave me be, repeating my request to be alone. I was intrigued that I could hear each word; their voices were low, indicating a private conversation but they had to know I could hear them.

The window Esme had used to flee was still open. I crossed the room to it; how strange to know the air was cold but I could not feel any discomfort. I left it open and leaned out, sniffing the fresh, complicated breeze.

Here was another vampire marker.

I was sparkling. My skin refracted the light of the sun like a prism, no, more like the crystal shimmer on the snow outside. I was distracted by a different sparkle, though.

My ring.

Edward's ring.

I was a vampire and he was lost to me. I couldn't be his – no, I was his, I always would be. There would never be another for me. For Edward...he must move on. He could belong to another. The pain that accompanied that thought was unbearable. I twisted the ring around and around, remembering when Edward had put it there.

_We both must have dozed. When I opened my eyes, the night beyond the window was full dark and the candles had burnt half-down. I looked at Edward while he slept, reluctant to wake him after our exertions._

_His hair was a mad tangle and I felt myself heat through knowing my hands had made that beautiful mess. He was always beautiful to me but now he was breathtaking, looking younger, so completely at peace. I wanted to watch him more and I wanted to wake him. I could feel myself blushing with the direction of my thoughts...I wanted him again._

_I had to touch him. I rubbed his back and the smooth muscles of his shoulders with the tips of my fingers. My hand flattened and swept along, down to his waist. I considered lifting the sheet to see the rest of his form. Despite our intimacy...I hadn't see everything I wanted to. He smiled with his eyes closed, still sleeping but on the edge of consciousness. _

_I leaned to his ear. "Edward," I said, as softly as I could. He reached for me with a contented sigh and gathered me to his chest._

"_Mmm, yes, love?" He finally managed. _

_I was overtaken by shyness and broached a different topic. "You forgot to give me the ring." I shook against him with quiet laughter and he cleared his throat before opening his eyes. Even in this dim light the colour of them was extraordinary. _

_He rolled toward the heap of clothing on the floor and was back in a moment with that little velvet pouch in his hand. Edward asked which finger I would wear it on._

_I lay on my side, propped on an elbow and held out my right hand, wiggling the first finger in answer. He slipped the golden circle, the symbol of eternity, into place. I sighed with pleasure, surprised just how much I like the weight of it on my hand – and the meaning behind it._

"_Is it still official? Even though we forgot the ring?" I laughed softly again and he smirked at me. I don't think I could ever tell him what that look did to me. _

"_Who says the ceremony's over?" Our lips met and we tangled back together. "Bella, every time I say 'I love you', every time I make love to you... I'll be making my vow again. I'll never stop." His hand moved in worship from my face and I choked back emotion. It made no sense for him to look at me like that._

_Then I was distracted as his hand moved, along the length of my body, down to where I already felt need again. "Are you sore love?" he asked._

"_I'm alright, Edward." I watched his face as I arched against his hand. Edward eyes were hooded and his breath came heavier – but not yet as heavy as mine._

"_Good. I'm glad. Because Bella, I want you again."_

I'd been gone three days. He'd last seen me mangled, completely broken. I felt a surge of pity, separate from my own grief and pain; poor, poor Edward. He would be frantic. Did he assume I had died? Did he know how badly damaged I'd been? That I would never be..._his_ Bella again?

Flying down the stairs, wrenching the ring from my finger I stopped in front of Carlisle. I held out the ring but he made no move to take it.

"Return this." My voice was cold, resolved. "Please," I added. This needed to be done.

The doctor frowned but I went on before he could say 'no'. "You return it. Or I will," I threatened him, bluffing. I knew this wouldn't be allowed, I'd kill if I went anywhere near Chicago. He didn't know me well enough to know if I meant it though.

Esme had rushed to my side and her arm went around my waist. I needed the physical support. I was so intent on the pain I felt I was crumbling to pieces. Death was preferable to this agony. I felt fresh rage at Dr Cullen and his gruesome meddling.

How could I let Edward go? How could I not? I watched as a silent conversation passed between them. I willed him to take the ring, return it to Edward.

The message would be clear. Edward was no longer tied to me, he was free to move on.

The doctor sighed and took the ring. I averted my eyes as he kissed his wife.

And then he was gone.

Words Edward had spoken, Blake of course, but in a much different context, snaked through my mind. Now there was no caress, no whisper in my ear to warm the words with possibilities, love. Now they were sinister.

"_Every Morn & every Night_

_Some are Born to sweet delight._

_Some are Born to sweet delight,_

_Some are Born to Endless Night."_

_

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_

**Thank you for reading! If you need a fic pick-me-up after this, I have two one-shots that might do the trick. How to Be More is lemony Art goodness, while Astarsaga is warm, swoony Edward in 1104. They are on my profile. Enjoy!**


	18. Chapter 18 Seconds Count

A/N Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.

Smooches to MrsAubergine, ShyNoMore (beingbold) and Whitbysucks for help and fun, not in that order at all.

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**Bella's POV**

The worst part about being a vampire – besides missing Edward – was the boredom. I begged Esme to get rid of the grandfather clock in the parlour or at least stop winding it. The seconds ticking by drove me mad because some small part of my mind was always counting them.

For instance, I knew it was 201,274 seconds since my last drink of blood.

Dr Cullen thought a schedule was best. He theorized that if I could predict when I would get blood I would not develop anxiety, and therefore, the instincts to prey...hunt...

Kill.

So this was a routine we all lived by. Every four days, pretty much to the second, Esme would leave, usually for a few hours. Dr Cullen would go hunt for himself before bringing blood for me. After the first few weeks, I found I could drink from a glass. It helped immensely that this seemed to disturb Dr Cullen so much. As did my naming it 'Bella's Bloody Mary' and then hooting with laughter while apologizing to my fictional victim. I did so love to shake him from his clinically detached pedestal.

Just because we were vampires didn't mean we had to be so cold.

It had been almost four weeks since I'd been turned and an uneasy truce had been reached between Dr Cullen and me. He didn't speak to me unless absolutely necessary and I, well I would answer when and if I pleased. Mostly we left each other alone. It was easier than I'd thought it would be; he was gone for hours, sometimes days, at a time.

When he was home, I stayed in my room. Unless he had blood for me.

Conversely, Esme and I spent a lot of time together. As we became better acquainted I felt badly about the tension with Dr Cullen. It hurt her. She was so gentle and thoughtful; the sort of person who should always be happy and indulged because of the love she gave. I regretted being a part of the problem but truly blamed her husband. He was the one who had created this mess.

I still couldn't fathom his motivations for doing this to me. With Esme, Dr Cullen had been lonely. That seemed incredibly selfish to me but Esme had reassured me that she did in fact feel saved.

"Carlisle found me in the morgue, can you believe it? My heart was still beating though and he recognized me. He told me later he'd felt a connection to me, when I was human I mean, and acted quickly." She'd smiled her gentle smile but there was a shadow on her face. I had been too shy to ask how Esme had come to be in the morgue; had she been ill? Had an accident like me?

We were tentative at first. Each of us had secrets to keep and trust was hard to come by in the early days. I knew she likely told her husband what we spoke of. Still, it was pleasant to let my guard down a little and get to know her – and her me.

We had kept our conversation topics fairly benign; hobbies, travels and such. I was correct in my assumption that my talks with Esme were shared with her husband. I didn't really mind. So it was 1,209,554 seconds ago that Dr Cullen had brought me a typewriter, which lasted precisely 86 seconds under my not-yet-controlled strength. Two more machines fell victim to my excitement, at which point I insisted on less expensive writing materials.

I tried the fountain pens that appeared, but broke them all – and they were messy. Poor Esme flinched each time she heard a pen snap, wondering what I'd ruined this time. It was frustrating to have such control over my thirst and almost none over my strength. In some ways it felt like a holdover from my clumsy human self. I was quite used to breaking things.

I was reduced to pencils now. I had boxes of them and had broken as many as I wore out.

It became a sort of obsession to write down every memory I had of Edward. Esme and Dr Cullen seemed so sure the memories wouldn't last. So I wrote it all down. My first sight of him, handsome and lonely, sitting on that park bench. The first time he'd visited me at Rose's, and his almost comical shock at my book. Our day at the sand dunes – and what that remarkable afternoon had led to.

I scrawled away, capturing each minute detail, searching my mind for more. What if I was forgetting already?

_Snap._

I closed my eyes and sighed. The pencil was simply cracked in two this time, not ground to sawdust like my previous victim. Still, I was beyond frustrated; it was the fifth pencil today and it felt like a huge step backward. I hadn't broken any yesterday.

In an effort to collect myself, I walked to the window, not bothering to move at a human pace. There was nobody to see. This old farm house was well beyond the city limits and set so far back from the country road there was little chance of surprise visitors. It was unassuming from the outside and the surrounding land looked neglected and abandoned, all except the garden area in the back. This was stark and frozen now but Esme had described lush, vibrant blooms in warmer weather.

I'd brought the pages I'd been writing and smiled lightly, forgiving myself the broken pencil. I suppose the subject matter was...exciting. I read it back, knowing if I was human I would have blushed.

_Fragrant steam from the tub fogged the mirror but I stood in front of it anyway, stripped and ready for the bath. I'd been pinning up my hair but froze when I'd heard Edward's tread coming up the stairs. I hoped the pose was beguiling and not as ridiculous as it felt – a bad caricature of a pin-up girl. _

_A light knock announced his arrival. "Bella, did I hear a bath...?" The door opened and I heard him gasp and mutter something that sounded very much like a bad word. That was good as far as initial reactions went. His eyes traveled over me and I flushed while continuing to put up my hair. Edward stepped closer. I could feel the heat of him. "What are you doing?" he asked. His voice was low and rough already. _

"_Clearly I'm solving a cross-word puzzle while sitting on a pole," I deadpanned."I'm going for a new world record". He breathed out through his nose and pulled the face he always did when confronted with my sarcasm._

"_We don't have time for this!" he said, while looking me over again. His words, though, were at odds with his expression. His half-smile and hungry eyes spoke of a man who would find the time. _Make_ the time. I began to believe I would get my way. I wrinkled my nose and sniffed the air theatrically._

"_You smell atrocious, you know?" Edward's eyes widened. I chose that moment to cross to the tub, stepping in slowly and, I hoped, seductively. His eyes were burning me as I lowered myself into the silky, heated water. _

"_Do I, now?" he murmured, his intense gaze following my movements. The water felt incredible, both relaxing me and fuelling the heat that was blossoming low inside me. I soaked and soaped a sponge before dragging it up one arm, along the curve of my collarbone and then down the other arm. Suds dripped down between my breasts. "Jesus," Edward groaned. I hid my smile as he tried to adjust himself discreetly._

"_You should join me," I added, over my shoulder. "It'll save time." His fingers were at buttons before the words were all out and I couldn't help a giggle._

"_How efficient of you, Bella. Do you think, I'll, ah, fit?" He was eyeing the tub while thumbing out of his suspenders. Pants, socks, drawers were all in a pile in seconds and he finally worked the clasp on his watch. Now my eyes were the hungry ones, drinking in the long lines of his muscled legs, his sculpted chest. I licked my lips; his chest hair was a favourite plaything of mine. My gaze settled somewhere in the middle and I shivered. _

_There was another plaything ready for me. I smirked at him as he stepped toward the tub. _

"_Sometimes I worry you won't fit too, Edward. But you always do." I winked at him. He groaned again and I leaned forward so he could step into the water behind me. He settled with a splash and pulled me back against his chest. I sighed in contentment. Why on earth had we not done _this_ before?_

_Edward nuzzled behind my ear and kissed a line up the back of my neck. He took the sponge from me and picked up where I left off, sweeping it along my hips and belly, between my legs, making me gasp. His voice was as silky as his touch, hot against my ear. "Are we still trying to make that train or not?" He tilted my chin up to see my face._

_I needed this, we needed this. A moment, alright many moments, of just us. Not hiding from his father and his troubles. Not running from my parents and their judgements. Me and Edward and our...love._

_I stared at his lips and thought of all they did to me. His words, his kisses. "We'll make the train," I muttered, completely distracted. At that moment I truly believed we would but it wasn't the most pressing thing on my mind. I felt desperate. I needed him and wasn't hiding it anymore. I reached up to trace his lips with my fingers. His tongue darted out to lick and he pulled one of my fingers into his mouth. My gasping moan was almost embarrassing except Edward's own sound had drowned it out._

_I twisted so I was on top of him. His legs entwined with mine and I could feel him, hard, pressed against my hip. I squirmed a bit; that wasn't where I wanted to feel him. I stared at his mouth, sucking on my finger and thought of something else those lips and tongue had done to me. The thought made my breath come out hard._

_He took my hand and placed it on his cheek. "What are you thinking, Bella? You look positively...wanton." We were moving together, pressing and rocking, our undulations moving the water in ripples. I gulped. How to phrase this? I allowed myself to believe it was the heat of the water causing my blush._

"_Well, Edward, I was just wondering how long you could hold your breath." He grinned at me, reaching up to kiss me on the mouth, a deep searching kiss, his tongue pressing to mine. A taste of what was to come. Now he twisted, pushing me gently to sit with my back against the tub while he kneeled between my legs._

"_You keep count, I'll be too distracted." Then Edward took a comically deep breath and dove under the water._

_His hands anchored on my hips. I felt his hair first, soft and silky, tickling the inside of my thighs. _

"_One," I counted. His mouth was on me and his tongue darted deep._

"_Two," I moaned. I felt his thumbs pulling me wide and his tongue again, deeper this time._

"_Aargh, three." My head fell back against the edge of the tub with a dull thud. Edward's head, still underwater, tilted to the side. He bit down gently -_

Here the page was torn down the side, shredded as I broke the pencil and the spell of the memory. I laid the page aside, frustrated with myself – well, just frustrated I suppose.

Looking back out the window I was surprised to see Esme. I'd watched her play in the snow before but it was still a shock to see her without a coat or hat. Mind, I was standing at an open window at the end of February. Some things just took getting used to.

She noticed me and smiled. "Come down, Bella! There's nobody, I promise, nobody for miles. Smell from up there." I hadn't left the house at all, terrorized by Dr Cullen's assurance that if I happened to smell a human I would kill. That wasn't a chance I would take. The fresh air felt good though and I sniffed deeply. Snow, ice, Esme. I thought maybe I could smell the turning season; it wasn't quite as cold and the trees had the tiniest buds on them. They gave off a faint fragrance already.

There were creatures. Burrowed deep or scampering around, I could smell them but I didn't want them. I was thirsty the way I'd been hungry as a human an hour before dinner. It was appetizing, certainly, but I could wait. With that concern satisfied, I made my decision.

"I'll be right down," I called, turning for the stairs. I laughed darkly at myself. There was no need to yell. Another of so many adjustments I'd yet to make.

"Goose!" called Esme and I turned back. She _liked _acting human. "Just jump out the window!" Her golden eyes sparkled at me and I felt a qualm. Mine were still a sinister crimson with just the merest flecks of honey. I looked back to the window. I'd seen Esme and Carlisle jumping and running but other than some quick trips up and down the stairs I hadn't tried it out myself. I craned my neck, looking out past the sill, measuring. Esme stood as still as the statues in the garden; only her hair moved with the breeze.

I ducked below the sash and a tiny dart of excitement flashed through me. I wasn't a clumsy human anymore. I could do this. Taking one more deep breath, and willing myself not to close my eyes, I jumped.

It was over before it began. The air whooshed by and the ground jumped up. My feet and body were ready though, landing as if I'd stepped off a curb rather than from two storeys up. Esme was with me in an instant, her arm around my waist, beaming at me.

"You're outside. Bella, you did it!" Her praise embarrassed me. I hadn't earned it. Still, I was outside and it felt good. The sun gave off some heat; snow covered the ground, sparkling like our skin, but small patches of dark earth could be seen here and there. Esme gave me a squeeze and let go. "Let's run. You've been cooped up too long – let's see how fast you are." She took off in a flash and I ran too, for the first time.

It was like falling, from a great height, the rush of air flew by so quickly. We were the ones moving though, our hair streaming behind us. We ran in a wide circle, the miles disappearing effortlessly under our feet. Esme laughed with the joy of it. It _was_ fun and I laughed too as I overtook her.

"I'm faster than you!" I called out over my shoulder, squealing as she sped up. Esme responded as she often did to my more childish remarks. As a mother might.

"Run fast, little one. I'm going to get you!" I ran, circling back toward the house. Laughing, I looked back over my shoulder but I didn't see Esme.

Edward. Edward was running after me. He was keeping up somehow and his eyes roamed over me even as he yelled in warning, "Would you please watch where you're going?" I whirled to run to him but kept on spinning, running away instead. What if I hurt him? I sniffed the air, cautiously. There was no scent, nothing that I would have expected. I knew humans were more appealing. I couldn't smell him though and turned to look again, desperate to see him. One look and I'd run.

He was gone. I looked around wildly, scanning the horizon in all directions. There was nothing, nothing but Esme who was beside me as I fell to the ground. The wind was picking up, wailing. For the first time since waking in this body, I felt cold. Esme's arms went around me, rocking me, shushing me – again like I was a child. I tried another breath to test for his scent and realized the sound, the keening of the wind, was coming from me.

Esme was alarmed. "What is it, Bella what did you see? Hush, Bella, hush. Nothing can hurt you." She was wrong.

I didn't have the strength to keep his name in. "Edward," I whimpered. I stared at the spot I'd seen him and logic took over. There were no footprints. No scent. Edward hadn't been here. My hair was being swept from my face, my cheeks wiped as if tears had fallen.

"You remember him, still. So vividly?" Esme was still rocking me but I could feel her distraction. I wasn't supposed to remember, not like this. I confessed to my strong memories, the pain of the separation. My worry for him. How was he faring? Had he stopped looking for me? I told Esme how I spent the bulk of each day; writing and rewriting those memories. Reliving them over and over in my mind.

A crease formed between her brows while I spoke. Another oddity. I wasn't as thirsty as Esme and had as much control around animal blood as Carlisle. In fact, I was certain I was more comfortable than him. He had to hunt before feeding me. And he watched, thirst darkening his eyes, while I drank.

I'd been different as a human too; not traditional, not modern, well not part of the party culture that was considered modern. It had been a childhood of girls turning their backs and giggling at my notions. An adolescence full of acquaintances raising eyebrows at my conversation and my parents imploring me not to embarrass them. It seemed this was something I'd brought along with me when changing from human to vampire. Some rogue need to be different. To just not fit in.

"It's not like that for me, Bella. I know what happened – I was mourning, you see, but I don't have those vivid memories. Just flashes, fuzzy, like faded photographs." She was stroking my hair absently. "I lost my son, he was a baby, just a few days old. I have bits of memory; a tiny casket, his blanket – it was blue with green stripes, I knitted it myself." I leaned into her as she spoke and she continued to rock me. She sighed and her head hung low. "I remember parts of the climb, it was a very high, rocky cliff. The path was narrow and I was scratched by brambles. They tore my dress. I don't remember jumping at all."

I held still. I wanted to distract her, comfort her as she did me but I didn't trust myself to speak. We heard the car, far down the country lane, at the same time. Dr Cullen was coming home. We stood together, brushing snow from our skirts and walked together to the house. Esme was quiet now, thinking back on her own sorrows, I imagined. I was seething with a new rage.

Esme looked at me curiously when I lingered in the main room instead of retreating to my room. We both knew it wasn't time for blood. She didn't question me but moved about the room, straightening and tidying. I stood stock still letting the long list of Dr Cullen's transgressions play over in my mind. My anger increased with each passing moment, single drops in a bucket that was already full to overflowing.

After several long minutes, 786 seconds according to that cursed clock, Dr Cullen walked in the door.

I grabbed the nearest object and whipped it, aiming for the doctor's head. "Monster!" I shrieked so loudly the windows rattled. Dr Cullen fielded the knick knack neatly and placed it on a table. Esme had jumped to her feet and darted looks between us.

"You," I pointed a finger at Dr Cullen. "You are a monster." My voice was quiet and I took note of his expression, his posture. He was worried, afraid. I was faster than Esme; was I stronger than him? "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Let's sit, Bella..." he trailed off as another object, a heavy book this time, flew across the room.

"I don't want to sit! I don't _need_ to sit. Ever. Again!" The volume of my voice increased with each word, I was shrieking again. My hand wrapped around the base of a lamp. "Thanks to you!" I didn't bother throwing it. Knowing he would catch it, I simply smashed it on the floor.

"You created us," I snarled. "You _saved_ us." Sarcasm dripped as the hate overflowed. "You turned me Dr Cullen, knowing you would leave me frozen at that moment in my life, is that correct?" The couch was in the air and then crashing upside down on the floor. I hadn't even decided to do that. Dr Cullen nodded nervously in response.

I had only two emotions to run on; grief and anger. With the object of my anger in front of me, cowering, I let it out. "Don't you see? You stupid, stupid man! You've frozen me like this. In perfect love – a state of constant desire – with a man I can never, ever see again. Because I'll kill him!" The couch was up off the floor and through the wall. He and Esme looked from the wall to me with twin gazes of amazed shock.

Dr Cullen kept referring to me as a newborn. Watch me throw a temper tantrum.

I rounded on him again. "And poor Esme? How could you do this to her?" She jumped at her name but I rushed on. "You did this to her when she was mourning her son. You've sent me straight to Hell, Dr Cullen, and you've damned your so-called wife to an eternity of grieving!"

"Stop, stop, Bella. Stop, it's not like that..." Esme was crying, the same tearless sobs from my first night with her. "I don't feel that. Oh Bella, is that what it's like for you?" Dr Cullen had moved across the room. Esme pulled him into a tight embrace and I could hear the reassurance she murmured to him. A quick conversation followed where she recounted our time outside, my abnormal memory.

My chin stuck out, defiant. I had enough control to leave if they told me to. They couldn't want me, not after this.

"Why didn't she say...?"

"I think she's protecting him. From you."

"Protecting him! But I..."

"I know, I know."

Dr Cullen sat heavily on the remaining couch, his head in his hands. It was all an act. We were never weary or exhausted, hell it was difficult to surprise us in anyway. The heat had gone out of me; I was sorry for the damage but only for Esme's sake.

"We were supposed to die," I stated simply. I needed something from him but I didn't know what.

"Yes," he answered simply. Esme interrupted then.

"I'm glad Carlisle found me. Bella, I feel saved." Her sincerity was undeniable. Not when coupled with how she looked at him. And he at her. Grief and jealousy writhed inside me.

"But it didn't work with me. You have to see what this life is to me. I won't forget him, I won't move on." Shame was creeping in. I hadn't just ruined their house. I was ruining Esme's home, her happiness. I swallowed, a human habit. "You should have left me, Dr Cullen. And you must be very, very sorry that you've brought this, me, for your wife to deal with."

Dr Cullen shook off his reverie and looked me right in the eye. "You think I regret saving you? What else could I do?" I moved to cut him off; I'd heard all this before. He was rude, for once and continued over my objection. "I'm sorry, sorry that this happened to you, to any of us. But Bella, think. In more than 300 years I've seen hundreds of accidents. I'm a doctor! I'm around people who are dying all the time. Other than Esme, and one other person - whom I did not turn - I have never, ever even thought of turning someone else. Until you."

He had left the couch and was pacing, again at a human speed, hands clasped behind his back. "I didn't save you..." He saw my face and amended hastily, "turn you because you were some random accident victim. I did this for Edward." This stopped me cold.

"Edward wouldn't want this." I couldn't wrap my head around this. He sighed.

"I know. Like I said, I didn't know what to do. If you died, really died, and he despaired..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I didn't want to damn him to an eternity of mourning you."

The room whirled. No. Not Edward. "Please, leave him alone. Leave him be. He'll move on...time heals..." I was grasping at straws. This must not happen to Edward. Dr Cullen's eyes looked a thousand years old.

"Bella, I just came from him. I stayed close-by for days..." I shuddered. "He isn't moving on. I watched him allow himself to be beaten within an inch of his life – I thought I was going to have to turn him right then." I was across the room and in Dr Cullen's face.

"You won't – I won't let you!" My voice was loud in my own ears. I was screaming inside. Edward was hurt, so badly he could have died. I was helpless, useless. All I could do was try to keep the doctor away from him. Esme sidled between us, trying to calm us both. Dr Cullen was upset now too.

"I promised Elizabeth Masen. I swore to keep him safe – to save him. No matter what. She knew, I think, that I was something other, not human. I will keep my word..."

I searched for a compromise, some bargain to strike with the mad doctor. "What if I could control myself? What if I could see him, convince him to go on. Maybe extract my own ridiculous promise?" Edward's wedding vow echoed in my mind.

"_I wouldn't even try to live without you now." _

"_I won't live without you." _

My fist was in my mouth to muffle a moan. He wasn't trying – he'd get himself hurt, or killed.

Dr Cullen answered. "I left a note. It said you were with me. It's cruel, I know, but it's enough to keep him looking, keep him alive. For now. We'll figure something out."

It was if a switch had been flipped. I wasn't angry anymore, I couldn't be. Dr Cullen hadn't turned me to torture me or satisfy his own selfish need. He'd done it for Edward. In that instant of understanding he had gone from my enemy to my ally.

We both wanted the same thing.

-MCMXXIX-

**Edward's POV**

I looked and felt like I'd been used as a punching bag.

It had been two days since the fight, if you could call it that. The swelling had gone down some but I still couldn't see much out of my left eye. My head ached so that the curtains had to be drawn closed. Every breath hurt, stabbing pains in my chest, ripping pain around my mouth and nose.

Worse, they wouldn't leave me alone; Sam and Ben took it in turns to stay with me.

Sam had come into the gym just as I was knocked out. I'd heard second hand the hell he'd given Jacob later but I don't think I got off any easier. I'd come to in the small infirmary room he had for the inevitable injuries caused by boxing and training. He'd stitched up my eye while I was out. Straightening out my broken nose had roused me though. He assured me he did his best but there would be a permanent bump and it would always lean a little crookedly to the left.

By the time he got to washing the wounds with hydrogen peroxide I'd rallied enough to protest.

"Ow, jeez, Sam." I'd tried to bat his hand away but the action was weak. My hand had barely lifted off the table.

"Never mind, Edward. I got a thing or two to say to you. I'm going to wait until you won't faint the second I start," Sam had been focused, mad. I'd faded out again for a bit.

He'd saved the speech for when I could sit, a guy on each side holding me up while he'd wrapped my ribs, ranting the whole time. "What the hell, Edward?" he'd finally asked. "You trying to get yourself killed?" I'd kept my head down but my silence was answer enough. "Jesus," he'd muttered. Then to the guys supporting me, "Alright, get him lying down, gentle, easy, easy. Alright, now get outta here."

I'd coughed and been blinded by agonizing pain. Sam had been right there dabbing at my mouth and we both had winced at the blood. "You gotta go to the hospital, Edward." He'd begged and threatened. It made no difference.

"No hospital. Sam, just take me home. Please?"

So now I lay on my couch, listening to Sam and Ben try to work out who would take the dinner shift. I didn't like being minded and I hated taking them from their own business. I also wanted to be alone to think.

Ben came into the room. "Well, look who's awake? You gotta eat something, Edward." Sam carried a tray with soup and tea. My mouth was too mangled to manage anything else. My lips were split in two places and a few teeth had been knocked loose. Sam had me bite on gauze as soon as I was conscious and thought the teeth might hold. Talking was difficult; I looked like a gangster talking out one side of my mouth.

"In a minute. Anything? Any news while I was sleeping?" Sam and Ben exchanged a look.

"No, Edward." Sam replied, picking up his hat and coat. "Now eat. I gotta go, but Ben's gonna stay with you." He patted my knee, one of the only uninjured parts of me, and left.

Ben flopped into the chair next to the couch. The strain between us was gone, replaced with his concern. "Edward," he started. "You have to know she's gone." I shook my head.

No. She wasn't.

He put up a hand to stop me but I didn't want to hear this. "You have to know too that Bella wouldn't want you to be like this. Is this what you would want for her? If the situations were reversaled?"

Ben and big words didn't go well together. I didn't laugh at him though. It would hurt too much.

I sighed instead - that hurt too - and changed the subject. "My mail, Ben?" I mumbled out the side of my mouth. I'd eat in a minute. Ben threw his hands in the air but went to the table where a very small pile had accumulated. He chattered and eyed my soup as I sifted through the leaflets and bills.

Last in the pile was a square white envelope, no address, only my first name written on the front. I tore it open and withdrew the one sheet of paper inside. I scanned the line, there was only the one. Tiny stabs of pain cracked on my lips as they tried to stretch to speak.

"I knew it. _I knew it_." Ben came to look holding his hand out for the paper but I wouldn't relinquish it. I turned the page so he could read it. Something like a smile threatened to tear my mouth open. This was why that flicker of hope wouldn't go out. That flicker had been nothing more than flint waiting for a strike, and here it was. Hope flared up again, strong.

I turned the page back and read the line again.

"_Edward, Dr Cullen has Bella."_

_

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**Thanks for reading. Remember the Indiana Sand Dunes from chapter 9? Kind of a special place for them. See you in a week or so...**


	19. Chapter 19 Haunting Edward

A/N Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight.

Mucho gracias to beingbold, mrsaubergine and whitbysucks.

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Early spring 1929

**Edward's POV**

"_Edward, Dr Cullen has Bella."_

I had no idea who had written or delivered the note but it sent me flying again, sense of hope and purpose renewed. Sam and Ben were back on board, no longer denying there was a reason to keep looking. They both had underground contacts and used them. We put ads in the newspapers too – not for Bella but for the doctor. He was the key.

Their connections in New York reported back quickly. There was no search there, her parents seemed certain she'd just run off. Bella had become the shameful family secret they swept under the rug; they were carrying on as if she'd never existed.

I tried to get in touch with Rose but, like Bella had said, her aunt hated the telephone. There was no answer in Florida and I hadn't had any response to the telegrams I'd sent. I could only assume she was travelling but I was frustrated. Rose was the one person, other than me, who really understood Bella.

Everything had stopped when the note arrived. I didn't play in the club. I didn't go to the gym. I searched. That was all. I lived and breathed telephone books, newspapers, medical registries. Finding Bella consumed me. It was all I thought about, all I focused on from the moment I woke until late in the evening when I stumbled, bleary-eyed back into bed.

We had lists of hospitals and medical schools to contact. They were our best bet for finding someone, anyone, who knew Dr Cullen. Ben and Sam worked with me, stuffing envelopes and making phone calls. They didn't complain but I knew I was taking too much of their time. Still, I needed them and didn't say anything, hoping for a lead before they inevitably gave up again.

I was looking for them now and ran down the stairs to the club, clutching a new list of doctors to question. The club was empty but for Sam, Ben and another man sitting at the bar. They were intent on their quiet conversation and didn't notice me at first. I suppressed an irritated sigh. I wanted to get going on this new list. Ben looked up when I closed the door.

He was talking as I walked to the bar. "Edward, I was just gonna come up and get you." He gestured toward the stranger and cleared his throat. Ben seemed tentative, unsure. He was having a hard time meeting my eye. Why did he think I was going to be mad? "This is, um, Jenks. He's uh..." Ben scratched the back of his neck and looked at Sam. He looked worried too.

The man spoke up, finishing Ben's awkward introduction. "I'm a private eye, Mr Masen, and I hear you are in dire need of one." I gaped. No wonder the guys were worried – they hadn't even run this by me. I looked this Jenks over, trying to decide if I was mad or not.

He certainly looked the part: shifty, short and florid, the kind of guy who blended easily into the background but missed nothing. His voice was gravelly and held a note of a New York accent – not an upper class one. He chomped on a cigar and rifled through a pile of papers in front of him. Evidently, they had begun without me.

I glanced at the guys and sighed at their apologetic expressions. This was the best they could do. It had been a month already, all of March had passed since the note arrived. There was still so much to do, so many places to look. They had the club and gym to run, I knew this.

"Fine," I muttered.

Jenks grunted in satisfaction. "I've got most of the details from the guys here and made notes on what you've done already." He was all business as he went through his plans to find the doctor. "I can't claim one hundred per cent success but I'm good at finding people. Especially a guy like this, a doctor's gotta have credentials. Now, describe this Cullen. Best you can – everything you remember."

I talked for a good while. Dr Cullen wasn't someone you forgot and I shivered when I got to the colour of his eyes. "There's something, I don't know, unnatural about him. He's always given me the creeps, truth be told." Jenks asked questions to clarify and I searched my memory. I wanted to be as accurate as possible. I craned my neck a little to look at the detective's notes and gaped again.

He hadn't been taking notes; Jenks had been sketching and had a recognizable rendition of Dr Cullen on paper. We went through each feature and he fine-tuned it until I felt we had it. I was impressed. Of course, it had occurred to me that the doctor might be using different names but I only had the one to work with. Now, with this picture I might really get somewhere. Jenks said he would have the sketch mimeographed and we planned another meeting for me to pick up the copies.

I smiled at Sam and Ben who had sat quietly nursing their drinks while I talked. They both looked relieved. This had been a good idea and again, I was grateful to them.

The search was going to be very different from here on in.

-MCMXXIX-

It was a good thing I liked driving. Armed with a photograph of Bella and the sketch of Dr Cullen, I hit the road. I kept the note with me too; it wouldn't really help but I liked having it close. Something tangible for my weaker moments when it seemed impossible that she could be alive. Or that Dr Cullen could be found.

I pushed down on the accelerator feeling the familiar thrill at the roaring engine. I had put some serious miles on the car in the past month. While Jenks continued with his investigation back in Chicago, I'd driven in an ever widening arc around the city, searching. A needle in a haystack, sure, but I knew the needle was there now.

When the day trips turned to overnights and then days away I started calling for updates. So I heard when the goons had come back to the club looking for me. Ben's answer that I had left town was honest at least. He couldn't tell a good lie to save his life.

I'd started out early in the morning from Chicago after meeting with Jenks yesterday. He didn't have any leads yet but he had some people looking at records I hadn't thought of. He seemed confident and that was enough for now. I drove the familiar road due north again.

Something drew me there. Some instinct, some pull kept dragging me back here over and over. I usually drove with some purpose, a plan in mind. A certain town, a likely route, something to focus on. More and more often lately I found I was just driving. Like giving a horse its head, I went where the car took me and it seemed to like the area around the town of Zion. I didn't like to waste time, I'd already talked to everyone around here but...it was hard to ignore. The air was clearer, the lake hugged right up to the road.

It didn't hurt so much to breathe when I was there.

My instincts, however, had let me down, time and again. I pulled over half-way to the town and checked my watch: nine in the morning. I huffed out a breath. I _was_ wasting time. Looking at the gas gauge I thought what to do next. I had the whole day, no plan, and the car didn't seem to want to go this way anyway.

The weather was clear, the snow had melted weeks ago and the typical April rain had held off today. The blue sky with just the slightest chill in the air reminded me of the day Bella and I had spent at the sand dunes. I started the car. If I was going to waste time I'd do it there.

The car seemed to like this new destination and the miles quickly streamed behind us. I felt good at the moment, more hopeful than I'd been in a while, and allowed thoughts of Bella to come to mind. Most of the time I had to shut the memories away, they wrecked me, I couldn't function.

My subconscious, however, let me down each night. My dreams were full of Bella but she was back to being Dream Girl. No face, no voice just her leaving me over and over. Walking away with fluid grace, dragging me behind her with all the force of steel to a magnet.

Today was different and I drove faster, stopping only when absolutely necessary. I needed to be in that spot, be in the same space where Bella and I had...I laughed to myself. I didn't even know how to describe it. It wasn't falling in love; I'd already loved her so completely. She hadn't said the words to me but I think I felt it, I knew. I took a deep breath to steady myself. She'd been so warm, warmer it seemed than the fire. Alive and vibrant in my arms...

I never should have let her go.

The drive was a smooth one, there was very little traffic, and I made excellent time. It felt a bit like I was being dragged along, compelled to go forward. I was anxious, excited to return to the place where we'd opened up to each other. A small part of me worried; I hoped it wouldn't hurt too much when I finally got there.

I whistled and hummed as I drove the last few miles, trying to distract myself. The place was deserted, it really was too early in the spring for picnics and it was much colder in the wind coming off the lake. I parked and set out, looking for markers to show the spot I'd claimed with Bella. The snow and wind had changed the landscape quite a bit but some things, like the trees and a few rocks, were where I remembered. After a short climb, I knew I'd found it.

It was the view, but I could feel it too. I'd stood right here while Bella pointed out what she'd photograph. I'd kissed her, right here. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain.

It didn't come.

I stood on the sand and looked out over the lake. It rippled and sparkled with the afternoon sunshine, reflecting the blue from above. Why was I smiling? I didn't expect this, to feel...peace. A dart of fear pierced the calm; what was this?

"I can feel you, Bella," I shouted into the wind. "It feels like you're right here with me." The peace overruled the doubts. I could breathe, I could feel her. Maybe I was finally really going crazy. I stood on that sandy cliff and poured my heart out to her.

For the first time since the accident it felt like she could hear me.

**Bella's POV**

I enjoyed a new found freedom in the following weeks and left the house for at least a little while each day. The tension between us was all but gone now that Dr Cullen and I had come clean with each other. Still, I was sure he and Esme appreciated the privacy. As friendly as we all now were, it most definitely was not a comfortable experience to be around...desirous vampires.

I'd been mortified the first time I'd realized what the scent was. That embarrassment was multiplied tenfold when it occurred to me they could smell me too when I thought of Edward...that way. I'd buried my face in my hands feeling a phantom blush burn my cheeks; I thought of little else.

They'd broached the subject only once, when we were discussing Edward's progress toward moving on. Or not moving on as the case was. Dr Cullen reported the positive news that Edward no longer seemed despondent. The negative side was his motivation. He searched tirelessly for me. It consumed him.

I was steadfast in my opinion on the matter. He was human, an exceptional human, and should not be...this. Yes, I had almost phenomenal control over my thirst – I'd never even felt the instinct to hunt a human, even when I had smelled them from far away. My strength was another matter.

Pencils, books, my clothes...the wake of carnage was wide and varied. Esme and Carlisle understood, of course, and I tried, I really did. I just couldn't get a handle on it.

So when they suggested I speak with their friends, animal blood-drinking vampires like ourselves I wondered why.

"Well, Bella," Carlisle seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "Our friends live in Alaska and, yes, they exist as we do, respecting the life of humans." He and Esme shared a glance. What was this all about? She nodded at him, encouraging. "Esme and I are very lucky to have each other." I winced. It wasn't like Carlisle to discuss this with me; if I wasn't resentful of them I was very, very envious. Missing Edward was physically painful, the sort of pain that I, as a vampire, wasn't supposed to feel anymore. The past month had shed much light on each of our personalities and Carlisle was the very opposite of insensitive. I waited for him to get to the point.

Esme sighed and took his hand. "Bella," she began. "The vampires Carlisle is talking about are named Tanya, Kate and Irina." I noted the feminine names and waited. "They don't have mates, not like Carlisle and me anyway." She broke off again clearly unsure of how to continue.

Some of Aunt Rose's racier stories floated on the edge of my memory, dull and diluted. Women in Paris, putting on a show of some sort at the Moulin Rouge. Pleasuring each other. I looked away from Carlisle and Esme. Good grief, just how desperate did they think I was? Did they not understand at all? This wasn't about physical...needs. This was about wanting Edward. Only Edward.

After much stammering and interrupting of each other the story was finally told.

"The female vampires of Denali keep the, erm, _company _of men," Esme made significant eye contact with me to be sure I had her meaning. I did. She continued. "Human men - and they don't kill them. The men are left unharmed." Carlisle grimaced beside her and she amended. "Usually." Horror replaced embarrassment and I blurted out the first thought that sprang to mind.

"Are you suggesting succubus tutoring?" I laughed but it had a hysterical edge to it. Risk Edward like that? I knew they were trying to help, thinking of me...and Edward. But it just wasn't possible. "No. I don't think so." Their faces fell and my cackling stopped. No matter how ridiculous the scheme seemed to me they really hoped for my happiness. I softened my response. "No, thank you."

Carlisle had recovered and was backtracking. "Perhaps you could learn something from them anyway. You might be afraid of intimacy with Edward – with good reason, I know – but just to be around humans in general. Someday that could be an option. Esme, with much care, is able to move amongst them."

Esme did indeed. She shopped for us, bringing trunks of clothes and books and music. The scents of humans clung to these, some stronger than others. My reaction was always mild, a bloom of heat, an itch in my throat. Nothing like the dark, thirsty eyes of Esme as one particularly sweet scent had overpowered her.

At the moment the scent flooding the room had nothing to do with clothes or humans. Or rather, it did, one human. Edward had captured my thoughts again and my body had responded as it always did with a wave of desire. I growled in embarrassed frustration. The sympathy in their eyes was suddenly too much. I needed to be alone and left the house abruptly.

-MCMXXIX-

I'd been running farther each day, carefully choosing areas with the least human population. Although the scents didn't bother me terribly I didn't want to take unnecessary chances. One of my favourite spots was also the safest. I loved swimming underwater.

Esme had shown me late in the winter. I had never really swum as a human, splashed a little in water up to my ankles but never like this. Esme had walked us to the middle of a large frozen pond and given one sharp stomp with her foot. The ice gave way with a crack, revealing the inky water below. With a dainty jump she had disappeared under the ice only to resurface a moment later, soaked and beaming.

"Come on in, Bella. The water's great." She'd laughed and dove back under, kicking hard to send a splash my way.

Now, knowing you don't _have to_ breathe doesn't completely take away the instinct to _want to_ breathe. I had hesitated. Clumsy human Bella wouldn't have walked on the ice at all. I snorted at myself. I wasn't clumsy anymore and I did not need to breathe. Besides, I'd thought to myself, I could smash through that ice and be back on land any moment I chose.

That first dive under literally took my breath away – but it was alright, I didn't need it. It was like a whole different world; I could feel the cold but it didn't bother me, it was dark but I could see. Esme had darted around me as I pressed my hands flat against the ice above me. I'd watched her; the human facade was completely abandoned. Her hair billowed around and her skirt hid her legs as she kicked, circling the pond before coming to look at me.

I'd wondered what sailors would make of us if they saw us swimming like this far out in the ocean. Perhaps that was where legends of mermaids originated. Maybe all the stories were truer than I'd ever thought.

Swimming now, alone in Lake Michigan, I shook my head at myself. I'd become down-right fanciful. The lake wasn't as monotonous as I'd anticipated. I missed sleeping, dreaming especially. Being underwater was as close as I could get. Sounds were muffled, indistinct, and the light from above filtered. There were two shipwrecks to explore and, when I did venture closer to shore, a few cars completely submerged.

These had provided my first startling encounters with humans since being turned. There was no risk however, as the occupants were already quite dead. I'd stared for a long time. The corpses, bloated and decayed, seemed less human than me but they gave me pause. These were mob killings. Quite possibly by the same group of men who had come after Edward.

I wasn't necessarily the most dangerous thing in his world.

I stuck to the north and the middle of the lake. I took lazy laps, floating along when I was sure no one would see. Sometimes I swam fast - as quickly as I could - and today I was restless, churning through the water, somewhat bored for once with my watery playground. As a rule, I avoided the sandy, southern shore. That perfect day with Edward needed no visual reminder. It would only amount to more torture.

So I was surprised to see the golden cliffs of the sand dunes when I surfaced. What sick, masochistic part of my mind had brought me here? Why was I completely incapable of swimming away? Then the scent hit me – sweet, spicy warmth. Honey and sunshine.

Definitely human.

I dove under. I tried to swim away but felt tethered – no, worse - I felt pulled toward the warmth, the sweetness that had permeated the air. My throat burned but it wasn't unbearable, just the same itch I was used to controlling. Still, I worried. Was this the hunting instinct? That draw, the overwhelming desire to get closer.

The burning quieted and curiosity got the better of me. I'd look, just a peek. I hadn't seen a live human in - could it be? - four months. So far out in the water I wouldn't be visible to them and I wouldn't breathe. I wouldn't even put my nose above the water. Just one look and I'd go.

My arms stroked, pulling me through the water. It rippled along my skin, a caress. I braced myself, repeating the short list of rules to myself. No breathing, one quick look and then go. No breathing. My head broke the surface and my eyes darted for the source of that wonderful smell.

If I had been breathing I would have stopped.

It was Edward.

Up high on the sandy bank, in almost exactly the spot we had been together, he stood. I froze. I could not move away, I couldn't even look away.

His hair, even from this distance, was wild and fiery in the wind. My fingers twitched; I knew it was soft. I wanted to touch it. Every fibre of me screamed to go to him, to tangle my fingers in his beautiful hair. He was thinner then when I'd left him, almost gaunt. I could see the faded, almost healed injuries from that last, dangerous fight. His nose was different. But it was definitely him.

By far, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. The only man I would ever want. The sun caught his eyes, they were so much greener than I would have thought possible. I was distracted by his lips, red and full. He'd thrown his head back, he was shouting into the wind...

"I can feel you, Bella. It feels like you're right here with me!" Something snapped inside me. No, it was more that things fell into place. I could feel him too. The current between us was so real, so strong it should have been visible. To me anyway.

My lips moved without sound. "I love you, Edward. I love you. I'll fix this. I'll find a way."

He shouted on, smiling. I stared at him in awe. "I'm not giving up! I won't. I don't care if your face is a mess. I don't care, Bella. I can feel you." His voice cracked. "Come back to me, Bella." The energy seemed to abandon him and he slumped to the ground, sitting with his arms braced on his knees. "I don't care if you can't walk. Hell, I don't care if you can't talk. Bella, I just need you back. I'm trying. I'm trying to live without you but it's..." he trailed off. I had to leave. If I could, I had to.

I took one last look. He was crying now, heaving sobs that shook his shoulders as I backed away. My own body shook, the emotion and the effort to move away from him tested the limits of my strength. I dove, swimming slowly under the water. The connection pulled on me for a short while then weakened before breaking. It hurt doubly knowing, without a doubt now that Edward was feeling this too.

More important than fixing Edward, though, far more important than fulfilling my own want, was his safety. As much as I wanted to run to him, fall into his arms and tell him everything, I couldn't. Not yet. I had to be so very sure of myself, completely in control before trying to be near him. I thought back on the hundreds of pencils I'd destroyed; there was no box of Edwards in my desk drawer. There would be no practising on him.

The sunny day faded and I watched the sunset throw the Chicago skyline into sharp relief. I wasn't ready to go home yet and found a spot to sit while I thought some more. Of course, I didn't notice the cold or the lumpy discomfort of the fallen tree I laid on. It registered that the moon had risen, full and luminous, tracking its path across the night sky. The rain came just as the moon began its descent; it would disappear from view but would never be gone. It was tethered to the earth, an invisible, powerful bond. I looked for the man in the moon but all I could see was Edward.

By sunrise, I didn't have all the answers but about three things I was absolutely certain. Edward and I belonged together. I wanted him enough to learn to control myself.

And neither of us could live without the other.

I raced home, running faster than ever, eager to put my plans into action. Esme and Carlisle were waiting for me; it was rare for me to stay out all night and I was sorry I'd worried them. I giggled a little at my appearance. Dripping wet and grinning like a loon, I was near bursting with excitement. Somehow, and soon, I would have Edward back.

"Carlisle, Esme, I've changed my mind. I'd like very much if you'd call your friends in Denali."

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**Thanks for reading! Sorry about the "about three things I was absolutely certain." My fingers typed it completely against my will and it made me laugh so I left it. Next chap could quite possibly end up as crack fic (not really) but I think we all deserve a break. ;) This chapter was very much inspired by a legend I found while researching the Indiana Sand Dunes called 'Diana of the Dunes'. It's about a highly educated woman (early 1900s) who so disdained society she chose to live as a hermit in a small shack at the Dunes. It is rumoured that she took a lover who murdered her. Her ghost can still be seen from time to time swimming in the cold water of Lake Michigan. **

**The little passage while Bella is looking at the moon was inspired by a really pretty edit done by LRAD, it's on my blog :)**


	20. Chapter 20 The Fragile Eggshell Mind

A/N Chapter 20 Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Smooches to beingbold (ShyNoMore), whitbysucks and mrsaubergine. Mrsaubergine's fic, The Exclusive, is now complete! Smexy, Prime Ministerward aka The Pantydropper awaits. You can find it on my favourite stories list.

Sorry for the delay on this one. I blame Rob...and Bobby...mostly Rob. No this time it really was Bobby. I'm starting to feel bad about killing him off way back in the beginning of this. ;)

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**Bella's POV**

It was a good thing I didn't need to sleep.

With Edward as my motivation, I focused on control; controlling my strength, my thirst and my vampire reactions to stress. I was quite certain I wouldn't kill him. I was reasonably sure I could manage my strength. Every day I was better at it. Still, all this work would be wasted if I growled or hissed in frustration. For his own safety, Edward could not know what I was.

So, like a prize fighter, I trained while waiting for the vampires from Denali to arrive. Perhaps a fighter wasn't the best analogy since I wanted the opposite outcome. No injuries, no pain. In any event, it was training and we all had work to do.

Esme and I walked through small towns, perfecting the facade that would allow me to be in the human world. She coached me on the nuances. I had to remember to blink, to shift my weight, and never be too still. Esme reminded me to smile lightly to keep my teeth covered. Humans saw vampires as beautiful...but we could easily scare them too.

Carlisle and I altered my feeding pattern, drawing out the amount of time between drinking until we settled on once a week. It was the best balance of controlling my thirst and gaining some distance from Carlisle. I wondered about the future.

Best of all, Carlisle had brought me a shirt of Edward's. This had been a shock, a wonderful surprise, and I'd been like a child at Christmas, exclaiming and filled with joy. The warm scent from the shirt – instantly recognizable as Edward's – had washed over me and I'd closed my eyes in bliss. I'd paid close attention to my reactions; a bloom of thirst, only heat in my throat, not burning. Much more prominent was the wave of desire. I'd wrapped the shirt around myself and gone off to let the memories come – and to hope this might all work.

I was wearing Edward's shirt now, his scent was faint, almost gone, but having it on made me feel closer to him. Kate, Irina and Tanya had arrived – in all their blonde glory – just minutes ago. I questioned the wisdom of this meeting the second I laid eyes on them.

I'd expected them to be fantastically beautiful – and they were - but I wasn't prepared for the sheer impact of them as I observed their entry. The word 'walked' didn't suffice. They sauntered and sashayed, every movement laced with seduction. Their hair – Irina's silvery, Tanya's strawberry and Kate's golden - shined in the light, casting a glow about them. They were dressed not for a visit in the country but for a night out, in the sorts of dresses one would see in speakeasies. The kinds of dresses I'd seen at Ben's club.

Carlisle rushed to greet them. "Tanya, Kate, Irina. Thank you so much for coming." He was about to speak more when Tanya cut him off.

"Let's not waste time on boring, human pleasantries," she sneered. Her voice had a musical lilt to it, hinting at her Russian origins. Carlisle recoiled, shocked. I was shocked too, horrified really, watching as the three of them looked around the room in disdain. In all my conversations with Carlisle and Esme I had never heard about this attitude. Had they hidden this from me knowing I never would have allowed this sort of insult into their home? Esme wrapped her arm around my waist and guided me to the sofa. Carlisle joined us and the three of us looked up expectantly – but wary.

Kate rolled her eyes. "What are you doing Carlisle? We'll need you up here. How else can we demonstrate for Bella?" Esme stiffened beside me and I suppressed a tiny growl. What were they playing at? I looked to Carlisle hoping he would speak up, put these...them in their place. He looked past me to Esme and shook his head lightly before answering.

"I'm sure that won't be necessary, Kate. Bella is looking for information, your experiences. Not an actual...performance." Irina sniffed, haughty and dismissive and I clenched my teeth together lest a frustrated hiss escape. How dare they waltz in here and...

"I don't see why you don't find a vampire mate, Bella. There'd be no danger of ripping off some important bit while in your throes." Irina's tone was bored. She turned the full force of her golden glare on me, trying for intimidation but really just making me angry. I wouldn't disgrace Carlisle and Esme though; however misguided this little adventure was turning out to be I would follow their lead. Kate piped up.

"Not true. With her newborn strength she could easily tear off..."

Irina interrupted. "Yes, but with a vampire you can just put it back on. What's so special about this human Edward, anyway?" Their slight Russian accents had become more pronounced as they spoke; the last word was almost 'ahneevay'. I swallowed back venom. My darker nature was preparing for a fight – how could it not with all this hostility? I was in control though.

"He's important to me, we're important to each other." I lifted my chin. We'd asked for their help and they had come to us quickly. Now I just wanted to get this over with – and get them out of Esme's home. I glowered at each of them in turn. "Are you going to help me or not?"

Kate smirked at me.

"Why don't you just turn him?" she asked.

How could she be so casual? Carlisle had said these women respected human life. It didn't sound like they respected much of anything to me. I closed my eyes and wrestled with my self-control. I wouldn't say another word – the wretched things would use them against me – I'd give them no more ammunition. I knew Carlisle had gone over all of this on the phone. Tanya laughed, a high and tinkling sound.

"Better yet, we could go to Chicago ourselves. Prepare him, so to speak, warm him up..." A faint vibration rumbled through me, I made no sound but I was angrier than I'd ever been. They wouldn't go anywhere near him...I wouldn't allow it.

Irina joined in the mocking laughter. "Pfft, warm him up and then cool him down!"

Carlisle cast a worried glance in my direction and jumped to his feet.

"Ladies, really, you shouldn't..."

The succubae's laughter died off abruptly, their mocking expressions melting into ones of avid interest and compassion. Their whole demeanours changed – they almost looked like different people. Tanya stepped forward.

"Shouldn't what? Oh Carlisle, I told you we were going to test her. And look at her! Barely a growl." Her eyes raked over me, wide with wonder. "I've never seen the like...she acts centuries old." Her gaze met mine and she smiled in apology. "I am sorry, little one, sorry to have said such horrible things to you on our very first meeting. I wanted to be sure, you see, absolutely certain that you could control yourself." She beamed at me as understanding transformed my expression. "And you can. How extraordinary!"

Things moved quickly after that. Carlisle and Esme were encouraged to go out – who wanted an audience to this sort of conversation? Kate had walked them to their own door, a small smile pulling at the sides of her mouth.

"Don't rush back, in fact, don't come back until tomorrow." Esme made a small move toward me but was ushered firmly along. "She'll be fine, better than fine. I'm sure you two can find plenty to do...alone." Kate winked at them, making her point clear. I hid my own smile as Carlisle and Esme shared a private look and then disappeared in a flash.

After all that, the topic was approached with such straightforward humour that I hoped I was registering it all. The girls talked quickly, interrupting and contradicting each other. It was almost as good as a vaudeville show – not that I'd ever been allowed to see one.

"The key is to stroke, not grab. If you squeeze too tight..."

"They're so warm, Bella. You won't believe it..."

"Make sure you swallow back venom before you put your tongue..."

"No, no! The venom makes them tingle. I love it when their eyes glaze over..."

I tried to get them to focus. "This is all very, uh, interesting. I was hoping for some practical advice." Kate flitted to one of the bags they'd arrived with and was back in less than a second. She held out her hand to me and I took the small, blue robin's egg. Irina grinned at me.

"Toss it and catch it. Over and over. Don't stop until we tell you to." I did as she said, while Tanya shot rapid fire questions at me.

"What is Edward's favourite meal?" Her nose wrinkled; human food was disgusting to us.

Toss and catch. "Beef pot pies from Golden Bakery." Toss and catch. "What is this all about?"

Light laughter filled the room. "Just answer the questions. Oh and run to that tree and back. What's Edward's favourite sport?" I was already out the door.

"Baseball," I called over my shoulder as I raced to the tree. Toss and catch. I was back in the house in less than a second.

"What's the square root of pi?" Tanya asked. I shrugged. Toss and catch.

"I don't know. They wouldn't let me take maths. Ask me more about Edward." Toss and catch.

"Favourite song?" Toss and catch.

"'Let's Do It'." Toss and catch. I remembered our first dance and sighed. Toss and catch. Tanya didn't pause.

"How are you going to explain yourself to him? Run around the house and come back in a window. Oh and Irina is going to try and take the egg from you!" The pretty, blue egg soared again and again as I ran. Irina was behind me and I darted to the left as I replied to Tanya.

"I'm not exactly sure. With Carlisle being a doctor, I hope Edward will accept some sort of medical miracle explanation. I won't tell him anything he isn't meant to know, of course." Toss and catch and slip past Irina. I was up on the roof now and made a quick leap to the window sill. We were all back in the front room when Irina shifted into a crouch. My own stance changed from evasive to defensive and the game was called off.

"Stop, Irina," warned Tanya. "Carlisle has suppressed her hunting instinct, let's not trigger it." She smiled at me. "Look at the egg, Bella."

I rolled the tiny, fragile thing about in my hand. All of this had taken less than a minute and the egg was perfectly fine, not a crack on it.

Kate came to my side and took the egg, examining it. "You underestimate your mind, Bella. You can focus on many things at once, for example..."

Tanya interrupted, taking the egg from Kate. "You can be very gentle," she rolled the egg into her palm and then opened her hand to show it was gone. Then she reached behind my ear. Ta-da! There was the egg – intact. "Part of your mind will stay focused there. While another part of your mind..."

Irina cut in. "You will feel pleasure you've never known, Bella. All these heightened senses..."

The day and night continued with the girls sharing their own experiences, their successes and, thankfully, very few mistakes. By the time Carlisle and Esme returned, two full days later, I was as ready as I'd ever be. There was just one last little test.

-MCMXXIX-

I took deep, unnecessary breaths. Esme and I were walking in Chicago, my last self-imposed test before I could see Edward. Carlisle had sent another note to him. After much debate we had settled on a simple message: I might never 'recover' fully and he was free to move on with his own life. No matter how badly I wanted him I knew it was best if he had his normal, human life. I couldn't wish very hard for that though. When it came right down to it, I was selfish.

The smell of the city was overwhelming. Not just the people, although their heartbeats were a distraction, but the exhaust from cars, food, sewers. All these scents combined in a rancid layer over the sweetness of the blood that flowed so nearby I could hear it. I didn't particularly want to breathe but made myself.

It was late spring now and the trees were full of buds and blossoms, which, along with the tall buildings, blocked out the last of the setting sun. We marched along, determined, methodical, well tucked into our coats and low hats. Esme asked if I was uncomfortable and I answered that I was. On the one hand, my throat burned – I was swallowing convulsively – on the other hand I still didn't want to kill anyone. I could resist. I'd passed this test and had nervously started thinking how best to return to Edward.

Esme had let me choose our path and I'd taken a little tour of nostalgia. We didn't go down Rose's street. We had plans to go there after our walk to meet Carlisle who couldn't risk being seen in Chicago at all. Instead, I'd picked the stretch of road near the bench where I'd first seen Edward. As we neared the hospital across the street from the little park where the bench was, I felt it. As strong as the day at the sand dunes, stronger I thought, without the water in the way.

"_Not here, not like this_," I screamed to myself. I looked at Esme in panic.

"He's here."

-MCMXXIX-

**Edward's POV**

Move on? _MOVE ON_? That last note couldn't have come from Bella. One thing was sure; if she – or rather, if Dr Cullen – didn't want to be found...well this could go on a long while. Jenks was looking under rocks at this point. He'd found what at first seemed to be a solid lead. There was a photograph, old and weathered, showing a group of fifteen men, new graduates from the Massachusetts Medical College. I'd scrutinized the image, I was sure it was Dr Cullen. That's when Jenks added his footnote. The photo was from 1859.

It was a different kind of giving up. Knowing she was alive but that she was being kept from me – or just didn't want to see me, didn't trust me to love her in whatever state she was in. I sat on that stupid bench, the same one I'd visited for years, and thought maybe my father was right. It wasn't worth it.

The weather was changing, it was warmer everyday and not so rainy. It was just so easy to mope, wallow. Bella and I should have been making plans, going to ball games, starting our travels. Instead, I was right back where I'd started.

The crowds on the sidewalk were thinning as the shops started closing for the evening. I hadn't thought to bring a paper with me. I sighed. The light was fading so fast now it didn't matter and I watched the people streaming by. Maybe it was the end of the day or distraction of the crowd but I felt a calm descend on me. That peaceful feeling again.

I stood up - I couldn't say why - and looked across the street. Two women were at the corner looking at me, their faces in shadows but I knew, somehow I knew that they were looking at me. I moved, keeping one eye on them as I checked the traffic and darted across the busy road. The women turned and left, moving faster than seemed possible. I was keeping up, pulled along just as I was in my dreams about...

"Bella?" I called. The smaller of the two women jerked to a sudden stop before rushing off. The other turned and faced me.

I looked past her to the figure racing away. Her size was right – I couldn't see her hair but Bella tucked her hair in when she went out anyway. It couldn't be? It had to be. I'd never felt it this strongly before; I was being dragged, pulled to her. My whole being was frantic to get to her.

"Bella!" I called again. The confounded woman stepped firmly in my way.

"Move! Get out of my way," I growled. I'd never been so rude to a lady. I stepped to go around her and she moved too, blocking me. I looked frantically to the spot where the other woman had disappeared. Bella? I reached for the wretched woman's shoulders. I'd move her physically if I had to.

"Edward, wait."

I jerked my hands back. I looked at the woman – did I know her? No.

"How do you know - was that Bella?" My voice was loud in my ears. The woman glanced around nervously.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this..." she muttered to herself. She looked at me and sighed. "My name is Esme, Edward. I'm, well I suppose I'm Bella's friend. I can take you to see her now." I pointed over her shoulder and tried to remember how to talk.

"Was that..." Esme started to walk and I followed. The last of the light had faded and the deserted street was dark now. "Where are we going? Please, if you knew how desperate I am!" She huffed, almost a laugh, but without humour.

"I know, Edward. We all know. We're going to Rose's house. Bella's there." I was walking quickly now, I was surprised she could keep up so easily. "Bella's not the same, she never will be again." I was listening with one ear. My mind was screaming. _"So close, she's at Rose's. So close, she's at Rose's."_

"I don't care about any of that..." I spat. Esme interrupted.

"Bella's...changed. Edward, it's important you don't expect things to be the same. She wasn't sure she could see you at all." My mind raced with questions but I asked none of them. I'd ask Bella. I walked faster, just short of a run, not caring if this Esme kept up with me or not. One more block to go...

There it was, Rose's house. I wondered suddenly what exactly I was walking into before realizing I didn't care. Bella was in there and I ran, closing the distance in seconds.

I didn't even bother to knock.

I went straight to the parlour and paused in the doorway. The room was dark, no lamps lit, only the fire giving any light. All was just as I remembered – as we had left it. A riot of decoration, a jumble of furniture and I looked at each piece, my eyes searching...

There she was. She was tucked under a blanket, curled up on a couch. So pale...obviously still not well. I braced myself; no matter how bad the damage, she would see nothing but love in my eyes.

Bella turned toward me, her eyes lowered, her dark lashes black against flawless skin.

I gasped. "Your face. How?"

I went to her quickly. There was a tiny stab of pain as she flinched away, shrinking back against the cushion. Not one single day had gone by where I didn't dream of having her back, but in all my imaginings I hadn't thought of this. That she wouldn't smile and hold out her arms to me. She hadn't even said a word. I dropped to my knees before her, taking her hands in mine. I winced.

"Bella, you're freezing." I was shrugging out of my jacket and glanced at the fire. I didn't want to leave her to build it up. When I looked back to her she met my gaze – and my hair stood on end. I must be seeing things. In this dim light her eyes should have been deep, dark pools. Instead, I saw flame – orange tinged with red – her expression pleading and hungry. Her eyes darted over my shoulder and I turned to see a still, white figure in the far corner.

Him. Anger overpowered the relief of finding her. He could have said...something. All these months!

I hadn't taken two steps toward Dr Cullen before a blur came between us and then Bella was there, blocking my way. How had she? The thought wasn't completely formed when she put an icy hand on my chest.

I forgot my intent, my anger...I might have been hard-pressed to provide my own name. Bella's touch was electric; a current stronger than before and I was dazed by the power of it. Her eyes locked on mine, the strangeness of them now seemed exotic not sinister. My thoughts were in disarray - I may have stopped breathing.

I forgot my fear, I forgot everything but her.

My hands went to her face, desperate to feel she was real. Bella didn't flinch this time. She held very still as I traced the planes of her cheekbones, stroked along her brow. Her skin was perfect, unbelievably so, and terribly cold. I shivered but didn't stop. I couldn't. Bella stepped closer until only a sliver of space separated us. I could feel the chill of her and wanted to wrap my arms around her, warm her with my body.

Bella's beautiful face was turned up to mine, ours eyes still locked. I couldn't look away if I tried. The current connecting us hummed under my skin, deep in my bones, heat and energy. Her breath came in tiny pants, sweet and cold, stunning me. I waited for her to tell me what to do, tell me what she wanted. I stroked along the line of her neck, so graceful, so smooth. I wanted a kiss, I _needed _a kiss. I wanted to sink to the floor with her and...

She looked away suddenly, breaking the spell. With one gasping breath I returned to myself and I felt bereft. What was that? My jumbled thoughts fought to make some sense of this. This was Bella, the same Bella I'd lost but...not the same. She felt so cold, and her skin – while smoother than anything I'd ever felt – was hard, polished stone. And her eyes...

"Bella," I whispered. "What did he do to you?" I was holding on by a thread, starting to doubt any of this was real. Starting to doubt my own sanity. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. If this was a dream I didn't want to wake. But even within this dream I wanted answers, needed answers. I looked into the corner of the room at the silent figure observing us as anger and fear warred within me.

"What the hell did you do to her?"

* * *

Dun dun dun...Thanks for reading. I've been receiving some awesome messages about this story. It means a lot when someone takes the time to share their opinion and thoughts – thank you so much!


	21. Chapter 21 Curiouser and Curiouser

Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight. Smooches and inappropriate gropes to MrsAubergine, BeingBold and WhitbySucks for their awesomeness. Sorry for the delay getting this out; the holidays... and then Rob goes and signs on to make an amazing movie and I had to start a new blog with Tink. We _had_ to. LOL Link to the Cosmopolis blog is on my profile.

Enjoy.

* * *

**Late May 1929**

**Edward's POV**

What did I believe in? Well, I hadn't had a whole lot of fairy tale anything in my life. I wasn't sure about the existence of God... I didn't look to the stars for answers to my questions. I hadn't had much of anything good to believe in for a very long time. My feet were planted firmly on the ground; life had been real to me. Too real. The war, losing all my friends. Losing Mother. My father's rejection. No, not a fairy tale. No magical forests, no galloping off into sunsets. That's how it _had_ been.

Until Bella.

That's when the fairy tale started and I still hoped, somehow, we'd have our happily ever after. It was a conundrum; I didn't believe in nonsense, monsters or voodoo. But I could see, I saw so quickly, that's what was needed, required. Another leap of faith. I could do it for Bella. I'd done it before.

I'd sprung at Dr Cullen, demanding answers. Faster than was believable, she was there. I was urged back to the couch, away from the doctor who had healed her, who I _knew_ wasn't going to tell me how. A drink was pressed upon me, amber and alcoholic, the delivering hand colder than the glass. I gulped it, I needed it, needed the warmth. The room was freezing.

I took a deep breath and looked up into the strangest eyes I'd ever seen – and prepared to believe the unbelievable.

-MCMXXIX-

"Is it too much?" Bella looked up at me, hesitant. Hopeful. The question was serious; it was a lot to take in. She had told me what she could – it wasn't nearly enough to satisfy my curiosity, and I suspected it was just the tip of the iceberg. The doctor was definitely holding back, I could feel his struggle as he decided what and how much to tell me.

Whatever he had done to her was a secret I couldn't know – a dangerous one. Not just for me but for all of them. It boiled down to this; however Bella had been healed had caused other effects. Her hair was beyond luxurious, her eyes so different, and her skin flawless when it should have been scarred.

That was just on the surface. My mind raced thinking what could have brought such changes about. Bella asked me not to try to figure it out and I was so overwhelmed to see her that my thoughts wouldn't cooperate anyway. I could tell she was happy to see me; we both stole tiny touches, shared looks as the strange meeting went on into the night. Still, I heard the shadow of a threat in her request.

Would she leave me if I learned the truth? Was it so dangerous for her?

They told me she was stronger, strong enough to hurt me and faster – I'd seen the evidence of that myself. The ice-cold temperature of her skin was constant but no discomfort to her. I stroked her arm, silk over frozen marble, and suppressed more questions. I knew they wouldn't answer them and I didn't want to scare her away.

"_Is it too much?"_ she had asked

Of course it was too much. I couldn't stand the alternative though.

"I'm fine, Bella." I pressed a kiss on her forehead and looked at Dr Cullen and his wife, sitting on the sofa opposite us. He'd told me plain, if Bella had been taken to the hospital she would have died. I still couldn't find it in me to feel gratitude – not yet. This felt too tenuous - there was no joy or relief – and I certainly didn't care for the proprietary way he watched us. His wife, Esme, was wary too but her concern was more focused on Bella. I didn't even know what the plan was now. Were we staying here? Would she stay with me?

I could ask those questions and I did.

Bella smiled, there was relief in it – did she really think I could let her go? "Yes, let's stay here, Edward. I thought we could..." She broke off as the doctor grimaced, but it was Esme who spoke up.

"You're certain, Edward? You can accept Bella on these terms? I won't have you upsetting her and I... I..." she broke off, visibly upset. Bella sighed and I gaped for a moment. The woman had barely spoken all evening and now this?

"Of course, I'm certain. I've been searching for months..." Out of nowhere, I felt I knew what this Esme wanted, needed to hear from me. "I love Bella, Mrs Cullen, I've been frantic with worry and, yes, I accept her anyway she can come back to me. I'm hers as long as she wants me, forever I hope – I won't ever let her down."

The doctor's wife smiled, a little sheepishly, and Bella beamed at my declaration. After a moment her smile faded as some sombre thought took hold_. _

"Being with me won't be easy, Edward. It won't be normal." I heard her, I understood what she was saying – somewhat – but couldn't help smile a little. Her eyes narrowed.

"What?" she demanded, looking and sounding more like her old self. I tried to rearrange my expression but failed. The smile was plastered on my face. I wondered if I was about to crack.

"No offense Bella, but things with you weren't all that normal to start with." Dr Cullen made a sound that could have been clearing his throat but sound much more like a choked-off laugh. Even Esme was trying to hide a smile behind her handkerchief. I was glad to have won her over. Bella looked at each of us in turn and rolled her eyes, which only served to make me smile wider. "I'm sure I can handle whatever this," I waved my hand in a circle between us, "is going to be."

We'd be fine. We had to be.

"Can we be alone now, please?" I asked her. She raised her hand, I could see how careful she was being, and swept her fingers along my brow, down my cheek. The feeling was difficult to describe; icy fire, cooling warmth, and for all that it was different, alien almost, amazingly pleasant. I held her hand to my lips and kissed her fingertips. She looked from me to the doctor and the brief break from the tension was over. Dr Cullen was shaking his head and my irritation spiked again.

He addressed her but he was looking at me. "Bella, are you sure? There's no rush..."

I was more than irritated. He wasn't going to come between us again – I didn't trust _him_ at all. "She doesn't need your permission! Bella, this is between you and me!" My voice was loud in the quiet and cold, it bounced off the walls.

Bella was shushing me as I glared at the doctor. "That's not what he means, Edward. He's worried, Carlisle's worried if it's safe..."

I interrupted her, shaking my head. I spoke directly to Dr Cullen. "I would never hurt her! How could you even think...?"

I stopped as a memory overtook me, strong and vivid. I gasped at the sight; it was my mother, on her deathbed. I saw her, clear as day, as if she was in the room, blue-tinged and struggling to breathe. She reached up to me.

"_Save him, Dr Cullen. Keep my Edward safe."_

The view changed, swept like a movie from my mother to ... me. It was me, lying in the bed next to her, pale and thin...

That couldn't be _my _memory.

The image floated away, dissolved and disappeared. I raked through my hair – my head was aching, buzzing almost. I felt like I might be sick and I wanted desperately for the Cullens to be gone before that happened. Bella looked at me, concerned, but I shook my head to reassure her.

Dr Cullen and Esme stood, the doctor murmuring about taking their leave. Bella and I followed them to the back door, watching silently as he clapped his hat on his head. I blinked and they were gone.

I turned to Bella, struck again by her strange eyes, amazed they were already becoming familiar. "Are you tired?" The clock had chimed midnight a while past and with the Cullen's gone, exhaustion was creeping up on me. It was a simple question but Bella seemed to wrestle with the answer.

"No, I'm not tired. I lit a fire upstairs, I don't want you to get cold – I'd hoped you'd want to stay but I wasn't sure. I know I'm asking an awful lot and I'll understand if you change your mind. I hope you don't but in some ways it's best if you do. It's just I don't know how to live without you." She spoke in a rush – I had a hard time catching it all.

"Come here." I held her tight and we stood that way for a long time. She felt good; solid, real. When I started hypothesizing to myself that she had to be cold to cool me down I realized I was something very close to punch drunk. I scrubbed a hand over my face and then took her hand, giving a little squeeze which she didn't return. But she did let me hold her hand.

We walked together in a comfortable silence, slowly taking the stairs. I waited for awkwardness, shyness, _something _to come between us... but it didn't come.

This, Bella and me, this was right.

At the top of the stairs, just outside the door to our room, I stopped and pulled her to me again.

"Why'd you stay away? Bella, I didn't think I was gonna make it." I bent to run my nose behind her ear, inhaling. I still wasn't entirely sure I was awake but I couldn't possibly have conjured that scent – perhaps this was real after all. She leaned into me and I kissed her there – the cold didn't bother me, not at all, it was like some subconscious cue to touch her, try to warm her.

She was responding to me. Bella tilted her head to the side and sighed as I kissed down her neck and the ridiculous thought occurred that if she was truly made of ice she'd melt. Her breath caught and she stiffened slightly.

"I missed you too, Edward. You have no idea." She pulled back to look at me and smiled - but her eyes were wary, careful. "I don't know if I can, not yet..."

I backtracked. "That's the farthest thing from my mind." It was untrue and we both knew it. The truth was pressed painfully between us, needier than either.

"Liar." The word was a purr, spoken without heat or accusation. Frankly, from the curve of her lips, I think she was flattered. She walked and I followed, across the room to the bed where we'd promised to each other. We lay down together, fully clothed, on top of the quilt.

The question wouldn't go away. "Bella, why? A note, a call. Something. Couldn't you have said something?" She was shaking her head but I had to get it out. "I thought you were dead." My body remembered the trauma of the beating I'd taken, the beating I'd asked for. I'd been ready to end it all. "I gave up, I almost..."

"I know." Her voice slid across me, it wasn't just pleasant to hear, I could feel it on my skin. Inside my skin. "Carlisle told me. Edward?" She shifted so we were facing each other. Her hands were on each side of my face, so cold, her eyes boring into mine seriously. "You promise me, right now, that you will never do something like that again."

I tried to resist, I'd told her time and again I wouldn't live without her. This wasn't something I could promise, not with her still so far away. The crackling of the fire echoed in the flames of her eyes and I couldn't look away. The whole world was there, the past and the future. Bella. She gazed, as entranced as I, and I forgot to resist and her eyes pulled the words from my lips. "I promise." I said, without planning to, without wanting to.

She smiled. "Good."

"You promise me too. Bella, you promise to stay." She looked away, up to the ceiling, her eyes tracing the rosettes in the plaster. It made my own eyes tired to watch her and I blinked heavily.

She nestled into me, or rather I fit myself around her. The fire warmed my back as she spoke in her odd, new way again, a rushed soliloquy, and I strained to hear it all.

"Edward, I want nothing more. I need you, I need you in my life – I didn't do so well on my own either. I'll try but if it's too much, if it's not safe... I won't risk it. I won't risk your life and the danger is real, you heard Carlisle. I can't promise because I don't want to break a promise to you. Please trust me. I'm trying... for both of us. Edward, hold me tighter, please?" She was shaking, a tremble that shook the bed.

Her shaking rumbled through me as I held her, and I spoke softly into the dark. "It was like my dream, you know, when I saw you in the street with Esme. When I used to dream about you, even before I met you, it was just like that. You were always running away. Why'd you do that? Why are you always running away?" I gathered her more firmly to me, not really expecting an answer. "I'm afraid I'm dreaming right now. I'm afraid if I close my eyes and open them I'll wake up in my bed at Ben's, alone. And Bella, I don't think I can stand it."

"This isn't a dream." Her shaking had stopped but mine hadn't. Bella reached for the blanket at the foot of the bed and, against my objections, wrapped it around me and between us. "You can sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." The clock downstairs chimed once and the house settled around us.

My eyelids were heavy and warmth stole over me, pulling me under. I wasn't sure but I thought Bella was humming, so quietly I couldn't make out the tune. She said she wasn't a dream. She said she'd be here in the morning.

I fell asleep, clutching her to me, happily believing the unbelievable.

-MCMXXIX-

**Bella's POV**

Edward's grip on me relaxed gradually as he fell deeper into sleep. I knew Carlisle was waiting outside for me but I couldn't bear to let Edward go.

The flames from the fireplace cast shadows on his face, making the beautiful line of his jaw all the more prominent. I traced it, lightly so as not to wake him, over and over. Firelight danced in his hair, highlighting the bronze and copper I'd notice before but marvelled at now. Each strand seemed a miracle as I brushed my lips back and forth through his hair – had it always been this soft? It had been, of course, but now with all my new sensitivities it was softer, silk whispers, decadent.

Sensual.

Was this what would make my changing tolerable, desirable even? Now that I could see him, feel him more? Love him more? I certainly did. Love for him saturated me, focused and motivated me.

He deserved that.

His breathing was even and light, his heartbeat slow and steady. I listened to it, musical and enticing, but my hunger wasn't for his blood. I'd lied too...

When Edward had held me and kissed me, it had taken more strength than I knew I had to stop him. I wanted to take him inside me, make us whole again. The heat of him tempted me and I wondered how he'd feel inside. A flame thawing ice so I could melt into him.

Only the promise I'd made to Carlisle, to take it slow, give myself time to get used to this new way of being, had kept me from begging Edward to take me. Edward's ardour hadn't helped – it was like a row of dominoes, each of our small actions setting off the next, the end result being a tangled heap on the floor. But I'd stood strong, holding that last domino in place, stopping the inevitable chain reaction.

The pain of it was still low inside me as I watched Edward sleep. I heard the back door open and close and sighed. Carlisle must've been tired of waiting.

He was standing in the kitchen, Esme beside him.

"Is everything all right, Bella? You told me once Edward was asleep you would come and speak to us. I couldn't help but worry." Carlisle was studying me. Esme was looking between us, concern etched around her eyes and mouth.

"Is it easy?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Not easy, no. But worth it." I smiled at her.

"Are you thirsty Bella? I could get you something to drink..." Carlisle offered.

"No. Thank you but no. I'm not thirsty and I don't want to associate Edward with drinking." Carlisle nodded but his face was a twin of Esme's expression. Concern, frustration, anxiety. "Spit it out Carlisle. What's on your mind? I want to get back to Edward." He sighed and looked at Esme.

"I just don't see how this is going to work. Bella, he's going to notice when you don't eat or sleep. How are you going to explain about the sun? You're still so strong – what if you hurt him? What if we _have_ to leave?" His pessimism was grating. I'd just been reunited with the love of my life and he wanted to tell me everything that could go wrong.

Esme's voice was quiet in the dark. "Bella you should change him, or let Carlisle do it."

"Why? Why should I change Edward into this? So you don't have to watch over him anymore?" I was hurt. Did they doubt me so completely?

"Bella!" Esme's voice was sharper than I'd ever heard it.

Carlisle shook his head at me. "Why don't you want this? You love each other, I don't doubt Edward would do anything for you. Why shouldn't you have eternity? Why wouldn't you want that?" I huffed, not angry really but frustrated that they didn't understand.

"Of course I want him forever, Carlisle. I'm insulted you'd insinuate otherwise. He's all I want – you know that! This is something else, it's not about me and Edward at all, is it? Changing him would be easy for _us_, wouldn't it? Easy for you; no more worries about Edward jumping of cliffs or dying of some illness. Easy for me; I couldn't hurt him, I would never lose him. But think Carlisle! Would it be easy for him?"

I turned to Esme. "You've been through this, the change itself, yes, but I'm talking about the burning after. Esme, I watch you struggle with thirst, the burning still. And you've killed people." She flinched and I was sorry for it but they'd pushed me and I'd make my point, right now. "You stand there and question my love for him out of one side of your mouth and out the other you insist on turning him into a blood-thirsty lunatic. He won't be like me, Carlisle! Tanya said she hadn't seen a newborn with this kind of control ever – in a thousand years. Edward _will_ want blood - what if he kills someone? He'll hate himself for it and it will be my fault... he'll hurt all the time, struggle for control. All the time. Because of me? No, I don't want _that._"

Carlisle listened solemnly, his nodding head a silver flash in the black kitchen shadows. "We'll leave it for now. Bella, you might not be thirsty at the moment but you will be soon. Shall we continue with our schedule? I think it best." I agreed and we fixed a time in a few days, out in Rose's old carriage house, in the deepest part of night. The legends are based on _something_ after all, aren't they?

Esme resisted when Carlisle turned to leave. "Bella, forgive me? I worry, you know how I worry." We embraced and smiled at each other.

I spoke some of the most normal words I'd said in months. "You'll come call on Sunday, won't you, Esme?" She swallowed and nodded.

"Yes, I will. I'll be here on Sunday."

They left and I went back inside to watch Edward sleep.

-MCMXXIX-

Cooking wasn't so difficult when you were a vampire. Carlisle and Esme had dropped off some provisions shortly before the sun rose and I decided to have breakfast ready when Edward woke. He was thin, there were hollows at his collarbone I didn't remember and I'd felt his hip bones through the fabric of our clothes when we embraced. I'd never_ not liked_ cooking; I simply wasn't good at it as a human.

Now I danced as I fried and baked, toasted and poached. It was fun – well I didn't enjoy the smell – but it was worth it when I thought of Edward actually eating something I'd cooked. I cleaned as I went so when Edward's heartbeat increased and his breathing became louder I was ready.

The wait just about killed me. I listened to him stir and stretch. I could picture his eyes opening and the slow smile as he realized last night was real. I gripped the counter to keep from running to him; I really needed to give him some sense of normalcy, a regular moment in the monstrous madness that would be our new life. The wooden work top gave way and crumbled under my fingers and my enthusiasm dampened.

I'd forgotten. For less than a second I'd forgotten what I was and what I could do, and look... just look at what I'd done.

His footsteps were light on the stairs and my chest, whatever was in there now, tightened in anticipation.

Edward appeared in the kitchen doorway, deliciously rumpled with sleep, his hair a riot. I could smell the male warmth of him and felt overwhelmed with a hunger I couldn't yet give in to. Instead I placed a full plate on the table and urged him to eat.

He ignored it, walking to me slowly and looking me up and down. I was wearing yesterday's clothes. I hadn't thought to change.

"Sleep well, love?" The logical, answering fib was on the tip of my tongue, it would be so easy to say, 'Yes, dear. How did you sleep?' But I couldn't and the silence hung heavy and grew awkward.

Edward pulled the chair out, the soft scraping loud in the quiet room. He swallowed thickly when he saw the plate before him; he _was_ hungry and began eating.

After a few more silent minutes, Edward looked about the table, noting the absence of another place setting. "Aren't you going to eat?" He looked at me without guile. The question was challenging, not him. Again, the lie fizzed up and then died on my lips.

"No," I replied more curtly than I meant to. He returned his attention to his plate, making a valiant effort to pretend this was a normal conversation. Now I was forcing _him_ to lie.

"Hey Bella," his voice was teasing, light-hearted. "Ever hear about that poor cat? The one that died of curiosity?" His eyes sparkled at me, jade and moss, but I couldn't match his mood.

I slid into the chair next to him. "The cat didn't die because it _felt_ curious, Edward." He ate the last bite of egg and put his fork down. "It died because it found out the truth. The dangerous... deadly truth." I looked at him, willing him to understand the seriousness, and wondered if it _was_ too much. Was Carlisle right?

Edward looked sad – and determined. He was trying so hard and here I was acting like Carlisle pointing out what was wrong.

"You really can't tell me? Even with the doctor out of the way?" His voice was soft, gentle.

"No. I can't."

I stood, I knew the movement was a bit too fast when Edward's pulse raced and then quieted. He watched me and I moved slower, probably too slowly, but I was done with this seriousness. Two minutes of upset was enough. I wanted my life with Edward back and if he could make the effort than so could I.

His lap was an invitation and I accepted, depositing myself there, much to his surprise. I nuzzled against his shoulder and wondered what to say.

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies?" The statement popped out as a question, light and facetious. Edward laughed as his fingers traced a circle on my back.

"That's going to make for some pretty one-sided conversations, Bella" he said. We laughed a little together. The situation was absurd. "I have to be able to talk to you." He smiled that smile, the one that used to melt me each time he turned it on me. I was very happy to find it still did.

I thought quickly. What we needed was an end to the tension, an agreed upon way to handle the things I simply could not tell him – and that I didn't want to lie about. "We need a code word," I murmured mostly to myself but Edward heard me – or he read my lips.

"A code word?" he repeated with confused a smile. He was still looking at my lips and I thought I'd better get off of his lap... but I didn't.

"Yes, Edward. A code word. When you ask me some unanswerable question – and I'm afraid it might happen quite a lot, especially at the beginning - I say the code word. The silence comes between us, don't you think? So, anytime you ask something that I can't possibly answer I'll say...?" I thought of benign words but Edward was a step ahead.

"Cat," he blurted out, trying not to laugh.

"Cat?" I asked, bemused. Why on earth would he...

"Yeah. Because we don't want the curiosity to... you know." He clapped a hand to his mouth, trying to hold back the laughter. His body shook and I sat quietly, being jostled and rattled in his lap. I could feel the near-hysterical tinge to it. After a short while, he calmed, snorting as the laughing jag passed. "Let's try it out," he said, wiping at his eyes.

I stood and cleared his plate and waited for the first question.

"So you can cook now?" I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Apparently so. Was that a great disappointment to you before, Edward? The fact that I couldn't?"

"Not at all," he answered. I wondered though; he'd cleaned that plate in less than five minutes. "Did you sleep well, Bella?"

"Cat." I rolled my eyes - this was a silly idea. When I looked at Edward though, he was smiling.

"What would you like to do today?" Such a normal question and, thankfully, one I could answer. I glanced out the window over the sink to confirm the clear, blue sky I'd seen earlier.

I looked back to Edward. "I'd like to stay in. It's been such a long time since we were here. I missed..."_You, Edward, I missed you. Being alone with you. There's a memory in almost every room here and I want to..._ "I missed this house... and my things." Edward nodded in agreement.

"Why didn't you eat?" he asked. I washed his dish and cutlery.

"Cat. Are you going to bring your things here again? You'll stay?" I concentrated very hard on the soapy, hot water, counting the individual bubbles. What if he didn't want to stay anymore? He might take the threat seriously. I heard his chair scrape against the floor as he stood, followed by light footsteps. He wrapped his arms around my waist and put his lips near my ear. If such a thing were still possible, I would have swooned.

"You wouldn't promise to stay last night." The words were whispered. "I can't let you out of my sight, Bella, unless you _promise _you'llbe here when I get back." I leaned back against him. He was just so warm.

"I'll be here. I _can_ promise you this, Edward." I spoke to the iridescent mound in the sink, hearing each tiny bubble pop as it disappeared. "I won't disappear like that again... If I have to go – if it's the only option – I will tell you. I won't just disappear. I promise."

His arms tightened around me – if I had been human I think it would have hurt – and breathed a deep sigh which washed over me. I was aware of the itch in my throat but it didn't grow.

He gently turned me to face him and put his hands on my face. We studied each other's features, re-memorizing that which had been so well known before, as familiar as looking in a mirror. I knew I looked different to him – he looked different to me, too.

"Your skin is so... soft? It's more than that. I can't stop touching you," he murmured as his thumbs stroked along my cheekbones. He leaned in and kissed each temple then drew back to look at me. "Your eyes... how did they change?"

"Cat," I replied. We wore matching soft smiles.

"Will they change back to how they were?"

"No," I answered. I felt a surge of sadness when he sighed. He missed my brown eyes. Edward kissed each of my cheeks and my chin. His lips hovered over mine and I stopped breathing.

The first touch, his lips on mine, was bliss. Edward's hands tangled in my hair, holding me close, surrounding me with his warmth. His mouth was softer than I remembered, there was heat and wet and the spicy sweet taste that was only Edward. I pressed against him, stroking up his arms, along his shoulders, all the while moving my lips with his.

His lips parted, silently asking for more. I didn't want to think about anything but Edward, but I had to. A small part of my brain recalled the training from the Denalis, while another kept constant vigilant control - but mostly I just felt. He touched his tongue to my bottom lip before covering my mouth with his again. A moment later, Edward broke off gasping for breath and, when I pulled him back to me, I ran my own tongue along his bottom lip. His tongue darted out again and this time I pressed my own to it and took one careful taste of the inside of his mouth.

Edward's reaction startled me. Tanya had told me the venom, even small amounts, was intoxicating to human men but I wasn't fully prepared for the reality. He stumbled into me, I had to hold him up, and he moaned softly as his eyes rolled back.

"Edward!"

He leaned on me heavily - it was heavenly - and breathed into the crook of my neck. "Bella... God! What was that?" He was incredulous as he came back to himself. "Well, that was really something," he muttered against my skin.

I was surprised to find myself a bit put out, angry even, and I wondered why. Why shouldn't he like kissing me? Self-realization dawned; I was jealous on behalf of my old self. There was no going back, of course, and I wanted Edward to like me, love me like this. But maybe not more than the old Bella - that seemed... wrong somehow. His hands were roaming again and he was mumbling about my hair and my figure. I pushed him back, gently, but he couldn't stop me and met his eye.

"Do you prefer me like _this_, Edward? Or do you miss my brown eyes and my warm body?" I wasn't angry _with him_ – I was angry at the situation. Still, he was the one standing in front of me and I couldn't answer these questions myself.

He'd gone completely still, like some magnificent stag in the forest at the first sign of danger. His expression was slightly horrified, speechless, our moment of tenderness turning into an unexpected confrontation. I was frustrated with myself. I wanted to stamp my foot but was afraid I'd crush his toes. "Well? Are you going to answer?" Phantom tears threatened. "Which is it, Edward?"

His eyes were the first to come back to life, raking over my face. His lips twitched and he leaned forward to place a kiss on my forehead. He looked at me, lifting my chin to make me look at him.

"Cat, Bella. Cat."

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**Thanks for reading. **

**Special thank you to babbles, whose comment in a review inspired a little scene in this chapter (you know which one ;) ) She also started a thread for this story over on Twilighted. Link on my profile. **

***throws confetti* Last minute news! Quantum Fizzx's The Plan was nominated for a Golden Lemon in the Dirty Talk category. I lurve her and her story - here's the link if'd you like to vote too!**

**http:/www (dot) kwiksurveys (dot) ?surveyID=IKMMJO_4b7ff6a2**


	22. Chapter 22 Thy Branches Mix With Mine

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Hugs and kisses to MrsAubergine, Beingbold and whitbysucks for mad beta skillz.

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**July 1929**

**Bella's POV**

People don't _really _sleep straight through the night – I'd never realized before. They wake many times, every night, without becoming fully conscious. They might roll and rearrange blankets, or fluff a pillow before sinking back into a deep sleep. Most of the time they don't even remember these little brushes with wakefulness – unless something pulls them completely from sleep, say a full bladder or a cold room.

Or a mystical connection to someone who never sleeps.

Edward slept now, his slow heartbeat a steady, soothing song in the darkest part of early morning. I'd left the bed a few moments ago when Edward was restless – I didn't want to wake him. The air was hot and humid and without my body cooling his he'd broken out in a light sweat, his hair already dark with it. I sat in the window seat looking between Edward and the moon, listening to the far off rumble of thunder. I imagined this was a bit like a babe in the womb; a peaceful, cared-for feeling. A deep-seated knowledge of having everything you need.

When I'd first returned to Edward, after the accident and being turned, he'd been completely exhausted and slept soundly, seven, eight hours without waking enough to notice I was there. So, Carlisle and I kept our arrangement for the first few weeks, meeting outside so I could drink in the wee hours. It was easier on everyone; Edward wasn't comfortable with Carlisle yet, and Carlisle couldn't be seen calling – he'd "left" Chicago almost a year ago for that reason. Esme visited each Sunday – alone - but didn't have the necessary control over her own thirst to bring me blood. Not that we would dare bring blood into the house with Edward there.

We could have gone on with our clichéd blood-drinking night meetings for quite a while. Except Edward had woken up one night. I'd returned to find him in the front hallway, white-faced and trembling.

"You left." His voice was remarkably calm, the words stated as a fact with no ring of accusation to them. I sniffed the air and guilt surged. He'd been sick.

"I'm sorry." He touched my cheek, my hair. He stepped closer and inhaled me and his trembling stopped.

"Bella, could I ask you... please don't do that again?"

I'd agreed, of course, and from then on, Carlisle and I met during the day, back at the old house near Zion. Edward never mentioned that night again but he did seem to wake more frequently afterward. Lately, he had been joining me in the middle of the night, an hour here or there.

We talked – sometimes it seemed easier to talk in the dark, my strangeness not so obvious to him by firelight. We talked about Rose. Edward was worried about her, anxious because his telegrams had gone unanswered. I'd reassured him.

"She's probably on a yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean drinking champagne with some Royal or another. She'll be in touch when she's ready and not a minute before. Did I ever tell you about the time she disappeared for two years? Father was livid..." Edward didn't worry any more but we agreed we'd wait before moving on, travelling ourselves. I wanted to talk to Rose, too.

We touched – tentative and desperate, both of us – but I simply had not been able to take that next step. Whether he was afraid himself or being a gentleman for my sake I didn't know, but Edward didn't push.

He was stirring now. His heart picked up its pace, as did his breathing, and I held still. I felt guilty, well a little, when his sleep was interrupted and waited to see if he'd roll toward me. He did and his eyes opened, landing on me. He smiled groggily.

"What are you reading?" he asked, his voice rough with sleep. The book in my lap was a gift from Carlisle, given to me months ago before I was speaking to him. The Collected Works of William Blake. It was open to a page I liked – I had the whole thing memorized but liked the way the words looked on the page. Mr Blake was an interesting sort – mad as a hatter of course, but especially intriguing to me now. Instead of answering Edward, I read aloud the passage I'd been looking at as he rolled out of bed and crossed the room to sit beside me.

"_The maiden caught me in the Wild,_

_Where I was dancing merrily;_

_She put me into her Cabinet_

_And Lock'd me up with a golden Key."_

"Yeah, you've locked me up alright," he joked. "But I like it." He put his arm around me and we shifted so my back was against his chest. We sat quietly like that for a few minutes, looking at the hearth. It was far too hot for a fire but we stared at the ashes from the last fire out of habit. "What time is it?" he asked, quietly. The night wasn't ready to be disturbed.

"Just past four," I answered. "You should sleep more." I felt him shake his head and then kiss the top of mine. His hand stroked up and down my bare arm, his fingers brushing the white satin of my nightgown when he passed my waist.

"I'm not tired. Would you read some more to me?" I hummed my agreement but didn't need to look at the book.

"_Love and harmony combine,  
And round our souls entwine  
While thy branches mix with mine,  
And our roots together join._

Edward started at the first words, recognizing the lines I'd spoken to him when we promised to each other. His hand resumed its slow journey up and down my arm as I continued.

_Joys upon our branches sit,  
Chirping loud and singing sweet;  
Like gentle streams beneath our feet  
Innocence and virtue meet._

Did he know he was driving me crazy? His fingers lingered at my waist and I thought the silk might burst into flame.

_Thou the golden fruit dost bear,  
I am clad in flowers fair;  
Thy sweet boughs perfume the air,  
And the turtle buildeth there._

He swept my hair over my shoulder and kissed the back of my neck. His lips tickled the shell of my ear. He sucked the lobe into his mouth and I stammered the next line.

_Th... there she s,sits and feeds her young,  
Sweet I hear her mournful song;  
And thy lovely leaves among,  
There is love, I hear his tongue._

This was our life now. Was I a coward? Was he?

_T__here his charming nest doth lay,  
There he sleeps the night away;  
There he sports along the day,  
And doth among our branches play."_

I sighed and tangled my fingers with his. His lips brushed my hair.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Would you take me to bed?"

His breath caught but he only hesitated for a second. I was surprised just how fast he could move – did he think I'd change my mind? He hauled me to my feet and started to pull at my nightgown but stopped, his eyes searching mine, asking... but I didn't know for certain. I couldn't promise.

He didn't care.

Edward's warm hands cupped my face – the reverent look in his eyes held me spellbound. It never made sense when he looked at me that way. He kissed me, I could taste the desperation in it, his and mine. "Are you sure?" he asked. His mouth moved along my chin, down my throat, not waiting for an answer.

"As sure as I'll ever be. If it's too much..." Edward shook his head and pulled my nightgown over my head. He looked, it was the first time he'd seen me since I'd been turned, and I was anxious. I was so very different now. A light smile played on his lips as he looked me over before sinking to his knees in front of me.

He kissed me, low on my stomach, and I gasped. He grasped my hips, kissing down to my knee and then stopped, looking intently. He brought a hand to the inside of my thigh and his finger traced an invisible line, up and down. It struck me what he was doing; he was looking for scars – or convincing himself they really weren't there. He looked up at me in awe.

"Bella, you're perfect. You always were but... I was so afraid... the accident. Bella, you're strong and healthy and... and I'm glad." He stood and kissed me again, soft and searching. His hands were roaming, stroking down my back, lower, pulling me as close as he could get me. I pushed his shorts down – the night was so hot he wore nothing else - and Edward stepped out of them as we stumbled across the floor.

We toppled together onto the bed – well Edward toppled, I pulled him down on top of me. It seemed his hands were everywhere, scorching my skin. God, the heat of him. We kissed – we couldn't stop, I never wanted to stop – and he murmured against my mouth.

"So sweet, Bella, you taste sweet. I love you. I love you." He was taking long, sweeping strokes down my waist, my legs. I think he was convincing himself I was real. His breath was loud and harsh, it burned my skin. I loved it.

I didn't want to stop him – he was too far gone anyway – but I knew I had to keep myself under control. Edward was almost frenzied, while I concentrated and focused. _Now I'll touch his shoulders, now I'll rub his back._ His face was buried in my neck, between my breasts and his heat seeped into me. My hands roamed down, over his smooth hips, along his thighs. My fingers brushed through wiry hair and he moaned. I knew what he wanted...

I couldn't. My mind simply would not allow it and my fingers trailed back up, dancing on the heated skin of his back.

"I'm afraid. Edward, I'm afraid to touch you," I whispered, agonized.

He stopped his kissing but didn't move off of me. His eyes locked on mine, darkest jade, burning with need. I had never seen him so hungry, so desperate – he almost looked mad. He brushed my hair back from my face and left his palm there, against my cheek.

"Then don't. You don't have to touch me. But Bella, God... please let me touch you."

His hands burned their trails again but he watched me carefully. He slowed down. "I don't want you to touch me." Edward said each word slowly. He took my hands in his and pulled them over my head, pressing them around the wrought iron rungs of the bedstead.

"Please?" he begged.

I nodded, helpless in the face of his raw need. It was my need too. I grasped the bars, they would serve as a reminder only but I held on to them for dear life. His life.

I didn't dare close my eyes, I'd lose myself. So I watched him. I watched as Edward's mouth closed over my breast, watched as his teeth scraped the peak. I gasped, the pull felt there and in my womb. Edward was still watching my face.

"I can't hurt you," he mumbled, lips still pressed to my skin.

"No," I breathed. "It feels good." Edward repeated the action on my other breast, devouring with his mouth, scraping with his teeth - smiling when I groaned.

"Don't touch me," he panted. A reminder, a warning. A reassurance. I could feel him, hard against my thigh. Now I begged.

"Please."

My hands stayed in place, my thirst was virtually forgotten. I had control, now I had to let myself slip, just a little so I could feel all of him.

Then he was inside me and I needed new words. More than heat, more than joined, far more than Edward or Bella...

I almost sobbed with the relief of it and my mind raced, in perfect control, allowing the sensation, the emotion, allowing all that Edward was to me. He moved, slowly at first and the connection was overwhelming. We stared at each other – I saw him, I saw, I think for the very first time, what I really meant to him. He loved me, like this, anyway, just as I loved him. He pushed deeper and we both groaned.

His movements picked up, they became frantic again, his pace matching the beat of his heart. His eyes were closed and I watched him, watched him strain and push as I willed myself to keep my movements small and safe. I felt the bars in my hands bend. He was fire inside of me – most of my mind thought of that, only that. Only him.

I watched as sweat broke out on his brow and a single bead rolled and fell, landing on the corner of my mouth. I wanted to taste him.

Edward said my name, he whispered it once, and I felt him pulse deep inside me. My tongue darted out to that bead of sweat. The salty taste of him, his heat, his pulse – my mind stretched to accept it all, allow it all as my body melted to join his. For that long moment, with Edward inside and all around me... I felt soft and warm.

I felt human again.

Edward slowed and then lowered himself, draping over me, his panting breath delicious and hot on my neck. His brow was still damp with sweat although I could feel his skin cooling where it touched mine. Outside, thunder rumbled closer heralding the storm that would break the heat wave.

I marvelled at how _I_ felt, how very different it was. I'd never been breathless and I wasn't exhausted, quite the opposite, I was exhilarated. I wanted to run and write, cook something and, absurdly, I felt like painting. The human memory of the few times I'd had wine bubbled up; it was something like that, the feel-good notion that anything was possible. And relief. Oh, did I feel relieved.

"I did it," I blurted out. Edward sucked in a noisy breath and lifted his head to look at me. Wet, bronze hair flopped over his eyes.

"You laid there with your hands over your head," he mocked. His grin was cheeky, the air between us lighter. "_I_ did it." I raised my eyebrows at him and very deliberately removed my hands from the bars knowing what he'd see.

His eyes flicked from the bent metal back to my face. He swallowed but otherwise maintained his nonchalance. "Better the bedstead than me. No harm done." He was so quick to dismiss the danger. I was too euphoric to challenge him.

"I didn't kill you, I didn't hurt you at all. I did it. I win." Edward scrubbed a hand through his hair, pushing it back off his face. He looked as pleased with himself as I felt and we grinned at each other like fools for a moment. He kissed me and I touched his hair.

"I don't know, Bella." He cupped my breast, tracing a circle with his thumb over the spot he'd bitten. His eyes sparkled at me. "I think we might need a rematch." I liked the sound of that but there was something else I wanted... and I wondered why he hadn't yet offered.

"Edward, why haven't you given me my ring back?" I played with the hair on his chest, not quite able to meet his eye. He exhaled loudly; did I really know him well enough to hear happiness in that sound?

Yes. I did.

"You want it back? I nodded and he smiled at me. "Hold on." He padded off to the dresser and, my goodness, I didn't see nearly enough of him walking away like this! He rifled in the top drawer and turned, catching my stare. I couldn't say exactly what my face looked like but, well, the poor man blushed. Shaking his head, he walked back looking at me in a way that would have made my human self blush as well.

The curtains fluttered as cool puffs of air came in ahead of the storm. Edward sighed with relief. He knelt beside the bed and took my hand, tracing the lines on my palm. "Bella, there's something I have to say to you." He turned my hand in his and slid the ring back in its place, kissing it just as he had last time. "This is yours now. I am, too, I always will be, no matter what..." Edward cleared his throat, unable to finish the thought aloud but I knew what he meant. "Don't give it back. I'm yours, it's yours. Forever."

-MCMXXIX-

**Edward's POV**

The weeks rolled by, inexplicably, the way time does when you're not paying attention. The way it does when time doesn't really matter anymore. At the end of August I got a surprising call from Ben, asking to see me at the speakeasy.

He was selling the place - the whole building, the speakeasy and the land - at a loss, as he'd predicted. Lauren was expecting; you'd think he was the first man to father a child. He'd announced it to me, puffed up and proud.

"I'm gonna make an honest woman of her, Edward. We're getting married at City Hall. She doesn't want a fuss - I offered - she just wants it done quick. I'm gonna work with her brothers. _Hard work..._ at the docks." He sighed and looked around the empty speakeasy. "I'm gonna miss this place... Hey, I'm sorry Edward, about your dad..." I sighed too.

For the past few months, my dad had been coming in - without the Irish guys - and Ben had been doling out money that I'd left for him. My dad owed them, big time, and had nothing of his own any more. I didn't feel like I owed _him_ anything but I thought my mother would want me to do something. So I did this one small thing, giving him money to keep him afloat but now... if Ben was leaving that last connection would be gone. Maybe it was for the best. I didn't know if I'd be around much longer myself. Once Rose came back, Bella and I would be moving on.

Ben placed a drink in front of me and I told him not to worry about it. I raised my glass and toasted the happy news. He laughed. "Can you imagine me? Married? And a father?" Ben shook his head.

I was happy for him but still... I felt jealous and stupid. If I'd gotten Bella out of here... well, what was done was done. Now, I hauled crates, old suitcases, stack upon stack of newspapers dating back to the age of the printing press.

Dammit if Ben didn't have a ton of junk.

Behind the two long walls of the club was narrow storage, treasure and trash alike, piled floor to ceiling, the accumulation of 12 years of tenants and the detritus of the speakeasy. There was more under the stage as well. Ben never threw anything out.

I was helping him; I owed it to him and it was Wednesday. Bella always went out on Wednesday.

Ben had stepped out, I was alone and expecting his return when the door beside the stage opened. I called out to him. A woman's voice answered.

"It's only me, Edward. Esme."

"Oh, hello." I looked up, surprised. Then I worried. "Is Bella alright? Where is she?" Esme was waving off my concern.

"She's fine, still with Carlisle. I thought this would be a good time for you and me to chat." She was dressed smartly, fashionably, in a lavender dress with a matching coat and hat. Her hair was longer than most women her age – though not as long as Bella's – soft, auburn waves to her shoulders, framing a lovely, pleasant face.

I tried, and failed, to find a reason for the thrill of fear I felt at the sight of her.

I cleared my throat as I walked behind the bar, covering the awkward moment by wiping the dust and newsprint from my hands with a rag from the sink. Esme slid onto a stool and watched me, her expression serious.

It felt rude not to offer her a drink, so I did, knowing her answer but needing to pretend things were normal. She wasn't pretending along today.

"Have you figured out what we are yet, Edward?" I kept moving, absurdly dusting the bar, needing to move.

"Bella asked me not to – she'll leave, right?" Esme raised her eyebrows at me; she didn't believe me. I put the rag down and rinsed a clean glass. "I have theories, of course. But don't worry - I'll keep them to myself."

"I think you just need one more piece of the puzzle." I was shaking my head. It wasn't worth the risk; I didn't want to know if it meant losing Bella. "You need to know what we are if you are going to consider becoming like us. Edward, I've thought about this... you and Bella can't go on this way. You'll get hurt or... they'll find out you know too much..." She was studying me, a defiant tilt to her chin. Bella didn't know she was here.

"Become like you...?"

"We drink blood. That's what Bella is doing now, she's with Carlisle – feeding." Her voice was hard, absolute. Matter of fact.

"No."

"Yes. Now do you know what we are?" I'd backed up and bumped against the far side of the bar, as far from her as I could get. I measured the distance between us and made the mistake of looking at her.

Her eyes were black, coal-black, and cold – trained on me. I'd seen Bella's eyes like that, just this morning. They were usually the same strange amber as the doctor and his wife but sometimes they darkened suddenly. Bella changed when that happened, she'd become distant, tense.

A pattern had emerged; after visits to Dr Cullen, her eyes were light, liquid honey, and she was lighter too, light-hearted and happy. Relaxed and playful. The slow darkening of her eyes accompanied other changes – she became impossibly paler, dark circles appeared under her eyes. I would wake to black eyes and an announcement that she was off to visit the Cullens. I was never invited. She never said why she was going... and I didn't ask, knowing the answer would be goddamned 'cat'.

"Why are you saying these things to me?"

"What are we Edward? What is Bella?"

"No." I growled the word, wanting to deny it. My mind wouldn't allow the denial, not when all the pieces were sliding into place, against my will, like Esme had said, a puzzle. The cold, the strength, she never slept or ate anything. The secrets.

It made sense, as much sense as something insane and impossible could.

My legs had gone numb, the room spun and I slid down the cabinet. Was this better or worse than what I'd feared? I'd worried she was a ghost – this was better than that. But still? The word was whirling around in the air between us, visible, the cold mist from my nightmares shaping the letters.

Vampire.

I think a part of me must've known - how else could it be so easy to believe it was real? Become like them? Was that possible? Bella wouldn't have to leave me or worry... but how?

Esme watched me, her eyes lighter again, her expression more compassionate. "Does Bella want me to be like her?" I asked. "She hasn't asked... she hasn't said anything to me." The doctor's wife shook her head and the auburn waves danced.

"Bella thinks it would be... unfair to you. She makes it look remarkably easy, being this. Being around you - but it's not that way for most of us. Especially at the beginning."

"Drink blood...?" My voice seemed far away.

"Not people Edward. Carlisle found another way but it's a constant struggle. Bella doesn't want that for you. She thinks she's protecting you but she's not thinking ahead."

I stared at the open shelves of the bar, at the bottles and glasses. I studied the wood grain on the shelves. I looked at anything but Esme as she told me more.

"Carlisle did save her, the only way was to turn her, change her into this. She never would have survived in her human body. He did the same for me – he found me after... an accident. He saved me, too."

Believe the unbelievable. _Oh Bella, why did this happen to us?_ Through the haze of shock I was still curious - after weeks of half-truths, silence and 'cat', I was finally getting answers.

"So... what? Carlisle would change me?" I asked. Was I actually thinking about this? Esme sighed.

"No, he promised Bella he wouldn't..."

"Could you do it?" I looked at her and regretted it. Her eyes were black again. She swallowed before she answered.

"No. I'd end up killing you."

What a surreal conversation! I was calm – having a moment of clarity or something – as Esme and I discussed my death, my humanity. "You and Bella had accidents – do you have to be dying to become like you?"

Esme nodded at me, encouragingly, like coaxing an easy answer from a child. "You don't _have_ to be dying... but it does makes it easier." _If only he was ill... Carlisle would have to save him... what is Bella thinking?_ A fuzzy image of someone who looked like me falling from a cliff startled me. Did she want me to hurt myself?

My hands were tied there. "I promised Bella I wouldn't do anything like that again." Esme let loose with a string of profanities that would make sailors blush. I stood, holding onto the bar, but I wasn't dizzy anymore. Questions, I had a laundry list of questions and I wanted her to calm down so I could ask. She stood too, though, and made for the far exit.

"Wait! Mrs Cullen, don't go, we can talk more..." I shouted as the public door opened and Ben appeared with the detective, Jenks, behind him.

She tensed and broke stride. I suppose we _were_ well past formalities now. "I'm sorry. _Esme_. Please stay." She turned back, glancing between Ben and me.

"Another time, Edward. I really must be going." The click-clack of her high-heeled shoes echoed through the space until the door closed softly behind her. Ben and Jenks turned to look at me. Jenks' face, normally a cartoonish red, was an alarming white.

Ben knew next to nothing about Bella's return. The simple story was Bella had made contact but was in no condition to see people. Ben and Sam knew about Bella's injuries and didn't question me. I'd left the doctor out of it – it was sinking in how important it was to protect Dr Cullen and was glad I hadn't said anything about him. Ben, of course, chose that moment to be the bright light in a dark room.

"Mrs Cullen? Edward, as in what? The doctor's wife, his sister?" I swore under my breath. Jenks was staring at me but he spoke to Ben.

"Ben, would you go back up to your car? I've left a file in there, I'm certain. Look under the seat... might be in the back." Ben looked between us and got the hint.

"Yeah, sure. I'll go look in my car for your, uh, _file_." He heaved a sigh, I knew how he felt. Being kept out of the loop, having the truth dangled in front of you and being told to ignore it _was_ frustrating.

Jenks rifled through the papers in front of him while we waited for the door to close behind Ben. He muttered dates and names, shaking his head and clucking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. I didn't want to talk to him. I needed to think.

I needed to talk to Bella.

"Mr Jenks, didn't they tell you. Case is closed – I found her. Just send me the bill..."

"Yes, Sam called me after your Bella was found. I'm glad, a happy ending – they are so rare in my business." He drummed his meaty fingers on the papers on the bar. "This case... it kept me up at night Mr Masen. That Dr Cullen... well it just doesn't make sense."

I felt myself getting hot, flushed. I hated Sam and Ben right then for bringing this man into this. "The case is closed," I repeated, my voice hard. He snorted.

"That's what you think! Remember that picture I showed you? It looked like this doctor, same name but it was from 1859?" Jenks flipped the small photograph over and put two more beside it, laying them out like playing cards. "I thought it must be a relative of his, but look!" I did and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. It was him, Dr Cullen, in 1859, 1899 and 1913.

He looked exactly the same in all of them.

Dr Cullen appeared to be in his mid-twenties, he talked and acted much older, but his face was unlined, his hair blonde, not gray. He hadn't changed in all the years I'd known him. If he was the man in all those pictures...Well, that would make him close to 100 years old.

Esme's revelation was swirling in my head. I didn't know how much more I could take.

Jenks was watching me, gauging my reaction. He'd been shaken earlier, when he first came in the club but now he had the air of a magician, a conjurer. He was going to make me believe what he couldn't.

"There's more. I pulled every record I could find – birth certificates, medical schools, anything. Just now, that young lady, what did you say her name was?" I remained silent. I didn't know exactly what he was going to pull out of his sleeve but I knew this was getting more complicated by the second. "Esme... Cullen? That's what I heard." He turned back to his stack of papers. I wanted to set fire to the lot. "Esme... Esme... ah, here it is."

He placed another photograph in front of me. Even in black and white I could see the differences in the skin, the eyes - but it was her. "She died in 1921. That's her, don't tell me it's not. And look who signed the death certificate." I knew what it was going to say before I looked. Dr Carlisle Cullen.

Jenks was staring at me again and I wanted him out. He couldn't put this together, could he? Was that enough of a danger to make the Cullens leave? "The case is closed." I stood over him and glared. "Send me a bill and close the goddamn case. I don't want to hear about it again."

He stood and gathered his papers into a neat pile. "Mr Masen, I hate a mystery but seeing this Esme today?" He shuddered and then put his hat on his head. "I tell you what? The case is closed, no charge. No charge and you've never heard of me." He handed me the thick file. "I don't want to hear about it – or you again."

I nodded my agreement, distracted. Esme... Carlisle... they didn't get older. Vampire lore, the horror, the ridiculous... how much of it was true? Were they really immortal?

It appeared so and that changed things. Esme had said Bella didn't want this for me, that she was _protecting me_. But what if... what if it was the forever part she didn't want?

The detective had walked to the door but turned. "I don't know what you've got yourself mixed up in son." He was pale again, eyes darting as if he feared Esme would materialize out of thin air. "I hope you know what you're doing." The door closed behind him with a quiet click.

That right there was the problem.

I had no idea what the hell I was going to do.

* * *

Two more chaps and an epi. Thanks for reading. Your reviews have inspired and motivated me. I love and respond to every single one.


	23. Chapter 23 Joy and Woe

Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight. Gropes to my girls: BeingBold, MrsAubergine, WhitbySucks (it really does) and abinar. Thank you.

**Late September 1929**

**Edward's POV**

Esme's visit gave me a lot to think about. I didn't know what to say to Bella.

So I didn't say anything at all.

The pattern of our weeks changed slightly. When Bella's eyes were black and she needed to see Dr Cullen I could expect a visitor myself. Esme and I never made plans to meet but she always found me. She went about telling me fantastical things, convincing me, preparing me. I'd thrown common sense out the window and listened to, believed, every word that strange woman said to me. I knew, in my heart, in my bones, I knew she cared about Bella, almost as much as I did. If this change was what Esme wanted for me and for Bella then it was what I wanted too.

Figuring out what Bella wanted was another thing altogether. Esme insisted Bella's refusal to change me was simple protectiveness, thoughtfulness. The burning Esme described, the early years of the new life... well, sure, that scared the hell out of me. But Bella had to know I'd do anything for her.

So I was back to the forever part.

It was a long time, unfathomable really, like trying to think about the infinite universe. I couldn't wrap my head around it; to never get sick, never be hurt, never grow old.

Never die.

Did Bella just want this lifetime with me? Was forever too much... or maybe I wasn't enough. This was the torturous circle my thoughts took when I was away from Bella.

Thankfully, we spent very little time apart.

When I was with her, those thoughts were shoved firmly to the back of my mind. There they waited, mixing with the voices of Esme and Carlisle and sometimes other voices that I couldn't identify. It was an annoying buzz, distracting and impossible to ignore when I was alone... virtually absent with Bella near.

That pull, the... whatever it was that had drawn me to her, marked her as the only one for me, it was stronger now. I was so content, blissful in her presence. It was almost easy to go on as if everything was back to normal.

Almost.

-MCMXXIX-

All along, from our very first night back together, Bella had told me there would be limits, restrictions on the things she, we would be able to do. She'd steered us mostly to quieter activities, away from crowds. Esme's visits had enlightened me to why; Bella's throat burned in those situations, she had to focus on controlling herself.

Not a fun way to spend an afternoon.

Likewise with the weather. Esme's lessons were exhausting, I had to remind her sometimes to slow down - I couldn't catch all the words. I knew she'd mentioned something about the sun and this made sense. Bella's reaction to a sunny day was the opposite of what you'd expect. A resigned sigh, the begrudging making of plans to stay indoors.

A favourite outing of ours was the Art Institute. We'd stroll through the galleries on sunny days when everyone else was spending time outdoors. A lot had changed in the almost-year since we'd first visited the museum together. Our differing opinions on art hadn't.

Where I preferred the Impressionist exhibit, Bella favoured the newer photography exhibit in the MacInally gallery. She didn't care for the name of the patron – or the layout of the exhibit - and insisted some day she would sponsor the room herself.

"And, since we'd have a say in it," she continued. "I'd have two more walls put there and there," she pointed to the opposing corners. The room was rather large... and photographs did need walls. Her hand stroked my forearm – even through the fabric of her glove her touch stirred deep inside me. "Then I'd have them install my Edward collection." Her voice had taken on a familiar purr – she was going to mess with me here?

"Ah, stop it. Nobody wants to look at pictures of me." I studied a photo of a young man working a bolt with a wrench the size of his arm. I didn't get why anyone wanted to look at that either. The only photographs I really liked were Bella's.

"Nonsense! The Institute could implement a surcharge just to get into this room." Her cold fingers traced my jaw leaving tingling heat in their wake. "I can see it already. The room would be full of women from opening until the Institute closes each evening. Why, they'd have to put time limits on how long one could stay in here." Bella looked carefully around the room; we were alone. She turned, pressing herself into my chest... and lower. My reaction to her was predictable – and all the more embarrassing for our being in public.

There was a new thrill to moments like this since Esme had told me the truth about Bella. Some previously unknown daredevil inside me liked this, the danger, the risk. I revelled in it. She could snap me in two, kill me in an instant. Esme said if Bella ever did lose control I likely wouldn't have time to form a thought before it was over. The sane part of me knew she wouldn't. I also figured there was no way Dr Cullen would allow us to be alone together if it wasn't pretty much safe. But still. Another part of me, the part that had given up when she was missing – well if I couldn't live with her I'd rather die. Why not at her hand... or her teeth?

Bella rocked her hips against me and dying was the farthest thing from my mind. Her beautiful eyes, full of mischief and hunger – I knew which kind of hunger – met mine. They were amber today, golden and lovely. Cold as she might be, her eyes were always warm. I listened for footsteps but the hall outside the gallery was quiet. That didn't meant a soft-soled guard wasn't about to enter the room.

I kissed her cheek and pointed out a different photograph to distract her. I needed to be able to walk out of here for crying out loud. She wasn't having it and locked me in her gaze, knowing I wouldn't be able to look away.

Reluctantly, I returned to her ridiculous earlier comments. "And you'd be alright with all those women staring at me?" I was pleased to see she was just as mesmerized looking at me. Leaning down, I kissed behind her ear smelling the same sweet Bella – maybe better. Not that I would ever tell her that.

She pulled back to look at me. "Oh I wouldn't mind a bit, they can look all they want. I'll know that you're mine." Her smile grew evil and I twitched in my pants, painfully. I forced myself to remember where we were – I was tempted to take her against a wall, to hell with who might see.

Bella went on like she didn't notice the hardness between us. "There would be a swooning couch over there, you know, for the ladies who were overcome by the sight of you." Her voice was teasing - her eyes were not. "I'm quite overcome at the moment myself, Edward." The way she was wrapped around me was in no way appropriate, someone could walk into this gallery at any time.

I wanted to take her home.

"Bella, have you seen everything that you wanted to today?" I asked, hoping to hell she was as ready as I was to leave.

She took a deliberate step back and looked me up and down. Her smirk was positively wicked and I grimaced at the strain on my trousers.

"Not even close."

-MCMXXIX-

**Bella's POV**

It was a rare perfect day, well perfect for me, overcast but not raining, muggy heat demanding we head outdoors for Edward's sake. The sky was an oyster shell, low, pale grey and shimmering.

Edward and I were at Wrigley Field. Not for a game – I still preferred to avoid crowds if I could help it – the place was deserted and we'd snuck in again.

We explored the dugouts and bullpen and played a bit, chasing each other and tossing the ball. I didn't run anywhere near as fast as I could but Edward still called me a show off. We talked about the last time we'd been here, a bittersweet conversation. Talking about my human time always was. Edward joked about refusing to throw the ball to me before and asked if I still wanted a game of catch. I did.

"I'll try to take it easy on you," I called from the pitcher's mound. Edward laughed.

"You can't possibly be better at everything," he responded. He barely got his mitt out in time and he cursed under his breath as the ball struck the leather with a thwack. "Was that a curve ball?" he called, amazed. He threw the ball back.

"Guess I'm better at this than you thought," I replied, catching it neatly. I wound up and threw it back. Edward caught the ball, wincing at the impact. I was beside him before he had his glove off.

He tried to laugh it off. "Hey, nice arm! You could pitch for the Yankees." His hand was an angry red, no broken bones, but I thought he'd have a bruise. How could I be so stupid? So careless? If I could have, I would've cried. He noticed, of course, always more concerned with me than himself. "Bella, it's fine, it's nothing."

It wasn't nothing. It was simply the first of many times I was going to hurt him – possibly much worse than this. How selfish was I? Selfish enough to have him in constant jeopardy because I wasn't strong enough to leave him alone. _He loves you, he needs you. You'd hurt him much worse by leaving_. I couldn't be without him either... I'd simply have to be more careful.

I kissed his palm and brought his hand up to my cheek – the cold would soothe it. "I'm sorry, Edward." His other hand, the one I'd not _yet_ damaged, traced a light circle on my back... _he_ was comforting _me_.

"It's a tradition now. One of us has to sustain a minor injury while playing." He was laughing and nuzzling behind my ear and I couldn't stay upset, not with Edward in such spirits. I looked at his palm again – it was still red but I thought it was more from the cold. Edward flexed and stretched it. "See? It's fine." His arm slipped around my waist and we walked together over the dark green grass. It had recently been cut and the fresh tang of it was sweet and lush.

The cloudy canopy above us had broken up and patches of blue were looming over the west side of the ballpark. Edward noticed and his eyes widened.

"Bella, the sun. The sun is going to come out." He was towing me along, toward the deep shade of the dugout. I hadn't said anything specific about the sun, had I? No, I hadn't, I simply stayed indoors on sunny days. What was he panicking about? I let him drag me along but stopped short of the shelter. Why did this have to be a secret? This was one small thing I could show him – it wasn't like there was a crowd of people to see.

"Bella?" Edward asked, anxious. The sun moved along the grass, lighting the dark green to a bright, cheerful verdant, a shade very close to the colour of Edward's eyes.

"I want to show you something," I said. The light marched across the field and Edward looked back and forth, a frown of apprehension on his brow.

He shook his head. "Won't it b- Will it hurt you? Bella, you don't have to..." The grass beside us lit up and I felt the first warm ray through the fabric of my skirt. I took a deep breath and waited for Edward's reaction.

The sun felt magnificent; warm and soft – it seemed crazy but I was sure I could feel the very yellowness of it. I'd closed my eyes, shy at the last second, and Edward's gasp made me question the wisdom of this. What if I scared him?

"Bella, open your eyes." His voice was soft, filled with wonder. Of course I hadn't scared him – this was Edward. I could've turned plaid and blown smoke from my ears, his utter acceptance of me seemed unconditional. It wasn't something I could get used to... but it was there just the same.

I felt him take my hand as I opened my eyes. He was smiling, turning my hand to and fro in the sun. I quite liked the sparkling myself – it was pretty and I could see that Edward liked it too. Still I knew I shouldn't take the risk of anyone else seeing and we walked slowly toward the shade of the wall.

Edward continued to hold my hand as we walked, stroking my skin, the heat, both him and sun, was wonderful. I watched him happily as the light refracted from me to dance on his handsome face, tiny spotlights revolving in pale shades of rose and green and blue.

"It's beautiful... you're beautiful. Uh, Bella?" He was still looking at my hand, holding it out into the sun while we stood in the shade with our backs against the wall. He had a rather dreamy look on his face, seeing more than my hand, something in his mind's eye. "Is it just your hands and your face that look like this in the sun or...? I followed his line of thinking.

"Edward!" I tried for a scolding tone but the words came out too low, breathless-sounding. "Are you asking me if I sparkle everywhere?" The blasted man smirked at me and looked me up and down in a predatory sort of way. Warmth bloomed low inside me.

"Yeah, I guess I am." He stared at me intently, challenge and seduction.

"Give me your car key," I demanded. He didn't expect that and gaped.

"No way!" he said. Edward was very protective of his car. I laughed and made a grab for his pants pocket.

"Well, you don't think I'm going to strip down here and run the bases naked do you? We'll have to go somewhere else... more private." There was nothing subtle about this little exchange. Edward had dropped my hand and was trying to block my attempt to get into his pocket.

"That's fine! I'll drive – anywhere you want to go." The battle for the key became undignified with Edward twisting away from me. "Bella, you don't even know how to drive!" I pinned his arm gently and fished the key out. Edward heaved a sigh.

"You're all worked up, Edward, look at you, you're miles away already. You'll crash-"

"But you don't know how to drive!"

"Oh, it can't be that hard."

And it wasn't. Especially once we were out of the city. The car purred and after a short while Edward seemed to enjoy being a passenger for once.

It left his hands free to torment me.

Once he'd been reassured that I could in fact operate the car, and I'd navigated onto the quieter country road, Edward moved in on me. It started with a little nuzzle behind my ear but progressed to pulling the hem of my skirt over my knee. His hand lingered there for a time while he asked me questions in a quiet, measured voice. It was a little like being hypnotized – as much as was possible for me anyway.

I was concentrating on the road, switching gears, avoiding the odd cow, taking the turns with a precision that my human self couldn't have managed. I certainly could not have handled driving with Edward's hand drawing lazy circles on the inside of my thigh. His voice was mesmerizing as he asked me questions I wouldn't have answered a few months ago.

"Is it really so different for you now? Esme doesn't seem to mind it as much as you do?" The question confused me; when had he and Esme discussed this? He went on before I could answer. "I suppose since Carlisle is the same, there's an equality to it, it's easier for them."

A hairpin turn took a portion of my attention, as did monitoring Edward's scent in the car – it was richer in the small space, more difficult to ignore. His fingers tickled higher – there wasn't much of my leg left - and I pressed down on the accelerator. What had he asked me?

"Oh. You're right, I'm sure. Esme and Carlisle don't have to worry like I do – everything about me is a menace to you, Edward." I was second-guessing my decision to drive so far out and searched my memory for a closer venue that would meet our needs.

"Hardly a menace. Take me out of it though for just a moment, Bella. If I wasn't... an issue, would you like this new life? The strength and speed?" I stared straight ahead, straining to control my reaction to his question. What did he mean 'If he wasn't an issue'? Was it too much after all – was he going to leave? I tried to remember when this was what I'd hoped for, that he would move on of his own accord, go on to the normal human life that was his right.

His lips were on my neck and I sighed reassured, resigned. He wouldn't act like this if he were planning to leave... would he? Everything was so tangled up inside of me, contradicting desires, opposing agendas. Then his hand moved higher still and the heat of his fingers chased all those thoughts from my head.

"Hmm, aren't you worried I'll crash. Oh, Edward... don't stop..." He chuckled against my neck.

"You said that was impossible. That you couldn't crash." His thumb brushed where I was most sensitive and I moaned. That sound seemed to set him off, the mood shifted, and he kissed my neck again. "Don't leave me," he whispered. "I'll do anything, Bella, I'll be anything you want."

He sat up and watched me, waiting. Selfish creature that I was... I told him the truth.

"I couldn't leave you, Edward. I'm not strong enough... I'm yours as long as you want me. But I won't hold you to your vow – this is beyond unfair to you. The half-truths, the danger... you deserve so much more, so much better, but I'll only go if you ask me to. This is one thing I can do for you, I can tell you I won't leave you, you don't have to worry about that...

"Stop!" Edward's voice was a groan and I looked at him in alarm. "Stop the car, Bella."

I was confused. "We're almost there Edward..." he cut me off.

"I don't care about seeing your skin in the sun, Bella. I need you. Right now. Pull the car over."

I did and was on him before the quiet roar of the engine had stopped. His hands grabbed at my skirt, hiking it to my waist, as I released him from his trousers. I paused for just a moment to run my fingers through his hair, the silk of it one of my greatest pleasures but something I never allowed myself to touch when he was loving me. A giggle escaped me as I thought of the phrase "never hurt a hair on your head."

The sound was lost, drowned out by Edward's loud groan as he pulled me down on him and filled me. We both held still and let the perfection of the feeling overtake us. I placed my hands carefully on the back of the seat, on either side of Edward's head, and willed myself not to break his car. His hands were at my waist and still he didn't move... he just looked at me with a small smile and the happiest eyes I'd ever seen.

"You won't go," he said. The statement was spoken with conviction and relief. All the tension had left his face, his shoulders were relaxed as he grew impossibly harder inside me. The heat was exquisite, better than the sunshine, better than anything.

I rocked against him. "I can't leave you, I won't. I promise." He lifted me and it was loss and want and need until he pulled me back down, filling me again. His head fell back against the seat but he still watched my face – it was impossible to look away, the green depths of his eyes seemed to hold some secret he was desperate to share.

"You'll stay forever. Tell me you want forever," he whispered. Slowly he moved me up and down and his scent combined with mine, the heady fragrance of what we were together.

"Only as long as you want me. I'll stay as long as you want me." He guided me again, up and down, and I rocked again, forward, wanting to be closer to him. He knew what I wanted, he always did, and clutched me to his chest.

"I want forever. You know that. Bella, I want forever to be easy for you too, like with Carlisle and Esme..." His hand was in my hair, holding my face close to his. I searched his eyes, seeing the miniscule flecks of blue and gold that combined to make the green so very vibrant. What was he saying?

He was pulling at me, grinding into me, I could feel the strength he was putting into the movements. He'd never have been this forceful when I was human but I needed it now. I teetered on the edge as he moved below and in me. I focused on the sensation – hot, hard... him, the tension that was coiled and ready to release...

I recognized his expression, searching and expectant, trying to read me. We were both close. "If I were like you Bella, you wouldn't have to be careful." He panted the words. "You could close your eyes... move with abandon... Bella, I want that for you." With a soft groan he began to heave and pulse, setting me off. It was a long, quiet moment before I realized what he'd said. A flash of fear was quickly replaced with a shattering anger.

"Which one of them told you? Esme?" I was livid. How dare she? Edward was upset as I moved off of him, rearranging my skirt. I stared out the window, feeling betrayed, hurt. My closest confidante, other than Edward, the only people I could trust and count on... well I guess I couldn't. I felt as cold as I was.

"Don't be angry with her. Bella, she's right, she and Carlisle are right. If I was like you..."

"You won't be. I won't let them do this to you." My voice was clipped. I started the car and cranked the wheel, turning sharply to head back to Chicago.

Edward was silent for a few minutes, I could feel his eyes on me and I sighed. "You don't know what you're talking about, Edward. Esme has obviously given you some fanciful version of what it's like to be... this." My voice was softer, I wasn't angry with him at all. Esme was a different story. She and I were going to have words.

"No, she didn't sugar-coat it." I heard him swallow. "She told me about the burning... and the being thirsty all the time part." I shook my head.

"Did she tell you she's killed people? Can you imagine, Edward? You'd want to kill people - you'd have to fight all the time to _not_ kill people." He fisted his hair and leaned back heavily in his seat.

"She said that part doesn't last forever." I snorted. She would say that. "You'll help me get through it and then, Bella we'd have forever."

Oh God help me. I wanted that.

I did want to touch him without worry, let my mind be completely overwhelmed with him. I didn't want him to get old, get sick or die. I did want him forever - but not at his expense, not turning him and sentencing him to an eternity of burning.

We argued the whole way home. Edward became more and more upset as he realized just how absolute I was in my opinion.

I pulled the car around the back and stalked into the house, Edward following close behind. I didn't know if I was going to call Esme or go to her but she wasn't going to get away with this. Did Carlisle know what she'd done? He said it was dangerous for all of us if Edward knew. I was heading to the telephone in the parlour when I thought of something else.

"What about your friends, Edward? You could never see Ben or Sam again. You had a whole life before I tripped into it and made a mess of everything. What about your father?" That was a low blow and I knew it, I was grasping at straws. I regretted it when Edward turned white with fury.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He whispered so quietly I was sure he didn't mean me to hear. Edward's eyes were tortured as he lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Bella, do you not understand my feelings for you, at all?" I felt ashamed. I did understand... mine were the same.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. He kissed my forehead.

"That wasn't a life, Bella. That was a waiting room." He took one deep breath and his colour returned, his eyes softened as he looked at me. "I dreamed about you, I saw you – I saw your face and your hair- and Bella I waited for you."

"I'm not going anywhere, nothing has to change..." He let me go and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking at me.

"Bella, let me talk. Let me tell you how it would be." I sat on the sofa and listened. He paced the length of the room over and over, filling the space between us with the most beautiful future. He told me what I meant to him, how I'd already saved him once and he was asking me to do it again. He talked about where we'd go and how we would live.

He was remarkably well-informed, I'd give Esme that.

Edward talked about the connection between us, the powerful bond, how it was much more than one lifetime could hold. We needed this, he said. I started to want it very badly. I sat, still and silent, listening and trying to hold onto my resolve. I wouldn't be selfish this time. I wouldn't do this to him to make my own existence easier.

He turned to look at me but I fixed my gaze on the wall behind him, studying the portrait of Rose I'd taken. If I looked at him... if I saw in his eyes how badly he really wanted this... I'd agree. I wanted it too.

"You promised me forever, you promised. I told you I wouldn't live without you." His voice was a rasp, his throat raw. We'd been talking in circles for hours. Edward crossed the room and sat beside me. I hated to see him so unhappy. That was why I was able to say 'no'; the thought of him struggling and unhappy, for eternity... I couldn't. I wouldn't. No matter how much I wanted the life he'd just described.

He took my face in his hands but I kept my eyes down – my will was wavering. We could be like Carlisle and Esme... she really didn't seem to mind being a vampire...

No.

I forced the thought away. Edward would stay human and I would stay with him as long as he wished. He wasn't done talking though.

"Do you remember when I promised that I would never force you to do anything you didn't want to?" he whispered. I did, it was one of the things that set him apart from everyone else in my life before. I understood what he was saying though and choked back a sob. He wouldn't deliberately hurt himself. He must know by now that Carlisle's vow demanded he save Edward. "Well, I'll keep my promise." I flinched at that. "I won't force your hand but I wish, with every ounce of my being, that you wanted this too."

_I do, Edward. I do._

* * *

Wonder if anyone will notice that's the prologue flipped to Bella's point of view? Is that allowed? Ah too late. Did I overdo the Twi lines? Teehee. Really, how could I resist "Yeah, I guess I am"? One more chap and an epi. Soonish. Thank you for reading. Ooo one more thing. A few of you have asked about music, playlists... I do have a playlist that I listened to when thinking about this story. I'll put the list on my blog soon.


	24. Chapter 24 The Same Ending

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Quotes from "The Tyger" and "The Auguries of Innocence" by William Blake.

Snot sobbing hugs to my girls MrsAubergine, BeingBold and WhitbySucks. I love you. Thanks to all for reading.

* * *

**November 1929**

We didn't argue again.

I couldn't stand to see Bella upset and I knew turning me had to be her choice. When I thought back on the lonely years before Bella – and the dark months of despair when I thought she was gone – I couldn't be anything but euphoric. She was _here_. She was real and with me. So, I didn't beg, or plead my case again. I didn't drop hints or tease her. I didn't want forever with her to be an empty prize I'd won through wheedling and manipulation. I wanted it to be a gift, the most incredible gift, lovingly and willingly given. The only thing I'd ever want. Besides, you can't really force someone to spend all eternity with you.

Maybe she'd change her mind; what might seem like an impasse might be her thinking things through. For all I knew, Bella was wrestling with the idea of ending my human life – essentially killing me – to secure a forever she was certain I would regret. It wasn't an easy thing I was asking of her. I was willing to give her all the time she needed... I just hoped I wouldn't look like her father, or worse, her grandfather, by the time she decided what she wanted.

We created a sort of limbo for ourselves... a happy one for sure, but not completely one thing or the other. Not wholly human, nor vampire. Days and nights, the time told by the clock, none of it mattered. We did what we wanted when we wanted. Strolling the tree-lined streets at two in the morning. Dancing in the parlour at noon. Upstairs, in our bed... whenever. Anytime. The world outside Rose's ornate front door could have gone completely to hell and we'd hardly notice.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what was happening.

In mid-October, the stock market crashed taking most of my inheritance with it. I didn't care much; I needed very little, Bella wasn't going to let me starve and some small manipulative part of me thought it might help her decide to change me. She was worried about my human life? Pitiful as it had been, it was getting worse, trickling away – and she knew I didn't mind.

I did mind losing the means to help my friends.

Ben was ruined. The small amount he should have gotten for the sale of the building was lost when the Irish guys decided it was worth more to claim the insurance and burned the place to the ground. Unfortunately, the insurance company had been one of the first to go bankrupt... there was no company anymore and therefore, no money. Ben had already signed the title over. He had to walk away with nothing... and I couldn't help him the way I wanted to. He would accept only train fare from me, knowing my money was gone too. He and Lauren left for California at the end of October; she had family there. In parting, Ben remarked that at least they wouldn't freeze to death.

The gym hadn't escaped the mob's attention either. I knew Sam had been roped into throwing fights and most of the kids did what they were told and lost when they were told to. They all knew what was at stake. That stupid kid, Jacob, tried to double-cross them, tried to beat them at their own game. He agreed to lose a fight but then had his friends bet on him and he won – by knockout. It took the mob about five minutes to figure out what he'd done. Jacob didn't even make it out of the ring – they shot him right there to make an example of him. Sam and Emily disappeared without a word. I didn't know if they'd made a run for it. I hoped so.

I felt bad that I didn't care more. Truth was, I'd said goodbye to that life, those people, when I'd committed to Bella. It was her hurdle, the leap she needed to take.

Carlisle thought she'd come around, Esme did too. An unlikely friendship had replaced the hostility and resentment I'd felt toward Carlisle. He was patient with Bella, I think even more than I was. My previous behaviour toward him was forgiven in an instant, waved away with a kind smile when I tried to apologize. I might've been technically older than him but of course it didn't feel like it. He was careful not to condescend, he was so very careful when he spoke, choosing each word to be as gentle as possible. I was surprised how much I liked him – and it surprised me how important he already was to me.

Esme's friendship was different. She was quieter, clinging to Bella when she visited. There was a protective edge to her glances between us, fierce hope and worry. She was, of course, as cold as Bella and Carlisle but warmth radiated from her. Sometimes I would get a glimpse of what her human life might have been – a baby at her breast, another clinging to her skirt, while a few more crowded around a scrubbed table studying their books. Everyone pink and warm and suffused with a quiet joy. I knew Bella was both friend and child to her, Esme, more than a sister to her – almost a mother. My chest tightened at the sight of them together.

I wished I could tell Bella how desperately I wanted to join her new family. That they already meant more to me than I could say. That I felt like my very humanity – my human needs and limits - held them all back, keeping them from the much more exciting lives they were meant to be having. My human need for sleep was the most annoying of them all...

The old dream recurred, almost every time I closed my eyes. Mist, yes, but not cold. Bella wasn't cold either and she wasn't lost. She was in my arms and kissing me in a way she hadn't since she'd been human herself.

I woke with a start – one of the few times I wished I hadn't woken... I'd always rather be with Bella than sleeping.

"What were you dreaming about?" she asked, her voice light and wistful. She missed dreaming. Her eyes, however, were dark. "You said my name, Edward. You moaned it." I clung to the edges of the dream, savouring the phantom tugging of my hair, the indescribable taste of Bella on my tongue...

"Uh," I hesitated. Telling her about this dream would be to show what I wanted. How badly I must want her to change me – to dream of it, to wake panting like this, rigid and needy. My sleep-addled brain wouldn't cooperate, wouldn't provide words... wouldn't tell me what to say.

So, I showed her.

A kiss to start, swallowing her tiny objection. Bella really did love to hear about my dreams; the more outrageous the better. I think, just maybe, she liked kissing me more. My hands sought hers in the dark twist of bed sheets and blankets and quilt. Bella wouldn't have me take cold because of her. I found one icy hand, then the other and guided them to my hair. I curled my fingers around hers, tangling them and urging her to tug, pull... bring the dream to life.

"No," she whispered, shocked. Even in the dark, I could see the sad glint in her eye, the pleading for understanding. I was changing the rules – that was unfair - I knew the rules and I'd agreed to them. I pressed my forehead to hers and let out the first words that occurred.

"That's what I was dreaming. You pulled, it didn't hurt - you couldn't hurt me. I was strong too." I kissed her throat, suppressing a dangerous urge to bite her there. Would it set her off?

Would she bite me back?

I tasted her neck, licking, sucking, wishing I could mark her. I grasped her hands with all the strength I had, dragged them harder against my head, cool stone raking through my hair. Her moan vibrated on my lips but it wasn't her moan of pleasure – I knew that sound well enough. She wanted me to stop. Before she stopped me herself.

I did bite her then. Hard.

_Tyger, Tyger burning bright... _

Hard, but not to her – had she been human, I would have broken her skin, drawn blood. It occurred to me I was lucky to have not chipped my teeth.

Bella didn't seem to notice. Shadows jumped on the wall, the impression of tree branches, black and crowding.

_In the forests of the night..._

The moon streamed through the window and her skin shone in its light, pale and luminous. Not the bright dazzle of the sun, softer, a glow from within - not diamonds but opal. Her eyes met mine, blacker than coal.

"_What immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry_?"

Were we not to have our symmetry? Peaceful harmony? Not matching, not being equals, but her one thing and I another?

"I love you, Edward. I love you." She whispered it over and over against my shoulder. That's all that mattered.

I let her hands go and kissed her again, gently this time. "I love you." I whispered the words back, they were inadequate but all I had. Her body pressed to mine, seeking, wanting. I'd meet her in the middle, the only way for us now. My hands roamed her, she felt of marble and silk and ice, magnetic. Irresistable. She responded with a whimper, surrendering. To me? To us? I didn't know anymore. Painful need overwhelmed me. The need to feel her inside, fill her, be as close as I could get to her. She let me in, and I was surrounded - cold heat, soft sounds and the pale shiver of that precious opal skin.

Her skin seemed to change as I loved her. The more I moved, the more I gave, the softer she felt – a subtle change from unyielding ice to more delicate snow, snow on the verge of melting.

She moved with me, a perfect symmetry of back and forth, without and within... and I forgot why I wanted more.

-MCMXXIX-

Bella had surprised me with a piano. I'd woken to find it in the parlour, perfectly tuned and shiny with polish, decorated grandly with Bella herself atop it. Her skin matched the keys and her black shoes the case – there wasn't anything else.

It was a pleasant surprise that the piano survived that first day.

I played now, for Esme, as the sun warmed the parlour and we waited for Carlisle and Bella to return. Even with me in on the secret it was judged far too dangerous to have me in the area when Bella was feeding. I knew that Carlisle talked to her about turning me; Bella usually returned with a slightly hunted look about her.

Esme, motionless while listening to the piano, stirred and I brought the light tune I'd been playing to a close. Bella and Carlisle must be almost home. The back door opened, followed by light footsteps and quiet chatter. Esme and I went to the hall to meet them.

The front door opened with a crash, startling the lot of us. Rose's voice floated through the air, directing, bossing and chastising the young men wrestling with her trunks and bags.

"Rose!"

"Isabella!"

A mild chaos ensued. Luggage was stacked, money exchanged, oaths sworn upon my head for scaring Rose so. She had just received my panicked messages from months ago, delivering news of Bella's accident, her possible death. Relief, disbelief and barely suppressed anger flashed across her weathered face, the lines deeper than when I saw her last. She reached for Bella but stopped short as she glanced past her niece to the quiet, still figures behind her.

"Oh, you have company." Rose blinked, as if to clear her eyes, and peered up at the doctor. She gasped.

I watched as her skin blanched and I braced to catch her should she faint. Did she see Carlisle and Esme for what they were?

Rose blinked again. "Carlisle Cullen? Is that you?" Bella and Esme were stunned into unnatural stillness. They wore matching masks of pale disbelief, amber eyes wide, red mouths rounded in perfect 'o's. Carlisle was examining Rose, perplexed. He sniffed delicately and his eyes widened.

"Rose?" He looked closer and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Esme's grip on his arm tightened and he patted her hand absently. Bella, no longer frozen in shock, looked dazed.

"But how...? Rose, are you saying you _know_ Carlisle?" Bella asked.

Rose could not tear her eyes from Carlisle. She smiled lightly, her mind clearly far away, remembering. She turned her face slightly, directing her remarks to Bella but staring at the doctor. A glance at Esme's expression was alarming; she was not amused.

"Isabella, this is..." Rose gestured toward Carlisle, her hand shaking. The story tumbled out. They had known each other in Paris, more than forty years ago. A significant look was shared between aunt and niece; this was the man Rose had told Bella about, the man she had wanted to marry, the only man she would have given up her independence for. Carlisle was looking a little entranced himself and Rose... well the years seemed to fall away. Her posture changed and her face softened. Looking between them, I could see the lovely young lady she must have been.

"Carlisle, I...?" She reached out, as if to stroke his cheek. A hiss brought her up short and she glanced at Esme, taking in the possessive grasp of her smooth, white hand on Carlisle's arm. Rose's elegant brow arched, disappearing into a deep wrinkle. "Hmm," she murmured. "I see." She frowned in confusion at her own gnarled and trembling hand. She touched her own cheek instead. Carlisle watched her, kindness and a sort of pity clear on his face. Any moment now...

She turned from her old lover in horror and looked in the hall mirror. "I don't... how...?" She blinked again and the spell was broken. She looked around the group wildly.

How in hell were they going to explain themselves?

There was no way around it. Carlisle told her the briefest true version he could, Bella's accident, the miracle that made them all young forever, leaving out the alarming word 'vampire', of course. Her eyes widened with each sentence. She glanced between the immortals in front of her and then over her shoulder to me. I could see the wheels turning as she compared, contrasted. Them. Us. I wondered if she'd believe any of it.

She opened and closed her mouth a few times. I was ready for a fainting spell, a shriek of terror. Rose spoke. "Well, how perfectly marvellous." A slow smile transformed her as she leaned toward the only man she'd ever wanted to spend her life with. "Carlisle? Could you do it to me? Would I be young again, young and beautiful?" She took a step toward him, her eyes shining with a future she never could have imagined.

Esme growled.

"It doesn't work like that, Rose." Carlisle hastily explained. "You would be immortal yes, but as you are now." He patted Esme's hand again. Only Rose and I could see her ferocious expression, the definition of 'if looks could kill'. Rose waved a hand grandly in the air, a white flag of surrender.

"Ah! Well then, definitely not." She darted a haughty look at Esme. "Calm down dear, I know three's a crowd. He's all yours." She held out a hand to Bella who stepped lightly across the war zone and took it. Rose beamed at her. "Never mind me. How wonderful for you and your Edward! To have all that time - an eternity, young and healthy and gorgeous – My! How heavenly. All those adventures you wanted... in this perfect state! When are you going to turn him? What are you waiting for?" Bella recoiled.

"Rose, no. I don't want this for Edward." Bella tried to explain. Rose searched her face and sighed. Without another word, she headed to the library, towing Bella along. I followed, leaving Carlisle and Esme to their own devices.

Bella paced behind the desk while I leaned on the door jamb. I half-expected them to ask me to leave. Rose sank onto the sofa with a grateful groan. I wondered absently just how old she was but hadn't time to give it much thought before she rounded on Bella.

"You really are a nincompoop, you know that?" Bella's mouth dropped open. I coughed to cover the laugh that escaped me. They both ignored me, intent on each other. I'd seen fighters in the ring behave friendlier than this. "You listen to me, young lady. I know you've heard of throwing out the baby with the bathwater. This independence you hold so dear will be nothing, meaningless when you lose him! My God! You told me before how you felt... what is this insane need of yours to always be right? You're not, you know. You're so very wrong. I would've sold my soul to the very Devil himself to have this sort of chance with Carlisle." Rose's voice was pitched low. I thought it best not to point out that Carlisle and Esme could hear every word anyway.

She took a deep breath and went on. "Isabella, it's all right to want this. It's all right to give in to this... This is between you and Edward. I know you well enough- " The shrill ring of the telephone interrupted. Rose closed her eyes and exhaled forcefully through her nose. This likely wasn't the homecoming she'd expected. She picked up the receiver.

"Rose Swan's residence." She smiled lightly at us. Covering the mouthpiece, she whispered, "I haven't said that in more than a year!" She wasn't done with Bella yet, I was sure, but she didn't want to be angry. She just wanted the best for Bella. The next moment her smile faded. Bella gasped and came to me quickly. Rose's hand went to her mouth and she glanced at me. "Yes, yes, he's right here. I'll put him on." I crossed the room. The telephone was handed to me. Rose looked at me sadly.

"Edward, dear. I am so sorry. It's about your father."

-MCMXXIX-

It was the same hospital, the place for terrible moments, the worst memories. Fitting, I suppose. The morgue was in the basement; I knew exactly where it was. I'd looked for Bella here months ago.

She was with me now, thank God. I didn't know how difficult it was for her to come into the hospital, to walk through halls smelling, to her, of the sweetest blood. I was glad she offered; I never would have asked this of her.

We stood in front of the gurney, the ominous shape beneath the white drape smaller than I would have expected. The coroner waited, patient yet business-like, as I gathered the nerve to nod my head. Bella was at my side, a bracing hand at my elbow. She was still, unnaturally so, and I realized she wasn't breathing. I fervently wished I had the option. The air was cold and thick with the suffocating smells of chemicals and death. The desire to leave the place suddenly outweighed the dread of looking at him, giving me the required courage. I signalled I was ready.

The coroner pulled the sheet back. It was him, my father, the shell of him. I looked away quickly; it seemed rude to look at the inside of another man's head. The bullet hole wasn't large and all traces of blood had been cleaned away. They said it had been quick, he hadn't suffered. Bullshit. The poor man had suffered every day since Mother died. I nodded again, quickly, but the sheet stayed pulled back.

"I'm sorry, Sir." The coroner did sound apologetic... and a little bored. This was routine to him, even this sort of violent end. I had to assume it was the mob. Perhaps he'd tried to double cross them, like Jacob, or ran up a debt so large he couldn't hope to pay. Maybe they even thought they were doing him a favour. The coroner cleared his throat. "Mr Masen, can you identify this man? You have to say it out loud."

I took a deep breath and regretted it. "Yeah, that's him. This is, was, Edward Masen." He'd had identification – they'd called me for crying out loud. I wondered if this practice of naming the deceased was just as much for those left behind as for the authorities. "Look," the custom demanded. "See what has happened. This is real. Acknowledge it."

The sheet was replaced. "Thank you, Mr Masen. I'll give you a minute?" The morgue was cold, near freezing, and I'd gone numb. Bella replied for me.

"Thank you. We won't be long." The coroner's footsteps shuffled off. The door opened and closed. I looked at the sheet on the gurney and thought about the man who lay under it; I didn't know what to feel.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. A wave of regret rolled through me, regret of what, I couldn't quite put my finger on. I _was_ sorry. Sorry for Mom and Dad and me. Sorry for what I could have done that I didn't do to make this all end differently. Sorry for all those years where a father and son should have been a family and weren't. Bella gave my arm a gentle squeeze and I was profoundly grateful for her. The world snapped back into place. And I understood my father. "I'm sorry," I said again. "I should've helped you more, I should've found a way." I could feel Bella shaking her head beside me, answering for my father.

No, I guess not. Because I hadn't understood my father at all until I loved Bella – loved her and lost her. I didn't want to live without her, I couldn't. Just like he couldn't live without the woman _he_ loved. "I hope you can forgive me. I let you down, Father." I cleared my throat. I needed to say this, to him and for me. "I forgive you too. I understand, really understand now." Bella made a choking sound beside me. She was crying too. "I hope there's peace for you now... Dad? I hope you're with Mother now."

I laid a hand on the sheet, where my father's heart was, and felt the stillness, the permanence of it. "Bella?" She had to know. "This is my future. If you don't change me..." She moved in front of me, took one look at my expression, and pressed her cheek to my chest. I held her close and took one ragged breath. She was listening to my heart. "Those guys who killed my father, they could come after me. You can't guard me every second..." Her arms tightened around my waist. "Even if they don't get me... it'll be something else, an accident, I could get sick again." I thought of Dr Cullen. If he'd turned me when I'd had the Spanish Flu – what might have happened then? Bella was shaking and I went on. "Maybe it will just be old age. But Bella, if you leave me like this, human... someday we will be separated. Permanently. And I'll go to my grave knowing I failed you, I failed us."

Bella took my hand, urging me to come with her. We took the steps and emerged into the dark grey of early evening. I breathed deep, clearing my lungs of the heavy air of the mortuary. Bella looked dazed as we turned and walked, past the bench where I'd first seen her, stumbling and careening along the sidewalk. We walked up the street where I'd lost her in the crowd of shoppers, and had cursed my inability to just _talk_ to her. Yet here we were. It was a few blocks before I realized she hadn't spoken. Even in circumstances as sad as these, it was unlike Bella to be so quiet, for so long.

We were back at the house but I was reluctant to go in. Bella must've felt the same. She sat on the porch swing and patted the seat next to her in invitation. I was staring at her, trying to read her expression, guess at what she was thinking. To be honest, she was scaring me. "Bella, love. Please say something."

The most extraordinary thing happened. Her golden eyes glistened, shiny with the light from the window. Then they welled and I watched as one plump, pink tear overflowed and fell down her cheek. I caught it with my finger. "Esme said you couldn't cry," I said, stupidly.

Bella sniffed. "We're not supposed to be able to..." She was amazed too. I brought the tear to my lips, tasting sweet salt and the tang of copper.

"Why are you crying?" I whispered. Bella stared into my eyes, through me, straight into me. That electric pull, that magnetic connection was there, stronger than ever. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. My heart thumped unevenly in my chest as Bella held me in her gaze.

"I can't believe you would do this for me," she said, her voice a satin whisper. Her cold fingers traced along my cheekbones as she gazed at me with a tenderness I'd never seen before. "I'm going to miss your green eyes." I gasped. A surge of something, relief, pure joy crashed through me and I took her face in my hands, kissing her with the power of it. Long moments later I had to break away to breathe and she said it again. "I can't believe you would do this for me."

I laughed, half-sobbing, shaking my head. Would she never understand? "I have to." She shook her head but I laughed again. "I have to because it's going to take decades, centuries maybe, to show you what you mean to me. I'll prove it to you eventually." I pushed her hair aside and kissed her neck, behind her ear. She shivered and it thrilled me; I hoped Rose was a sound sleeper. "I'm going to enjoy every minute of convincing you. Bella, you'll never doubt how much I love you." She traced my lips with her fingertips. "I'd do anything for you," I whispered against her cold, silk skin.

Bella settled her head against my shoulder and we sat, watching the first snow of the season drift silently down. "I'm doing it for me, too," I said. I shook with suppressed laughter. "I've a notion to climb the Eiffel Tower – the outside of it. At night!"

Bella quivered in my arms. She was laughing with me. "We can swim there if you want to. Oh Edward, you'll love being underwater..."

I kissed the top of her head. "See? I'm doing this for us." Bella heaved a happy sigh. The snow fell in thicker flakes, reflecting the streetlamp light. It gave the illusion of solid, blinding white.

_Every Morn and every Night, Some are Born to sweet delight._

_Some are Born to sweet delight, Some are Born to Endless Night._

"Forever," she said, softly. Incredulous. An impossible wish granted. I pulled her closer, breathing her in and grinned. _Bella and I._ _Forever._

"Forever," I agreed. "It's the way it's supposed to be."

* * *

Wheeeeeeee! I can't believe I finished it! Thank you all for reading and your patience – I know my updating was sporadic. I've loved researching and writing this but, even more, I loved getting to know some of you during the process. Honestly, I don't think I could have gone on and finished without your words of encouragement. So big hugs and thank you to: tangling shadows, babbles, NoWayWithWords, rpgirl27, snickerdoodle6949, MyRobbie, AussieGirl101, Rita01tx, abinar, aerobbee82, bbbee and everyone who reviewed.

Thank you to Rob for saying in the Eclipse commentree that vamps probably have a "storage of tears". I agree. ;) Thank you to Rob for a variety of other reasons as well. Doo de doo...

Thanks to Quantum Fizzx and DeeDreamer16 for listening and telling me I'm normal even though it's clear I am not. LOL

Thank you to the not-to-be-named fic author who blog-ranted, ages ago, about historical fics. She scared me off writing this for six months BUT when I did get the balls to start it, I researched it well. Perhaps excessively.

I'm pressing complete so any outtakes, epilogue, future takes (those could be fun – Bella and Edward in 1970? 2029?) will be posted in the "Extras". Babbles started a thread for 1929 on Twilighted (link on my profile) so we can chat there if you like. Thanks again everyone! Mwah!


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